I know I'm repeating myself again, but it's true. He's a complete moron sometimes.
He got mad at me for my little infidelity the other day. So I slept with some girl. I'm sure he's slept with his fair share.
No. It's never come out that he has. But you can't tell me that when he's on his tours that he-- No. Fine, I know he hasn't. But so what? I never told him I'd be faithful to him alone for all time, I never told him he had to be, I never said--
Hah. Little idiot gets me all worked up every time. Fine. So I broke a promise.
I suppose it bothered him. Every little thing bothers him. Every little thing I do or don't do, say or don't say... Love is so bothersome. So annoying.
I shouldn't have done that to him...
Insecure? That's an understatement. It's idiotic how bad he is for that. I've been with him for years. If I were going to leave, I would have done it by now. I wouldn't have told him about Kitazawa. I wouldn't put up with his noise. I wouldn't try to help him with his career.
You meant I'm insecure? Oh, thank you.
I see right through you, you know, Tohma. You set this whole thing up so I wouldn't have any choice but to finally tell Shuichi all the rest of the details about Kitazawa Yuki. And then you took advantage of it as though it were some promotional stunt, having us talk to that idiot reporter.
Oh, stop it. You live and breathe this stuff. If you didn't quash it immediately, it's because you had some kind of plan, and your plans always seem to involve me making a fool of myself.
Do you think I'm that naive? You want me to be a child again. You want me to be a child.
No, never mind.
You know me.
Ahh... The brat was justified. He just went a bit overboard. I'd have done it myself if he hadn't beat me to it. Little idiot. Wish he'd just let me take care of things for him... Damned kid. I've been watching you handle sleaze ball reporters and paparazzi since I was a kid. You don't just attack a reporter, you have to sweet-talk them. I wish they'd leave us alone.
That's idiotic. I don't really want them to leave us alone. When the vultures stop going after us like that, it will mean that one of our careers is over. Or both. It's selfish of me to wish that. And I wouldn't really be happy, so don't you take any action, got it?
I knew the papers would notice that girl. If I wanted them not to, I'd have called you.
Want it to get back to him? ...I see. You think I was trying to hurt him, put him in a slump or something. I wasn't.
Was I? No. No, I--
Maybe.
I remember when I first saw those pictures. It was... morbid curiosity on my part. I don't know why I had them developed instead of just shredded. I got him home, laid him on my bed, went out and paid an exorbitant amount of money to get them developed in under ten minutes, came home and looked at them, and then I just read a book while he lay there.
I thought his friend lied to me. Or he'd lied to his friend. I saw consent in every turn of his head, every kiss, every touch. Every shot where he came, and where they came. Where he made them come.
No, Tohma. We both know him better than that. If he calls it rape, it was rape. Even so, it's hard to see it. He didn't fight them. Beyond a slight illness, he wasn't hurt. I know it was traumatic. I saw the pain in his eyes when he told me the details. You saw him in that courtroom and decided to call the whole thing off because of it.
That is why, right?
Neither of us had seen it before. Was I wrong to think it wasn't as... non-consensual as he claimed? I've been wrong before. Especially when it comes to him. My choices aren't as...
Yes, they disturb me. Shouldn't they?
Still, that brat and I work together, somehow.
Exposing myself to him is very difficult. More so than with you.
Well, you already know everything, don't you.
Does it really matter who I sleep with?
Yes. Well, I care. I care what he thinks about me.
If he thinks badly of me, I can't disappoint him, can I... That's what it is, isn't it... It's all intention. If he thinks badly of me because I do something wrong on purpose, I protect myself from his censure if I do something that I didn't mean.
I'm a broken record.
Why am I screwing things up between us?
I--
He's home. You should go.
Stop bouncing around the house and just sit down, brat. Good bye, Tohma.
Yeah. Maybe next time. Now get out.
Thought he'd never leave. Look, Shuichi... I'm sorry. I shouldn't have had sex with that woman.
Idiot. You don't have to avoid things around me. I'll love you regardless.
Oh for-- don't get all excited over a single word. Don't act like it means something special.
What the fuck does it matter if it's rare?
You stupid brat... they told you it during your rape, how can it still be special?
...Why do you look so cute when you say such stupid things?
I already told you I was sorry.
Well, what do you want me to say, then?
Hate you? Where the hell would you get that idea from? You think I'd let you stay here if I hated you, you dumb noisy brat?
Shuichi... stop crying.
That always stops your crying. A tender kiss, some soft words... Do you really like that kind of gentle touch? I think you like it rougher... like this...
What do you want? Hm?
Pardon me? No. Absolutely not.
I don't give a damn what the psychologist said.
Scared? You are on some dangerous ground right now, brat, and if you keep going in this direction, I'll--
Get out.
I said get out.
I don't care. Sleep at Nakano's, or Sakuma's, or go find Aizawa and sleep at his house for all I care, but get out of my house!
I'm closing the door now. Don't bother the neighbors.
...Fuck...
...Tohma, pick up your damned phone... Pick the hell up, you megalomaniacal excuse for a brother in-- Finally you answer.
One ring, one hundred, it's all the same. Can you send one of your people to watch Shuichi again?
Yes, I kicked him out already. I'm a fucking retard when it comes to this fucking relationship, that's what you want to say, right? Well don't say a fucking word, okay? I called you. That's all my fucking obligation is. You pick it up from there.
Yeah, right, leave you to pick up the fucking pieces of my fucking mistakes.
Just fuck off.
Whatever. I'm hanging the fuck up now.
Where the fuck is he? He should be back by now. That fucking brat. He doesn't take anyone else into consideration, just his own needs and wants. I did something wrong, yes, but that doesn't give him the right to ignore my phone calls. I called his fucking cell phone four times today, and he won't pick up.
What do you mean by that? Did you tell him to fucking ignore me, Tohma?
Some relative you are.
So what if I brought up Aizawa? He's a big boy, he can handle it.
What the fuck is that supposed to mean, he can't handle it? I'll go to every single other studio in this building if I have to, Tohma, I want to fucking apologize and you--
No. My last apology didn't go as planned. But--
You're not a babysitter for either of us.
Just let me apologize so we can go back to normal.
I know I hurt him. That's why I want to tell him I'm sorry.
...Yes. I told him to go to Aizawa. But I was provoked--
I already know I stepped over the line.
You're mad at me? So what? He will forgive me.
Not if I can't apologize--? What the hell do you think you're saying, Tohma?
You did what...?
...Best for both of us...
Sometimes, Tohma, you astound me. What gives you the right to play with my life like that?
I know I did some stupid things. But Tohma... sending him out on a tour like that... when I haven't even apologized... this wasn't planned beforehand, you did it to spite me. Why do you do that?
Hmph. I'm not sixteen, Tohma. I'm not that kid anymore. You can't just protect me from myself and expect me to be happy about it.
Why is everyone around me so stupid?
Forget about it, Tohma. When's he coming back?
Will you at least keep me updated on where he is?
On how he's doing, then.
Fine. Tell him I'm sorry I missed his show.
Took me a while to track you down, Shuichi. And your manager was watching for me, I saw him looking out into the crowd... Tohma didn't want me to see you. It was hard for me to even find out what hotel you were in, never mind getting up here... Sorry for waking you up, but it really was the only way I could talk to you.
Yeah. I know. I did it twice. I thought if we talked about it with the psychiatrist, I wouldn't bring him up again, but I did. It was wrong of me. Sorry.
I don't know why I keep doing it.
Here, I brought you some pocky. Strawberry, of course.
Look. You know how I feel about you. The words I say sometimes... they don't reflect much of anything. And if you don't know how I feel, no words will ever convince you of it, so there's no reason to bother with them.
Hmph. You liked that, huh? Mizuki's idea. Stupid dedication... Don't think anything about it, it doesn't... well, maybe it does make you a little bit of a somebody.
Shuichi... You didn't like what Aizawa's... people did, right?
Yes, I have to ask you that, I can't understand it from the pictures.
I'm sorry. I do believe you. It's just... hard to understand.
They tear me apart too, brat.
I was thinking about pictures though. Came up with a bunch I thought you'd like, and I put them together in this book. It's not as good as my novels, but I didn't want to wait months before I gave it to you, so it's a bit of a compromise.
Do you like it?
Sort of almost romantic? What the hell does that mean? Of course it's romantic, idiot. What do you think I write? SF and horror?
I don't write trashy romance. I write serious drama. Yeah, and the romances always turn out like shit. That's what happens in the real world.
You would say that.
I put in a couple pictures of me when I was young, a few from my publicity shots, some of yours, stolen from Tohma. But most of them are of us together. Your parties, my signings, shots at concerts...
Yes, that stupid one from our first date is in there somewhere. I had to get it blown up off my damned lighter.
That one... Seems Tohma got the film from that reporter. I had to get it back from your boss, who knows what he'd have done with it. He's a special kind of freak, after all... I say we don't look half bad in that.
You're quiet. You don't like it?
I think you and I look good together in any picture. We're both too hot for our own good, all sorts of women chasing after us...
Overreacted? Maybe a bit. Slapping me like a woman? That definitely crossed a line... But I was the one who did something wrong. You don't have to apologize.
There are a lot of blanks in there. I was thinking we might be able to fill up the rest of those pages together. A little project for the two of us, to get rid of those other pictures still cluttering up our memories. We just have to make sure they stay private. It's not bad if they're private pictures, shared between us.
I could keep some of them to remind me not to do stupid things like sleep with girls who push themselves at me. You could keep some to remind you... well, to remind you of me. I'm worth remembering for any reason.
Don't you dare--
Okay, that's it, no pictures--!
Fine.
I have to go back in the morning, but perhaps for tonight... We can give you an image to carry with you for the rest of the tour...
Out of the question!
Shut up or I'll leave tonight instead of tomorrow morning.
Cuddle? No sex? What a waste of a trip.
Don't be an idiot. I can wait until tomorrow morning to have my way. I'll give you yours tonight.
Good night, brat.
...Asleep already? Idiot. Guess I'll sleep too.
Good night, Shuichi.
Author's notes
Erm, to do this last part, thanks to feedback from people, I felt I needed a change of perspective. I hope I didn't confuse anyone too much, it really wasn't my intention, but then, putting author's notes at the beginning to explain that has always seemed a little cheap. A story should speak for itself and all that...
I hope there aren't any other loose ends I've forgotten to tie up. If there are any glaring ones, I might write another chapter, but I'd really like to put this one to bed and start on something new.
Finally: All your error are belong to us.