Uh- there is very minimal slash between Clyde (?) and Kenny… I have NO idea where this came from, lately I've been experimenting with detail and I've written 3 little real fiction stories and decided to experiment by using a fan fic…but this is me destroying the character Kenny… please review and tell me your thoughts (good or bad I suppose), I'd like to hear from someone… BMB, thanks…
BTW- this is pretty fucked up here, so bear that in mind
Heaven's for Clean People
It was a depressing morning. The damp air and spring odor clung to the jackets of anyone outside. It was such an odor that would leave your senses and then a quick flick of hair or the swish of a sleeve would make you remember.
The students at South Park Collegiate High School knew that today would be long and boring. Except, in the mind of one student, heading to school couldn't be better. Getting out of the house and leaving his problems was a blessing. He welcomed the annoyance of the alarm clock and the cool morning air; anything to leave his confinements that he called home.
Kenny walked the halls searching for his friends. It was always so hard to do every morning because they would always switch where they would be. Cafeteria, Kyle's locker, Stan's locker, parking lot, gym, it didn't matter; it was always the last place Kenny looked. The three all managed to meet up fine because they had their own cars. Kenny's family couldn't afford to buy him a vehicle, or pretty much anything for that matter.
And you,
Can bring me to my knees, again
All the times, when I could beg you please
-In vain
All the times
That I felt insecure
For you
And I leave
My burdens at the door
"Kyle!" Kenny shouted down the hall. He thought it was quite apparent that he liked Kyle, but either no one else noticed or thought it would be too awkward to mention. "Hey guys, been looking everywhere for you."
"Oh hey Kenny, how was the bus ride with all the smelly little children?" Cartman asked with a sneer. Kenny glared at him and gave him the finger.
"Shut up Cartman, everyone knows that your car is the ugliest piece of shit that's ever been on school property."
Cartman scoffed and then boldly continued with his normal, everyday depreciative remarks. "You're the poorest piece of shit this school's ever seen." He laughed at his own joke and Kenny's eyes furrowed in frustration.
He saw Kyle and Stan laughing silently to Cartman's "poor joke" and he felt unworthy. If it hadn't been for the bell, he would have feared he would have pushed Cartman though a wall. Not only did he insult him, but also Kyle laughed at him… laughed at him for being poor.
"See you guys later…" Kenny turned around and pulled his hood up on his sweater. He could hardly wear it anymore, high school was strict, but he would any chance he got. It was his small escape from the world.
He wasn't surprised with himself. He spent the entire morning looking sadly at Kyle, not even listening to the Cellular Respiration lecture- like he even cared. He wasn't sure what made Kyle so appealing to him, and he was less sure of what made "boys" so appealing to him.
He remembered this morning and it made him turn his focus to the boy beside Kyle: Clyde. He was sitting on his stool looking blankly ahead at the teacher, scribbling notes here and there. Kenny didn't have a partner to sit beside, he was alone at the back of the class where he could hardly see the teacher, but could clearly see Kyle.
Kyle…yes Kyle, the same Kyle who laughed at him this morning because of Eric Cartman's stupid jokes. "The fat ass" Kenny thought cynically but he was hurt. Deep inside where he kept all his most treacherous secrets was where he was broken.
He laid his head on the table and instantly the smell of makeshift vinegar antibacterial wash filled his nostrils. He wasn't taking notes, had he ever taken notes? Outside the wind was blowing fiercely but the sun was shining brightly over the small town.
The tasteless colours of the wall bugged him. It was a sin to actually call the blobs on the wall "art". Even though he'd seen them every morning for 9 moths he couldn't help but be memorized by the decaying picture. It was so enthralling that one could ideally go up and start to chip it apart with their finger, not even caring that the figures seemed to move about and know what you were trying to do with each chip of paint.
His mind halted and he realized he was no longer looking at the wall but at the back of Kyle's head once again. Kenny shook any dirty thoughts that were forming in his head and pulled his hood over his eyes and placed it back on the table.
This was the only class he could get away with wearing his hood, and typically not doing any work. Biology was a given for Kenny- it just seemed to fit with him. He just had to look over the text before class and ace the test. It was based upon this that the teacher allowed him not to pay attention: that once Kenny fails a test he will be able to kick him out of class.
Every time Kenny found himself not paying attention he would be staring at Kyle. He felt weak whenever looking at him. Felt like his sanity was ripping from his soul and he could become a crazed man. It tugged and pulled and nagged on his brain as if it was feasting on his misunderstanding of the whole ordeal.
He tried to figure out reasons why Kyle would laugh at him and then slowly realized that Kyle would always laugh when a poor joke was made. This ripped at his judgment of Kyle- but it wasn't his fault. He didn't know that Kenny was completely infatuated with him. Or did he just choose to ignore it. Again Kenny found himself face first into the table having a sanctioned war with himself.
He jolted when the bell rang. His things were already gathered so it was as simple as grabbing them and wandering out of the classroom. Kyle walked back and started walking beside him, an action that made Kenny lose the war to infatuation.
"Finally, lunch- thought I was going to- DIE!" He exclaimed and rubbed his stomach. Kenny glanced over at Kyle. They would meet up with Stan in a few moments at the end of the hall and then Kenny would just be there.
"You ok? You seem out of it?"
"Great" Kenny lied.
"Good! Hey Stan…" He ran up to catch up to his best friend and left Kenny to catch up. Today he didn't bother, he just kept the same pace he was going and felt abandoned. He wondered if things would be different if he just told Kyle. Maybe then he would be rejected and then be able to stop wondering.
He was the first in the cafeteria. He didn't have to wait for his lunch; he didn't have money. Cartman was always first in the lunch line… no matter what the situation was. He came hustling up the stairs practicing a balancing act with his meal. Kenny laughed at the thought of him falling and spilling his food everywhere. He figured it would be similar to him running the obstacle course in ninth grade, easy as it was.
Kyle and Stan followed. They sat on one side with Kenny and Cartman sat alone on the other side with all his food.
"I was in religion…" Cartman started and Kyle gave him a dirty look. Kenny noticed and instantly gave Cartman a nasty look too, hoping that Kyle would see he would stick up for him. "Naw- hold on… he was saying only "clean" people can get into heaven…"
"What's you're point asshole?" Stan spoke before taking a bite of his sub.
"That means… " He started laughing and at once Kenny knew he was going to insult Kyle. "That means… this is too good… "
"What anti-Semitic thing do you have to say now?" Kyle asked with annoyance.
Cartman sputtered though laughter, "It means that dirty poor-boy over there is going to hell…"he slammed his fist on the table with his face so close to it he could have been telling it a secret.
Kenny flustered. His mouth was gapping open about to defend Kyle when he realized the insult was solely directed to him. Kyle's anger left and he looked unfazed. Stan simply ate the rest of his lunch as if nothing had happened. Kenny swallowed his frustrations and looked down at his paper bag lunch that contained a yellow apple.
All the times
That I felt like this won't end
Was for you
And I taste, what I could
Never have
It was from you
All the times that
I've cried
My intentions, were full of pride
But I waste more time
Than anyone
"I-" Kenny started hoarsely. He stood, slightly angry with his "friends" for not defending him. This just wasn't a poor joke! He wasn't going to hell because he was poor…and he couldn't believe they weren't standing up for him. "Fuck you, Kyle." He said omitting Stan completely. He left and in the process pulled his hood up so no one could see the hot tears pressing against his cheeks.
No one followed, not that he had expected them too. He forced his way through the front doors of the school into the world of pathetic fallacy. The wind was harsh and shallow and stung his tear-laden cheeks. It was dark and stormy with a light flurry of snow, just what they really needed: more snow.
He walked eagerly to nowhere trying to catch his breath that seemed to get caught somewhere between his throat and lungs. He wandered far from school, trudged though the thickening blanket of snow until he found himself at the edge of a forest an hour later.
He didn't go further. The edge of the forest was where he gave up; was defeated. He sank to his knees and then simply fell sideways, landing in a heap in the softly lain snow.
The air felt dense and seemed to sweep over Kenny in an amusing fashion. He felt the dampness taking its toll on his body and he wanted to move, but his muscles protested with him.
Kenny hated to cry- he hated it because it was feminine to cry. Lately he found himself shedding tears here and there. His father was an alcoholic and that's where any money went. Even Kenny, who worked 4 days a week at the local hardware store, though reluctant, gave up his money because he forced himself to believe that his father would use it on the family- not booze.
"You're gonna get a cold…"
Kenny looked up to see a stoic figure walking towards him though the blowing snow.
"I don't think I really care," he answered back to Clyde as he bent down. Kenny couldn't piece together why the hell ClydeDonovan would be talking to him, yet alone know where he was. He hardly ever talked to Clyde, actually never, would be more fitting. He actually made fun of him in his younger days, but he rarely made fun of anyone (Cartman didn't count- he was hardly decent enough to be called a human being).
"Kyle was pretty upset when you left." He said randomly causing Kenny to jolt his head to look at him. "Yeah, when you told him to fuck off he wondered what he did (or didn't do) to piss you off so much."
"How the hell do you know?" Kenny inquired with a pretense of a dark demeanor.
"I only sit one lunch table away from you assholes. He was pissed because you singled him out, not Stan, not Cartman who made the comment- which I will not repeat"
"Thank you" Kenny still wondered why he would follow him all the way out here just for that.
Clyde sat in the pile of snow and Kenny watched as he tried to get comfortable in the cold mass of frozen water. Kenny leaned against the tree and tightened his hood so that his ears would be warmer than they currently were.
Clyde moved slightly closer to Kenny, who failed to notice. "You know the only reason why he has so much money is because his mom's a fucking whore…" Kenny laughed slightly at Clyde's remark. He brought up such a painful topic to talk about. He was tired of his friends ripping on him for being poor.
Even Kyle and Stan would laugh those arrogant assholes. Kenny kept telling himself that he's made something of himself, even though he was still in high school. He got a job, something that the three of friends didn't have.
He sulked against the tree. "I am just a poor piece of shit. I'm going to be just like him when I grow up. An alcoholic with a wife that hates me." He pulled his knees up to his chest and rested his chin on them, biting his tongue to fight back tears of disgust.
"I'm sure you won't" The boy said. He placed a hand over the blondes shoulder in the comforting matter.
"I knew I was poor… but is it that bad… do they have to treat me like I'm socially retarded?"
"Kenny- you lack money- not brains," he told him gently, still moving ever closer. Kenny alleged that it was a gesture of care.
"You'll make something of yourself…if you keep your focus on what's necessary…" Kenny didn't speak. He followed a snowflake to the ground and if he glared at it any longer would have melted the snow.
Clyde grabbed Kenny's cheeks under his hood and pulled him towards him. He locked lips with Kenny. Shocked, he pulled back before he could do anything else.
"What?" He asked with a null expression.
"I'm- it's just- err…" stuttered Kenny with artificial confusion plastered on his face.
"I know you… prefer the same sex…." Clyde admitted lightly. "Do think I'm stupid- it's not natural the way you look at Kyle."
Kenny felt himself burn. Why did he have to bring up Kyle? His eyes were stern but his face was sickly calm. Kyle…Kyle…Kyle…right… he did like Kyle didn't he? Clyde knew because… he was always watching Kenny? He let the burn creep over his face and claim the pale skin there.
"I don't see why that would matter…" Kenny replied sadly and smoothly.
"Well if you're that stupid…"
"Not comforting…" Kenny quickly said in a blank tone.
"I know what will…" he replied to Kenny's disdain. He leaned over and planted a small kiss on Kenny's cheek now bare cheek.
Kenny knew it was wrong, knew that using someone was wrong. Using someone to forget someone else was even worse, but he couldn't help himself. Clyde was there to help him up after he'd fallen.
All the times that
I've cried
All this wasted
It's all inside
And I feel all this pain
Stuffed it down
It's back again
And I lie here in bed
All aloneI can't mend
-But I feel
Tomorrow will be o.k.
Kenny was warm and cold at the same time. He accepted Clyde's lips on his. He felt helpless yet abusive. He needed someone right now, and Clyde was the only willing body around. He gently wrapped his arm around his upper body and held him close stealing his warmth and comfort.
Kenny even welcomed the roaming tongue that poked at his lips and later cheeks, pressing against the passive tongue. The air became tight, and his lungs ached but his brain ached more- he wanted to stay but he was forced apart.
The warm mist from their breaths rose into the air as they gazed blankly and silently into each other's faces. It didn't take long before Kenny was pushed back into the snow and the other boy was lavishing his cool face with delicate kisses, his body tangling with the blondes.
Headlines ran in his head, telling him to stop. But he couldn't obey, the attention was too much- he didn't really care who it was (or why)- he knew that they felt good on his lips, neck, face and everywhere else they decided to roam.
Kenny fought to have those lips pressing against his again and in no time was wrapping his arms tightly around the body on his. Kenny's stomach did sick summersaults over and over and over again. He wasn't sure why- he wasn't attracted to the person who was claiming his mouth in fact, he wasn't sure if he even liked him at all.
The wind picked up, whipping around them relentlessly. Both were chilled but heated with the intensity of their actions. The sun hung in the sky as if it was painted there, not sure whether to set or burn out completely.
Usually a dominant and independent boy, Kenny fell prey to the brunette pressing him down into the mold of the snow. The unwanted feel of melting snow began seeping through his clothes and controlling his skin.
Clyde panted lightly as his lips detached themselves from Kenny's. His breath mingled with the blondes and climbed into the air with precise artistic value, creating wisps of heavy peculiar shapes.
"Stop thinking about him…" he said softly and pecked his cheek, followed by his other and then his lips.
Kenny glared up that the falling sky. Snowflakes landed playfully on his face and melted on contact. He was particularly perturbed by Clyde's commentary on his thoughts.
He felt distant from himself. He felt that if he were to speak he would hear it from different perspectives, echoing all around and enveloping his soul into the darkest matters of his voice. He could feel his own eyes burning into his skull trying to dig out himself- attempting to become one with himself again. He crept around his own body watching, lying there captive under the brunettes, simply satisfied but awkwardly screaming.
Kenny scratched and clawed his way though his mind fighting whatever urge he had to fall off the mental platform and crawl around himself once more. He felt the pressing of the body, the lifting of the body, the cold replacement of air- but he could not see it. As much as he wanted to open his eyes he was unable to.
The wall flashed though his mind- a portrayal of inventive death. A wrenched stench and smiles that spread across with a façade of a typical two-tone environment; one that tortured the columns of his brain and ate away at his soul.
He'd barred himself in; caged his mind into the hallowed out atmosphere of his sanity. He wanted to breathe himself in- wanted to cut himself out. There was no sound around him- the bitter cold of the wind dissipated and he was left with a sickening hum of the silence breaking though and piercing his last chain of reason.
His body seemed weighed down by choices, none of which he would select. Only pathways to hardened madness but he could not see reach it. Black, vicious darkness that he could stretch his hand out and not grasp but it was choking him.
Kenny desperately wanted to open his eyes but he would not let himself. His mind forced them shut and cause a barricade of his fears and sensibility into a cavernous wasteland with hands gripping tighter. He was splitting, coughing, choking, dying, screaming….
But I'm on the outside
I'm looking in
I can see through you
See your true colors
Cause inside your ugly
You're ugly like me
I can see through you
See to the real you
Falling into a deep cycle of darkness and lunacy intertwined with visible lines of distress…falling…falling…pain…eyes opening to blank faces with empty glares.
Clutching his breath in his lungs he at last let it free with difficulty. The floor was tiled and dirty and released an odor of an unmistakable sort. He knew where he was…it wasn't in the middle of nowhere. He was lying on the floor- gasping for air, throat sore from screaming- in his biology class at 11:30 am.
Voices were weak; he didn't understand them. The picture on the wall mocked him, stared at him through their stony frowns and waited for what he would do next. He felt his mind untwining, unleashing, ripping itself in half allowing him to escape and leave the confinement of its mental prison.
He hated that wall. Even as he was tugged out of the room, his mind screamed at him to destroy the wall. It watched him as he was forced out of the room; watched his intellect separate from reality and fall prey to the ominous darkness that was the flaking paint… just staring…waiting…watching.
Kenny felt like he died in that room. Felt like he was swallowed by his problems and fears and taken away to the empty place in his mind where he pushed the darkness out. He spent his time looking out, but being incapable of doing anything- just seeing. He died inside… caged within and screaming- surrounded by his faltering sanity.
Yeah… told you I'm on messed up person… but anyway, please review on anything… just at least leave me a review. I'd mean a lot… thanks BMB