LXIX

Capax Infiniti

Always before, the change has been too small, too external, to notice. This, though. This. Kouga stumbles, comes to an abrupt stop, first blinded and then drained. Youki pours out of him, a sudden waterfall in one direction. Kagome – Kagome?

But he has stopped too fast, and now the weight of her is gone from him; she's no longer on his back. She is a shooting star, a woman-shape bright with blue glow against the black of the night, flying away from him. Kouga sees the moment when flying becomes falling, and pauses for only an instant, remembering and realizing. That fall will kill her, she can't land on her feet! Three steps are all it takes, and he's beside her in the air, grabs her out of danger and brings her back to the ground.

"Kagome – Kagome, what was that? What was that?" He is shaking her and doesn't know it, but when he notices he stops, sucks in a breath to apologize and feels the words die on his tongue. Her skin tingles with sparkling energies still – it feels like her own power, the power that fills her arrows – and it feels like his power, too. But the scent of it…the scent of it is pure and still, somehow, tainted.

Shikon no tama.

When she blinks and opens her eyes and looks at him, he sees her fear, her confusion, but he has no need of either emotion. He knows exactly what is going on now, remembers a half dozen clues he should have put together – except that he was missing the most vital hint, and now he is not.

"Kagome, you – you can use that power? How? For what? It's not – you're human."

"I'm – Kouga? Kouga what's going – what am I -"

"The shikon no tama. The bits in your blood, your body – or did you not do it on purpose? Don't you understand, the power…it's you! It's yours! But it…"

"Kouga. Please, I don't understand what you're talking about!"

"I didn't think it could work in pieces, I thought…but then that's stupid, I've been using just pieces myself, haven't I, and they're more than enough. Kagome, what did you wish for? What did you want?"

"Wish – I wished – Kouga?"

He strokes her hair with one hand, remembers the soft pink sheen of it, the way it had faded – remembers the scars of shards he'd thought he'd seen, but which had vanished.

"You've been using the power of the shards inside you, Kagome. You've been changing yourself, changing things. It's the power of the shikon no tama. I thought it was just you, every time, just your power. But this time I smell it on you – reiki and youki, and shikon no tama." He grins at her, and she returns his smile hesitantly, unsure.

"So tell me what you wished for, Kagome. That's how it works, isn't it?"

She stares at him, pupils wide and dark, overtaking the blue of her eyes. Then she closes them, takes a deep breath – he watches her brow wrinkle, sees her lips moving. I wish.

"Yes. Yes! That's what I did – that's how I did it, but…that should mean…" Then she stands and grins at him, smiles at the pack coming close around them, clustering near. "Kouga, Kouga let's run. Run."

"Kagome –"

"Come on Kouga!"

And then she turns from him, picks up the hem of her robes and cloak, and darts out across the snow.

The wind is my wind, my wind, I make it – oh. Trees. Left. Left again. More trees. Right. Right. Right. Right. Up the hill. Open now. Open, so much – my cheeks are burning. Burning, the wind –

"Oh!"

Kouga's hands catch her around the waist, and she stumbles, falls, but only against him, into his embrace. He swings her around and around, as giddy as she is – he stares at her, when she is still in his arms and the sounds of the pack, laughing and howling, are growing near him. He stares, and he laughs, the panting laugh of the wolf even in this shape.

"Caught you, woman, my woman – what a surprise. What a find – oh Kagome, my woman." He kisses her, and his kiss is fire, enough to turn all doubt, all second-guesses to ash. She wraps her arms around him, kisses him back, wraps her legs around him and feels him laughing against her lips. Then he lets her go, puts her down, runs a hand through her wind-tangled hair.

"I wished that I could run as fast as you – that I – I wished that I could be – I wanted to – Kouga, Kouga. Again?" She grins at him, and he sucks in a breath, then changes – she feels it, as she did the first time, swept up in the glory of him as the smallest star at the edge of some great galaxy is swept up in the larger whole.

She is terrified, but not of him. She had felt it, forming at the edges of her thoughts – the thing she cannot allow, the words which are dangerous now. I wish.

She could do it, but she doesn't want to. Not really. Not for more than a moment. What would she become, if she were to become – like that? Not me. Not Kagome. She licks her lips as he turns from her, and suddenly she wonders – what else has she changed? As fast as Kouga. What does that mean? Speed. To run.

As fast as…

She has snapped the first finger of the monkey's paw, or maybe the second, or the third – she no longer remembers how many times it has been since she came here that she has thought those words – I wish. And suddenly, longingly, more than any other thing the words and the desire fill her. I wish I could go home!

But that, she knows, she has wished before. And though this time she feels a trembling of power and knows that her own will has made the power inside her try to attempt it…nothing happens. Nothing ever happens.

"Kagome…my woman. Aren't you going to run for me?" And it echoes around her, wraps her up in warmth and banishes the shadow from her mind. Run for me.

"Yes – yes." She darts out ahead of him, and then feels him come up beside her, one great eye gleaming at her with the light of the full moon bright in it. There are howls then, the rest of the pack running around her, beside her, and she feels a nudge that nearly unbalances her, and shoves back heartily, laughing – Hakkaku. Idiot.

On her other side Kouga snaps a warning, and gains a whine of regret, but Kagome hears a human voice then and turns to look back over her shoulder, sees Miroku running behind her with the tail end of the pack, one hand on the back of a wolf – his female, Saya, must be. "Kagome-sama! Kagome-sama, how are you doing this?"

"How are you, Miroku?" And she laughs at him, but doesn't say anything else. Not here, not now – maybe someday. Maybe if he proves himself to be someone she can trust. For now, there is only the run. Only Kouga.

Kouga.

By the time they return to the valley where the pack makes it's home, Kagome thinks they must have cross half of Honshu, and the warm, dark coziness of Kouga's furs is as welcome as the warm, dark coziness of his embrace. The moment her head hits the pillow she's out like a light, dreaming of the run.

She sleeps for three days, smiling.

Shikon no tama. I smell it, I smell it, just like it, they had it, I smell it.

Shippou moves through the snow with one purpose, one thought, one idea that is all that keeps flesh and consciousness clinging together.

Shikon no tama.

Mama…papa…I'm going to find it. I'm going to find it and take it and tear them apart and turn them into nothing, I'll – I'll wear their skins, I'll shatter them, inside out, I will, I will, I – promise.

Cause I can smell it.

It's near now.

He is at the edge of the Ou mountains. The snow is steep but his rage and pain are steeper. He will not stop – he will not stop until he has what he has come looking for. Or until he dies.

Shikon…no tama…

A/N: BWAHAHAHAHAHA. So, how many of you caught on to what was going on with Kagome and her jewel shards before I told you just now? How many of you think I'm completely insane? I promise, this does in fact make sense, and is a wonderful thing – though not a power without limit, as Kagome has already observed…and perhaps a power with some price. The title of this chapter, "Capax Infiniti", translates to 'holding the infinite'. More soon – and as always,

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