Spoiler Warning: the Siege. If you haven't watched it, don't read it.
Erm, yeah, should have said this before, but, I don't own Stargate. And, just for your information, Larissa is 24 when this stpry takes place. The first chapter takes place long after this whole big mess.
Universal Constant Number Two: Panicking never helps. Ever. But, if it's only a minor emergency, it can be quiet therapeutic and amusing.
"Bloody hell." Carson whispered.
"Yeah, bloody hell." I agreed emphatically. It was more socially acceptable than what I was planning to say. And shorter.
"Um...not that I don't agree with the whole 'bloody hell' motif, but, just to clarify, could you explain a few things? Like why you're here?" Dad asked.
"Well, you and my mom started seeing each other in secret, and some of that evidently included sex, so..." I started. Dad glowered.
"That's not what I meant." He pointed out.
"I know that. I just like pressing your buttons." I answered. Yeah, lame little joke, and from Dad's unimpressed glare, he probably agrees with me. Good to know he still had an underappreciation for my sense of humor when he had hair. "Right, the whole going back in time screw-up. No idea." Dad defied his genetic coding an raised an eyebrow. "Really! As far as I know, the only technology we posses that can travel through time is the Flux Capacitor and the DeLorean and they're in the Jumper Bay, and I was on the sub-levels, so unless James somehow managed to extend their temporal fields around Atlantis...but that doesn't make sense because then everyone would be here and why would he do that anyway?...so forget I said that. Then again, it could have been something on this end...but that brings us back to the question of "what?". So, I'm not even sure what I'm talking about at this point, now I'm going to stop talking for the sake of talking and go back to...no idea."
There was silence as both Carson and Dad stared at me. I shifted uncomfortably. "What, do I have something on my face?"
"Ye know Rodney, the lass does look a wee bit like ye." He squinted slightly. "Ye both have the same color hair and the same eyes..."
"That and the fact that we both are addicted to chocolate, tend to babble, and have ridiculously high IQs and hypoglycemia." I added helpfully.
Dad and Carson exchanged looks again. "I'll go call Elizabeth." Dad volunteered, moving to the intercom.
"I'll get the DNA test set up." Carson said, walking towards the medical lab.
"I'll just sit here and try not to think about this too much." I proclaimed, doing just that.
It lasted about three seconds. If life ever gives me a break, I'll have probably died. Again.
"Dr. Beckett, Colonel Sheppard is injured." Teyla called, half-dragging a loudly protesting Sheppard into the infirmary.
"I'm fine Teyla, really I am, it's just a few bumps..." he proclaimed.
"Elizabeth, I think you should come down here. The girl Radek found in the basement woke up and she claims to be my daughter." Dad informed Elizabeth over the radio. Under John's loud cries, of "I'm okay, I'm really okay!", I could the muted cry of "Your... what!" that accompanied that sentiment.
"Yeah, like I said..." Dad replied, but he was cut off by Carson's exclamation of "Bloody hell, Colonel, what did you do to yourself this time?"
"I injured him while we..." Teyla tried to reply, but the end of the sentence was drowned out by Dad vehement cry of "Yes, I said time travel!"
"You've dislocated your thumb and forefinger, lad." Carson informed a rather bemused John and a worried Teyla as Dad answered. "Believe me Elizabeth, I know how unlikely that is."
"He also sprained his wrist and has slight cold." I added from my position on bed. Carson, Teyla and John turned to face me. "What?"
"How do you know that?" Teyla asked, just as John said "And you are..?"
"It's one of those geniemabobers." I answered, ignoring John's question.
"Hold on one second Elizabeth." Dad said, turning towards the rest of us. "Geniemabobers?"
"It's the Fordism for things you do with the Ancient gene. " I shrugged. I had the rather odd experience of being stared at by four younger versions of people I've known my entire life. "And, because you've all obviously missed it the first time around...what?"
Dad turned back to the intercom. "Elizabeth? Could you just come down here, now? Please?"
AH! THE SPACES ARE TAKING OVER THE WORLD!
"So...you're McKay's...daughter?" John asked.
"Yes John, and if you want to ask me for I fifth time the answer will still be yes." I snorted in exasperation. Forget our family, it's the Sheppards who are really annoying.
"Okay, no need to be snarky." he answered. I stared at him in disbelief. I was stranded in the past, decades back from the look of it, when most of the people I know haven't been born yet and the people I do know that are alive are only about ten years older than me or on other planets or spaceships or something, and I had no need to be snarky?
I didn't say that, of course. Panicking in big situations such as these is never useful. Instead, I said "John, did you hear a word I just said?"
"Yeah, and it didn't sound very plausible to me." he shot back. Note to self: learn how to raise an eyebrow.
"May I remind you that you are in the Pegasus Galaxy, several billion light-years away from Earth, fighting a war against life-suckingvampire aliens, and walking through an artificially created wormhole on an almost daily basis, a wormhole, more over, that was created by a group of long-dead people known as the Ancients who, apparently, are the product of human's first try at evolving. Compared to that, how is time travel not plausible?" I pointed out.
"Oh, time travel I have no issues with. It's McKay procreating that I find hard to believe." he shot back.
"And what's that supposed to mean?" Dad retorted angrily.
Elizabethexhaled and put her head in her hands. "Gentlemen? Remember that talk we had about focusing..."
Dad and John glared at each other, and then turned away. I sighed slightly.
"You two are having your annual tizzy-snit, aren't you?" I asked, mimicking Elizabeth's strained posture.
"Interesting choice of words." Dad commented sarcastically.
"Trust me, it's a lot nicer than what other people call it." I assured him. "What's it about this time?"
Dad and John exchanged uneasy glances.
"Why do want to know?" John asked defensively.
"No particular reason. I just want to know which jokes I can make and which jokes will cause you two to explode." I answered. They looked at each other again. "Forget I said anything. Moving right along, I suppose it's too much to ask that..."
"DNA tests are ready!" Carson said, brandishing a needle and smiling in an obtrusively cheerful manner. "You're upfirst lass."
"Um, Carson, don't mean to be a pain here, but can't you just cut some hair off or something? I don't think anyone would notice." I gestured towards my hair, which was currently doing it's best to imitate Harry Potter. Being that it was ginger, it was failing miserably.
"Don't worry lass, it's not goin' ta hurt." Carson assured me with patience born of someone who has spent time with my dad while he was sick.
"I know that." I protested, edging away from the Scott. "I-I-I-I just don't like needles. At all. Really, really don't like needles.I have problems with needles. I'm actually slightly belonephobic. So..."
John sniggered slightly. I turned around and glared at him. "Oh sod off, General. It's not like you don't have bug issues."
John stiffend slightly. Shit! How far back did I go?
"Yes, well, there are reasons for me having bug issues." he snapped. Shit. Shitshitshitshitshitshit.
"Do you honestly think I don't have reasons too?" I retorted. You should be shutting up now, my mind screamed/sang, but I really wasn't caring all that much. "In case you haven't noticed, the Genii get sadistic pleasure out of their nasty littlehabit of poking people with things they really should not be poked with."
"Yeah, because pin pricks can really get to you." he shot back. I gave him alook. Hmm, how much can needles hurt? Let's see, there was that Pegasus version of the smallpox which was just different enough to slip through the antibodies, then that blueberry poison the Mantuans liked to inject there prisoners with. Oh and let's not forget that time when the Genii met up with the nanite people whose name I can neither pronounce, spell, nor remember, and I had several million robots running ramped in my body, plus that lovely little truth serum that I turned out to be violently allergic to, and seven or eight other experiences I could name.
"Trust me, it can hurt a lot." I stated. I glared at him, and he glared right back. Somewhere out of the corner of my eye I saw Dad and Elizabeth exchange glances.
And then my cell phone ran.
NOTES:
Thanks to all the wonderful people who reviewed, I'm glad you liked it!
Please, don't forget to review! You know I love to hear from you!