shadow of ren
chapter2: breathe/呼吸しなさい
In the subconcious mind of the Ren's she begins to feel herself sink deeper and deeper into the dark waters of her loneliness unable to swim back up.
As she swims further and further she gets painful flashbacks that she can't decifer. For each flashback she recieves, she sinks back down to the bottom of the dark waters receiving a painful experience to the brain. As she closes her eyes gently and slowly breathing in and out gently she awakens not knowing where she is only finding out shes in her bed shaking from the nightmare she has everyday. with a deep breath of air into her lungs she holds her head crying as if she just lost someone close to her.
As she crawls under he covers and thinks to herself wondering if this is really her body if she is really her. "but that guy he says im not real" she begins to feel sad and miserable losing all thoughts of friends and family."what if they knew it from the beginning that i'm not me.." she begins looking down on the floor on the side of her bed with a lost expression on her face. then looks up slowly at the ceiling." I'm human atleast arent i? if i bleed blood then that means im human. that means im real" right?. she throws the covers off of her without inticaption gets up in a hurry grabbing the sharpest object she can find in her room, she stands infront of her mirror looking at herself smiling holding a pair of rusty dull sicizzors in her hands. she algins the siczzors to the left side of her hair cutting strands of her hair making it from long to uneven short. She looks at herself in the mirror with her eyes opening wide holding the dull bladed sicizzors in her hands holding it up to her neck, the tip of the blade lightly touches her chin. One eye looking down on the ground she sees mountains of her hair scattered around and above her feet. "rewrite the past rewind the future" she mumbles to herself. " If i can delete the old me then i can be the real me :) there wont be another me. then people will know that i'm me and no one else is me." the young little girl happy and convinced that her planned will work puts down the siczzors and runs to her computer excitedly to see what her so called friends would say about her knew change. She pushes the power button on her pc rebooting it up turning it on. She re enters into the same site "dreaming digital" automatically the same stranger pops making an annyoing messenger sound just like on msn. Ren begins to feel the adranalin of nervousment crawl through her body swarming everywhere making her excited and nervous to here what this person would say. Hoping the person would notice her as her with excitment she awaits her face smiling with happiness for once in her life. she sees the message popping up now in big letters saying "YOUR NOTHING ZERO" she looks down at the keybored turning her smile to a frown. She feels pinches and cuts going on in her stomach. in an instant she grabs her stomach kneeling her head down on the keyboard. "im bleeding, the pain wont go away" she begins screaming those words out minutes wondering if someone will here her. As she says this she hears two more messages appear on her computer by the same person saying "it's all in your mind not in reality" "bleed yourself dry to be one with us" She stops holding her stomach and raises her head looking up to her pc reading the message. "so shed my blood for yours right?" she looks down at the ground in a depressing look. Then looks up at the computer screen with a grin on her face. If it will prove that im me and no one else is me then I gotta do it. She walks over to the same table that has the same dull pair of siczzors she used to cut her hair picking them off the floor and bringing them to her pc she opens her sicczors up making sure she has the sharpest point. She bends down her wrist onto her keyboard and begins sliting the middle of her wrist downwords with the sharpest point of her siczzors. With a sick and pale look on her face she watches as her blood begins to drip out and flow out of her wrists covering her keyboard, making its way off the table and all shirt and pants. With a deep breathe of air she begins to feel light headed passing out on her keyboard feeling nothing but a tingling electrifying numbness surrounding her whole body from head to toe. As she opens her eyes slowly she begins smelling a decaying rottening smell very close to her. she sees the center of her window smashed to hell seeing a fried dead bird cooked to a crisp near her computer. With a big sigh she sits back down to her pc wondering why the screen is black. her blood gone and the cut on her wrist suddenly not there anymore. She holds her head and confusion suddenly hearing a voice from near one of her computers "bleed yourself dry to be one with us" Rens eyes open wide in fear wondering what that means and where its coming from. she follows the pattern of where the voice keeps repeating itself hearing it come from the dead bird. she kneels down staring at the dead creature with her eyes open wide vains beginning to pop everywhere. "i did what you asked bleed yourself dry to be one with us. i bleed for u now am i part of you?" " she picks up the dead birds body slowly dropping broken trails of the birds feathers and toes slowly. " if not my blood then who's" she says in confusion. "if I am special then that means people as in us no one else right but if people arent us then we arent people. so your saying you need the blood of them" she puts the dead birds body down slowly, writing the letter x on its stomach. "your name is now X cuz ur dead, get it" she laughs to herself. its always been me and people off the net no one else that i remember. But to get people to know im me i will have to shed there blood to see the real me :) she quickly grabs her bloody soaked dull siczzors and walks out the door. " i wont be to long x dont go anywhere" with a smile on her face she closes her bedroom door and heads down stairs. saying bye to everyone then leaving out the door. With a deep breathe of midnight air she walks out of her house into the dark windy cold night.