It's not mine; it's all J.K. Rowling's.
Chapter 11: In Which Lily is Unconscious
or
In Which Lily Can't Move … Anything (except her lungs, and thank Merlin those work!)
Finally the world went mercifully black.
ooo...ooo
Well ... I'm awake. Or at least, I'm not unconscious.
Yep, I'm most definitely conscious. I just haven't opened my eyes yet or made any outward signs of my new-found state of mind. I suppose it's because I'd rather not find out if I'm in St. Mungo's or not. That would be depressing. But, then again, there are many things in life that are depressing. Still, that would be extremely depressing, more so than many other things.
I've decided that since I'm still pretending to be unconscious I'm going to try to remember what happened after I dove in front of that spell. I vaguely recall collapsing to the floor (which, I believe, was rather hard, but smooth. The Transfiguration room has such nice floors), but after that everything gets a little fuzzy. I swear, and I know this will sound insane, but I'm pretty sure I saw Vittles get knocked off of his feet and thrown into a wall.
Yeah, I know it sounds insane. I suspect that might have been a hallucination. I wouldn't put it past the clearly sick chap who came up with the curse I took to have added a bit of hallucination into the intense pain, burning, and blinding light. But why would I hallucinate that? It really doesn't make much sense. Who would hallucinate about Vittles? Stupid, sick, foul chap.
I've always been of the opinion that one nasty thing per curse is quite enough; unfortunately no one else seems to agree with me. I bet the wizarding world would be a much happier (and less hazardous place) if curses were limited like that. But no one ever listens to me, do they? It's a real pity. Sometimes I do manage to come up with good ideas (I know, I know, that comes as a shock to you).
I breathed in deeply through my nose. I wish I had a better sense of smell. Honestly, how am I supposed to figure out if I'm in St. Mungo's or not by sense of smell alone when mine is clearly underdeveloped. I suppose I could just open my eyes, but that would be so immediate. And if I am in St. Mungo's, I would probably start screaming bloody murder and then they'd just think I'm even more insane (when I'm really not insane at all … I'm just normal insane). Besides I do like to have advance warning before bad news (not that I usually get it, but I do like it).
A tremor of shock ran up my arm as a hand picked up my own and entwined our fingers. Who would be holding my hand? I didn't even hear anyone come over by the bed. Who is this?
"Hey, Lils."
It's James! If he's here everything must be alright! I guess I'll open my eyes now and then he can give me a 'I'm glad you're awake' kiss and a 'thank you for taking that curse for me' kiss (I actually deserve several kisses for that) and ... oh, bad thoughts. Stop right now! Stupid bad thoughts.
So I tried opening my eyes.
My eyelids are malfunctioning! They don't work! Oh dear gods!
You don't think that this is a serious sort of problem do you? I'm sure this is the sort of thing that can be fixed.
I tried my mouth. Also not working.
At least I can breathe through my nose (thank Merlin I don't have a cold) and my lungs appear to be working.
"Here again, James?"
AHH! Who's that? I don't like not being able to see and we've already established the ineptness of my sense of smell.
Let me think ... the voice sounded old and smart ... Do I know anyone who's old and smart? Wait ... Dumbledore! Obviously. Geez, I can be really stupid sometimes.
Wait ... this means my ears work too! Awesome!
Hold on ... if I'm right and the other voice is Dumbledore, why did he call Potter, 'James?' Normally Dumbledore refers to students as 'Mr. Potter' or 'Miss Evans' and so on. I wonder what's going on.
Hey, if it is Dumbledore it's dollars to donuts that I'm not at St. Mungo's, just in the Hospital Wing. Score!
"Yes, sir."
James is being nice and polite. He's such a good boy when he tries (which isn't all that often and never around me (when I'm awake)).
"Really, James, how many times must I insist that you call me Albus."
What? Well, now we can definitely establish that the voice is Dumbledore, but apparently he's lost a few screws. Or as a wise woman once said, "He's a few egg rolls short of a Chinese buffet." Why in the world would he want James calling him 'Albus' ... unless I've been unconscious for years and James is really a 25 year old, world-renowned auror.
NO!
I can't have been unconscious that long! Think of all the schooling I'd have missed. I would have blown my chance at becoming a healer. It's impossible. Simply impossible.
"Sorry ... Albus. I'm afraid calling you by your first name is going to take some getting used to," (no kidding), "I'm sure it'll become easier once I've left Hogwarts and you're no longer my Headmaster."
YES!
I was right, there was no possible way I'd been unconscious for 7 years. I wasn't worried in the least. Really, I wasn't.
"Yes, you're right, of course."
Of course? Ok ... there's nothing 'of course' about James being right. That's like a freak occurrence that happens once every 7 lunar cycles. Alright ... he's occasionally right, but still there's nothing 'of course' about it.
I know Dumbledore knows that. He took me aside at the beginning of the year and informed me that if James gave me any problems or wouldn't do his Head Boy work, I was to come to him. Heck, Dumbledore even apologized that the basis for the Head Boyship is (as it has pretty much always has been) on grade standings and James (by some freak of nature) is top of our class.
Then again ... he hasn't given me any problem with his Head work and he must occasionally be right, he is top of the class after all. You don't think he's one of those closet studiers, do you? Oh my gods, I bet that's it. He probably gets up at 3 a.m., hides under his covers, and studies. Alright ... it's a little implausible, but it would sure explain his grades.
There was a rather long silence made especially uncomfortable by the fact I couldn't do anything to end it. I hate uncomfortable silences.
"Is your class work suffering James? You spend even more time here than I do."
HAHA! That's a good one. The great James Potter doesn't do class work. I still don't get it ... how can he never do class work and still have me beat for top of the class? Oh, right ... I'm betting it has something to do with a class that starts with a "trans" and ends in a "figuration". I really don't like that class, but it's such an important branch of magic.
I think I can conclude we are in fact at Hogwarts now, which is exceedingly excellent. I really didn't want to be in St. Mungo's.
James gave a breathy short laugh. "I never do class work anyway."
See? I was right. I know him so well.
"Is that so? And you've still become a formidable wizard. (?)"
Was that a question or a fact, I couldn't tell? Well it must be a question, but why would Dumbledore even ask it? He should know the answer ... no, Potter is not a formidable wizard.
"I believe in practical application more than book work."
Whoa, hold the horses, James' statement makes it seem like Dumbledore was stating a fact. Hey, maybe they're both a few marbles short (or as a wise woman once said, "A few sandwiches short of a picnic.") and we're all in St. Mungo's together. That's an excellent explanation.
Wait ... NO, I don't want to be in St. Mungo's. We must be at Hogwarts and ... and ... they've just gone temporarily insane. Yes, temporarily insane. That happens to the most decent of people.
"You know, James, when you did so amazingly well on your O.W.L.s, all of your teachers assured me it was last minute cramming, luck, and probably a good bit of cheating that placed you first in the class."
Ouch! I mean, can you say harsh? Wow, I'm actually feeling bad for James. While a no-good person he may be, he doesn't cheat on his work (mainly because he doesn't do it) and I doubt he'd cheat on a test. In fact, I'd give you a very good wager he's never cheated on a test in his life. For all his big-headed, egotistical nature, he does like to do his own work and, thus, be able to rub it in my face how wonderful he is (not the person he would hypothetically be cheating off of).
"Did they?" James said, sounding so painfully disinterested that I could tell Dumbledore's words must have stung.
Poor baby. He needs a hug ... not from me, of course, but from ... oh, alright, I'd give him a hug if my arms were working.
"Sometimes even educators can be blind to raw talent."
What? Now I'm confused (no surprises there). Did Dumbledore just say take back what he said? Why else would he talk about raw talent? Still confused ... oh well, confusion seems to be my perpetual state of mind.
"Raw indeed!" James said, and I could hear his grin, feel it through my fingers.
How odd is that? James has got to be one of the only people on earth (or anywhere else for that matter) who can let you feel a smile. His smiles are just so wonderful and contagious. If I could move my lips, I would smile.
"No," (What, now he doesn't have raw talent?), "No longer raw." (Oh, that makes more sense. We all know James has raw power, but I don't know if I'd say it was no longer raw.)
"You've honed your talent, James. You most certainly proved that when you took down Vincent so effectively. I've never seen wand work that fluid, backed with so much power in anyone your age or any age, for that matter."
Vincent? Who in the world is Vincent? And why does Dumbledore seem impressed James "took him down". Oh gods, Vincent isn't that little Hufflepuff 2nd year, is he? James wouldn't have done that! James has never (even in his worst days) played evil pranks (harmless ones, yes) on kids who are more than 3 years under us.
"Yeah, well, Vittles got what was coming to him, didn't he!"
Vittles! Vittles' first name is Vincent. Wow, that's kind of disturbing. But wait ... that would mean James "took down" Vittles! That's impossible.
Oh Merlin, I wasn't hallucinating, was I? James really did knock Vittles off his feet and into the wall. But how ... how is that possible? Vittles is really good. How could James beat him? James would have to ... to be better than really good.
"I can't believe that sorry little ..." I could feel James' hand tightening in anger. James took a shuddering breath and let it out. "He's always been the teacher I was closest to, the one I would go to if I needed something, and he's betrayed my trust! He's … he's no longer someone I can look up to …"
"Are you upset I didn't fire him?"
They didn't fire him! Good gods, he was attempting to attack a student! Wait, he did attack a student! ME!
"No, no ... he doesn't deserve to lose his job, it's just ... it was low of him to aim at my back. If Lily hadn't ..." James trailed off sounding rather choked with emotion.
"Yes, Miss Evans is very brave. For those she loves, she will do anything."
Wow, that's so sweet. If my tear ducts were working, I would let a tear or two leak out. I will do anything for the people I love, that's probably why the hat put me in Gryffindor, lord knows it rather wanted to put me in Ravenclaw (although if my aptitude in Transfiguration is any indication I'm not all that clever anyway).
Yep, for those I love ... wait! I don't love Potter! No! No! No! How could Dumbledore even imply that!
"She doesn't love me," (too right, I'm glad Potter knows that), "She probably just figured she was returning a favor."
That's a lovely excuse! I should have come up with that. I was returning a favor. Wow, that sounds excellent. I'm going to have to steal that, I hope James doesn't mind too much.
"You should go back to your dorm tonight, James. Sleeping in chairs is hard on the body," Dumbledore said, after another awkward silence (James has been sleeping by my side every night!), "You look exhausted. A good nights sleep will do you wonders, not to mention there is the Quidditch match to think of. I expect another spectacular catch tomorrow."
"Now, now Prof ... Albus, teachers aren't supposed to pick favorites in Quidditch."
True, but Dumbledore was in Gryffindor, so he's bound to favor it a bit more.
"I didn't say who would be making the spectacular catch, did I, James?" There was a quick pause. "I would of course prefer a certain outcome ..."
"Alright, I'll sleep in my dorm tonight ... and I'll win tomorrow, so I hope that fits with your preferred outcome."
Very cocky, very typically James.
"I'm sure it wouldn't disagree over much."
James was smiling again, being able to feel him smile is really odd. I'm going to have to try it again sometime. I wonder if it would work if I were just touching his arm and not holding his hand?
"I will see you soon, James."
I heard the sound of scraping, like someone standing up from a chair.
"Yes, you too Prof ... Albus."
I heard a rustle of cloth and then a door close quietly.
So now I'm guessing I'm alone with James. Unless there are other invisible (a.k.a. silent) people running about. James squeezed my hand gently and I felt his lips brush against it. My whole arm felt like it was being stuck with pins. Maybe that means I'll be able to move it soon (it has nothing to do with James kissing me, I'm sure).
"I wish you would wake up, Lily. I want to see your beautiful eyes again. I want you to yell at me and insult me and maybe talk to me, not that you do that much, but I ... I ... I miss you so much. Please get well, Lily. This is all my fault and I ... I ... it hurts ..." he trailed off, his voice plaintive.
Is he hurt? What did he mean 'it hurts'? He's alright, he has to be alright!
"I feel like it's eating a hole in my heart, you getting hurt for my sake. Oh gods ..." He broke off.
Thank Merlin, he's not hurt (physically). He sounds really pitiful, though. At least I know how he feels. I'm assuming it's kind of the same thing I was feeling after the giant sunflower incident. But he wasn't unconscious (for too long), so I didn't get to do the whole mushy guilty thing.
"I'll see you soon. I'll stop in before the match and I'll come by right after and I'll slip out during the victory party and I'll stop by before I go to bed and ... well, I'll just come see you."
I felt a gentle brush of lips on my forehead and I suddenly couldn't wait for the morning to come, so he'd come to see me before the match. He set my hand down by my side and I felt instantly cold. I wish he'd hold my hand again. His hands are so wonderful. A soft scrape along the floor indicated he had stood.
"I ... I ... never mind," his voice was soft, then I heard a rustle of cloth and the click of a door opening and closing.
I was alone.
ooo...ooo
Thanks for reading! I hope you enjoyed the chapter. Sorry it took me so long to get up. If you're in the reviewing zone (and are not in a freakish unconscious state) feel free to review. Also, sorry I wasn't as responsive to reviews as usual, I'm in a bit of a time crunch right now, but I'll try to do better next time.
Daystar - Well even if you're not a slacker, I am.
Ithliden – Don't bother re-reading. It's not Vittles first year; I'm just not following canon. Mind you, Ms. Rowling can't seem to make up her mind about what's canon either seeing as Quirrell was supposedly a teacher for several years before he kicked it.
Reality Bites – Vittles didn't use an unforgivable, Whatever else he is, he is one of the good guys and they just don't do that. Plus there are plenty of evil curses out there that aren't unforgivable.
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