Summary: While surfing the Internet, Debra finds herself in an interesting chat room that makes her realize how good she has it. MINI-XOVER with Yes, Dear; Gilmore Girls; and Reba One-shot
A/N: Hi, my name's Jenna and I'm new to the Everybody Loves Raymond section. Okay, well, I'm not planning on staying very long – this one-shot popped into my head, ironically, when I was watching another show. I don't typically watch ELR, only if it happens to be on the WB11, but I thought this would be cute. And, btw, you don't need to be a watcher of the other shows to read this fic.
FYI:
Sendhelp03: Debra Barone
ilikepie: Lorelai Gilmore (Gilmore Girls)
texasmomma: Reba Hart (Reba)
kimmie9476: Kim Warner (Yes, Dear)
"You're sure you don't want to come, Deb, honey?" Ray pleaded. He really wished she would go with him. Workshops were long and boring, and the worst part was that this wasn't even for his job. Robert was dragging him along to some police seminar, which he didn't want to go to alone. Apparently it was easier to "meet and greet" when one didn't do it by himself.
Debra shook her head, practically pushing him towards the kitchen door. He and Robert would be at the seminar, Marie and Frank were at a lodge dinner, and the kids were put to bed an hour ago. This would be her first night of peace and quiet since…since…since she had married Ray. The thought of that made her voice higher as she assured her husband, "More sure than I ever have been of anything in my entire life."
"But there'll be refreshments! And doughnuts! There's bound to be dozens of them; you know how cops love their doughnuts," Ray tried, letting the comment slide for his sake.
"Baked goods I can get for three bucks at the supermarket, or hours of pure silence. Let me think," Debra mockingly weighed the options, moving her hands up and down. Then she took his jacket from where had been hanging on a kitchen chair and shoved it at him. "Have a good time. Tell Robert I said hi."
"B-but…" Ray stumbled to the door. Regaining his footing, he desperately widened his eyes and put his hands on her shoulders. "But if you love me, you'll do this for me. I love you with all my heart…don't you love me?"
Unfazed, Debra raised an eyebrow. "Yes, but I just washed your dirty underwear this morning, so in that respect we're even. Now, go. I heard Robert park in the driveway."
"You're mean," Ray accused. "You're a cruel, cruel woman."
"And proud of it." With that, Debra opened the door, kissed Ray good-bye on the cheek, then pushed him out, closing it after he turned to go to the car.
Fifteen minutes later, Debra had changed into her pajamas and made a cup of tea. Sitting at the kitchen table, she thought about what she would do for the next three hours or so. It was a new sensation for her – she had never had to kill time before. What do people do when they have nothing to do?
Her eyes began to wander, finally resting on…Ray's laptop. Hm. It was sitting on the table a foot away from her and practically begging to be used. She wasn't a total dunce when it came to technology. When Ray got it from work, he had taught her the basic concepts, like how to turn it on and how to get to the Internet. I should put that knowledge to use at least once, right?
Sliding over so that it was facing her, she opened the top. She was a little nervous. Knowing her she would press a button and it would self-destruct. Taking a deep breath, she pressed the power button and waited for it to boot up. Then received a nice surprise when it actually did so.
Okay…what now? Using the touch pad, she managed to get on the Internet. The homepage was Skimming it, she grinned when she spotted the word 'Groups & Chat.' That could be interesting. Besides, it's been a while since I've had a discussion with a non-family member, a.k.a. normal person. Time to see what's going on in the world.
After creating an account, Debra was cruising the chat rooms. Well, the names of chat rooms, anyway. She couldn't decide which one to join. There were so many. She could eliminate the rooms she knew nothing about – the last thing she wanted to do was make herself sound like an idiot, even if it was in front of complete strangers. Finally, when she clicked on "Families," a group called "The Aggravated Mothers Club" intrigued her. Hello. Where have you been all my life?
It was small – only three other members. All three were on and were having a discussion. Figuring it would be awkward if she just jumped in, Debra decided it would be best to be polite.
Sendhelp03: Hi, do you mind if I join in?
ilikepie: "do you mind if I join in?" What is this, a lunch table at a snooty private school?
Sendhelp03: I'm sorry?
ilikepie: Come on in, the water's fine. Your politeness sickens me, by the way
texasmomma: Tell me about it
kimmie9467: Guys, you're gonna scare her off! What's your name, and, if you don't mind me asking, why should we "send help"?
ilikepie: God, you're just as bad as her
Sendhelp03: Well, I'm Debra and
ilikepie: Hi Debra
texasmomma: Hi Debra
Sendhelp03: Ha ha. And, yeah, I guess I made up the name because that's how I feel sometimes.
ilikepie: It's better than "kimmie" when your name is Kim
kimmie9467: Hey! I couldn't think of anything else
Sendhelp03: Are the numbers like a date at least?
kimmie9467: Um…no, "kimmie" was taken so I had to pick from the options they gave me
SendHelp03: What are your names?
ilikepie: Lorelai, nice to meet ya
texasmomma: Reba
kimmie9467: Kim…but you already knew that
texasmomma: So Debra…you had to pick the "Aggravated Mothers Club" for a reason. Care to share?
Sendhelp03: It's not so much the kids that aggravate me
texasmomma: more like your nut-job family, right?
Debra laughed, enjoying the conversation so far. It was nice to know that there were others out there in the same boat as her. Lorelai intimidated her a little, but she was having fun nonetheless.
Sendhelp03: bingo. My kids I can take, it's the big kids that drive me nuts
Kimmie9467: meaning your husband and other family members, like a brother-in-law
Sendhelp03: exactly, only with me it's more the mother-in-law
ilikepie: I don't have to worry about a mother-in-law, but my mother more than makes up for the both of them
Sendhelp03: That's how it is with his mother. She's over here every day, without warning
ilikepie: Every day? Where does she live, across the street?
Sendhelp03: Yes
ilikepie: God help you
texasmomma: I can top that
Sendhelp03: Really? I'd like to see you try. Keep in mind that my mother-in-law is obsessively controlling and critical
Texasmomma: I'd take that any day over my ex-husband's new wife who seems to think we're best friends
Kimmie9467: Maybe you should give her a chance. It isn't like she's the reason you and your husband split…is it?
Texasmomma: well, in all fairness we had other problems, but it came to a head when I caught him cheating with her
ilikepie: Ouch
kimmie9467: Oh
Sendhelp03: I'm so sorry. I couldn't even imagine that…the closest my husband ever came to that was when a strange woman hit on him when he lost his wedding ring
texasmomma: how is that his fault?
Sendhelp03: First, he lost it because he was spinning it on a table and it fell into a vent
ilikepie: Oooh, that's fun! Especially if you get it on a really slick surface…
Sendhelp03: ?
texasmomma?
kimmie9467: ?
ilikepie: Don't go all question mark on me. It wasn't a wedding ring. I don't even have a wedding ring.
texasmomma: Why not? You divorced?
ilikepie: it's hard to be divorced when you were never married in the first place
kimmie9467: then why did you start the "aggravated mothers" group….oh
ilikepie: yeah, oh
Sendhelp03: wow, so….do you mind…?
ilikepie: Same old story. Girl meets boy, Girl falls in love with boy, girl gets knocked up at 16, girl disinherits herself from rich parents to lead own life
texasmomma: what?
kimmie9467: huh?
Sendhelp03: oh my God
ilikepie: No! It's okay now! I actually run my own inn with my friends. My daughter's the smartest kid you'll ever meet, going to Yale and all that
ilikepie: you there?
Sendhelp03: no, we are, we're just…wow
ilikepie: What are you so amazed for? You survive having your in-laws living across the street
Taking a sip of her tea, Debra stared at the screen in awe. She thought she was going into this chat room with the craziest story anyone would ever hear. Turned out she barely made the top ten.
ilikepie: So…Reba, give us the dish on your hectic life as a mom
texasmomma: well, it's nothing compared to yours
ilikepie: you never know, Kim and Debra might think differently. Bring on the competition!
texasmomma: lol. Well, it started
ilikepie: lol? Isn't someone using fancy-pants chat room talk
texasmomma: you're mocking me, aren't you?
ilikepie: duh. Everybody knows 'lol'
kimmie9467: um…I don't
Debra smiled, glad Kim had said that. She didn't know what 'lol' stood for either.
Sendhelp03: yeah, me neither
ilikepie: Oh…open foot, insert mouth
texasmomma: lol laugh out loud. Now, what was I saying?
ilikepie: your life story
texasmomma: right. I mentioned that my husband cheated on me with this bimbo
ilikepie: she blonde?
texasmomma: as blonde as the sun is bright - complete stereotype, right down to the airhead tendencies
ilikepie: omg, just realized something. Neither of you are blonde, right?
kimmie9467: brunette
Sendhelp03: auburn color, you're good
ilikepie: Thank God
Sendhelp03: my daughter's blonde, though
kimmie9467: mine too
ilikepie: crap
texasmomma: whoops
Sendhelp03: no offense taken, just kidding
kimmie9467: ditto. Hah, knew that one!
ilikepie: yeah, except ditto went out ten years ago with tamogotchis and Furbys
Sendhelp03: actually, those are back, my daughter wants one of each
ilikepie: really? That's sad, even toys come back now
texasmomma: hello? Me?
ilikepie: right, sorry
Sendhelp03: yeah, sorry
Personally, Debra was shocked that she was getting into this so much. She had thought at first that she would get in a chat room and have nothing to say. But as of now, she liked these women. It was really too bad they lived around the country. It would have been nice to get together and have lunch.
texasmomma: Okay, I'll say this real fast so I get it all out. Here we go. It might take me a few minutes to type
Sendhelp03: Reba, my family situation would take hours to type
kimmie9467: I'm with you on that one
ilikepie: me and my family would take up a whole novel. No, better yet, a soap opera. Those things go on for thirty years.
kimmie9467: I know! I am so sick of General Hospital
ilikepie: O, fun game! Name the first soap opera that comes to mind
Sendhelp03: All my Children
ilikepie: No fair, I was gonna do that one!
texasmomma: my daughter got pregnant at 16 and got married to the father, at that age. Both disowned father and my daughter move into my house. Ex-husband and new wife at first live in apartment, then think it would be fun to move a few houses down the block. Second-oldest daughter gets fed up at home and goes to live with them. Now living with eldest daughter, her husband, their baby, and my youngest, my son
ilikepie: do you also have a housekeeper named Alice?
Sendhelp03: what is with family and their need to live close by?
texasmomma: I know! It's like a sickness or something to which there's no antidote
ilikepie: why don't you guys say you're out of food and lock the doors?
Texasmomma: tried it
kimmie9467: tried it
Sendhelp03: tried it. Doesn't work – one time in-laws drove car through front door
ilikepie: that's nuts!
Sendhelp03: Ok, so it wasn't on purpose, but I wouldn't have put it past them
texasmomma: who do you have to keep out, Kim?
kimmie9467: my sister and her family
Sendhelp03: your sister?
kimmie9467: I love her dearly, but it's sort of hard to remember that when they live in my guesthouse
texasmomma: well, that tops mine
ilikepie: you have a guesthouse!
Debra's mouth was a perfect circle. The mere thought of Marie and Frank living a few steps away made her want to pass out.
kimmie9467: Debra? You there?
Sendhelp03: Sorry…hyperventilating
ilikepie: you said it. the image of my mother living in my backyard
Sendhelp03: exactly. It's going to give me nightmares for weeks
kimmie9467: Stop. My life story isn't nearly as interesting as yours
texasmomma: trust us
ilikepie: when we tell you
Sendhelp03: you're more than paying for it now
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"Hey, sugar lips," Ray greeted, coming into the bedroom. Physically, he was revved up – he had been sitting on a metal folding chair for three hours. But mentally he was ready to hit the pillow. That seminar had sucked the life out of him, and he needed the rest of the night to gain it back.
"Hey honey," Debra kissed him as he approached her, then followed him with her eyes when he went into the closet to change. "So, how was it?"
"Eh, nothing special," Ray replied.
Debra raised an eyebrow. "Oh, please don't overload me with details."
Stepping from the closet in full pajama wear, Ray went to the bathroom, then joined her on the bed. "Seriously, nothing happened. We got there, stood in the corner for a half hour because Robert's a social scaredy-cat, then sat on folding chairs until our butts were so numb we thought they were going to fall off."
"That's too much detail," Debra laughed, putting the book she had been reading on her nightstand. After signing off the chat room, and giving the other women her email address when they gave her theirs, she had read. Just lain on the couch and read. It was the closest thing to Heaven on Earth she had ever experienced. It had been even more blissful when she changed into her pajamas and continued her reading in bed.
Ray scratched his head, thinking. "Wait! There was when Robert's cop friend tried to arrest me for eating too many doughnuts."
"Really? Well then, I should be grateful you're not in jail." Debra gave him a long, passionate kiss.
Ray slid back a little, confused. "Wow, what got you in the mood? And while we're at it, can we play the prisoner and the naughty prison guard?""
Debra shook her head, giggling. "If you want. And the kiss was just a thank-you."
"For what?" Ray inquired, kissing her back.
Debra's thoughts went to the conversation as she replied, "For deciding against having a guesthouse in the backyard."