Welcome to Wu Hospital

Chapter I: My Flaming Experience

Author's note: This Fanfiction was inspired by an episode of Get Backers

Summary:A story told in Lu Xun's point of view; Lu Xun goes to the hospital because of 3rd degree burns and all the other Wu (and some Shu and Wei) officers come to visit him and they all get into a butt-load of trouble.

Disclaimer: I don't own Dynasty Warriors at all.

Hi, my name is Lu Xun! I have this really interesting story! It's really funny. But I still don't understand why the other generals in Wu don't like it…

Anyway, they're not here, so I can tell you my story as it is!

It all started a few weeks ago, I was looking for my lucky coin which fell out of my pocket last Saturday when Gan Ning and I were fighting over a piece of bubblegum.

I couldn't help it! How can anyone resist its bubblegummy goodness?

But I won, because I used my great cunning to outsmart him and win the candy!

Actually, I told him that his shoelace was untied then I snatched the bubblegum from him and stuffed it in my mouth. By the time he realized he didn't have shoelaces, it was gone!

"Lu Xun, where's the bubblegum?" he went.

"What bubblegum are you talking about, Gan Ning! There was no bubblegum."

"Yes there was!"

"No way; you're a fibber! I can't remember it!"

"It's bad to lie, you little pyromaniac! Fork it over!"

Well of course I obeyed him because I'm such a good boy, so I opened my mouth and I stuck my tongue out and the bubblegum was there! I chewed it up a bit, so my saliva was hanging to some of the little, little cracks in between the lumpy mass that was the bubblegum. Not a pretty sight for Gan Ning.

"Eew… you can keep it Lu Xun…" he said.

"It's your loss Gan Ning!"

Now where was I? Oh yeah!

So, there I was looking for my lucky coin. I didn't notice the lighted candle beside me and so my head brushed past it.

"I found my lucky coin!" I exclaimed when I found my precious treasure. Then I noticed that my head was aflame…

"AAAAAAAAAAAAH! My head is on fire! Somebody help me!"

I picked up a pillow, ready to extinguish it. Then I stopped.

"But the flames are so beautiful…" I sighed admiring the bright orange flame on my head. Then I noticed the fire spread upon my face.

"Fire! Fire! Fire! Fire! Fire!"

I got a vase and I was about to drench myself and extinguish the flame. But it was so beautiful… How could I murder the gentle dancing flames upon me?

Then all of a sudden I felt extreme heat all over my body. I realized that my arms and my entire torso were on fire, so I dropped the vase.

I was shrieking and shrieking so loud. It was surprise no one heard! They all gave me a lame excuse that they weren't home!

I decided to stop, drop and roll. The heat of my flaming body was unbearable!

Just as I was about to roll, I stopped again.

It was so beautiful to watch the flames…

It was if the goddess of the hearth, Vesta came to adorn my body with her gracious bright orange flames…Sigh…

"AAH!" I shrieked, when I saw the fire crawl down my legs.

My entire body was burning!

I was ready to roll again, but second thoughts came again.

Fire…Fire…Fire…

Oh, it was all so beautiful… And excruciating! "AHH!" I shrieked again.

My skin was nearly melting! However, No matter how loud I screamed, the flames wouldn't disappear. That was a bad thing as well as a good thing for me… Oh, the bitter irony!

Fortunately, the neighbor heard my screams of agony and phoned the hospital.

Minutes later an ambulance came and I was rushed to the hospital.

I sustained 3rd degree burns, so I had to stay in the hospital for a couple of weeks.

The doctors were stunned to find out that I was still alive! Of course I was. I'm Lu Xun the indestructible!

So I had to stay alone in my hospital room. But as the days passed, I got really, really bored.

You know staring at that disgusting picture of that sad clown on your hospital room's wall gets tedious at times. When you're not laughing at how miserable he is anyway. I tried to burn it once, but they caught me before I could and made me go back to bed.

I asked for a laptop then.

It wasn't for surfing though…

I was able to hack into the hospital's surveillance cameras. Now I could see whatever went on in the hospital. It was actually entertaining. Like watching those hospital soap opera dramas or whatever that they showed on TV.

Then finally, one day my friends visited me!

Lord Sun Quan was the first to come to my hospital room.

"Hi, Lu Xun, how are you feeling so far?" he asked, while entering my room.

"Lord Sun Quan, you came to visit me!" I beamed, "Wait a minute, why did you only visit me now?" Not to sound ungrateful or anything.

"Well, when we heard what happened to you, we were all horrified!" he related, "We wanted to visit you right away, but the other generals were frightened to see how you would look after getting burned alive…"

I looked at a nearby mirror.

"Hey, I look okay!"

"Lu Xun, that's a picture of Tom Cruise..."

"Oh…" I murmured, turning to a real mirror. "I look the same!" And I look much better than that Cruise guy. Humph.

Wait a minute, why did I have a picture of that guy in my room anyway?

"Yes, unfortunately you do…" Lord Sun Quan muttered to himself. What was that supposed to mean! He cleared his throat and continued, "Anyway, we were finally able to convince everyone to come visit you! The others will be coming later." Oh sure, changing the subject!

"Really; they are? YAY!" I cheered.

"By the way, Lu Xun, where's the little boy's room?"

"What?"

He leaned closer to me and whispered, "I have to take a leak…"

"Oh! Down the hall to your right, then left, then go on, then turn left again at the delivery room, then turn right, then go forward, then turn left, then go again, then turn right, then stop at the elevator, then turn right, then left, then right again, then move forward until the fourth intersection, then turn right, then right, then left, then go straight for six halls, then turn left and then right! You can't miss it!"

"O-kay… Never mind, I'll just ask the hospital staff…" Lord Sun Quan replied, going out the room. "Just wait for the others. I'll return right away!"
I sighed. I was alone again.

Hours passed, so I got really bored. But don't worry; my story is more interesting later. Just wait till the others show up!

To be continued…

Sorry if the story sucks…