Chapter II: Mischief and Mayhem

Whooh! Chapter two!

Disclaimer: I do not own Dynasty Warriors.

Ahem, now where was I?

Oh yes!

Well, finally someone came to my room.

It was Sun Shang Xiang with Liu Bei, who is her annoying fiancé. He even had the nerve to bring Guan Yu, Zhang Fei and Zhao Yun along! Can't he trust me? What would I, the oh-so-cute Lu Xun do to him?

But they brought me balloons! Zhang Fei had red ones, Guan Yu had little animal shaped ones and Zhao Yun handed me ones filled with helium.

"Hi, Lu Xun, are you feeling much better?" Shang Xiang asked me, watching me fiddle with the helium-filled ones. Hah, they made a farting sound. Funny.

"Yep, I sure am." I answered

Then Liu Bei handed me a letter.

"Here, Lu Xun," he said, "I made sure all the Shu generals write a get well card for you."

"Oh really? They remember me?"

"Not exactly…"

Okay, so this is what Shu did…

"Lord Liu Bei has ordered us all to write a get well card for Lu Xun." Zhuge Liang announced. "Who's Lu Xun?" Ma Chao asked, staring at the Shu strategist. Humph! The nerve of Ma Chao!

"Lu Xun is the Wu strategist." Jiang Wei explained.

"Wait, no he's not." Pang Tong objected.

Yue Ying nodded, "Yes, I don't remember any Lu Xun…"

"But there is!" Jiang Wei protested, throwing his arms down in frustration, "Wu has more than one strategist you know! Like us!"

"We do?" Huang Zhong asked, cocking his head in confusion.

"Zhuge Liang and Pang Tong!" Jiang Wei exclaimed.

Everyone else let out a loud "I didn't know Pang Tong was our strategist…" Well, except for Pang Tong himself. He frowned. I think.

"But I never heard of a Lu Xun." Yue Ying protested.

I should hang them all…

"Right…Lu …Xun…Who?" Wei Yan asked in his broken English.

"ARGH! To hell with you all!" Jiang Wei cursed, storming out the room. He was practically ripping his hair off!

"I still don't know who Lu Xun is though…"Ma Chao confessed.

I'm really considering killing Ma Chao. Wait, who's Ma Chao?

Anyway, back to the real story…

"Sorry, Lu Xun, but Liu Bei and I can't stay long…" Shang Xiang said.

"Why?"

Zhao Yun then bowed, "My lord has joined a special organization that helps out children with cancer. And he needs to visit some of those children in this very hospital…"

Stroking his beard, Guan Yu added, "It's a very noble cause."

"Yes and I'm so proud of Liu Bei!" Shang Xiang beamed, hugging her fiancé's arm.

I bet he just did it to impress Shang Xiang…

Then they left just like that.

Well, I had to see if my theory was right or wrong, so I opened my laptop and I spied on them.

They entered the ward.

"Look! Someone came to visit us!" one child exclaimed, as Liu Bei entered the room. With a huge smile, the Shu ruler looked at them.

His eyes bulged in shock and almost immediately he sprang to grasp Zhao Yun's arm. Aha! I knew it!

"Zhao Yun! These children – they're bald!"

"Of course they are," Zhao Yun replied, "They have cancer…"

"Is it contagious?"

"I thought you were used to cancer. Anyway, have no fear, my lord! Now what do we do for them?"

"Well actually… I have no idea…" Liu Bei confessed, after he made sure he was out of earshot from Shang Xiang or his brothers, "I wasn't really expecting this…" I knew it, what a show-off!

Zhao Yun looked puzzled, "What do you mean?"

"I signed up to impress Shang Xiang…"

"Oh…Well, we still must devise something to make them enjoy."

With a nod, Liu Bei agreed, "I'll come up with something. Just don't tell anyone!" Zhao Yun nodded obediently.

I rubbed my hands with glee. Now to watch Liu Bei make a fool of himself…

Calling upon Guan Yu discreetly, Liu Bei pulled his brother to the broom closet.

"Brother, why are we in a broom closet?" asked Guan Yu, looking at Liu Bei and Zhao Yun.

"Because I like broom closets. Now, Guan Yu, I need you to do something for me. I can't perform for these kids because of …umm…umm…"

"Bad gas!" Zhao Yun blurted out.

Liu Bei stared at Zhao Yun, "Zhao Yun! How could you think of that?" he demanded. I can tell he doesn't want Guan Yu to think he's the number one super farter in China; if you catch my drift.

Patting Liu Bei's back, Guan Yu muttered, "Don't worry, brother. Zhang Fei gets that a lot. But he can still do a lot of tasks."

"Well, I also have…err…umm…uhh…"

"Diarrhea!" Zhao Yun blurted out.

"Zhao Yun! What are you saying?"

"Well, that's the first thing that came to my mind…"

"Never, ever finish my sentences again, Zhao Yun!" Liu Bei murmured, giving Zhao Yun a dagger look.

Liu Bei cleared his throat and smiled weakly at Guan Yu. "Zhao Yun, he's such a comedian! He likes to make people laugh!"

"I do?" Zhao Yun asked, bewildered by Liu Bei's statement.

"Oh, brother, don't be ashamed, I will entertain the children for you. You just go and umm… do your business, little camper…" Guan Yu replied, winking.

"He, he, he… right…Anyway, thanks a bunch Guan Yu." Liu Bei murmured, shoving Guan Yu out the broom closet. Then he locked the door and sighed. Then he looked at Zhao Yun.

"Never, ever finish my sentences, Zhao Yun! Ever!"

Suddenly, I was interrupted as someone came into my room. Phooey!

Immediately, I closed my laptop and hid it under my pillow.

"So, how are you?"

It was Zhou Yu!

He walked into the room, smiling at me.

"I'm fine…" I replied, leaning back, trying to conceal the computer. If I was caught with my computer, then I would be in a butt load of trouble.

He threw a bouquet of flowers at me.

"Get well soon." he said, about to leave the room.

"Hey, aren't you going to spend time with the sick person?" I demanded, folding my arms.

"Must I? You're utterly boring…" he sighed. I can hear you, for your information; I'm not deaf…

"Come on, even for a short while!" I pleaded, "I'm getting really lonely!"

"Okay, okay…" he sighed, standing in front of me. After ten seconds, he spoke up, "Okay, I'm done. Bye, Lu Xun take care of yourself."

"Hey! Don't leave me!"

But Zhou Yu ignored me and left the room! The nerve!

As soon as he left, I took out my laptop and I spied on him. Leave me will you?

I saw him going around a bunch of halls. I think he was lost! Man, this hospital is like a maze.

"Excuse me," he said, peeping into an open door, "I'm lost."

Suddenly, a tall, lanky lady who was really, really skinny approached him. Man, she was so skinny! She was like a walking skeleton. Ugh, disgusting! Her cheek bone was irregularly high up and her dull hair was tied into a bun and ugly-framed glasses sat at the end of her nose bridge. She was so ugly!

Anyway, tall and skinny walked up to him. She seemed to be examining him. "Oh! I'll show you the way." she said, grabbing his wrist, "You must be the new recruit."

"Huh?" Zhou Yu looked at her as if she were some bizzarro alien being from another galaxy.

"I'm the head nurse," she explained, "You must be the newly recruited nurse…"

"W-wait, I think you're mistaken!" he protested as she started dragging him to

who-knows-where by his wrist.

"Do I look like someone who would make a mistake?" the head nurse bellowed as she stopped and stared at Zhou Yu with her eyes ablaze with fury. I swear I saw steam coming out of her ears!

"N-no, sir - I mean ma'am!"

"Right… I didn't think so…" she uttered, resuming her dragging, "Besides, there's nothing to be afraid of, little girl."

"Little girl? But I'm a man!" he protested, trying to squirm out of her firm grasp. Whoa, she must've been strong, cause he couldn't get away. She probably works out often!

The head nurse chuckled, "Sure you are…"

"No! I'm a full-fledged man! I swear!" Zhou Yu exclaimed, pulling against her bony yet mighty hand.

She ignored him the entire way until they reached a room that had the sign, Nurse's Locker Room. She dragged him in and locked the door. For minutes I squinted at the screen. Then I hacked unto another surveillance camera, inside the so-called locker room. Up until now, I can't understand why this hospital has surveillance cameras all over…

I saw the head nurse exit the room, them I saw him!

I nearly fell off my bed from laughing!

"What the hell!" he shrieked. For the next thing he saw was that he was wearing a nurse's outfit! And there was a really short mini skirt where his pants should have been. I found it hilarious!

I doubt it if Zhou Yu agrees with me.

Then, I saw the door of my room crack open. Again, I hid the laptop. Why don't people knock before entering anymore?

It was Lord Sun Quan – again…

"Sorry, Lu Xun, I had to find the bathroom. I got a little lost along the way." he apologized, grabbing a chair, "did anyone else arrive while I was gone?"

"Well, Shang Xiang, her annoying fiancé, Liu Bei and three of his bodyguards came. They gave me these balloons!" I reported, as I grabbed one helium filled balloon and proceeded making those funny farting noises. "Oh and Zhou Yu dropped by." I grinned maliciously, remembering his…err…predicament…

Lord Sun Quan just nodded. "Well, I hope the others get here soon…"

To be continued…

I wish you like this! Don't worry; the other officers will arrive by the next chapter!