I hope you like this! Thanks for the positive feedback guys! I know Lu Xun's out of character, but I can explain! It's because Lu Xun took too many pain relievers and stuff! Yeah, that must be it! Oh and this is an AU or an Alternate Universe fanfic. It means that it's not exactly in their real time.

Disclaimer: I don't own Dynasty Warriors.

Chapter III: Turning Topsy-Turvy

Oh! Sorry that I left you hanging back there guys!

I hope you're still listening to my story!

So, there I was, staring at Lord Sun Quan and at how he curiously resembled the sad clown on my wall…

All of a sudden, the door slammed open!

I was surprised after that loud slam; too surprised.

My head lurched forward and into my mouth went the balloon. I just inhaled helium.

I gulped.

Uh-oh…

I bet you already know what happens when someone sucks in helium…

"How ya doing, Lu Xun?" Gan Ning asked, entering the room with Lord Sun Ce. I quickly threw the deflated balloon into a trash bin. Fortunately for me, Lord Sun Quan didn't see my little accident.

"What's up, Lu Xun? Hey there, bro! I didn't know you were here already!" Lord Sun Ce exclaimed.

"Must you be so rowdy, Ce?" Lord Sun Quan muttered, rubbing his temples.

"Me? Rowdy? Hah! You must be kidding, bro!" Lord Sun Ce chuckled, slapping Lord Sun Quan's back. On the contrary, Lord Sun Ce not being rowdy is what's impossible…

"Come on, Lu Xun, why don't ya tell us how you're feeling?" Gan Ning asked. I smiled faintly, trying to throw him off asking me questions. There was no way I'd let them hear me!

I just shook my head and lied down. I yawned motioning that I was sleepy. Then I closed my eyes, unaware of the grin on Gan Ning's face.

He crept up to me and shrieked like a banshee being tortured. UGH! The pain of that sound still haunts me until now. Most of the other general's antics gave me headaches anyway. That's why I take 18 pain killers everyday. They give me a whimsical feeling, well that was until the doctors found out that it was cause for my pyromania and slight lunacy.

Anyway, so I sat up in horror.

"wHaT's GoInG oN?" I squeaked in the highest voice I have ever heard.

Lord Sun Ce broke out in laughter. Gan Ning looked shocked.

"Well, I was about to say that was for the bubblegum, but-" Gan Ning suddenly broke out in laughter, "This is better! What's up Lu Xun? Are you practicing for the new Micker Mouse auditions?"

"Ha, ha, ha! Mickey Mouse auditions!" Lord Sun Ce giggled.

"oH sHuT uP…" I growled in a very squeaky voice, "I JuSt HaPpEnEd To InHaLe HeLiUm…"

"Why'd you inhale helium, Lu Xun? Do you want to fly away? You'd be a flying Mickey Mouse then!" Gan Ning joked.

"Why'd you inhale helium! What a joke!" Lord Sun Ce guffawed, slamming his fists on my side table.

"That's not the joke, Ce." Lord Sun Quan murmured.

"Anyway, we'll go get you a drink, Lu Xun so that you can wash down the foul taste of your helium snack." Gan Ning jeered, pulling a laughing Lord Sun Ce away, "We saw a vending machine downstairs."

Finally the dynamically insane duo left…

"Sorry, Lu Xun, I have to go." Lord Sun Quan suddenly said, "I didn't really find the bathroom. Your directions were…how do I say this? They were totally absurd."

Absurd? How harsh.

At least he was gone. I got my laptop out again.

I decided to spy on that twit, Liu Bei. Twit…that sounded wrong. A twit is actually a pregnant goldfish, but he is like one...

Anyway as the camera locked on everyone's favorite moron, I saw something terrible. So terrible that no man should be made to see it for the love of humanity! It was-

Guan Yu in a dress!

To save myself from being blind, I switched back to the broom closet. And why the hospital keeps cameras in the broom closet is beyond me.

"Okay, how about Guan Yu and Zhao Yun reenact a scene from Romeo and Juliet?" Liu Bei said.

"Alright, but these costumes are itchy. Besides, how did you get them my lord?" a very uncomfortable Zhao Yun in bizarre prince costume asked.

"This is a comedy Zhao Yun, so don't be a smartass with me by asking me that."

"Understood, my lord, but I must admit to you that I am not the best actor there is."

"Come on, Zhao Yun, you're nearly superhuman, I mean you can do anything!"

"But I'm a terrible actor…"

"Come on Zhao Yun! The kids will be entertained by this!"

Oh, believe me Liu Bei, those kids are already laughing at Guan Yu in dress.

"I don't know if I am up to the task, my lord."

"Yes you are Zhao Yun! Just keep thinking that you are not Zhao Yun anymore, you are Romeo. Remember, you're not Zhao Yun and Guan Yu is not Guan Yu. He is now Juliet. Try your best to keep this in mind, okay?"

"Yes, my lord. I am not Zhao Yun, I am Romeo and General Guan Yu is Juliet…"

Then they left the broom closet and they saw Guan Yu already standing there in a dress, batting his eyelashes. That image still haunts me.

"Good luck, Zhao Yun and remember what I said." Liu Bei murmured, pushing Zhao Yun forward. It seemed that the Shu general was in deep concentration for his eyes were closed and he was muttering something. But once Liu Bei shoved him his eyes opened immediately.

"Oh, merciful heavens!" Zhao Yun shrieked, "Juliet has a rather long beard!"

The kids giggled uncontrollably. Even Lady Sun Shang Xiang and Zhang Fei did.

"Zhao Yun, what are you doing?" Liu Bei demanded.

"I did just what you told me, my lord. I believed that I wasn't Zhao Yun and that he was Juliet. Well, Romeo would've been shocked too if his fair Juliet had a really long beard." Zhao Yun replied.

"I think you remembered too well…" Liu Bei sighed and then he stopped to see everyone else laughing. "Wait, Zhao Yun, on second thought, keep it up. I don't know why, but everyone else loves it!"

Zhao Yun nodded obediently and walked forward. "And now my beloved and fair Juliet has legs as hairy as a gorilla that has not shaved for a decade! Her beautiful and smooth face has become jagged like a rock!" Zhao Yun lamented, "Oh, cruel fate!"

Everyone looked happy as they were laughing like crazy. I have to admit, even I was. But Guan Yu looked vexed.

"Romeo, what nonsense are you speaking?" Guan Yu asked, trying to keep the act together.

"Speak no more, my beloved for your voice has changed from a sweet nightingale into that of a boar with laryngitis! The gods must be angered to do such a thing to you!"

"Hey, just wait a minute, Zhao Yun-"

"And your odor is like a toilet that has not been flushed for a month or the hairy arm pits of a fat, sweaty man. But wait, it is because you have the arm pits of one!" Zhao Yun wailed, pretending to cry, "Even your figure has gotten worse! You have become plump like a baleen whale"

"Alright, that's enough out of you, Romeo!" Guan Yu growled, pouncing on Zhao Yun like a deranged wolverine. He punched Zhao Yun's face, "And darling," Zhao Yun exclaimed still trying to act, "your gentleness has faded into absurd masculinity as you have muscles the size of Mt. Everest and the strength of 50 lummox!"

"What did you say?" Guan Yu snarled, "Do you want another punch, prince charming?"

Well, things got nasty as Zhao Yun kept insulting him. One might wonder why the children kept laughing.

Anyway, I then looked for another cross dresser, if you catch my drift even if it wasn't him who put the outfit on him. So anyway, I found Zhou Yu in his cute nurse outfit.

Heh, heh, heh…

He was looking for the creepy head nurse who had his clothes. But as he was walking, he heard dumb and dumber themselves who were at the vending machine.

He dove behind a wall.

"Man, I almost forgot!" Lord Sun Ce exclaimed, as Gan Ning handed him a bottle of water, "I was supposed to meet Zhou Yu here; I should've asked Lu Xun if he saw him!"

"Let's go ask the chipmunk if he saw him when we get back." Gan Ning suggested. Chipmunk, huh?

"Why, Gan Ning, can you talk to animals?"

"I was referring to Lu Xun."

"Oh!"

Then they turned and left.

I could see Zhou Yu sigh in relief. "I have to find that evil nurse…" he murmured to himself as he walked further down the hall. "I can't let any of the generals see me. I would be the laughingstock of Wu!"

Then just as he passed by this guy who was standing by the doorway, hell broke loose…

"Hey, there, cutie…" the guy said, placing his hand on Zhou Yu's shoulder.

"Excuse me?" Zhou Yu asked, turning around to face the guy.

"Why don't you hang out with me for awhile, nurse cutie?"

"I'm sorry, but-"

Suddenly, the guy pinched Zhou Yu's butt. And almost automatically Zhou Yu's leg went up, kicking the guy in the…erm… ding-dong…

The guy yelped in pain.

"Stay the hell away from me, you pervert!" Zhou Yu yelled, glaring angrily as the man held his sore part.

"How dare you!" the guy shouted, "I'll show you! Boys, get out here!"

Suddenly several bulking men surrounded Zhou Yu.

"Wonderful…" he muttered.

To be continued…