Disclaimer: Still not mine.

draco ceases to desist

issalee

Monday, December 2nd

Just Outside Of Slytherin Common Rooms

7:00 AM

Draco scowled faintly as he walked down the hall the next day. Christmas decorations were already being put up, and he had had a rather nasty incident earlier on that morning with a fifth-year who thought herself to be a clever thing, and had set up mistletoe and waited. Thankfully, Millicent Bulstrode was on hand, and Draco merely shoved the hulking Slytherin at the fifth year and left before anything happened that he'd regret seeing later.

He wasn't twenty feet down the hallway when someone called his name. Turning, he saw Blaise striding quickly towards him. "What?" He snapped.

Blaise shrugged, as he caught with Draco. "Nothing. Just wanted to know if you were going to exact your revenge on Professor Sprout for making you so hungry."

"Can't attack the professors," Draco mumbled as he scanned the hallway for first years to hex. "Must keep up the idea that I'm a well-respected member of the school who would never dare anything that could get him kicked out."

"Oh, but you screwed the image sideways in first year."

Draco snorted, but didn't say anything. Blaise smirked. When it came to getting Draco to lighten up, he knew exactly how. Carefully and quickly, so as to make it look like an accident, he dropped the slip of parchment he was holding in his hand on the ground. Draco rolled his eyes and bent to pick it up, but Blaise plastered a panicked look on his face and pushed his friend away.

"No, don't! I'll get it!" The dark-hared boy leaned forward to pick it up, but stopped as he felt a wand tip under his chin. Draco smiled thinly as he picked up the parchment, and let Blaise up.

"What's so important that you'd touch my person, Zabini?" Draco asked.

Blaise scowled darkly. "Give it here, Malfoy! I don't have time for these games. I need that back!" Draco waggled a finger in his face.

"Oh, but I'd dearly like to know what this is! A love note, perhaps? Or maybe even—dare I say it—the money to renew your subscription to Playwizard?"

Blaise blushed at that, and Draco smirked superiorly as he unfolded the parchment with a few deft movements of his fingers. He took his gaze away from Blaise long enough to glance it over, and then his expression changed to that of surprise.

"What're these? They look like directions!"

Blaise's blush deepened. "Er…well…mate, you know about all those girls that—er…want me to come and visit them, right? Well…they gave me the directions to their common rooms, and I wrote them all down, and now I need it back because I'm seeing Annalise—the Hufflepuff—later on tonight!" He pleaded.

One golden eyebrow quirked up. "You bedded a Hufflepuff? Shame, Zabini, eternal damnation and utter shame upon you and your household."

"Thanks, Draco, thanks a lot," Blaise replied bitterly. "Can I just have the crap parchment back now?" Unfortunately for him, Draco was grinning rather wickedly.

"Blaise, here in my hands—"

"Hand."

Draco ignored him. "I hold the key to one successful morning. This parchment has on it the locations of the entrances of every common room in the school—"

"Not Slytherin."

Draco glared at him this time, but continued nonetheless. "Ok, then, almost every common room in the school. The point is, they also have the passwords, and I think I can cause extensive damage with this."

"No way." Blaise said, holding up his hands. He started walking down the hallway. "You can keep it, then! I'm going to breakfast."

"Blaise, come on," Draco tried to sway him as he caught up. "I know you want to do this. Shagging can't keep you satisfied for long. We need to play some pranks!"

"No, you do." Blaise's face fell a little. "You get free reign, now, at least for a month. If I get kicked out of school, that's it. I'll play pranks, but this is a major thing."

"You're absolutely no fun."

"Yeah, I guess so." The dark-haired boy looked thoughtful. "D'you think I should get a Mindstreamer and an arch nemesis? Maybe it'll work out better for me that way. Or—seeing as you can't stand him—I'll just take Potter! Yeah, and maybe afterwards, I'll shag him silly…"

Draco looked askance, not because of the shagging comment (please; it was impossible not to be friends with the eccentric Blaise Zabini and not know he was bisexual as a—er—fig leaf) but because it was Harry Potter they were talking about.

"Are you serious? Tell me you're joking!"

"Oh, but Draco, can't you see it!" Blaise closed his eyes, faking ecstasy. "Potter's head tipped back while he screams your name—'Oh, Draco! Oh, Draco!'—and his dark eyelashes fluttering wildly while he eventually just let out this long, husky moan and then him panting 'I love you' over and over again when you both are done and—"

"Enough!" Draco cried, and pushed Blaise forward. They had managed to walk all the way to the Great Hall, and as Blaise stumbled into the large room, he quickly righted himself and turned just as Draco tore off down the hallway.

Blaise let himself use the Malfoy Smirk©, just for once. He'd earned it, what with him being a wonderful actor and all.

Oh, and also the added bonus of seeing that blush on his best friend's face. Draco Malfoy, when thoroughly aroused, was quite a cute specimen.

Northern Castle

Basement Level Corridors

7:37 AM

Draco cursed Blaise for the nth time as he stumbled across the large courtyard, and into the north side of the school. This was the much less commonly known wing of the school, which the Hufflepuffs seemed to frequent. Draco snorted in disbelief as he stalked past classrooms he hadn't seen since First Year, where teachers took lesser or better students into their classes. He'd taken Advanced Potions in one room for three years straight, until it became the norm for seventh-years.

And then, just when he was started to wonder if he had read the directions wrong (which was certainly possible, when you looked at Blaise's mess of handwriting) he stopped short of a large tapestry depicting the wildlife at Hogwarts before the castle had been built.

Draco went up to the tapestry, and carefully, gently kneaded at the dirt as though he were getting ready to dig. As he did so, he whispered the current password. "Flosculus."

He stepped back in barely hidden surprise as the dirt rumbled for a moment, and then rolled back upon itself as though it were being wrenched apart in a giant earthquake. The rolling stopped only when both sides of the tapestry were split, and a medium-sized chasm was left, extending all the way to the ground. Draco didn't hesitate before ducking his head under and swinging his legs in.

Sadly for Draco, he realized too late that it was not a passageway, but a slide. He barely had enough time to let out a short yell of surprise before he was flipping head over heels. Although the slide was short, it felt like an eternity to him as he tumbled into the Hufflepuff common room.

The first thing he noticed was the abundance of soft, cream colored tones and the crackling fire. Everything else was basically just some sort of crystal recreated to look like polished soil, and he gazed around with a sort of repressed admiration for it all.

A sudden fiendish smile broke out on his face as he rubbed his hands. All the Hufflepuffs should be at breakfast…even the ones with a free period would be locked up in their rooms, getting some extra sleep. The things he could do…

Just Outside Of Hufflepuff Common Rooms

7:54 AM

Draco clambered out of the chasm, gasping for breath. He was sure beyond sure that there was a better way out, but he didn't have the time to think of it. Classes started in another six minutes, and he was still racing for the Ravenclaw common room. He hesitated for a moment, though, and glared spitefully at the chasm.

"Commuto Signum," he murmured, pointing his wand at it. The chasm shimmered for a moment, and then a nearly translucent veil covered it. Draco thought for a moment, before smiling wickedly. "Sprout Sucks Pinguis."

The veil shimmered again and then vanished, with the chasm closing just behind it. Smiling, Draco twirled his wand for a moment, and then dashed off in the opposite direction.

High Eastern Tower (#2)

Seventh Floor

8:03 AM

Draco slid into a small wall alcove just as a small group of students dashed down the hallway. He thanked the Gods he had a free period, and than, peering out to make sure no one was there, he sprinted down the rest of the corridor.

At the end of the hall, in plain view of anyone who dared try to come up all seven flights, there was a brilliant door made entirely of sapphires and various mechanisms pulling and pushing all at the same time. Draco stood for a moment, transfixed, before he snapped out of it and walked to the front of the door.

He glanced down at the instructions again, and then sighed. "Sophia Et Pallas." A clicking noise startled him, and it was followed quickly by a low humming. Draco scanned the door until he found what he was looking for—a small section of sapphire, cut away from the door to make a sort of block. Draco pressed down on it, repeated the password again, and in the same instant drew his wand and completed an un-locking charm upon the door.

He was instantly gratified when the door swung open on its hinges. The blonde Slytherin peeked around it slowly, and almost gasped.

The Ravenclaw common room had a dark blue carpet, and light blue walls and shades. In the middle of it all was a large fountain that spewed—remarkably—blue water, and around that were several navy blue armchairs and some mahogany tables set up between them.

"Son of a—the Ravenclaws are holding out on us!" Draco breathed. He felt a slight twitch of anger for Blaise, who had been here many times, but had not told him. Draco made a silent resolution to fix up the Slytherin common room, and also to punch Blaise in the face. He didn't want to risk going in; the Ravenclaws were definitely smart kids, so he just stepped back and waved his wand in a semi-circle.

"Amissio Lector!" The door's frame glittered with a dull pink before fading away. Draco rubbed at his hands gleefully before glancing back at his magicked watch. He wanted to make it to the Gryffindor common room quickly, so that he could have time for breakfast also.

Draco took the parchment from his pocket, and read over the last thing on the list. He rolled his eyes; another tower? Did these Gryffs copy everything? Had they no shame?

He decided he really hated stupid castles and their towers, and set off again.

Fat Lady's Portrait

Seventh Floor

8:27 AM

"Look!" Draco shouted. "I know the password! It's virtus! Now why can't you let me in?" The Fat Lady looked huffily down at him.

"Darling, I can't even be sure you're a Gryffindor! I've never seen you before, and you have a seventh year's badge on you. Let me see your House badge, and then I'll let you in."

Scowling even as he charmed his robes to show off Gryffindor colors, Draco showed her. "There. Now can I go in?"

The Fat Lady still looked doubtful, but she ended up rolling her eyes as she swung outwards. "Children these days are so rude!"

Draco ignored her as he clambered into the portrait hole, and gazed around at the rather—for lack of a better word—common common room. Snorting lightly, the Slytherin crossed it and looked around. There was a hall branching off, and one leading to a set of stairs. Which one would he take…?

I can't take any more stairs, he mused, and strode off down the hallway. Feeling slightly like a spy, he kept to the shadows. He was so intent on his keeping silent that he nearly missed the creaking of a door opening. When three boys Draco knew only too well spilled out of the room, the best he could do was flatten himself into the wall and hope no one noticed him.

"I can't believe that!" Seamus Finnegan said, laughing. "Are you sure?"

"Yeah," Harry replied. "Susan Bones said that she was trying to get in before breakfast, and then it wouldn't open. She started crying—along with all the other Hufflepuffs in the school."

"Guys too?" Ron asked, looking perturbed.

"Guys too," Harry confirmed. "She came into the Great Hall after you two left, and started telling Sprout. A bunch of other Hufflepuffs at their table started off too. I feel kind of sorry for them."

It was obvious Seamus and Ron did not share his sentiments, as they were leaning against each other in an attempt not to fall over as they laughed. Draco had a muscle spasm himself, with the image of the usually respectable Susan Bones falling over herself as she tried to get into her common room.

Harry, however, looked untouchable as ever. "McGonagall's trying to come up with what the new password is. Whoever did it though—I salute them. It must have taken them ages to plan that."

Oh, yeah, all of thirty seconds, Draco thought sarcastically. But he couldn't help but feel a slight swell of pride as he heard Harry Potter congratulate him. If only he knew…

"Harry! Ron! Where are you two?"

"Sounds like Hermione's checking to make sure you two didn't do it," Seamus snickered. Ron looked a tad miserable as the trio made their way into the common room. Draco waited twenty seconds and a heartbeat before he followed, still keeping to the walls.

He got there just as Ron and Harry finished giving her their alibis. She didn't look satisfied, though. "Whoever's doing it has gotten to the Ravenclaw common room too! Luna was going through it to get something—"

"Probably some weird sort of pet," Seamus whispered. Ron had to work quite hard not to laugh outright.

"—And when she came back out, she went straight to Divination. Trelawney asked her to read something, and Luna was suddenly illiterate. Nearly half of the Ravenclaws had already been going to their common room to try and find out what had happened to the Hufflepuff's anyhow, but now they simply swarmed there."

"What happened?" Harry asked, as he was probably the only one still breathing properly. His eyes were twinkling good-naturedly, however, and it looked like he was actually using all of his control to stop his lips twitching.

"We have one whole house who can't read." Hermione finished, pursing her lips angrily as Seamus and Ron collapsed into laughter. "Oh, forget you two! We have to go to class now, or else they'll think we did it!"

"But we have a free period!" Ron moaned.

"Which we can spend in the library," The witch snapped irately. "Come on, hurry up. You've already left your knapsacks on the chairs, let's go!"

Draco waited until the boys had skulked out after Hermione before slipping away from his hiding place. He smiled as he climbed out of the portrait hole, thinking of the Hufflepuffs and Ravenclaws.

"Mustn't forget to leave the Gryffindors a parting present!" He chirped, as the Fat Lady swung closed. She didn't even have time to see who her attacker was before she saw stars. When they cleared, no one was there.

The Fat Lady harrumphed as she glanced around again, and then she settled down, waiting for someone to pass by so she could nit-pick their lives again. She was not to be disappointed. A gaggle of girls all headed for the entrance, all looking quite pleased with themselves. The Fat Lady opened her mouth to ask for the password, but what came out was not what she intended to.

"And why are you all so happy? You still look like some miserable piles of hippogriff feces that's been trampled over and over again, eaten by a chimera and then wedded to Argus Filch!"

The girls looked at her in shock, and several burst into tears. Theodore Nott and Blaise Zabini, who were passing by, did simultaneous double takes as they saw the crowd. The Fat Lady looked over the heads of the sobbing girls and leered at them.

"What's so interesting? Oh, wait, I forgot—with the amount of action you two get in your lives, this is the most interesting thing you'll ever see!"

"What?" Blaise cried, scandalized. "I'll have you know I'm a Slytherin Sex God!"

"Yeah? In what universe is this?"

"At least I'm not some old hag who eats her sorrows away!"

"I'll have you know I only did that once!" The painting roared.

"But you did it!" Blaise yelled back.

"Pompous brat!"

"Arrogant elder!"

"Skinny as a stick!"

"Yeah? You're so fat—I bet if you fell in the lake you'd make the Giant Squid die of dehydration! All the water would overflow!"

"You're so skinny if you turned sideways you'd be reported missing!" The Fat Lady glared irately for a moment before crossing her arms. "This is over! Get out my sight, Twiggy!"

Blaise glowered back, and stood his ground. "It ain't over till the Fat Lady sings, and I've heard you haven't learned yet."

The girls by now had stopped crying, and were gathered anxiously around the portrait and Blaise. One of them had rushed off to find others. Theodore looked around anxiously, and tapped Blaise on his shoulder.

"Er…we could get in trouble for this, you know?"

Blaise made a face. "She started it." And then louder, "So finish it!"

And so began the start of nearly thirty wasted minutes of their lives.

Hogwarts Kitchens

8:45 AM

Draco leaned against a wall, stifling a smile as he watched the timid house-elf who had been ordered to serve him come forward. It was a light purple in color, with vividly violet eyes.

"W—w—w—w—w—what will Master Malfoy be wanting?" It squeaked. "Elsie want to serve him good!"

Draco mock-frowned as he thought for a moment. "How about—house-elf toes?" He laughed, then, as Elsie gaped openly at him. "I'm joking. A sandwich would be nice. Surprise me on the kind."

Elsie, looking relieved, bowed and vanished in the same instant. Draco rolled his eyes and busied himself instead with writing out more restrictions.

I am not allowed to change the password to the Hufflepuff common room and laugh when they cry because they can't get in.

I am not allowed to spell the entrance to the Ravenclaw common room to make everyone who goes through it forget how to read.

I am not allowed to hex the Gryffindor portrait to insult anyone who passes by it.

I am not allowed to know the entrances to any house dormitories but my own.

"Is Master needing anything else?"

Draco peered over the top of his list, ready to start huffing irritably before he realized it was just Elsie with the sandwich. He realized that he had a sudden headache and things were a little blurry before righting themselves.

"Er, thanks," he said quickly, upon realizing Elsie was still there and staring at him curiously. "Do you have anything I can—oh." Elsie had already produced a tray with a cup of pumpkin juice, and Draco balanced the whole thing on his knee. "Thanks."

"Elsie is delighted to serve Master Malfoy, sir! Elsie's own father used to serve under the Malfoys!"

"Weawy?" Draco said around the sandwich.

"Yes!" Elsie nodded again, obviously happy that he seemed interested. She looked around, as though making sure no one was listening before turning back. "Elsie's father says he didn't like Master Malfoy's father very much, but he says Master Malfoy was just fine."

"'Ankh Oo." Draco swallowed, and smiled at her sheepishly. "I mean, thank you. Who's your dad, by the way?"

"Dobby."

Draco jumped, nearly dropping the tray but catching it in time. He pushed it towards Elsie, who had been looking over his shoulder with awe but she caught it quickly just as he stood up and turned, eyes already coloring with anger.

"Potter," he spat automatically. "What did you say?"

Harry was looking at him with his head cocked to the side, eyebrow raised in an obvious imitation of him. Draco growled inwardly.

"Are you deaf, Malfoy? I said, her father's name is Dobby." Harry coughed. "Er…Elsie…you can stop now."

Draco turned back, and nearly burst out laughing. The house-elf was attempting to bow to the most honorable Harry Potter, and balance Draco's tray at the same time. She ended up with the tray balanced on the back of her head as she bowed, and her face was getting dangerously low to the ground. Draco rolled his eyes and marched over, removing the tray. The house-elf's head immediately sprang up and she fell over backwards. Sighing, Draco lifted her by the back of the awkward mixture of tea-cozy and collared shirt that she wore, setting her back on her feet. When he turned back, Harry was staring at him as though he'd sprouted another ear.

"What?" Draco ground out irritably.

"Nothing," Harry said, although Draco was sure whatever Harry was thinking had nothing to do with—well, nothing. He opened his mouth to say something, but then the door to the kitchens swung open.

"Harry!" Seamus all but fell into the portrait, panting like the devilish fiend he was. "Harry, the Fat Lady's gone mad! Blaise Zabini's stuck yelling at her! Hey, is that Malfoy? Harry—where's my tuna sandwich?"

But he found himself speaking to empty air, as both boys were gone. Seamus kicked at the ground irritably.

"They could've stayed till I was done eating…"

9:00 AM

Outside of Gryffindor Common Room

By the time Draco and Harry arrived, a huge crowd had gathered. Second classes of the day had started, and students should have been there. 7th year Slytherins and Gryffindors who were taking Advanced Potions, in fact, were supposed to be with Snape right now. Unfortunately none of them were; Blaise and the Fat Lady had seen to that.

Draco pulled his friend away and glared at him. Blaise was purple in the face, and was breathing heavily. "Are you out of your mind? What happened to staying clean until school's over?" he hissed.

"She started it!" Blaise protested, as soon as he recognized who it was. "She said that I wasn't a Sex God!" After which he promptly fell into Draco's arms, half-sobbing. Draco glanced behind him to Harry, who looked as though he was trying to decide whether to laugh or force-feed Blaise Prozac.

"It's a touchy point with him," he explained.

"EVERYTHING IS A TOUCHY POINT WITH HIM!" The Fat Lady screeched, and Draco dropped Blaise. The black-haired boy hit the other Slytherin's foot, and as Draco drew his foot up and scowled at his friend, he lost his balance and fell over backwards.

"Watch for the—!" somebody screamed, but it was too late.

Even the Fat Lady stopped screaming to watch in undisguised horror as Draco knocked into Harry, and the two fell straight towards the stairs.

At that moment, one very livid Hermione Granger turned up. She had been sent up by Snape to find out where exactly all her classmates had gotten to, but as she reached the portrait, she froze. Hermione watched as her best friend fell, knocking his head once already against the topmost stair before flipping over, and then took immediate action.

"Adhaeresco!"

A bright blue light shot from her wand, and someone screamed in terror.

Me likey the poom-poom - er, I mean, the drama. And SPOT CONLAN, YOU ROCK MY WORLD. Cuz you look like Draco Malfoy from the 1800's...er, that is all. TA!

Thank you and luff to: Midnight Rose, Elektra 107, Phantomandwampirelover, and Jamaloo (Hey, thanks for reviewing nearly all of my fics! BTW, about what you said about my one-shot, Object of His Affections - oh, yes, I do know I'm good. JK! See, so modest too...!)