Chapter 11: Willpower
They descended the stairs from their bedroom and walked toward the log cabin's tall, heavy, double-entry front doors. He grabbed his cap off of the coat stand and she grabbed her earmuffs. After setting the house alarm, they walked outside and proceeded down the front steps. Old habits were hard to break. They were in the middle of nowhere, but he still felt compelled to alarm the house.
"Okay, now where are we going?" she asked adjusting her earmuffs and repositioning her ponytail.
He didn't answer. He looked at her, smiled and held his right hand out. She slowly clasped his hand, smiled back at him, and they began to walk down the path. They walked slowly and in silence, enjoying the serenity, for nearly a quarter of a mile before he took a deep breath and exhaled.
"You remember asking me about Chronos this morning?"
"Of course. You've been yelling it in your sleep for the past couple of weeks".
"Yeah" he said softly, looking down at the path. Where do I start? How do I tell her?
They took a few more steps and then she stopped walking. "Tell me what's wrong John. I know something is bothering you".
"Let's walk down to the lake" he said squeezing her hand, but ignoring her request.
They continued walking in silence for nearly half a mile. The noise of their footsteps over dead leaves soon became the only sound within the forest canopy. Upon arriving at the shore of the lake, he stopped walking, inhaled and turned to face her.
"Shayera. Do you….do you remember that day?" he asked.
"What day?"
He drew her closer to him and held both her hands. "That day" he said, frowning.
Her eyes widened and then she looked down. "Yes" she said softly. "How could I forget" she continued, looking back up at him. I've never been more afraid before or since. You scared me John; scared all of us. We were scared by the thing that you had become.
It was nearly two years ago and she had tried to warn them. Something was wrong with John; something fundamentally wrong.
"This is a mistake. Don't let John go, especially right now" she pleaded with Bruce, Diana, Clark and Wally. J'onn had excused himself earlier from the meeting of the League's founders, and returned to mission control.
"We don't have much choice. The Watchtower isn't a prison" Bruce retorted.
"I think given the circumstances, John probably needs a leave of absence" Clark said in Shayera's direction.
"Death's a hard thing Shayera, even for a tough nut like John" Wally added.
"You don't get it". None of you do. "John is a soldier. Not just any soldier, but a Marine. Semper Fi, and all that? He is driven by an extreme sense of duty and right now he is suffering from immense guilt" she said, her voice slowly rising. "He feels responsible for Katma's death. If you let him go on a leave of absence you are only going to make it worse. He shouldn't be alone right now" her voice lowering. I should know.
"You're preaching to the choir Shayera" Clark stated.
"Am I! Let's see a quick show of hands of those in this room that have buried a spouse!" she stated angrily, holding up her left hand with Carter's wedding band next to hers.
Superman closed his eyes and looked down. She had shamed him, but it was not her intention. I'm sorry Clark. You didn't deserve that. She was merely asking for help because she was desperate, she was panicked and she was right.
"So what do you suggest we do? Tie him down? Confine him to quarters? John is a grown man Shayera" Diana said walking over to her. "He has a right to get through this in the manner he feels best. I hurt for John, we all do, but it is not our place to tell him how to handle his grief. He is a strong and honorable man. He will find his way" Diana said reassuringly, placing her left hand on Shayera's right shoulder.
If only I could believe you princess. "You're right Diana, John is strong and that's what has me worried". She stepped away from Diana, turned her back, looked down, and reopened old wounds. "When I was…on my 'mission'" she began, "My primary assignment was to create a profile on each of you. I studied all of your strengths, weaknesses and fighting techniques so that I…we could exploit them" she finished, softly.
"What's your point Shayera?" Diana asked coldly, frowning.
Shayera turned around to face them. "The point is…John has no weakness other than himself. When he wears the ring, John is more powerful than all of us and I do mean 'all of us'. Even you Clark" she said walking over to his seated position. The Man of Steel frowned and crossed his arms. "The problem, or rather the blessing, is that John doesn't know how powerful he really is".
"How is it that we've never seen this?" Bruce asked.
"John's strength of character, his moral compass, is like a governor on an engine, it limits his power" she answered. She pulled out a chair and sat next to the last son of Krypton. "Katma used to tell John that 'the mind is the weapon, not the metal'. Don't you see? The power of the ring is driven by the will of its bearer".
"Okay, Gandolf" Wally said, in an effort to lighten the mood. "What are you trying to say?"
"What I'm saying is that John's power is directly tied to his mental state and eventually, the pain and guilt from Katma's death is going to find an outlet" she stated ominously. "What do you think is going to happen when he finds out it was Star Sapphire that killed Katma?"
There was a silence. Only J'onn and Bruce knew the true extent of John's loss. He had confided in them and them alone that Katma was pregnant when she was killed. Losing two people at one time was something both J'onn and Bruce could relate to.
The Dark Knight broke the silence. "The person that has lost everything is the most dangerous" Bruce said, frowning from behind his cowl. "Nothing to hold them back".
"Exactly". Shayera confirmed. "John has always held back in combat because he was strong, but lately…I don't know. Now he is vulnerable…now he is weak".
"Well someone forgot to tell that to the bad guys because John doesn't look very weak to me" Wally stated folding his arms. "He's been like a one-man army lately".
"That's the problem Wally. On the surface, it might appear that John's new ring skills are a strength, but in reality it's an indication of his weakness". Shayera explained. "Haven't you all noticed how John's combat tactics have changed? He's become vicious, cold…distant". She hadn't wanted to reveal the hurt of her recent lack of personal closeness to him, but it came out anyway.
"I still don't get what the problem is. If this is John at his weakest then he needs to be that way all the time because he's been kickin' villain ass" Wally said.
"I hate to say it, but I agree with Wally" Diana stated. "Everything except the 'ass' part".
"Thanks, I think" Wally replied.
"Look, we are constantly fighting enemies that won't hesitate to kill us if they have the chance" the Amazonian warrior remarked. "I say let John hit them, and let him hit them hard".
"Ya gotta admit Shayera, GL has been pretty effective lately" Wally broke in.
Shayera sighed. "You all still don't get it. What you call effective, I call brutal", she said exasperated. "That's not who John is". That's not the man I love. There was a brief pause in the debate and then The Man of Tomorrow spoke.
"Only the weak succumb to brutality" the defender of truth, justice and the American way, softly and solemnly stated. His words, although profound, seemed even more so because unlike many in the room, he was the epitome, the very symbol of strength.
How often had he wanted to let loose, but then held himself back? Shayera wondered.
"So what do we do now?" he asked. Shayera looked at Clark, clasped his hand, squeezed it and smiled. Thank you. He smiled back.
"Do you want me to talk to him?" Bruce asked.
She knew that John respected Bruce because he, much like John, was born without special powers. He, of all the founding league members, did not walk as a God among men. He was a man, strong, and strong willed like John. If anyone could reach him, it would be Bruce. If he is still reachable. "Yes" came her reply.
The words came too late. J'onn's image suddenly appeared on the conference room's main monitor. "This is a Gamma level alert!" the Martian Manhunter stated.
"What's happening J'onn?" Superman asked.
"It's John. He's found her…he's found Star Sapphire".
All those that had been sitting down, stood up immediately. In that instant, Shayera realized that they had ceased being Wally, Diana, Bruce and Clark. They were now Flash, Wonder Woman, Batman and Superman.
"What's the situation?" Batman asked.
"See for yourself" the Martian Manhunter grimly replied before broadcasting the live images.
They stared at the large video monitor in disbelief.
"Great Hera!" Wonder Woman exclaimed.
Superman stared at the screen, his eyes widened and then he became a blur. Faster than a speeding bullet, he was at the Watchtower's transporter center.
"Are those what I think they are?" Flash said gulping.
"Oh, John. No" Shayera said softly, putting a hand up to her mouth.
Batman walked closer to the monitor and frowned. "Limbs".