Chapter 16: Recovery
She stood over the sleeping body of her former lover, drew in a deep breath and exhaled. The danger to his nervous system had passed and his other vital signs and breathing were now normal. However, in the quietness of his room in the infirmary, the emotion of the day finally caught up to her; she broke down. Silently weeping, she sat down on the edge of his bed.
"Oh John. What are we doing?" she said aloud, but softly. She picked up his right hand and held it. "Here we are again. Me watching over you while you lay here recovering from yet another battle. I can't keep doing this. Not with things the way they are". She stroked his hand and continued, "I'm tired John; mentally and physically tired. We've been through so much". She closed her eyes and exhaled, "I lost Carter…you lost Katma. Ever since their deaths we've been dodging each other. Pretending that the feelings we have aren't there. Why? What's wrong with us? Is it the grief, the guilt, the shame?"
Her soliloquy was interrupted as the diagnostic monitors sprung to life indicating that he would soon be awake. For some reason she didn't want to be there when he came to. She didn't know why she felt that way, she just did. She put his hand down, stood up, and began walking toward the door. She was just about to reach for the doorknob when an awake John Stewart called out.
"Hey" he said, still groggy. She didn't respond. "Shayera?" Again, she remained silent. He frowned. "I can't see you, but I know you're here".
Removing Grodd and Sinestro from his psyche had left him temporarily blind, but J'onn had assured her, and a then conscious John Stewart, that his eyesight would return within a few hours.
"Shayera?" he said again, slowly sitting up.
Her back was to him as she remained silent. The air coming through the filtration system vents were the only sounds breaking the room's silence.
"Look, I'm not Ray Charles so I can't hear you breathing from across the room or anything, but I can still smell you". He crossed his arms and continued, "My nose works just fine. Besides, no one smells like you do. No one". He closed his eyes, deeply inhaled and a smile came across his face. "You shampooed your hair today and you're still using that same moisturizer". He laughed and then the smile slowly went away. "Shayera, talk to me…please".
She still did not speak, but slowly turned and began to walk back towards his bed as fresh tears began to form.
He could hear her approaching footsteps. "There you are" he said smiling.
"How are you feeling?" she asked sitting down once again on the side of his bed.
"Terrible".
"You look terrible too" she said smiling and sniffling a bit.
"Thanks, you really know how to kick a guy".
"Ya know, that's two you owe me junior" Shayera said holding up two fingers.
"Okay, Han" he replied, laughing a little and then coughing. He closed his eyes and then slowly lay back down. Had his eyes been open he would have been staring at the ceiling.
"John? What's wrong?" she asked, concerned.
"You mean besides being temporarily blind, yet trying to understand these awful images I keep seeing?" he replied. He coughed again and then frowned. "What happened to me, Shy?" he asked with some anxiety in his voice.
"Shy?"
"Oh. I'm sorry. 'Shayera'" he restated.
"No. I like it. I like 'Shy'" she said smiling. It was the most comfortable and casual thing she had heard him say to her in a long time. He smiled back. "Okay, you want the long version or the short version?" she asked.
"Well, I'm not going anywhere so give me the long version". He began to cough again and then winced in pain.
"Hmm, how about I give you the short version? You still need your rest John".
"Yeah, that might be best. The back of my head is killing me" he said putting his hand behind his head. "You wouldn't know anything about that would you?" he said raising an eyebrow.
"Yeah, about that. Sorry John, but it was the only way" she said sheepishly, rubbing her left triceps with her right hand.
"I knew it! You sucker punched me again!" he said in mock anger and laughing a little. "So really, that's two I owe you". She laughed. He couldn't see her, but he remembered how her face would wrinkle at the corners of her mouth when she laughed. He loved it. He loved her too, but couldn't act on those feelings he would tell himself.
"Really, it was for your own good" she said defensively, holding her arms out with her palms facing upward.
"Now where have I heard that before?" he said, laughing. "Seems like I'm always ending up on the wrong end of your mace".
"Please John! I feel bad enough as it is" she said exasperated, but laughing a little. He continued to laugh, but then began violently coughing. She immediately stopped laughing and clasped his hand. "John?"
"I'm…I'm okay" he said slowly exhaling. "C'mon, finish telling me what happened".
"Okay, but afterwards I want you to get some rest. Okay?"
"Okay…Shayera?"
"Yeah?"
"I'm glad you're here with me".
She smiled. "Me too".