-poking a battered looking choir folder with a stick warily-

Itachi: What are you doing?

-glomp- TACHI-KUN! Goody! You can do the disclaimer while I explain this new and random piece of crap done by the self proclaimed Queen of One-Shots!

Itachi: Fine. IS, aka the Queen of One-Shots, doesn't own Naruto or the madrigal opera song, Speak Up. Happy?

Thanks Tachi-kun! OK peoples, this little piece came from my choir folder plot bunny, a cross between my song-fic and random plot bunny. Little bugger got me on the hand when I went to grab Speak Up from my folder and wouldn't let go, so this is the result. Beware OOCness, gayness, weirdness and singing. Don't forget the singing.

Itachi looked up at the sound of a song beginning. 'Huh…? How did I get here? And when the hell did everyone start singing? Last thing I remember is drinking my chocolate milk with dinner like every good little boy should when foiled in his plot to wipe out everyone but his younger brother.'

"Young man! It has come to our attention that you have been behaving badly, badly, badly!" sang Sasuke, and their parents.

'The hell? What was in that chocolate milk anyway?'

Regardless of the looks that he was giving his immediate family, they continued on, "I your father

I your mother,

I your brother,

We, your family, insist on an explanation! What do you have to say for yourself? Speak up! Speak up! Speak up!"

Itachi opened his mouth to answer them, all the while wondering, 'Is this about the attempted homicide…? Ehehehehe, I wouldn't have tried if I had known I would've failed to kill you annoying lot!'

Before he could voice any of these thoughts, Sasuke and his mother overrode him with a "But, first a word from your father;"

His father stepped forward and got that pompous look in his eyes. "When I was a boy,"

Itachi's eye twitched as his father followed this well worn verbal path and he mentally groaned.

"We had none of the advantages that you have, that you have, that you have today!"

Sasuke and mama Uchiha echoed him with a "That you have, that you have, that you

have today!"

'Ok….this is new…' Itachi sat back to ponder this new information and sadly, avertedly heard his father go on. "We knew what it was to slave to earn a dollar, we slaved, we slaved, we slaved to earn a dollar.

Once again came the echo, "He slaved, he slaved, he slaved to earn a dollar."

"Many's the time we walked miles through the snow, through the snow, through the snow to a one room school house."

'Yeah right, the Acadamy was a one room school house when it first opened. He's not that old.'

"Through the snow, through the snow to a one room school house."

"Happy to have the opportunity to receive an education.

So happy!

So happy!

So happy happy happy happy happy!

What do you have to say for yourself? Speak up! Speak up! Speak up!"

Once more, Itachi opened his mouth the "speak up" as ordered. Hell, he knew the whole school routine was B.S.

"But first a word from your mother.

"After all I've done for you, is this the way that you pay me back? After all I've done, after all I've done, is this your thanks?"

Itachi's eye's widened and he started to frantically look for a way out as his mother launched into her classic Guilt Trip no Jutsu, version number 16, aka, the self-pity version.

The echo came from papa Uchiha and Sasuke this time, "After all she's done, after all she's done, is this your thanks?"

'His mother had always been the nice one…helping him make his bed, bandaging up all those nasty scrapes he acquired as an ABNU captain, drugging his nightly chocolate milk…Wait! She was the enemy! But is was so hard not to feel guilty.' Desperately, Itachi looked for a way to escape or even move more than the bare minimum. Alas, he was doomed to listen to his families bitching for a long while. Oblivious to all this, his mother continued,

"MY parents never did for me what I've done for you. Never did for me, never did for me, what I've done for you."

Knowing his grandparents, Itachi could believe it.

Once again, "Never did for her, never did for her, what she's done for you."

'That's the problem with Guilt-Trip no Jutsu,' Itachi mused unhappily, 'most of it's true. Or, at least, partially so.'

"I really don't know what in the world I can do with you! What in the world, what in the world, can I do with you?" Her eyes bore into his with an uncomfortable look, one designed for the jutsu specifically. Itachi squirmed as much as he could under her gaze.

"What in the world, what in the world, can she do with you?" The echo was weaker as the two males on either side of the pitiful looking female caught the edges of her look.

"You will be the death of me! You will be the death of me! Oh, what shall I do with you? What shall I do with you? What shall I

What shall she do, do with you?"

Itachi blushed and hid his face as much as possible as his mother lamented being killed slowly by her eldest son. And no by any forms of ninjustsu, taijutsu or genjustsu either.

"What do you have to say for yourself? Speak up, speak up, speakup!" Again, Itachi opened his mouth to speak up and was cut off, this time by a "but, first, a word from your brother."

Sasuke stepped forward and Itachi swore his brother had a slightly sadistical smile as he began in a high tenor, "Why must you always look like such," to Itachi's horror, Sasuke had the beginnings of tears in his eyes, "a slob? Must you always look like that? Oh, have you no shame?"

Itachi was gratified that his parents looked slightly bored at the whole shallow turn the scolding was taking place at. He wondered vaguely if they'd figured out that both their sons were gay or if Sasuke was ever coming out of the closet. He sure as hell wasn't. Looking down, he wondered what was wrong with the uniform he'd gotten from Akatsuki. It was rather cute, if he did say so himself.

"Must you always look like that? Oh, have you no shame?"

Sasuke continued, "Sometimes I'm ashamed, to be your brother. I'm ashamed, oh, so ashamed to, be you brother!"

In a listless tone, his parents backed up Sasuke, "He's ashamed, oh, so ashamed to, be your brother!"

"The boys I know never act like you do. They are perfect, they are perfect, they are perfect gentlemen!"

Mentally snickering, Itachi crossed out the 'know' and added in its place 'screwed'. Like that Neji boy. Or Naruto. Or Kiba or Shikamaru or any other guy around here that wasn't tied down. 'Kami-sama, I swear this village is a village of gay men that are good lays. Well, Iruka-sensei was and Kakashi gives excellent head….' He mentally drooled at the memories of those nights. 'And there are SO many others….'

Uncaring of Itachi's lecherous thoughts, his parents said with some pride in their younger son's friends, "They are perfect, they are perfect, they are perfect gentlemen!"

Sasuke's sadistic smile grew bigger and he began, "And, I've been meaning to speak you about your friends. I'd never been seen with them!"

In unison, for his parents were less than fond of Kisame and Akatsuki "Oh, what a bunch! What do you have to say for yourself? Speak up! Speak up! Speak up!"

As Itachi –somewhat bemused, mostly annoyed- they all began to whine at the same time about his undesirable qualities. This went on for about a minute and finally they all shut up and looked at him. After, of course, telling him multiple times to "Speak up!"

Looking at them, he sang, "What you say may be true," all the while thinking, 'Like hell bastards! None of it's true!' "For at this game of life I am still new. Now, may I say just one word?"

"Speak!" was roared at him. That was the only word for it.

"Help!" He cried.

munching on Thin Mints and playing Wicked- Ahh, good times. Sasuke and Itachi were a bit OOC, ne? Hehe, sorry boys?

Sasuke and Itachi: -Uchiha death glare-

Will it make you feel better to hand out little chibi Tachi-kun plushies with a glass of non-drugged chocolate milk to the lovely reviewers who I love to death? (HINTHINT!)