Chapter 19: Absolution
It was a secret that he had kept for nearly five years. It was a secret that had gestated the exact length of time as hers. The irony of the situation did not escape him. His secret was as shocking, if not more so than hers, but for differing reasons. Her secret involved a spy mission, designed to protect the Earth from their mortal enemy or so she had been led to believe. His secret involved a future that was yet to be. It was a future that contained the physical manifestation of their love; a child.
He had seen their future son and wanted to scream it from the highest mountain tops, but couldn't. Had he and Shayera been together, wild horses wouldn't have been able to stop him from running to her quarters and revealing what he had seen. But they weren't together. He was with Vixen at the time, and she was beginning a relationship with Carter.
So for five years he remained silent. For five years he suffered quietly as he watched the love of his life become another's bride and then sadly, a widower. For five years he kept vigil of the secret during his own eventual parting with Vixen, and his subsequent marriage to Katma. But his grandmother always warned him that death came in threes. She was right. Not soon after Carter's death, he too would bury his wife and although only a few knew, he would complete the trifecta by burying his first child as well.
At one point he thought the future had been thwarted, but it appeared there was no stopping the fulfillment of his prophetic vision. The deaths of their respective spouses had given him and Shayera a second chance. It had forced them to confront their own mortality and conversations that should have taken place years ago came to the forefront. They swore not to squander their chance again.
They had been married nearly two years before she became pregnant. The prophecy was being fulfilled he thought. However, instead of just one child, it was soon revealed that Shayera was carrying twins. This was an unexpected turn of events and it caused him a great deal of anxiety. His conscious betrayed him and forced him to bring his long held secret to light. Unlike her secret's revelation, the fate of the world didn't hang in the balance, but their future as husband and wife did.
"What are you saying, John?" she asked with a frown and a degree of puzzlement.
He began to walk toward her. "I'm saying that we, or rather you are going to have a son and his name is Rex".
"Okay, first of all, we agreed not to find out what the twins were going to be and second, we haven't even talked about names yet" she said, putting her hands on her hips. "So what are you talking about?"
He deeply inhaled before answering and walked closer to her. The falling snow had begun to accumulate and the sound of crushed snow underfoot could be heard.
"Shayera. Shy. I need you to listen very carefully" he said reaching out and taking both of her hands. "We will have a son. I have seen him. I have touched him. I have talked to him".
She pulled her hands away and frowned. "You're not making any sense".
He sighed and began to pace. "You're right. I'm sorry. I'm just a little out of sorts. I just can't believe we are finally having this conversation" he said, putting his right hand on his forehead. "Okay. I'll start at the beginning. Five years ago, me, Bruce and Diana responded to an intruder in the Watchtower. He was trying to steal one of Bruce's utility belts. We confronted him and he attempted to escape in what we thought was something similar to one of Darkseid's boom tubes. We followed him, but when we reached the end, we discovered we hadn't been traveling in a boom tube, but rather in a time vortex". He stopped pacing and turned to face her. "We traveled to the past and landed in 1879".
He told the story hurriedly as if trying to purge the truth from his system. It was a welcome release as he told it in one continuous stream.
She stared at him with a combination of disbelief and intrigue. "Go on" she said, slowly sitting down on the log bench.
"Well, we found out that Chronos was being held captive in a jail cell and…"
Upon hearing the word 'Chronos', a frown came across her face. "Wait. Chronos is someone's name?"
"Yes. He is the one we followed through the vortex".
She inhaled and deeply exhaled. "Why was he in jail?" she asked.
"He was captured by a ruthless outlaw named Tobias Manning who discovered Chronos' time travel device. Tobias began using it to further his criminal empire by going into the future and bringing back advanced weaponry. He kept Chronos around because he was the only one able to program the device. After we defeated Tobias, Chronos said he would help us get back to our correct time, but he lied. He opened up another vortex and again we followed him, but this time we landed in the future".
She raised an eyebrow. "The future?"
"Yes, but we quickly discovered that Chronos had already polluted the timeline. In this timeline the Justice League was on its last legs and Diana…" he said, pausing.
"What? What about Diana?" she asked, standing up.
"She faded out of existence" he said hauntingly. He remembered how desperate Bruce looked while clutching at the air as she disappeared. "In this timeline she was never in the Justice League, maybe never existed at all. We weren't sure what happened really because the time shifts started to become more drastic".
"We? Besides Bruce, who else was with you? Was…was I there?"
He stopped pacing again and turned to look at her. He slowly shook his head in the negative. "The League had been decimated. The only members left were myself, our Bruce, an older Bruce, a younger Batman, an older Static, and…and War Hawk".
She knew. Even before he said the name, she knew. "War Hawk?"
He walked over to her and put his hands on her shoulders. "Our son, Shayera. Rex Stewart is War Hawk" he said, with a tinge of pride.
The look on her face went from one of disbelief to a frown. She pulled away and then turned her back to him.
"Shayera?"
"Please, John just…continue".
He sighed deeply. "Long story, short, we eventually defeated Chronos, but not before the timeline became even more polluted. At one point, even I faded out of existence".
"How would you know that?" she asked, her back still turned to him.
"Bruce told me. After fixing the timeline and returning to the present, Bruce and I realized we were the only ones who remembered the mission".
"What about Diana?"
"No. She doesn't remember a thing. It's as if it never happened".
"So you and Bruce have kept this a secret for all of these years?"
He cast his eyes downward and deeply exhaled. "Yes".
Her head dropped into her chest, but he could see her breath drifting upward in the cold air. There was a long silence between them as he stood staring at her back.
"Shayera…Shy. Say something. Please".
She turned and glared at him. Her hands had become fists. "What the hell do you want me to say, John? Huh? What!" she stated, angrily. She began to pace in her agitation. "You stand here and tell me that you've met our future son. Then you tell me that you've been keeping it a secret for nearly five years! What words do you expect to hear right now? Good job honey? Thanks for the fyi?" she stated, with much exasperation. She slowly stopped pacing and then turned her head in his direction. "You lied to me, John".
He started to walk towards her. "I didn't lie, Shayera".
She stepped away from him. "No, but you didn't exactly tell me the truth either!"
"How could I tell you Shy? How? We weren't together then remember?"
"Don't you dare, John Stewart!"
"What!"
"Don't you dare try and blame this on me!"
"I'm not, but think about it! You had just walked back into my life! When you flew away that day at Wayne manor, I thought I would never see you again! Then suddenly you were back and I had already started a new life with Vixen! What was I supposed to do? Complicate my life even more? Complicate hers? Complicate yours?"
She turned her head away so as not to look at him.
"So you expected me to come back from the Chronos mission and just walk up to you and say, 'I know we aren't together, but guess what? I just came from the future where we were married and had a kid'? How could you have expected me to do that?"
"You're right, John, that would have been asking a bit much, but…but five years! Five years!"
He cast his eyes downward. "There was never a good time, Shy".
"Never?"
He sighed with some exasperation. "At what point in the last five years do you think you would have been ready to hear this? Huh? When?"
"When? How about before we got married, John! That was almost two years ago! How about when I got pregnant? Why not then!"
She had never been this angry before, at least not with him. She was gesturing with her arms and paced back and forth as the falling snow continued to accumulate. Her voice boomed and echoed across the valley. He didn't know why, but as his wife continued her verbal barrage, the image of Robbie the Robot from the television show Lost In Space, yelling "Danger Will Robinson! Danger!" flashed in his mind. He nearly laughed aloud at the imagery, but the seriousness of the moment stopped him. Lost in his thoughts, he hadn't realized she had stopped pacing and had begun to cry.
"Shayera?" he said, softly and walking towards her.
Her head was down as she continued to cry. She then began slowly rubbing her stomach with both of her hands. She kept them there for some time before looking up at him. Her look was a cold glare, but the words that came next were even colder.
"You son of a bitch!" she yelled through gritted teeth. "You let me marry Carter!"
"Shy…"
"You let me marry Carter!" she yelled again as tears began to roll down her face. "You let me go through…let me go through those miscarriages!"
"Shy" he said, reaching his hand out.
"Don't touch me!" she yelled slapping his hand away. "You knew. You knew all along that we would be together and yet…you let me go through all of that pain. Why, John! Why!" she screamed.
He had no immediate answer. He deeply inhaled and as he exhaled the coolness of the air showed his breath. "You're right. You're right" he said, shaking his head. "I shouldn't have kept this a secret for so long, but I didn't…I didn't want to obligate you, Shayera".
"Obligate me!" she said, still angry.
"Shayera, listen. When you returned, you were still in a bad way. You were wrestling with your sense of purpose. Think about it. Your entire life at that point had been filled with fulfilling one obligation after another".
She opened her mouth to reply, but remained silent as she lowered her head.
"Your obligation as a detective, your obligation as a soldier, your obligation to Thanagar, and…and your obligation to Hro" he said using his fingers to list them off. "I didn't want to add my name to that list" he said reaching out and taking her hand.
She looked up at him and allowed a small smile to come across her face. The tear tracks were still visible, but she had stopped crying.
"I loved you then and I love you now, but love isn't about being obligated to one another. You deserved your life on your terms, Shy, not on mine. Not on anyone's. We started off as friends remember?" he said smiling at her. "And as your friend, I had to stay quiet. It was the toughest thing I have ever had to do, but I did it for you" he said wiping her tears away with his hand. "You've asked me for years why I disliked Carter and I've never answered you. Now I can".
"John…" she started.
"I disliked him not only because he originally came across as a stalker, but he did the very thing that I was trying to protect you from. He obligated you. He obligated you with his nonsense about the two of you being the reincarnation of past lovers".
"How did you…" she started to ask.
"I'm sorry, Shayera, but I read Bruce's report from that mission. I was concerned about you and…"
"John, stop. I know this is going to be hard for you to hear this, but there is something you need to know. I loved Carter for many of the same reasons I loved you". There was a brief silence.
"He and I were nothing alike".
"You're so sure of that aren't you? Well you're wrong, John. You had more in common with Carter than you know".
"What?" he said, with a frown.
"You both loved…you both loved me…unconditionally. I betrayed you, I betrayed the League and I became a pariah to my people, but you still loved me" she said reaching up and touching his face. "So did Carter. He knew I still loved you and yet he loved me anyway...unconditionally".
He gritted his teeth and closed his eyes.
"I'm not proud of the fact that I married Carter knowing I still had feelings for you, John".
He opened his eyes.
"Don't look so surprised. You don't think I know you married Katma even though you still had feelings for me?"
He deeply inhaled. "Dammit Wally!"
"Wally had nothing to do with it, John. It was written all over your face whenever we were alone together".
"I loved Katma, Shayera" he said, solemnly.
"I know, John. And I loved Carter, but let's not pretend that we are perfect people. We weren't then and we aren't now. If Katma was half the woman I knew her to be, I'm sure she suspected it as well. It was the same with Carter. He knew I was torn, but he loved me anyway, even…even at the end".
He embraced her and they stood there in silence for several minutes as the snow fell around them.
She was the first to break the silence. "John, why 'Rex'?" she asked, laughing a little.
"C'mon, Shy. You know Metamorpho is my best friend. He saved my butt on more than one occasion when we were in the Marines" he answered, with a smile.
"Okay, okay, but it sounds like a freakin' dog's name for cryin' out loud. What's his twin's name? Fido? Or better yet, is it Old Yellar?" she said, laughing.
His expression turned serious, but she didn't see. "Shayera…" he said, softly.
"Go on, John, tell me his twin's name or is that some deep dark secret too?" she said, still laughing.
He remained silent as he cast his eyes downward.
"John?" she said, looking up at his face. Her smile disappeared as she saw his expression. It was then that she realized he hadn't mentioned Rex's twin. At all. His words had been carefully chosen, 'you have a son', 'his name'. It was not, 'their names are'.
"Shayera…" he started again, softly.
She quickly pulled away from his embrace, looked down and placed her hands on her stomach. When she looked up again, her expression couldn't hide her fear and anxiety.
"What's his twin's name, John!" she asked in a panic.
"I'm sorry, Shayera, but…"
"No! No! No!" she shouted, as memories of her past miscarriages flashed through her head. The emotional toll it took came flooding back. "I can't go through this again! I can't lose another baby!" she cried out, as fresh tears began to fall.
She had become unnerved from the emotional overload. Finding out about Rex had already rocked her emotionally. Now finding out that she might lose another one of her children was too much. In a state of shock, she began to run in the direction of their home. She didn't know why she was running; she just knew she needed to get away. She needed to escape.
"Shayera! Wait!" he yelled. He instinctively jumped in the air and held his ring hand out to fly after her, but then realized he had left his ring on the bedroom nightstand. Unprepared, he fell to the ground face first. Dusting himself off, he realized that he was going to have to catch up to her the old fashioned way.
She had made it back to the forest, but her physical exertion and state of mind was causing her to hyperventilate. The surroundings began to blur in her mind as the further she went into the forest the more claustrophobic she felt. The obstetrician had warned her about flying, but in her panicked state, her instincts took over. She extended her wings and with a few flaps became airborne.
He arrived just in time to see her take off. "No! Shayera!" he shouted.
It was too late. Her hyperventilation had caused enough loss of carbon dioxide in her blood that she fainted in midair and started to fall.
"No!" he yelled, running as fast as he could to her position.
Only by diving at the last moment was he able to get his arms underneath her to soften the fall. She landed heavy, but his body, and not hers, had taken the brunt of it. His adrenaline allowed him to shake off the pain.
"Shayera! Shayera!" he yelled, but she did not respond. He gently, slapped her face several times. After what seemed like an eternity, she finally responded by taking a deep breath. He quietly thanked God and breathed a sigh of relief.
She was still unconscious when he gently picked her up in his arms. Only after standing up did he notice the crimson red drops in the snow. His earlier relief turned to horror as he realized the drops of blood weren't coming from him.