I do not own Constantine or anything related to the series.
John snorted slightly in his sleep and rolled over. Or rather, he would have rolled over, but something large, warm and breathing obscured his way. With a rather unmanly yelp of shock, he rolled the other way and promptly fell out of bed, dragging half the blankets with him.
"Ahh! Fuck!" he jumped up, grabbing his now-throbbing knee. He crawled back onto the bed and shoved at the lump under the blankets. It didn't move. He grabbed a small vial of emergency Holy Water off his bedside table and leaned above the lump.
"You have three seconds to get out of my bed before I deport you." he announced loudly. "Three…two…one…"
The lump rolled over and exposed its face. He looked up at John demurely, smiling in a tired, exasperated sort-of way, as if he was used to such behavior.
"The least you could do, Johnny-boy, is allow me the dignity of dying with some clothes on."
"Balthazar!" John snarled, nearly slamming the vial back down on the table. "What the fuck are you doing in my bed?"
"You're confusing your tenses and altering your sentence structure. You're obviously still tired." Balthazar said lightly.
John snarled lightly, lip curling. He rubbed his temples. Where were his cigarettes? "Get out."
"I'm afraid that's fairly impossible, Johnny-boy." Balthazar sighed languidly and stretched slightly, almost like a cat.. "You see, last night, we were going at it for quite some time, and apparently I was getting a little too rough, so…" he yanked at his arms, and John heard a metallic clank. "I don't suppose you know where the key is?"
John blinked, and then let out a noise of self-disgust. Of all the demons to meet while he was drunk. He rummaged around in his bureau and couldn't find the keys to the handcuffs. Sighing, he lit up a cigarette and sat back down on the bed again. "Well, at least now you're stuck there." he shrugged, glancing down at the half-breed, who was now clearly getting agitated.
"Get something to pick the lock, then!" Balthazar demanded, no longer cool and calm, now that he wasn't in control.
"You look too comfy. Maybe I'll just let you stay there." John stood up, beginning to get dressed.
"You can't just leave me here!" Balthazar yelped in dawning horror.
John didn't answer. He'd already put his coat on and shut the door behind him.