A/N: Here's an update, please forgive me for taking so long with it. The next one might take some time, too, because I have some very important exams coming up in a few weeks and I actually should study a bit although I find writing much more interesting. Oh well… life's a bitch.

Yeah, and thanks for the reviews again, it really makes me happy to know someone actually enjoys my work :). Keep it up, guys!

Disclaimer: I don't think I actually need to put this in every single chapter because I still don't own anything save for my own characters and the storyline.

Warnings: Shounen-ai, bad language.

Rei's eyes slowly fluttered open as he woke up. The pain was gone and all he had was this strange feeling of burning. The fire didn't hurt but it felt… unnatural. He felt unnatural. He raised his right arm cautiously, waiting for the wave of pain to come but it never came. He frowned and brought his hand to feel his abdomen, feeling absolutely nothing. No trace of the wound was left. He wondered it if it had all been just a bad dream.

"The burning should stop soon," a mutter told him from somewhere in the room. Rei recognised the voice. He quickly sat up, scanning the room with his eyes, his gaze landing on a dark form on the floor next to his wardrobe. The boy gulped and threw his legs over the edge of his bed, standing up. Only now he really noticed being in his own house.

He never let his eyes leave the motionless form curled up in the corner as he made his way slowly towards it, stopping in front of it. He tilted his head as he watched it, seeing only a great amount of black feathers, "Uh… excuse me?" he wasn't sure if that was the right thing to say at the moment but it was all he could come up with.

Suddenly the figure started to move. Two huge, dark wings opened and Rei couldn't help the gasp that escaped his lips as he met two marvellous orbs burning with demonic crimson fire. Rei brought a hand to cover his mouth as his legs gave way and he fell to sit on the floor.

"K- Kai?" he whispered, not trusting his voice enough to speak louder.

"Please don't be afraid of me," Kai whispered in return, startling Rei. Why would he be afraid of him? Rei shook his head rapidly and felt tears starting to run down his cheeks freely. Kai gave him a small, sad smile and reached out his hand to wipe away the tears, "Don't cry," his voice was so soft, so apologetic.

Rei leaned in to the touch, "Am I… dead?" Kai merely shook his head. Rei blinked, "Then how come you're–" he didn't finish the sentence as his eyes slowly moved to look at the black wings attached to his lover's back. He felt his eyes widening in realisation, "Are you… an angel?" Now Kai looked away, obviously wanting to avoid the subject. Rei narrowed his eyes, suddenly feeling very stubborn, "Then you are the one who saved me last nigh?" He got a nod for an answer, encouraging him to go on, "But you had white wings back then," his voice turned into a whisper as the memory of last night flooded into his mind. Rei didn't fail to see Kai freezing momentarily.

"I…" the slate-haired boy was still avoiding Rei's eyes, "have committed some… sins," the sad expression returned to his face.

Rei frowned, "What sins?"

The angel looked at him now, "Don't worry about it," his voice told the subject was dropped. Then he moved closer to the younger boy with somewhat supernatural grace, "I'm sorry," he whispered against Rei's lips before kissing him softly, making Rei feel strange, stinging electricity running through his body. Nonetheless, he answered the kiss, feeling the tears start to gather in his eyes once more. He couldn't believe what was happening. He couldn't believe Kai was actually there and… he pulled away, a cold shiver running down his spine. Was it all just a dream?

"Kai?" The angel had lowered his head, the slate-coloured strands falling to hide his eyes, "Is this a dream?" Rei asked, somewhat afraid of getting the answer.

"I wish it was," Kai whispered so quietly Rei wouldn't have heard it if he wasn't a neko-jin.

Rei bit his lip and took hold of Kai's chin, forcing the boy to look at him. His eyes still held the heartbreaking misery that made Rei's heart ache, "What's wrong?" Kai shook his head, "Kai, please, tell me," the Chinese boy pleaded.

"I'm sorry you have to go through all this," Kai whispered, again avoiding the subject. Then he stood up.

Rei stood up, too, "Are you leaving?" Kai nodded and turned but Rei grabbed his arm, stopping him, "Don't, please," the boy was crying again.

Kai turned to look at the smaller boy, his heart threatening to fall into pieces. This was because he was an angel and angels experienced feelings stronger than humans could even imagine. He was in so much pain for seeing the boy he loved like that. He turned fully towards the neko-jin and pulled him close to him.

"I'm so sorry," he whispered, fighting back the tears trying to form into his own eyes, "I love you so much,"

"Th- then don't leave me again, I can't make it without you," Rei sobbed into his shirt, clutching the fabric in his hands as if his life was depending on it.

Kai sighed, "Of course you can," he held the boy tighter, "you are strong, Rei, don't ever forget that."

Rei shook his head, "Why can't you stay with me?"

Now the angel stepped back, turning his gaze away again, "You are a mortal while I am an angel," he explained, his voice suddenly cold and distant, "I shouldn't even let you see me," he shuddered a bit after saying that. Rei found himself frowning for probably the tenth time that day as he tried to approach his lover. Or former lover. He wasn't sure how he was supposed to call Kai. He wasn't sure how he was supposed to think about the whole situation. Everything seemed so ridiculous in a way. Kai stepped back again, out of reach, "Don't touch me," the warning came out colder than he had originally intended.

Rei bit his lip, suppressing a sob, "I- I'm…" he closed his mouth, knowing he would break down if he continued. He took another step closer to the other boy who in turn stepped back, coming to a dead end with his back against the wall.

Kai clenched his fists, "I mean it… stay back," his voice was now softer and it was obvious he found it difficult to stand behind his own words.

Rei tilted his head to his right, "Why?" He could taste blood in his mouth. He had bit through his lip.

"You will only hurt yourself," Kai said quietly, his eyes glued to Rei's, "I'm not human," the last bit came in a pained whisper.

Although Rei heard what the other said, he couldn't stop himself as he moved closer, bringing his lips up to Kai's. The electric sensation returned. It took Kai a short while to start responding and when he finally did, Rei had to grab a hold of his shoulders to actually prevent himself from pulling away. The stinging was stronger, making his lips hurt slightly. The Chinese boy couldn't help the groan that escaped as a fiery wave ran though his lips. Then Kai pushed him away so forcefully his back hit the edge of his bed and he fell to sit on the floor again. After a few seconds of heavy silence, Rei raised his right hand up, his fingers grazing his bottom lip, which was as smooth as ever. The small wound was gone.

Rei raised up his head to see that Kai was still leaning against the wall, his head bowed and his arms hanging on his sides, his fingers trying to dig through the wall, "I'm sorry," Kai whispered, not looking up.

"Why are you here?" Rei asked.

"I wanted to make sure you're all right," was Kai's monotonous reply, "obviously you are," now the boy looked up but avoided Rei, directing his eyes towards the window on the opposite wall.

Rei bit his lip again, looking down at the floor, "What about Tala?" he asked as the memory of the redhead covered in blood flooded back in his mind, making him cringe slightly.

"He's alive," Kai answered, "but he may have a brain damage," he added, making Rei snap his head up.

"Wh- what?" the younger boy stuttered with wide eyes.

Now the angel turned his eyes towards the smaller boy, "I don't know," he shifted his position a bit, "you should sleep," it sounded more like an order than a proposal. Rei merely nodded, feeling too numb to even try to protest. Besides, he really was tired. Tired of all this crap. The boy stood up and climbed onto his bed, diving under the covers.

"Will you be here when I wake up?" he asked sleepily.

"No," he heard Kai's reply just before he fell asleep.

-----

A ten-year-old boy ran down the empty halls of the abbey, rounding yet another corner. He was heaving slightly but it didn't slow him down. Cold rays of the morning sun came through the huge windows, making the few pieces of furniture cast long, threatening shadows around the boy.

The boy stumbled on his steps and fell down, immediately rising up to his feet again. His head was throbbing with pain and he knew his forehead was bleeding.

Suddenly there was another boy with him in the hall, "Tala!"

"Kai," the boy choked out, yet again tripping to the floor, "Where's Rei?"

Now the other boy was beside him, pulling him up to his feet, "By the spring," Kai said, observing his friend with a frown, "What happened to you?"

Tala looked up at the slate-haired boy, fear evident in his ice-blue eyes, "Bryan has lost his mind," he took in a heavy breath, "he said he's going to kill Rei."

Kai's eyes widened slightly, "What?" his question was barely a whisper.

Tala nodded, prying Kai's hands off his shoulders, "We have to find them," with this he sped off again, this time heading for the forest behind the abbey. He heard Kai's running steps following him.

Outside the boys were greeted by the cold winter of Russia. Everything was pure and white and the snow reflected the sunrays making the whole landscape look so very beautiful. The only thing that broke the illusion was the footprints disappearing to the forest. Tala felt his heart skip a beat as he realised they belonged to Bryan. They were almost covered by the slowly falling snow. It meant it had been a while already since the older boy had been there. The redhead fastened his pace, hoping he wasn't too late. Kai did the same a few meters behind him.

They ran towards the place they knew Rei loved most in the whole world, pushing aside branches and little bushes. Suddenly a bloodcurdling scream cut the air, causing both the boys to stop dead, their eyes darting frantically about. The footprints had already faded, leaving them only guessing which way they should continue.

"Rei!" Kai yelled.

Another scream was heard, "Bryan, don't!" Kai turned to his right and continued running towards the voice, "Kai! Help me!" Rei's desperate plea carried through the snowy forest. Tala sped after the other Russian, his heart pounding uncontrollably. He had never been this afraid in his life.

Tala sat up with a sharp gasp, only to fall back down onto the bed. He was covered in cold sweat and his face was wet from freshly shed tears. His head was pounding with headache and he felt like he couldn't breathe. For a moment he just lay there, shivering and gasping for air. The suffocating feeling didn't want to leave him and he found himself unable to stop crying. He couldn't remember when had been the last time he had cried. He hadn't even remembered what it felt like to cry.

Something was definitely wrong.

"Wha- what the… hell?" the boy gasped. The fear from his dream refused to go away, leaving the boy struggling with this unwanted emotion that he hadn't experienced in so many years. He hadn't even remembered what it was like to actually feel. Truthfully, he hadn't been able to feel anything after a certain operation years ago. Now all the emotions were flooding back to him, making him tremble helplessly. All the happiness he had felt for having Kai and Rei as his friends years ago. All the hate for Bryan when he had hurt Rei and finally all the hate for himself for all the awful things he had done during the years. For the first time Tala really understood what he had done. He had killed Kai, his best friend from childhood. And he hadn't felt anything.

Tala jolted up to sit again, screaming at the top of his lungs. He ignored the aching of his back and the cuts all over his body that were now opening again. The inner pain was too much to bear. He fell back to the bed once more, thrashing around.

"No… go away… leave me alone!" the boy sobbed, clutching the sheets desperately.

Suddenly the door to the room slammed open and someone strode in, slamming the door shut after them, "Tala!" a cold voice called, demanding his attention.

Tala felt a hand on his arm but pried it off quickly, falling off the bed, "No!" he screamed, "Don't touch me," he crawled over the floor to a corner and curled up in a ball, hugging his legs while rocking back and forth, heavy shudders shaking his pathetic form.

"Tala, pull yourself together," the cold voice demanded as the owner of it walked over to the boy in the corner, pulling him up forcefully. Tala tried to fight back, struggling and screaming to be freed, "Stop it!" A slap around the face made the red-haired boy stop struggling and finally he just stood there, sobbing and shaking, not able to stand without the other boy supporting him.

"Bry- Bryan… I think I- I'm broken," he choked, not looking at the older Russian.

"Yes," Bryan's voice was calm but it was obvious he was angry, "I will find a way to fix you," he promised, grabbing Tala's left arm. This time the redhead didn't fight back but let the lavender-haired boy push a needle through his skin, "Until then this will have to do," Tala felt some cold liquid mix with his blood. Then the needle was pulled out of his skin and he leaned forward against Bryan's strong chest, still trembling violently.

"I don't want this," Tala whispered, his legs threatening to give way. Bryan didn't respond but tightened his grip on the younger boy's shoulders.

Eventually Tala stopped shivering and the tears dried off.

"Are you all right?" Bryan asked after a while, his tone telling he wasn't really interested but just wanted to break the silence.

Tala let a hollow smile surface, "Yeah," and he didn't lie. He honestly felt fine. He felt nothing. There was once again the empty space in his heart. The emotions were gone, clearing his conscience. The headache, however, was still present. And the fact that his back was aching as well as his bleeding wounds, "Can you fix me?" he asked as Bryan helped him back to the bed. If there was only one thing he was sure of it was the fact that he didn't want the emotions back. Not after all these years and all the horrible things he had done.

"I'm not sure," Bryan said honestly as he stepped back and leaned against the wall, "the doctor is dead and no one else actually knows how the surgery was performed."

Tala sighed and closed his eyes, "How did this happen?"

"Something in your brain damaged but it only caused… this," Bryan went quiet.

They both remained silent for a while until Tala suddenly laughed briefly, "This is so fucking amazing," the sarcasm in his voice was so thick it could have been cut with a knife.

"Hn," was all Bryan said before exiting the room and closing the door behind him in a bit more composed fashion than earlier.