Alright so I've gotten a lot of reviews telling me to update. I know I've needed to but I swear there was a reason I haven't yet. And yes I do realize it is summer vacation but I'm still kinda in school well till next Friday anyway. I'm in summer driver's ed. Yes this is summer school but it is not because I'm stupid it is so I can take more classes during the year. But it is so boring.

Okay anyway I've got lots of excuses. Well I had homework during the year. And had to read 4 books for English each semester (my school has 2).

Then my computer crashed. We sent it in to get fixed. It came back but my dad wouldn't hook it up for at least 3 weeks. Then there were still viruses on it so we had to take it back in AGAIN. And it has just now been hooked up.

Oh and somewhere in there I got obsessed with manga (sorta like Japanese comic books) I read Fushigi Yugi, Inuyasha, Fruits basket, Ceres Celestial legend, and maybe a few others too. (Oh yea Hatsuharu(aka Haru) from Fruits basket is mine. You can have all the others except Kyo because he is Stacey's. Stacey is the one who got me obsessed with manga by the way. I believe her name on fanfic is krazeeMe or something like that. So yell at her. Lol) Oh and if you don't understand what I'm saying here just ignore it, Stacey always does.

Okay so those were my excuses. I know not that they aren't that great but they are the best I can do for now. So yell at me if you must, but please stop yourself before you turn blue in the face and die because that would make me sad if one of my readers/reviewers died while yelling at me. LOL.

Disclaimer I don't own these terrific characters but I hope to one day own characters that are almost as terrific.

Chapter 12

Thoughts and Regrets

It was hard for Neal to sit still after he locked himself in his rooms. He kept pacing back and forth, expecting to hear a knock at his door, but hoping it wouldn't come. After about ten minutes he sat down on his bed and put his head into his hands.

He had never meant to hurt Yuki, but he had. It was all because he had lost his temper. He had said some things he didn't mean. He had hurt Yuki just like she had hurt him. He had been hurting inside, and so he had hurt Yuki to get back at her. He hadn't meant to, it had just happened. It was as if he had unconsciously been trying to heal the broken heart Yuki had left him with.

Neal could hardly grasp that the two of them weren't a couple anymore. She hadn't even taken off the engagement ring he had given her. That was partly his fault though. He had left her out in the hall; what was she supposed to do? Slip the ring under the door? She was probably too upset to even remember that she was still wearing it.

Neal knew he shouldn't be thinking about things like a silly engagement ring, but he didn't want to think about how much he had hurt Yuki, so it was about the only thing he could do. The ring was such a small thing though, so his mind quickly started to slip back to the fight the two of them had had. Neal didn't want to leave things the way they were when he had slammed the door on Yuki, but he wasn't ready to go and apologize.

Kel had told him he was going to have to decide, and stand by his decision. He hadn't thought it would be so hard to do. He loved both Yuki and Kel, and now he had hurt one of them.

He had made Yuki hurt so much she couldn't hide it behind her Yamani Mask. Her Mask was even stronger than Kel's because she was a true born Yamani. If she chose to she could keep her emotions from showing no matter what the circumstances were.

Neal was torn, he didn't want to leave Yuki, hurt and alone, but he wanted her to know how he felt when she left him. He loved Yuki and Kel but his love was pulling him in opposite directions. It was exhausting him, especially since he just got out of the infirmary.

He was starting to grow tired with all the arguments within himself. He didn't know how tired he was really getting until he fell asleep, still arguing with himself.

Everything was blurry for a second, but it cleared up quickly. He realized he was in the mess hall. His friends were talking around him, but he felt like they were distant. Then suddenly the doors to the mess hall flew open. Yuki walked in and bowed to Lord Wyldon. She asked him where she could find Kel. Kel got up and the two of them went out into the hallway. Then the scene started to fade.

He was at the progress and the Shukusen was a blur in the air. It was so beautiful he couldn't help but reach out and catch it. Then Yuki had the pretty fan. She was angry. She took the fan and sliced through a tent pole, like it was nothing at all. Yuki was so beautiful, delicate, and yet dangerous when she was wielding the Shukusen or naginata. The scenery faded once again.

He was at the market shopping with Yuki. The sheer delight on her face made him warm all over. She had never seen so many varieties of things before.

He was sitting with Yuki on a blanket, looking up at the stars. He leaned over and kissed her. Her lips were warm against his. He had wanted to kiss her for so long, and had finally worked up the courage to do so.

He was at a ball, dressed up fancy. He had butterflies in his stomach and his hand was grasping a small box tightly. Yuki and he were out in the gardens now and he was down on one knee. She nodded her head, happiness showing through her Yamani Mask.

He was ridding away to the borders leaving behind Yuki with a tear-streaked face. He was in his office at Haven, writing her a letter. He was greeting heart steadfast. He was putting off the wedding again. He was with Yuki and she was telling him she was leaving with Dom.

Then everything stopped. Yuki faded away, as did the scenery. He was alone for a moment, floating in a black void.

Then he found himself knocking on Kel's door. She opened it, and seeing his face, quickly let him in. He was sitting on her couch and then he began to cry into her shoulder. She comforted him. She told him everything would be okay. He looked up into her face and everything faded except for the two of them.

Now he was going back to when he had first met her. She was standing in front of her door. She was a gawky little ten year old page, and even though the boys were whispering and laughing at her she didn't show any sign of shame. Her face was calm giving out no emotion. He could see Joren offering to be her sponsor. She didn't deserve that he thought. She hadn't even done anything, and yet Joren was already trying to get her out. Then Kel spoke up offering to be her own sponsor. It took guts to say something so ridiculous to the stump. He was impressed by her so he offered to sponsor her himself.

He was now in his old pages rooms and heard a knock at his door. There was Kel looking terrible with a broken nose and blood all over her face. She simply asked him where for find Duke Baird as though all her injuries were nothing.

He was in the stables, watching her pick that monster of a horse. Then he was arguing with her over healing her bruised foot. Finally she gave in, letting him heal it for her.

He was in the woods. Kel was leading Lord Raoul to the spidrens. She was saving her friends lives as the spidrens attacked out of the river.

He was in a small cave. Kel was down on the ground. She was slowly working her way up the side of the cliff despite her fear of heights. She had made it to the cave, but she was injured. He wanted so much to be able to heal her, but he couldn't because he had to keep Merric alive.

Kel was walking out of the chamber of the ordeal. She was pale. He had been so worried, and when she had walked out the knot in his stomach had been released.

Kel was leading the men across Scanra. She was fighting for her refugees when any other noble would have left them for dead. She fought Stenman and Blayce. She was pale as a ghost when the men had found her and the cat. He had been so afraid that she was dead.

Kel was facing Lord Wyldon after the rescuing. She was bleeding on the ground after the assains attack. She was burning up from her inflamed appendix. She was walking down death's pathway toward him. She was holding on tight when the lightning came down from the sky. She was telling him to follow his heart, even if it wasn't her it was telling him to choose.

Kel's and Yuki's faces popped into Neal's head one final time before the exhaustion ha had felt enveloped him so completely that it blocked out all other dreams.

A/N Okay it is done I believe it is four pages. Now if there are some typing errors I did not type this up. Stacey typed it for me from my rough draft that I had written out. I'm hoping she didn't change anything on me, but I'm too lazy to go back through and read it before I post it, so if there is something that doesn't sound like me pleaz feel free to mention it in your reviews. Now I must go and finish a silly drunken one that me and Stacey are writing I promise I'll post it. It is really funny. Toodles.

-Krissy-