Disclaimer- Not Mine. Don't Own It.

Lily sat with her arm against the window as the train dragged on. The Christmas break had come too soon in her opinion, too soon. She hated leaving the castle, a place where she never once felt out of place. At home, she didn't look quite right, she wasn't red enough and her hair was too sleek. She didn't have freckles, and the big green eyes immediately gave her away.

She's sitting alone because Annie had to stay back a day with her father and she would be going home tomorrow. So, for the six hour ride, Lily was alone. She liked it that way. It was quiet, she didn't have to worry about mindless chit chat. All she had to worry about was what she was going to say to her father. What was there to say? "Glad you finally showed up. Thanks, but you're about fourteen years too late, asshole."

Maybe.

Lily had dreams, morbid dreams, where she told her father just how much she hated him. He had hurt her in more ways then he would ever know. He had crushed her views on family, love, marriage. He had treated her with no more respect then he had treated a Death Eater. He was distant and cold at the best of times. He had changed. He was no longer the man described by uncle Ron and aunt Hermione. This man, this new, changed man was someone Lily didn't like at all.

Was it really her fault that her mother was gone? Was it her fault that he was stuck with a child? Was it her fault that she wanted to see him? Was it so wrong to want a family, a real family, when everyone else got one? Was it so bad to wish him gone, just like her mother?

Most kids she knew hated their fathers for leaving them. For Lily it was the complete opposite. She hated him for coming back into her life. For popping in and leaving without a thought. For bringing false hopes and promises waiting to be shattered. He was nothing but a pain, a pain that Lily wanted nothing more than to ease. She didn't know how to. She didn't know how to ease the pain in her heart, to fill the gaping hole inside of her that only her father could fill.

She used to think that today, it didn't matter what day, really, he would show up, tell her that her mother woke up and it was time. They would be a family. Everyday it was the same thought and every night it was the same disappointment. She knew how silly she was to think that it would ever happen. She heard the doctors. A comatose state is a step before death. Ginny was close enough to be gone mentally, just not physically.

Sometimes Lily wished they would come back, Bellatrix and the rest to finish Ginny off. She wished they would sneak in past the gates and the guards and the nurses and raise their wands in unison. To kill Ginny, to get rid of her pain and the pain she had caused. She wished she had the strength to do it, as bad and wrong as it seemed, she hated her mother for being alive. She wished she had the strength to live the life she was living. She just didn't.

The train jutted to a stop, shaking Lily from her morbid thoughts. She glanced up at the rain streaked windows and let out an audible sigh. She had to find her cousins and they would bring her to the car. Then she would see her father again.

Harry had arrived at the house last week, something that made Lily nervous. He had already been there a week, that meant he could be leaving any day now. It would probably be during Christmas day, just after desert. He'll mention a meeting earlier in the day, say he's got to dash, and be gone for months at a time. It was humiliation for Lily to sit there and smile, smile as though she didn't know he was lying. To pretend everyone in the room didn't know he was lying. To pretend that it wasn't pity in their eyes. To pretend he was really going somewhere instead of home. To pretend he didn't have that girlfriend no one was supposed to know about. Maybe Lily would meet her. Maybe she would get invited to the wedding. Maybe she would finally be fazed out and left for good. Maybe that was today.

"Lily!" Wyatt strode forward, a trunk trailing behind him. He smiled brightly at her and picked up her carrier bag. "Come on, Nathan's driving us this time. Dad's got the car waiting."

It was odd, how Wyatt and Nathan referred to Ron as her dad. It was true though, Lily decided as she followed Wyatt to the waiting car. It didn't matter that Harry was her biological father, Ron had raised her. Ron had been with her during muggle school when she was a stuffed apple in the play. Ron was there during the chicken pox. Ron was there when she got her period. Ron was there when she was happy and Ron was definitely there when she was sad. Genetics hardly matter because a father is someone who gives you genes but a dad is someone who raises you, who's there for you. Harry wasn't that.

"Nathan's driving?" Lily asked, fear suddenly ripping through her stomach. "Really?"

"Yeah," Wyatt said as they shared looks of unease. "Dad says that even if we do crash at a high speed the car will just bump us right back."

"Right," Lily replied tensely as they got close enough to be heard. "Hi, uncle Ron!" She hugged her uncle tightly, breathing in his smell, the smell of Ron Weasley. He smiled down at her and smoothed down her dark red hair. They were both hurting in their own ways.

"So, how was the train ride?" Ron asked, loading the trunks into the car. He hefted Lily's with a grunt and slid it into onto Nathan's.

"Great!" Wyatt said emphatically. "I played exploded snap with Nick and won seven galleons. I think I'm going to buy the dragon skin gloves you and mum refuse to buy me."

"The one's with the naked witch on the front?" Nathan asked, smirking at his younger brother. Wyatt scowled angrily as the car started up.

"Ready, Nate?" Ron asked, sliding into the front seat. He himself had to be taught by Hermione, who was never a good teacher. In fact, Lily had the immense pleasure in witnessing the event. It resulted in three mail box beheadings and a very frightened cat.

"Yeah," Nathan now looked slightly worried as he eyed the hundreds of people and cars. That was just in the parking lot. It would be tons harder on the road where people were going over five miles an hour. "So, I turn the key in the ignition."

"That's right," Ron encouraged as Nathan did so. Lily watched this all with slight unease as she too glanced around and saw at least four things that would be rather painful to slam into. The car began to rumble beneath them. "Now?"

"Er," Nathan said, pausing in his movements.

"You plan on driving in park?" Wyatt asked from behind his magazine.

"Shut up, Wyatt," Ron and Nathan said at the same time.

"I take the car out of park," Nathan replied, glaring into the rearview mirror. He placed his hand on the part and pulled it down until the orange color came off of the P. "And I place my foot gently on the gas pedal."

"Jeez," Wyatt muttered to Lily, "we're never gonna get home if this idiot is driving."

Nathan placed his foot down harder then intended and the car, which hadn't been in drive but reverse, jerked back violently. Lily let out a yelp and clutched her heart as they sped back, stopping just in time to miss the bike rack.

Wyatt and Lily exchanged glances and scrambled for their seatbelts. Nathan and Ron seemed slightly mollified by the entire backing up into people thing, and took a moment to breath.

"Are you ready now?" Ron asked, after fifteen.

"Yes," Nathan replied, placing it firmly in drive and setting off. His car stalled every few moments as he lost his nerve along the highway. Wyatt even seemed too afraid to speak as he watched muggle trucks longer then his house drive by.

Finally, after what seemed like an eternity and four prayers later, they arrived home. Lily couldn't help feeling immensely happy that she would never be again subjected to Nathan's horrible driving, nor would the rest of the world as he decided firmly that driving wasn't for him.

"But what if you have to?" Ron asked as they unloaded the car.

"I'll Apparate."

"What if you have a muggle girlfriend?"

"We'll floo."

"What if she hates magic and you're only pretending to be a muggle until you have an unbreakable marriage?"

"Shut up, Wyatt."

"There's my kiddies!" Hermione cried as they walked into the house, each lugging their trunks painfully behind them. "Give mummy a kiss!" Nathan and Wyatt grumbled as they did so, much to Lily's annoyance. If she had a mother, she wouldn't grumble when she asked for a kiss. Good Merlin these boys were selfish sometimes. "And my Lily, give me a kiss!" Hermione never knew what to call Lily. She wasn't her daughter but she was more then a niece. It was decided she would be My Lily.

"I let Nathan drive home," Ron said calmly as he placed his coat into the closet by the door. "He's not that bad, actually."

"The old woman on the bike begs to differ," Lily muttered to herself. Wyatt snorted while Nathan glared haughtily at her and stomped up to his room.

There was an uneasy silence that filtered into the house and it didn't take long for Lily to see why. There, sitting by the door, a familiar sight met her eyes. It was Harry's cloak. He always kept it by the door, a habit he didn't seem keen to break.

Lily sighed and wondered where he was. She figured she would soon find out, by the looks her aunt and uncle were giving each other she knew it would probably be within minutes, actually.

"Wyatt, why don't you go up to your room and unpack?" Hermione suggested. For once, Wyatt had nothing sarcastic or anything to contrary to say and headed up to his room. Lily bit the inside of her cheek as she heard Wyatt's steps go one door to far and into Nathan's room. They always talked about Lily when Harry was here. She always wanted to know what they said. It wasn't mean stuff, she knew. Her cousins weren't mean to her ever. She was afraid they pitied her.

"Er," Ron said, after getting a look from Hermione, "Lily, why don't you head on into the kitchen. Hermione and I are going to nap."

"Yeah, alright," Lily replied with a sigh. This was it. She was going to see her father for the first time in almost a year. He had missed her birthday, he had missed Easter. He had missed last Christmas and Valentines Day. He missed both Ron and Hermione's birthday and both of her cousin's.

The walk into the kitchen never seemed longer for Lily who had walked in here on many a times. For a girl who cared not for her figure nor her calorie intake, she was constantly snacking as much as Wyatt or Nathan. Now however, she wanted nothing more then to turn around, walk into her room and pretend Harry wasn't even in there. That he had forgotten to show up yet again.

Instead, she raised her chin to try and boost her confidence and walked straight into the room. He was sitting at the table reading the paper, drinking tea. She gave him a quick once over to see that yes, he was alright, he had no illness that kept him away, and that he hadn't died and forgot to tell her.

She cleared her throat, never one to speak first. It was up to him to say hello, to engage in conversation. On the not so rare occasions that they were both holding out for the other to speak, they just plain didn't speak. It was pretty much as simple as that. They went days not talking at all. They didn't ask for the other to pass the salt, they didn't say excuse me, they just pretended that the other one wasn't there.

Harry raised his head and met her gaze. He stood up, his frame towering over her slightly as he approached.

"Lily." It was a sentence, not a greeting. "How have you been?"

"Fine, thanks," she replied curtly. "And you?"

"Can't complain," Harry replied, also giving her the once over. "How's school going? I hear they allowed Snape his job back."

"Yes," Lily replied, suddenly grasping a sense of inspiration, "he's one of my favorite teachers, actually. Very interesting. He has really incredible stories." Harry's eyes flashed angrily and he nodded curtly.

"And Quidditch?" His tone was cool and Lily realized with a dart of satisfaction that Harry knew she only said it to tick him off.

"Fine."

"I used to play Quidditch myself," Harry commented off-handedly.

"I know," Lily replied, biting off her final comment, "And now we know exactly where the stick came from that has now lodged itself up your ass." She also saw that Harry knew she was thinking something close to what she just thought.

He was standing arms length from her. Close enough to talk quietly to each other, far enough away so they weren't actually forced into each other's bubbles. Harry liked his space and always had. Lily didn't have one single memory in which he had hugged her. Maybe he did. She just couldn't remember. It didn't matter, though. He was cold and probably bony.

"Sit," Harry suggested, waving to a seat at the far-end of the table, once again too far away. Lily sat as she was told, always doing as he said. "Now, how was the train ride?" He was back to reading the paper.

"It was fine," Lily said, finally ready to speak normally to him. "My friend Annie had to stay behind with her dad, so I didn't have her to sit with. I was sitting alone for a while until Wyatt stopped by for a while."

"Uh, huh," Harry replied vaguely, his eyes squinting down at something in print. "That can't be right," he muttered to himself. Lily felt a mixture of anger, frustration, hurt, sadness, bitterness and embarrassment as she realized he hadn't listened to anything she had just said.

"And then, because I was REALLY bored, I played strip poker with a group of seventh years. I lost, by the way."

"Great," Harry responded.

"Can you just-"

"What, dear?" Harry looked up at her. She bit down on her lip and then found herself talking loudly, very loudly.

"Will you put the paper down for one bloody moment and just look at me?" she cried, slamming her fist down onto the table. There was silence and she stared at her father, waiting for a reaction. He simply folded up the paper and looked up at her, his body language screaming condescendence.

"Alright, you have my full attention," he said, his voice light and almost sarcastic. He was still mad about what had happened that summer…about what she had said.

Lily just stared at him for a moment, sadness and anger seeping into her body, making it hard to stand up straight. It was making her legs shake and her hands turn into fists.

"No," she whispered after a moment, "really look at me."

She turned on her heel and left the room, turning to go up the stairs and nearly colliding with Nathan and Wyatt who were sitting on the chairs, obviously listening to everything that had just happened. Lily opened her mouth to say something, maybe a biting comment, but found words wouldn't come out. Her brain couldn't feel so much pain and humiliation AND make function properly.

Instead, she pushed past them and hurried up the stairs into her bedroom. She didn't slam her door, something that would most likely signal to her aunt and uncle that something had happened. This meeting was worse then all the other times. It all came back to the summer.

Lily had been watching her father writing on his papers for a few moments before he finally spoke, acknowledging she was there.

"And what can I do for you?"

Lily just watched him for a moment before she found her voice. She finally said what she had been wondering her entire life.

"Do you miss her?" she whispered.

"Huh?" Harry asked, still writing.

"Do you miss her?" Lily asked loudly and clearly.

"Who?"

"Ginny." Harry's writing stopped abruptly. He didn't say anything. "Well?"

More silence.

"Because, really, what's the point in living if there isn't anyone to miss you when you're gone?"

With that she walked back into her room and packed, for Hermione would be showing up the next day to get her. She knew she had gone too far, pushed one too many buttons that time. She didn't care.

Lily didn't know how long she stayed in her room, trying with all her might to cool off steam. She heard people talking downstairs and knew any moment she was going to have to go down and talk to him again. Even if she didn't want too, she would have to do it. For Ginny.

A/N Please read and review.