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And I wanna hear what you have to say about me
Hear if you're gonna live without me
I wanna hear what you want
What the hell do you want?

- Damien Rice, 'I Remember'

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Chapter 37

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After Martin and Sam learned to give each some space things smoothed out again. While he was really enjoying having her around he had to keep reminding himself not to get too used to it because it wasn't going to last forever; although he was trying really hard to convince her otherwise.

He and Sam were lounging in bed watching the morning news when they weatherman announced the latest forecast that the snowstorm was moving out and by Thursday night it would be headed back out to sea. According to the news reports, the roads should be cleared by Friday morning so people cold return to work in time to get the weekend off. While Martin was sure that people all over the city were relieved, he was saddened that this signaled the end to Sam's stay in Chicago.

Sam sighed and snuggled closer to him. "Well, we knew the storm wasn't going to last forever."

"Yeah, but I was hoping that it would last, oh maybe a month or so." He replied with a smile.

She laughed and reached up to plant a kiss on his mouth. "Well, it's only Wednesday so, let's just enjoy what's left of this mini-retreat."

"Is that what you decided?" He looked down at her head resting on his chest. "Is this just a mini-retreat, a fling?"

"What do you want it to be?" She asked, not looking up at him but focusing on her hand that was lying on his chest.

He released a breath and said, "I don't know exactly but I know I want more; more than just a week."

"Me too," She replied as she started to trace figure eights on his torso. "But it will be really hard Martin. It's hard enough having a relationship with someone who lives in the same city. You said it yourself, on a good night you get home in time to grab take-out and watch a basketball game."

"Yeah, but the expectations won't be the same. We would already know that we can't see each other every day, it won't be easy to take the other for granted. We would both know that we really have to mark off a certain amount of time to see each other." He picked up her hand and intertwined their fingers. "This week has been great, Sam. I think it's worth a shot to see where it could go."

She looked up at him and said, "I'm kind of surprised that you would be so willing to jump into a long distance relationship after what happened last time."

He shrugged and replied, "Yeah, so am I. But I know you're not her; you're not the kind of woman who would cheat."

Sam looked at her hand in his. She took a breath and opened her mouth but no words came out. A little later she said, "Let's sleep on it, okay. We still have a few more days to decide what to do."

While it wasn't the answer he was hoping for at least she said she would think about it. A little hope was better than no hope at all.

The following day Sam called Jack to request more time off but he said that he definitely needed her back first thing Monday morning. Apparently whatever the situation back in New York was, a formal decision was going to be announced that day and Jack wanted all of his agents to be present.

The airlines had started booking flights out as soon as Sunday morning based on the forecast so she and Danny were scheduled to leave on that Sunday afternoon. Determined to enjoy their last few days together they made plans of their own. On Friday Sam was going to drive to Kenosha to see her mom and sister, stay the night and come back to spend Saturday night with Martin. He hoped to make it really memorable, dinner at a fancy restaurant and maybe some dancing.

However, in the meantime, they were going to spend this lazy Thursday afternoon just enjoying being close to one another. Martin rested his head on Sam's lap as they tried to agree on a movie to watch. She ran her fingers through his hair as she scrolled down the cable guide trying to find a film they both could agree on.

Sam listed them off, "Okay, there's Unfaithful, Hannah and Her Sisters, Terms of Endearment, The English Patient…."

"Great, not only are those all 'chick flicks' but they all have storylines where people cheat on their spouses." Martin complained. "I'd rather not watch a movie about adultery. Aren't there any action movies or comedies? Or maybe a thriller?"

Sam's fingers stilled in his hair for a few beats; he felt her breath catch before she returned to listing movies, "Um……okay…..uh, there's What Lies Beneath. I think it's supposed to be about a ghost that is haunting a woman in her house or something."

He couldn't help but notice that Sam's tone sounded tense. He rolled his head to look at her and asked, "Are you okay?"

"Yeah, I'm fine." She nodded eagerly and with a tight smile said, "So do you want to watch the movie? It has Harrison Ford and Michelle Pfeiffer."

He studied her for a moment before deciding he was just being paranoid. "Yeah, that sounds good." He rolled his head back to face the television and gently ran his hand over Sam's knee.

They watched the movie for a little while and when it was revealed that the husband had had an affair with one of his students Martin mumbled, "What an asshole. How do you cheat on Michelle Pfeiffer? Cheaters can be such scumbags."

He could feel Sam shift under him and she said, "Sorry, I need to go to the bathroom."

He raised his head and as he started to sit up she hurried off of the sofa. He followed her with his eyes as she disappeared up the stairs. Martin sat up, leaned forward holding his head in his hands, his elbows on his thighs. Everything with Sam was going fine until he started verbally attacking people who commit adultery. He knew there had to be some connection to Sam's behavior to his comments but he was afraid to know just what it was and what it would mean for them.

He clicked off the TV and went upstairs.

He was lingering in the hall as she exited the bathroom. She was wringing her hands and gave him a forced smile. "Hey, is the movie over?"

He placed his hands on his hips and asked, "What's going on?"

She gave him a wide-eyed look and replied, "What do you mean? I had to go to the bathroom."

Not to be deterred he said, "I think I may have said something to upset you."

"Don't be silly I'm fine."

He bore his eyes into her and licked his lips, knowing that he was going to have to ask the question that could forever alter how he looked at Sam. "Have you had an affair with a married man?"

Sam didn't even have to answer the question; he could see the answer in her eyes.

"Oh." He uttered, lacking for anything more profound or significant to say.

She walked up to him and said softly, "Martin, it was a long time ago."

In spite of himself he tensed up at her being so close. He took a step back and asked, "Why didn't you tell me?"

Sam took notice of his stiffened body language and in a low threatening tone began, "First of all, as of right now it's really none of your business. We've only known each other a week and it's not exactly something I like sharing with just anyone."

"Just anyone?" Martin cynically repeated. "Is that all I am, just anyone?"

She shook her head looking irritated. "That's not what I meant and you know it."

"Then what did you mean?" He asked.

"I just meant that it isn't something I like talking about. Being a mistress is not who I am."

"Yeah, well I guess you can never tell."

"And what's that supposed to mean?" She challenged. She stepped closer, occupying the space that Martin had tried to create between them. "Would you prefer that they brand a woman with a scarlet letter?"

While he knew she was just trying to point out how absurd he was being he was too far gone. He leaned into her and said, "At least then you would know."

A look of hurt crossed her face before she steeled herself and rebutted, "So are you telling me that you are going to judge me based on something I did over three years ago? Long before I even met you? That everything we shared this last week is suddenly worthless because of something in the past."

"I just think you should have told me."

"And how exactly do you suggest I break that into a conversation? Let's split the cinnamon roll and by the way I had an affair." She argued as she crossed her arms across her chest. "And what if I did? Would you have never gotten involved with me?"

"I don't know but it means something that you had one." He replied as feelings from an argument he had years ago rose to the surface. "How could you just sleep with someone knowing that he had a wife at home? Just so he could have something on the side, selfishly concerned with his own needs that he, or even you, took a minute to consider the ramifications of your actions. Think about just who was going to get hurt."

She stepped back and paced the small hallway. "It's not that simple."

"Yes it is. He's married to someone who isn't you and you still slept with him. You knew that he had a wife at home. How can you justify helping someone betray a trust?"

"I'm not justifying affairs but I am saying that it's not always as simple as being selfish or just wanting to fool around." She ran her fingers through her hair and stopped to look at him. She took a deep breath and in a calmer voice said, "They are complicated for many different reasons and it affects all three people involved – not just the person who was cheated on. What happened between me and Ja….and him is over. We both realized it was wrong and now it's in the past."

It was the 'Ja' that caught Martin's attention. Suddenly there was a name connected to an infidelity in Sam's past and he was not happy with just who that person may be. "Ja? Do you mean Jack?" Sam's eyes met his but she remained silent. "Are you telling me that you had an affair with Jack Malone, your boss?" Martin eyes bore into her and she nodded her head. "Oh man, this keeps getting better and better."

"Okay, yes it was Jack but like I said, it's over."

"But you still work together!" He didn't mean to shout but at this point it was beyond his control. Rational behavior had long left the building.

"Martin let's say that this thing with us didn't work out." She waved her hands back and forth between them. "We could still work together couldn't we? What's the difference?"

"The difference is the only ones who would get hurt here is us. He took vows and you helped him break them! Did you ever once consider what you were doing to his wife?" He refuted.

"You know this isn't about me and Jack or even Jack and his wife. This is about you and Ashley. And while I am sorry that she hurt you like that you better remind yourself that I am not her!"

"I know you're not her. But I also know that I can't be with someone if I don't know if they can be trusted."

Sam shook her head in defeat and said, "Well, then I guess its official: this is just a fling. Since the roads are going to be clear tomorrow I'll go see my mom and then head home." She walked to the guest room and swung the door open announcing, "And you won't have to worry about seeing me or wondering if you can trust me again!"

Then she slammed the door shut leaving Martin alone in the hallway wondering what in the hell he had just done.