XXXXXXX

"There is nothing like returning to a place that remains unchanged to find that you yourself have altered." - Nelson Mandela

XXXXXXX

Chapter 40

XXXXXXX

Sam pulled into a parking space outside of Frank's Diner. She stepped out of the Jeep and slowly made her way to a restaurant that she hadn't visited in years. It was a road side diner that advertised as a 'Mom and Pop' restaurant even though the original owners had gotten a divorce back in 1983 and sold it to a local businessman looking for a tax shelter.

As she neared she couldn't help but notice that it looked exactly the same since the last time she laid eyes on it. Big glass windows that ran the front of the building that displayed neon signs advertising "Home Cooking" and "Hot Cups of Coffee". The parking lot was full and Sam decided that this was most likely the regular lunchtime crowd of construction workers, local businessmen, and other neighborhood folks. As she neared the entrance she was surprised how welcoming and familiar it felt to be here.

She pushed the door open and the bell rang announcing her arrival. She scanned the crowd trying to find a familiar face when she spotted her mom chatting with an elderly couple. Just when she took one step forward her mom looked up and smiled widely.

"Samantha?" Her mom said as she hurriedly walked to where she stood. She was wearing her waitress uniform and Sam could read her plastic nametag that read, 'Corinne'.

"Hi mom," Samantha greeted. She raised her arms a few inches before dropping them reluctantly to her side. She wanted to hug her mom but after so much time had passed it was no longer a natural gesture.

However her mom was not as apprehensive and she gingerly wrapped her arms around Sam. "It's so good to see you, Samantha."

Sam didn't reply but just put her own arms around her mom and let the reality of the moment sink in. After a few seconds her mom stepped back and, keeping her hands on Sam's biceps, she just stood there looking at her for a few beats.

Unable to bear her mom's scrutiny any longer, Sam asked, "What is it?"

Her mom's eyes looked teary and she softly said, "Nothing, it's just that it's so good to see your beautiful face." Sam could feel all the blood rush to her face as she blushed brightly. Her mom stepped back and grabbed Sam by one arm leading her towards the counter. "Come on, I want you to meet some people." Then she waved another waitress over and said, "Dee Dee, come meet my other daughter, Samantha."

A heavy set woman with short brown curly hair and a small heart shaped mouth walked over, wiping her hands on her apron. "Samantha? Corinne, you weren't kidding were you?" Dee Dee held out her hand to shake it with Sam's. "I told her there was no way her daughter could be an FBI agent and still be so stunning but just look at you. You are every bit as beautiful as your mom said."

Sam had no idea how to respond to such a compliment so she simply replied, "Um, thank you."

She glanced at her mom who was positively beaming with pride and it made Sam's heart swell to know that her mom would say such things about her considering the circumstances under which Sam left.

The rest of the afternoon visit at the diner Sam was introduced to all of her mom's co-workers from the cashier to the cook to the dishwasher in the back. She even met some of the diner's regulars. It was a bit awkward for Sam to meet so many people who had heard so much about her but who she had never even met.

After her mom clocked out and Sam said goodbye to the entire staff at the diner they made their way to the Jeep. Her mom had told her that her car had been overheating so she had been taking the bus to work. It made Sam sad to know that her mom was still struggling to make ends meet and a simple thing like a car problem could be considered a major setback. She knew that if she offered to pay for it her mom would most likely refuse so she would have to think of a way to work around it.

Sam unlocked the doors as they neared the Jeep her mom asked, "Did you rent that or is that what they give you agents to ride around in?"

"Um, actually a friend loaned it to me." Sam said as she opened up her door and climbed inside.

Corinne got in her seat and as she clicked her seatbelt she asked, "What's his name?"

Sam put the key in the ignition and asked, "What makes you think my friend is a man?"

Corinne smiled and Sam realized that she had the same mouth as her mom. "Well, first of all it just smells like a man's car – musky and leathery. There aren't any women things like hair ties, sunglasses or stray earrings tossed about. Plus, there is a man's shirt and tie tossed on the floor of the backseat."

Sam smiled as she pulled the car out of the parking lot and said, "Mom, maybe you should have been the FBI agent."

She laughed.

"So is he the friend you were staying with?" Corinne pressed.

In all the conversations Sam had with her mom she would always stray the topic off of where she was staying and more pointedly, with who. She had no idea how to explain Martin to herself let alone to her mother.

"Yes." She replied quickly, "So what time are we supposed to go to Brigid's for dinner?"

"Samantha, we're both adults now." Corinne replied as she turned in her seat to face Sam. "What do you say we start fresh and trust each other enough to be honest about who we are and what we do?"

Sam blew out a breath and replied, "Yes, it is his car."

"And what's his name?"

Sam exhaled and said, "Martin. Martin Fitzgerald."

"Martin's a good name; very professional." Her mom replied and then a little later added, "Much better than Billy." She said Billy's name like it was a bad taste in her mouth.

"Mom…." Samantha warned. She didn't want to ruin this visit by fighting. "Adults remember."

"Sorry, old habits die hard." Corinne pulled out a pack of cigarettes and a lighter. She glanced around and asked, "Is it okay if I smoke?"

"No, I don't think so." Sam turned the corner feeling slightly surprised and exhilarated that she could still remember the route home after all these years. "Can you wait until we get home?"

"Yeah, sure," Corinne blew out a breath and asked, "So what does Martin do?"

"He's an agent, too." Sam replied as she adjusted her grip on the steering wheel.

Corinne put her cigarettes back in her pocket and pulled out a pack of gum. She pulled out a stick and offered it to Sam who shook her head. Corinne unwrapped the piece of gum and asked, "What's he like?"

"Um, he's about 5'11", fit but not skinny, has short brown hair, blue eyes, dimples…." Sam started listing off Martin's physical features when Corinne interrupted.

"He sounds handsome but I meant, what's his personality? What is he like?" Corinne asked as she chewed.

"Um," Sam considered it for a moment and then began, "When you first meet him he seems like he would be really serious but he can be unexpectedly funny." Sam couldn't help but smile as she started to talk about him. "He's really nice and intelligent and friendly and genuine and kind and a great listener. He likes kids and dogs. He actually has a dog, a Labrador named Milo. He likes to golf; he's close to his family; he is a really good cook; he likes to run…" And if you nibble on his earlobe it makes him really excited Sam thought but didn't actually say aloud.

"Must be serious," Corinne replied as she tapped her fingers on the door's arm rest.

The car swerved a little as Sam turned to look at her mom. "Why would you say that?"

Corinne smiled and nodded her head for Sam to pay attention to her driving. Sam turned back to face the road.

"Well, you were practically living with him during the blizzard and you can still say nice things about him. Plus, he loaned you his car. In my experience men don't lend out cars, much less brand new ones, to women they aren't serious about."

"Yeah, well, I don't know yet." Sam replied. "Because he also tends to speak before he thinks and can sometimes be really judgmental."

"Yeah, well, that's true of all of us." Corinne said as she rubbed her knees. She laughed and added, "If you factor in defensive and a tendency to over-react you would pretty much describe all of the Spade women."

Sam glanced at her mom realizing that she was right. She knew that she had overreacted with Martin the night before but that's because she spent enough time judging herself that she didn't need to hear someone else verbalize what she already knew. But she also should have realized that what Martin wanted was reassurance that if he trusted her with his heart that she wouldn't break it all over again. After all, she felt the exact same way.

Sam pulled to a stop at a red light and softly said, "Yeah, well maybe so but this thing with Martin is still…..complicated."

"Complicated or not," Corinne began as she turned to look directly at Sam, "You should see the silly grin you get on your face when you talk about him. I've never seen you smile like that about anybody before Samantha." Corinne smiled, turned to look out the windshield and added, "Not even Billy and you married him."