Compilation of Secrets
Johnny Cade
I worry about her more than she knows. Someone has to. Sometimes I truly hate being the keeper of all of her secrets. Well, not all of her secrets. I know she won't tell me half of the shit she actually feels. But that's Lucy for you. Closed off to everything that makes her feel human. I think that she's learned it from Dallas.
I know that she is almost at the end of her rope. She has been for years. Though, I don't know why. She'll never tell me.
I go home early in the afternoon. Lucy has left to finish her community service and Pony's cramming for a test in physics or something like that. There is mail on the counter for me. I know what it is before I even open it: A draft notice. The same thing that Soda received six months ago.
It's no surprise my old man left it on the counter for me. Anything to get me out of the house. But he isn't home right now, so I take advantage of a hot shower.
Later, I gaze at myself in the mirror. I'm taller than I used to be, but somehow less lanky. I find it strange how the war becomes more exciting in my mind with every passing moment. Anything to get out of this place.
I'll miss her.
Am a really eighteen already? Why do I still feel like such a kid? I think about Lucy and how I should tell her that I'll have to leave. I'm afraid of how she will take this news. I'm afraid that she'll finally snap.
I fall asleep late that night in a bed that I never considered to be mine. I couldn't bring myself to go over to the Curtis's. She'd see through my quiet façade, like usual, and ask what was on my mind. I can't just lie to her. So I stall, instead. I click off the lamp in the bedroom so my parents won't know I was home and I toss and turn for over an hour before finally finding sleep.
There is a soft clicking noise at my window. I turn over and try to ignore the noise until what itis finally hits me. I hurry towards the window and yank it open.
"Jeez, Johnny! What are you trying to do?" She grips a stitch in her chest, but then relaxes.
"Sorry Luce," I say, "What's up?"
The sky is still disappointingly dark. I can't quite make out her face with such minimal light except for perhaps her thin nose and her dark coffee hair that drapes its way over her cheek.
She takes a minute and breaths heavily.
"It's Soda," She chokes out finally.
I pull her inside so I can hold her while she sobs into my shoulder. And all of the sudden I'm crying too.
"Johnny, can I stay here tonight?" She cries.
"Yeah, baby, sure thing," I whisper.
We curl up on the tiny twin bed and she cries herself to sleep. I feel helpless. I don't know what to say to her, how to make her feel better. So I let her sob in my arms.
"Darry?" I ask when he picks up the phone.
"Yeah," he says.
"Hey, man, it's Johnny."
"Have you seen Lucy?" He questions immediately. It's obvious that he has been up all night waiting for her return.
It takes me a minute to answer because I don't know how to tell him the truth without him being suspicious. I can't find a way, so I just tell him.
"She's here with me," I say.
"Thank gawd," he breaths. It surprises me that he doesn't question me. But I guess after your brother dies that kind of stuff doesn't matter much anymore.
"I'll bring her home," I say.
"Thanks, Johnny," he says.
There was a small silence.
"And Darry," I finally add, "I'm real sorry about Soda."
"Yeah," he says sadly, "me too."
I hang up. From the front room, I can hear an early morning bicker beginning so I decide it's best to wake Lucy up now to save her from a much harsher wake-up call.
I creep back into my room and shake her awake.
"Hey," she says and she sits up a little quicker than I expected. She hasn't been asleep, after all.
"Come on, we've got to go," I say.
She nods. Her hair is knotted at the ends and her eyes are terribly swollen from so much crying. I help her out of window because it is so much easier than sneaking out the front. I don't know what my parents would do if they found me here with her, but I'm not itching to find out.
We walk over a mile and a half to the Curtis's. I know that she is reluctant to go inside once we get to the front door, but I place my hand on the small of her back to nudge her inside. I pull away quickly after that, blushing, but she doesn't notice.
Darry bounds into the living room as soon as we enter and pulls her into a hug. Pony gazes up at me from the couch with questioning eyes. I give him a sorrowful look and hang my head a little.
"We were so worried, baby," Darry whispers.
"I know," she cries, "I'm sorry."
"It's gonna be okay, Luce," he says, though I don't think he believes that himself.
I stay with them for the rest of the day. Two-bit and Steve arrive later, but a disconcerting silence has fallen over the house. It is now that I am beginning to realize that we will never be the same; as a gang; as a family. Everything I once knew is over. I cry then, but I sit out on the front porch to hide my tears.
Pony follows me a few minutes later. He sits down on the step next to me and lights up a smoke, offering me one also. We sit in quiet for a while. Pony sniffles and I drape my arm around his shoulders.
"I don't even know what to do, Johnny. Everything's so messed up," he says quietly.
He takes a drag of his smoke.
"He can't be dead. He just can't be. Not Soda, man, not Soda," He whispers.
"I know, Pon," I say.
We finish off our cigarettes and light up fresh ones.
"How long?" He questions, suddenly.
I just look at him.
"How long…You and Lucy. How long?"
"A little under a year, I guess," I respond.
"Jeez," he sighs.
"I should've told you," I say, guiltily.
"It doesn't matter," he stands up and heads back into the house.
I can't help but wonder if I will suffer the same fate as Soda in just a few months.
A/N: I can't tell you that I'm always going to update this fast, but I'll try. I have the next few chapters written and they should be posted periodically. Look out for me! I'd like to give thanks to my awsome reviewers redxcliches (of course) and Tehsylvania! Please review!
-Avenging Angel