Chapter 27

September drew to a close and October ushered in cooler temperatures. Emma continued to heal physically, though she would rarely go out of the house alone. And riding was out of the question. She grieved for her beloved horse and hated that she had died in such a horrible way. Nick offered to buy her a new horse, but she wasn't interested. She spent most of her days indoors with Sarah, Victoria, and baby Tori, who was now pulling up and trying to walk around. Tori seemed to be everyone's bright spot. Her smiles were contagious, and she was a bundle of energy.

Sarah continued to feel an uneasiness regarding the baby she was carrying. She and Jarrod agreed not to say anything to the family just yet. Sarah was afraid that Emma would think some of it was her fault. Jarrod made plans to leave for San Francisco after the new year. He would ask Victoria to accompany them to help with Tori. Nick and Emma might enjoy having the house to themselves anyway, Jarrod surmised.

October passed without anything out of the ordinary happening. Things seemed to fall back into a normal routine. Tori's first birthday was in November and everyone excitedly celebrated the event. She enjoyed her piece of cake, so much so that she wore most of it causing the adults laughed in delight.

It was just after Thanksgiving that things began to fall apart again. Nick watched his wife with concern, knowing something was bothering her, but she insisted she was fine. She didn't look fine. She looked tired and she had withdrawn from him. Nick tried not to show how concerned he was, but his family knew him too well.

They were all sitting down at dinner one evening, enjoying some of Silas's roast beef, mashed potatoes with gravy and chocolate cake for dessert. Emma had eaten only a few bites when she knew she was going to be ill. She stood up and said as calmly as she could, "Please excuse me. I'm not feeling well."

"Is there anything I can do?" Sarah asked concerned.

"No...no. I'm just...in need of some rest."

Everyone watched Emma leave the room. Nick excused himself a minute later.

"Sweetheart? Are you alright? I'm really beginning to worry about you. Maybe you should see Doctor Merar." Nick had come in as quietly as he could and found Emma lying on the bed.

"No!" Emma said almost panicked. " I...I'm just tired. That's all. I'm still trying to sort out everything from...Please Nick don't worry. I'll be alright. I just want some extra sleep."

"Emma-"

"Nick, really." Emma smiled slightly. Nick tried not to let his worry show. He gave Emma a kiss and left the room so she could rest. But if she did not perk up in the next few days, he was going to insist that she see the doctor.

A few days later, Emma was sitting in the chair by the window. She had a secret, something that she knew would devastate her husband. Just thinking of how hurt he was going to be was enough to make her sick. She was expecting a baby. She should be happy since this was something she and Nick had been wanting, but there was one problem. She had conceived around the time David had kidnapped her. What if the baby was his? She still couldn't remember what happened that night and couldn't bear the thought that she carried another man's baby. When she thought of her husband, she shuddered. She knew she needed to tell him. This wasn't something she could keep a secret from him forever. She couldn't stand the thought of him hating her. Or looking at her with disgust. Emma heard footfalls and new that Nick was coming. He opened the door slowly and peeked his head in. He smiled when he saw her.

"Hey, sweetheart."

Nick walked over, knelt beside her, and kissed her softly. He took her hand in his.

"How would you like some time away? Just the two of us? I'm sure Heath could handle things for a while."

"That….that sounds great," Emma responded quietly.

Nick watched his wife's face. Something was wrong, he could feel it. She still looked pale and tired. He drew her into his arms and held her for a long time. Emma closed her eyes, lost in her husband's embrace. She needed to tell him her secret, but she was afraid. She didn't think she could handle any rejection from him. If he looked at her with pity or contempt, she would fall apart.

Then a chilling thought came to her. What if he never wanted to touch her again? What if he were repulsed by her? Emma's hold on him tightened. Nick felt her shudder and wondered if she was coming down with something.

"Emma, are you sure you feel alright?" He pushed back to look at her face.

Emma had a hard time meeting his eyes. A plan was forming in her mind. She had to get away. She had to spare her husband this hurt. She loved him too much. Emma gathered all her strength and actually managed a smile. Nick's heart grew hopeful when he saw it.

"I'm fine, Nick. I've just been so tired lately. I think a trip away would be just the thing to help. But would you mind if I lay down for a while? I think I could use a nap."

Nick smiled tenderly and lifted his wife in his arms. He gently placed her on their bed and placed a soft kiss on her lips. Emma's eyes closed and she returned the kiss. Nick took that as a good sign that his wife was indeed feeling better.

When they parted, he said, "I need to ride out to the south pasture today. One of the hands said he thought that last storm tore a hole in the fence line, and I need to check it out. I might not make it back for dinner, but I was thinking. Maybe tonight you and I could spend some time together. Just the two of us. I'm sure everyone wouldn't mind if we didn't stay downstairs and turned in early. What do you think?"

Emma nodded and leaned over to kiss her husband again. He smiled at her and then quietly left the room. Emma waited for a half hour before she rose and packed a small bag. She had to leave. She had to get away from here. She quietly opened her bedroom door and looked around. No one was around. She went down the back steps that entered the kitchen and was relieved to see that it was empty.

She walked quickly to the barn where Heath was working on one of the bridles. Before entering, she set her small bag down outside the door. She took a deep breath, walked in and said, "Hi, Heath. I think I'm going to go for a ride."

Heath looked up and smiled. Emma hadn't been riding for quite a while. He hoped this was the beginning of things returning to normal.

"Glad to see you are feeling better."

Emma nodded mutely. Heath helped her saddle a horse.

"We've all been worried," Heath continued. "Especially Nick."

Emma's resolve was quickly crumbling, and she knew she had to get away before she began to cry. She was afraid that once she started, she might not be able to stop.

When Heath finished helping her, he went back to his work and didn't notice Emma picking up the bag from just outside the door. She mounted the horse and rode down the path. The only place she could think of going was back to Boulder. She hurriedly rode into town, hoping that she would be in time for the afternoon train.

Emma had made it to the station with only minutes to spare. She took her seat and watched as the town of Stockton drifted away and with it the man she loved with all her heart.

Nick returned to the house several hours later. He was covered in mud from head to toe and knew he needed a bath. As he walked through the back hall, he heard the others just sitting down at the table. Heath and Cassie were there for dinner too. He could see as he walked through the upstairs that Emma was not there. He was glad she had gone down to dinner and he hoped that she would be up soon.

An hour later, finally realizing that the meal was over with a long time ago, Nick went in search of his wife. After walking through the empty dining room and through most of the downstairs, he began to worry. Where was she? Maybe he had missed her and she was back up in their room. He circled back, checking each room again and made his way up the stairs.

Earlier…

"Another great meal, Mother," Jarrod said as he led his daughter into the parlor. Tori held onto her papa's hand and was chatting to her herself. He could just make out the words, "Papa" "ball" and "play". He thought maybe she meant he was going to play some pool. He scooped her up in his arms and she giggled.

Sarah and Cassie were talking about a pattern for a christening outfit. Sarah had it up in her room and the two women excused themselves to go look at it. When they reached the top of the stairs, they found Nick coming from his room, clearly upset.

"Have you seen Emma?"

"No, not since early this morning."

"You mean she didn't come down to dinner?"

"No, is she not in your room?" Cassie asked.

"No. I just checked."

Nick went downstairs and found Jarrod, Heath and Victoria were in the parlor with Tori.

"What's wrong?" Jarrod asked, watching his brother come into the room. He caught the look on Sarah's face as she came up behind Nick and knew something had happened.

"I can't find Emma."

"Maybe she's not back from her ride," Heath said, beginning to worry.

"What do you mean her ride?"

"She came down earlier today and said she was going to go for a ride. I helped her saddle one of the horses and then she left. When I didn't see her at dinner, I figured she went upstairs." Heath was kicking himself for not checking earlier to make sure she had returned safely.

Nick ran back into his room. Something wasn't right but he couldn't put his finger on it. He went to the wardrobe and opened the door. He saw that some of her clothing was missing as was her valise. He groaned loudly.

Jarrod, Sarah, and Heath were all standing in the doorway watching Nick.

"Nick, what's wrong?"

Nick turned to them with an anguished face and said, "She's gone."

Nick, Jarrod and Heath saddled up and rode into Stockton. Nick went to the train station and Jarrod went to check the hotel. Heath decided to go to the livery to see if the horse was there by chance. All three agreed to meet at Jarrod's office to discuss what they'd found.

Jarrod arrived first and then Heath. Heath told him that the horse he had saddled for Emma was left at the livery and the smithy was given instructions to return it to the ranch tomorrow. Nick walked into Jarrod's office his shoulders slumped. Shad had told Nick that Emma bought a ticket to Denver, Colorado and had left on the last train out.

Nick sat with his head in his hands. "I knew something was wrong with her. I knew it! Why did I leave her this afternoon? My gut kept telling me something wasn't right, but I didn't pay attention."

Heath and Jarrod listened to Nick, their hearts going out to him. Heath placed a hand on his brother's shoulder and Jarrod said, "Let's go home and try to get some rest, Nick. You can leave on the first train out in the morning and catch up with her."

Nick nodded and the three brothers rode home. Sarah, Cassie and Victoria met them at the door, but Nick didn't speak, going instead to his room. Jarrod filled them in and told them Nick would be leaving first thing in the morning.

Nick sat in the chair by the window. He couldn't bring himself to lie down in his bed. Why had she left? His mind kept asking over and over. He heard someone crying and then realized it was himself. The sobs racked his body as he fell onto the floor.