A/N In somewhat of a running theme, pleas accept my apology for the large delay in posting (again). No promises on how quickly the next chapter will come after this one!
Taking a deep breath, JJ knocked on the door to Emily's hotel room. She'd checked at the front desk on her way in, and confirmed that the brunette agent had already returned from the hospital.
"Coming" Emily called out.
Opening the door, the brunette didn't look particularly surprised to see JJ stood there.
"Hi" the blonde smiled wryly.
"Hey. You wanna come in?"
"Umm yeah, if that's ok?"
"Sure" Emily shrugged, stepping aside to let the blonde past.
"Thanks. Everything ok with Jenna at the hospital?" JJ asked, attempting to sound breezy.
"Yeah, fine. I mean, she was pretty shaken up, but that's only to be expected. Her husband seemed like he was gonna take pretty good care of her"
"Good, I'm glad"
"So" Emily folded her arms, making eye contact with the blonde "are you gonna tell me what's up with you today, or do I need to torture it out of you?"
"Ok" JJ took another deep breath "I'm gonna need you to just let me talk, ok? And it would probably be easier if you didn't look at me…"
The brunette laughed, taking a seat on the bed "Right. I mean, there's not many places I can look given how small this room is, but I'm sure I can find something interesting on the floor or someplace on the wall"
"So" the blonde cleared her throat nervously "I fucked up today. I know that, and I guess everybody else knows it too. The thing is, for the first time ever, I let my...emotions...get in the way of my work. Something I swore I would never do. Just for a moment, I lost my focus, and I let everyone down"
JJ began pacing in the small space between the bed and the wall, aware that the brunette had given up pretending not to look at her.
"Ok…" Emily encouraged slowly "you wanna tell me what's got to you so bad that you missed a shot? We both know you're the quickest draw on the team"
"The thing is…" the blonde swallowed "the thing is, it's gonna sound totally stupid. But I was...jealous. God, I sound like such an idiot"
"Jealous?" Emily's brow furrowed "I don't understand?"
"There was this...look, that you and Morgan shared. And I know, it's totally pathetic, and I have no right to be jealous and I have no claim on you or anything, but I couldn't help it. Just for a moment I couldn't focus, like the whole thing had just thrown me completely off kilter. I've never had such a physical reaction to an emotion before, and the whole thing just made me freeze. It kind of caught me unawares...just how strongly I felt. And so uh...yeah, that's where my mind went"
The brunette got to her feet slowly "Ok. You're not making a huge amount of sense right now Jayje. First of all, I genuinely have no idea what "look" you're talking about, and secondly, since when has Morgan and I looking at each other been enough to make you fuck up at work?"
"You're gonna make me say it, aren't you?"
"Given that I honestly have no idea what "it" is, yeah, I'm sorry but I am"
JJ exhaled "I like you. More than just like you. And I know this whole thing between us….well, us and Morgan, was meant to be casual. But it's more than that to me. I have feelings for you. And with hindsight, I always have and I should never have let it get to this point. But here we are. I have feelings for you, and seeing you and Morgan look at each other like that made me jealous"
Emily's eyebrows raised as she slowly took in what the blonde was saying "You...have feelings for me?"
"I do"
"Wow"
It was the blonde's turn to raise her brows "I'm not sure I've ever heard you be so eloquent"
"This is...it's just a lot to take in, Jayje"
"Yeah…" JJ scoffed ironically "yeah, it is"
"So" Emily closed her eyes, running a hand through her hair "here are my thoughts. In no particular order, because I just want to be honest with you"
"Ok" the blonde bit her lip nervously.
"I had no idea you had feelings for me. No, ok, that's not quite what I meant. I knew this...thing...between us was more than sex. At least, it felt like that from my side. There was always something more to it with us. I just...I've spent a lot of time very deliberately not processing how I feel because...well, that's who I am. And so this has thrown me a bit, because I guess...I guess I'm going to have to confront my own feelings. But the thing is…" Emily exhaled "what happened today. That can't happen again. I'm not ok with being the reason you fuck up. More than that, I'm definitely not ok with being the reason people's lives get put at risk. So this...this whole thing is basically a non-starter. We can't do this anymore...whatever this is"
"Em...don't say that. I don't know what came over me, but I swear it won't happen again…"
"But that's the thing. You don't know that. You didn't set out to freeze up today. I know you, you'd never deliberately do anything to jeopardise your work, let alone the safety of the team. But it still happened. You fucked up, Jayje. I've never seen you like that before. I know it all worked out ok, but my god, a woman could have died today, and all because you read into the way someone looked at me. I'm sorry but I just can't take the pressure that all of that comes with"
"I'm sorry Em, please just give me a chance to…"
"No" Emily interrupted firmly "I can't Jen. I can't even begin to consider anything more happening between us if there's a chance something like today could happen again. I'm sorry, and honestly I'm really trying to process all this at hyper speed right now, but I know that I can't do this"
Slowly JJ allowed her eyes to meet the brunette's "So you're saying that if I hadn't fucked up today, then…"
The brunette shook her head "Don't go there, Jayje"
"Be honest with me, please. Surely I at least deserve that"
Despite herself, Emily took hold of the blonde's hands "Please...don't make this harder than it already is"
"What, harder than me telling you that I have feelings for you and then getting completely rejected?"
"This…" Emily closed her eyes and took a deep breath "I'm not rejecting you. This isn't about how I feel, or don't feel. This is about me saying that I absolutely cannot do this. I can't risk something like today happening again. And if that means you and I are done, then that's the way it has to be"
"Don't" JJ stepped back, releasing her hands from the brunette's "don't give me that bullshit"
"Bullshit?" the brunette laughed "I'm sorry if the truth is hard for you to hear. But you've had so many chances, so damn many chances, to tell me how you felt. But you didn't. Instead you let it get to the point where you put people's lives in danger. So I'm sorry that this isn't how you expected me to react JJ but I can't be responsible for that"
"Why the hell are you so angry with me?" the blonde asked.
"Because you should have told me. You should have fucking said something Jayje!"
"I barely knew myself, can't you understand that?"
Emily shook her head "It's too late. You need to go"
"Emily, please…"
"Get out. Now"
JJ opened her mouth to respond, but one look at the firm expression on the brunette's face made her think better of it. She kept her eyes on Emily's as she walked towards the door, finally turning away from her to open it. She waited for another word from the brunette, but nothing came, and she soon found herself in the corridor heading towards her own room.
As she used her keycard in her door, she could think of nothing but the exchange that she had just had with Emily. Of all the possible scenarios that she could have imagined, the one that occurred had never been one that she could have conceived. Obviously, she'd hoped that her confession would have elicited a positive response where Emily would have told her that she felt the same way and they could have sailed off into the sunset or some other bullshit. Worst case scenario, she'd expected Emily to apologise and tell her that sadly she didn't feel the same way. But this? This response that suggested that Emily might have feelings for her too, but wasn't willing to pursue them? She had no idea how to process this. Part of her was kicking herself for letting her own stupid jealousy ruin her chances. Or even for not telling Emily how she felt sooner. But another part was mad at the brunette for reacting the way that she had.
Half angry, half upset, JJ got herself out of her work clothes. It was too early to be going to bed, but she got into her pyjamas anyway. It wasn't like she packed casual outfits for a work trip, given that most of the time they barely had time to sleep.
Her hotel room had a tv in it, although the blonde was fairly sure it was older than she was. She turned it on, allowing the sound of the reruns of a soap opera to fill the silence.
She had no idea how long had passed when she was snapped out of her trance by the sound of knocking on her door. Sighing, she got up off of the bed and went to open the door. Her eyes widened when she saw Emily standing in the doorway.
"Erm...hi" she greeted the brunette hesitantly.
Without waiting for an invitation, Emily walked into the room.
"I'm mad at you" the brunette stated firmly.
"Ok…."
"You messed up today and you've put me in a fucking impossible position"
"Ok, and you know I'm really sorry about…"
"I'm not done" Emily interrupted "I'm pissed that you had so many damn opportunities to tell me how you felt, before it came to this. If you'd told me before, it would have been easy. So I'm fucking mad that you put me in this position"
"Easy? Really?"
"Easier"
"You think anything about this is easy?" JJ asked softly.
"No" Emily replied, her gaze burning into the blonde's "but I think it would have been easier if you'd said something sooner"
"Well, as they say, hindsight is a wonderful thing"
The brunette clenched her hands against her sides, exhaling loudly "I'm mad at you"
"So you said"
Emily slowly stepped forwards, edging closer to the blonde "I'm really mad at you"
"I understand that" JJ breathed, barely recognising her own voice.
"So fucking mad"
Before the blonde had the chance to respond to Emily's latest statement, she felt hands cupping her cheeks, pulling her closer until soft lips pressed against hers. The moment that their lips met, the storm of emotions spilled over and she found herself desperately clutching at the brunette, pressing their bodies together as their mouths moved together hungrily.
Emily's hands slid under the blonde's top, caressing the smooth skin of her hips and lower back.
"I need to touch you" the brunette whispered, before delving her tongue into JJ's mouth.
The blonde shook her head, gripping Emily's hips "No. I need to touch you first. I'm not some thing that you can take when you feel like it"
The brunette slowly lifted her head, letting herself meet JJ's gaze "You'll never be that, I promise you"
"Then let me touch you"
Emily's pupils dilated as she nodded, her lips slightly parted.
Slowly, deliberately, JJ reached forwards and unbuttoned Emily's jeans. Their eyes locked together as she slid down the zipper, and both of them instinctively held their breath. Stepping even closer, the blonde maintained the eye contact as she slid her hand slowly into Emily's underwear. The moment that her fingers made contact with the brunette's wetness, she gasped.
"You want this" JJ stated confidently.
"Yes" the brunette whimpered "yes I want this"
"You want me"
Emily nodded "Fuck yes. That was never in doubt"
JJ's fingers sought out the brunette's clit, slowly starting to circle it as she used her free hand to grip hold of Emily's shirt. Their lips crashed together again, and the blonde could feel Emily's nails digging into her back. She used her free hand to tug down the brunette's jeans and underwear until they were close to her knees.
"Jayje" the brunette breathed "I need you...please let me touch you"
JJ nodded, but continued kissing the brunette. She backed her slowly towards the bed, and taking the hint, Emily sat down, with the blonde's fingers never stopping their movement against her clit. Breaking the kiss for a moment, JJ looked down at the brunette, pressing her fingertip against her clit.
Emily moaned, and reached out to pull down the blonde's pyjama bottoms. Her fingers didn't hesitate to slide between JJ's legs, curling up inside her.
The moment that the brunette's fingers entered her, JJ groaned. She slowly lowered herself onto Emily's lap, her own fingers still pressing against the brunette as she rested on top of her. She wrapped her free arm around Emily's neck as she began to grind down against her, her own fingers continuing to circle the brunette's clit.
Their bodies moved together, rocking against one another as their fingers desperately tried to bring each other closer to the edge. Their mouths joined again, their tongues seeking each other out as their hips rocked towards one another.
"Fuck Emily" the blonde gasped "you feel so good"
The brunette let her lips roam over JJ's chest, her fingers deep inside the blonde as she could feel herself being brought closer and closer to the bodies pressed together as they continued to thrust against one another.
JJ tugged on the brunette's hair, forcing her head back so that they were looking at one another. She slowly and deliberately rocked her hips, moaning as she watched Emily's lips part in a gasp.
"JJ" the brunette moaned "I'm so close...you're so good…"
The blonde leant her head down, kissing Emily deeply and letting her tongue take possession of the brunette's mouth.
"I want you to come, Emily" JJ breathed against her lips "I want you to come while you're inside me"
"Fuck!" the brunette gasped "Jennifer…."
Emily cried out, her face pressed tight against the blonde's chest.
"Oh my god" she whimpered "fuck JJ, fuck!"
JJ pulled the brunette close against her, tangling her hands in Emily's hair.
As Emily came down from her high, she increased the pace with which she was thrusting her fingers up into the blonde. Her thumb sought out JJ's clit as her fingers curled inside her, and she wrapped her other arm around the blonde to hold her close.
"Fuck….fuck that feels so good…" JJ threw her head back.
Emily's fingers continued to move, pressing against the sensitive spot inside the blonde as her thumb continued to circle her clit. JJ's hands grabbed onto her shoulders, giving herself more leverage to rock her hips down as she sought out greater contact with the brunette's fingers.
"God you're so hot" Emily purred.
JJ crashed over the edge, clutching desperately at the brunette as she rode out her orgasm. Whimpering, she cupped Emily's cheeks, tilting her head up so that she could press their lips together.
Slowly, she let her breathing recover, her eyes still closed as she tried to absorb every moment of being this close to the brunette.
"Are you still mad at me?" the blonde breathed against Emily's lips.
"Yes"
JJ lifted her head and her eyes met the brunette's "You are?"
Emily slowly nodded her head "I am. And I know that this was probably a terrible idea but I...I can't help myself when it comes to you"
JJ left a lingering kiss on the brunette's lips before climbing off of her lap "I...I think you should go"
Emily stood up and fixed her clothes "I umm...I'll see you in the morning"
"Yeah"
"Night Jen"
"Night"
It wasn't until the door shut behind Emily that JJ let the tears start to fall.