Chapter 30

The third week of February...

"Emma!" Nick Barkley called his wife's name as he came through the door. When he didn't hear a response, he called again. "EMMA!"

"My goodness, Nick, can you give me a minute to answer you? I don't move as fast as I used to, you know!" Emma stood at the top of the stairs, still in her nightgown. Nick ran up the stairs to greet his lovely wife. He was concerned because it was almost lunchtime and she hadn't yet dressed for the day.

After placing a kiss on her lips, he asked, "Are you not feeling well?"

Emma's eyes filled with tears.

Nick gathered his wife in his arms. "Sweetheart, what's wrong?"

"Nothing fits now. I can't get my dresses to button around my middle and I haven't been able to fit into my pants for a long while."

Nick smiled, though he hid it carefully. Emma would have a fit if she thought he found this funny. Nick wouldn't mind if she stayed in her nightgown for the rest of the pregnancy, especially this one. It was nice and shear and had a scoop neck that drove him wild! He schooled his features and pulled his wife back to look at her.

"Have you tried Sarah's closet? She probably left something here that she wore when she was expecting. I'm sure she wouldn't mind if you borrowed something of hers until we could get into town?"

Emma snorted. "Like anything of hers would fit! I'd have to leave the top unbuttoned."

Nick did smile at this. His wife was much more "endowed" than Sarah. Emma saw him and smiled too. She knew her husband well enough to know what he was thinking.

"I'll look though. Maybe one of my blouses and some of her skirts would work. Then I'll go into town in a few days and buy something from the dress shop. I've been putting it off for too long anyway."

One of the things that Nick loved about his wife was the fact that she could see the positive in anything. She could become discouraged over things, but she always tried to see the best of a situation.

"That's my girl."

"Why are you home so early?" Emma asked, just realizing the time.

Nick held up a piece of paper.

"Telegram from Mother. She and Tori will be returning tomorrow."

Emma frowned. "Any news on Jay?"

Nick shook his head. "Mother just said that Jarrod, Sarah and Jay were going to Sacramento to see a doctor and that she and Tori would be coming back here. Maybe this new doctor will help?"

Emma nodded, hoping it would be so.

"Your mother is probably eager to see Heath's and Cassie's little one too." The week before, Cassie gave birth to a healthy baby boy, Jonathon Morgan. Both mother and baby were doing well, and the doting father had a perpetual smile on his face. Nick agreed his mother was probably eager to see the newest Barkley.

"Where's Silas?" Nick asked, noticing how quiet it was.

"He went into town for some supplies. I'll get your lunch."

Nick grabbed his wife's hand as she walked by. She looked up at him, wondering what was wrong.

"When did he leave?"

A knowing smile played on Emma's lips. "About a half hour ago. Said he wouldn't be back for several hours." As she said this, she moved closer to her husband.

It was Nick's turn to smile. "Any particular place you want to go?"

Emma thought. "Maybe we should just go to our room. We almost gave poor Silas a heart attack the last time we were in the library!"

Nick laughed out loud. He would never forget the look on the old man's face when he walked in and found them on the billiard table. Silas was still having a hard time looking either of them in the eye. Nick led the way to their room and the couple enjoyed one of their last few moments alone in the house.

Jarrod and Sarah were silent as they made their way to Sacramento. Both were lost in their thoughts which were centered on their son. Jay was just over a month old now, though he was still so tiny. Sarah had given up on nursing him. He didn't seem to have the strength to do it and she didn't have energy to keep trying. They found someone who could give them goat's milk and Jay had seemed to take to that. It was encouraging for a few weeks, but he still was not gaining much weight, if any at all.

Jarrod thought back on their conversation with Dr. Allen when he informed them of Jay's test results.

"Jay has what we refer to as a heart defect. For reasons that we cannot explain, sometimes the heart does not develop as it should. We know so little about the heart at this time, though many doctors are doing research. The reason Jay is having such a hard time with eating is because his heart is having to work hard to keep blood pumping through it. This makes him tired and uninterested in food. You've no doubt noticed the blue tinge to his lips?"

Both Jarrod and Sarah nodded. Neither seemed capable of speech.

"What exactly are you telling us, Doctor?" Jarrod asked finally finding his voice.

Dr. Allen paused. He looked down for a moment before looking each of the parents in the eye.

"Because Jay's heart isn't working as it should, his condition will not get better, but worse. I'm afraid that your son is dying."

Sarah began crying softly and she reached out her hand to her husband. He took it, though he didn't remember doing so. Jarrod looked at the doctor in shock, unwilling to comprehend what he was saying.

Finally, after a few minutes of silence, Jarrod said, "You'll not be offended if we seek a second opinion?"

Dr. Allen regarded the man before him. He had heard of Jarrod Barkley. One couldn't live in the state of California without knowing who he was. He was a formidable attorney, both in and out of the courtroom. But the man sitting before Dr. Allen now, was a father. The father of a child who would probably not live to see his first birthday. He would be lucky if he even made it to be six months old. No, the doctor was not offended.

"I was prepared for you to ask, Mr. Barkley. I've written down some names of colleagues. A few are here in San Francisco and several more in Sacramento." The doctor passed a piece of paper to Jarrod who folded it and placed it in his jacket's pocket. He stood then and Sarah stood with him. She was still crying softly.

"Thank you for your time, doctor."

Dr. Allen shook Jarrod's hand and said, "I hope one of these other doctors is able to help you, Mr. Barkley." However, I doubt their conclusion will be any different, though he kept this to himself.

Jarrod nodded to him and escorted his wife out the door. It was inconceivable that this was happening. They would find a doctor who could help them if they had to go to the ends of the earth. Jay was going to be fine.

Jarrod looked over at his wife who was dozing off. He gently removed Jay from her arms. She woke for a moment, then realized what he was doing. She smiled sadly at him and then drifted off. Jarrod looked down at his tiny son, willing the train to move faster to their destination. He would not give up. They would find someone to help them.

Jarrod and Sarah had appointments with four doctors in Sacramento. Two had been on Dr. Allen's list and the other two had been referred to them. Dr. Peeler and Dr. Warner were heart specialists, but not for children. They agreed to see Jay but didn't feel they had anything to offer to help him. Their research was really just beginning. They just didn't know enough about the heart yet to give them any hope. Dr. Peeler suggested they see another doctor, Kyle Monte. He specialized in children's medicine, though not on the heart. However, maybe he would have some answers. But Dr. Monte wasn't any help either. The final doctor they were referred to was a man by the name of Marc Lessin. They had an appointment with him for the next day.

Sarah grew more and more frustrated with each doctor's visit. No one seemed to have any answers for them. She knew Jarrod was feeling the same frustration. And Sarah hated to see her son put through so many tests. It just seemed to weaken him further. He was stuck with needles and probed so much that Sarah cringed when she thought of taking him to another doctor. But Jarrod was sure they were doing the right thing.

Sarah had put Jay down to sleep and found Jarrod sitting at the desk in the corner of the room. Their hotel room was a nice size and quite elegant. Had they not been there for Jay's health, Sarah would have enjoyed being there with her husband.

Jarrod was reading a book that he had bought earlier that day. Sarah hadn't paid much attention to it at the time, but now she asked him about it.

"It's a medical book. I saw a copy of it on Dr. Peeler's desk."

Sarah's brow furrowed. "But what do you hope to gain by reading it?"

"Maybe I can find something they've missed."

Sarah shook her head. "Jarrod, you're no doctor. What would you say to a layman who was reading a law book in order to be his own defense lawyer?"

Jarrod's look was one of annoyance. "At least I'm trying to do something."

Sarah was taken back by his words. "Are you suggesting that I'm not?"

Jarrod closed his eyes. He was tired and weary of the doctor visits just as Sarah was.

"I'm sorry, Sarah. I'm just frustrated. I didn't mean it the way it sounded."

Sarah pushed away her hurt. She accepted his apology and placed her hands on his shoulders and rubbed them for a time. She then leaned in close to his ear and whispered.

"Come to bed with me?" she asked.

Jarrod shook his head. "I want to finish this. I'm just getting to some interesting cases about children Jay's age. I'll be along in a while."

Sarah swallowed back her disappointment. She needed her husband right now. She needed all of him. Sarah changed into her nightgown and checked on Jay before turning in. He looked so peaceful as he slept. As she had for the past six weeks, Sarah cried herself to sleep.