A/N: Thanks to everyone who reviewed! Those of you who have no stamp money, "borrow" it from your friends! Steal it from underclassmen, even if you are one! It's for a good cause anyone should willingly give you stamp money! Get it by any means necessary! THE END JUSTIFIES THE MEANS! Do whatever you have to get the 37 cents to send those letters!

Starfire took a deep breath and then she turned on the TV and connected to Tamaran, "Greetings Galfore," she said, "I have most wondrous news."

"You're coming back to Tamaran?" he asked

"Yes-"

"Wonderful!"

"I have not finished, it is because I wish to have my wedding there. I am marrying Robin."

Pause.

"Excuse me for a moment." He walked out of the room and screamed, yes it was heard on earth.

"Pay up!" B.B said, "We can hear him scream!"

"That could be anybody," Cyborg said. B.B glared at him, "Fine you win," he gave B.B the money.

(A/N: The italics are when they're speaking Tamaranean.)

"WHY DO YOU WANT TO MARRY SCRAWNY EARTH BOY? He not royalty!" Galfore asked Starfire.

"You once told me to follow my heart!" She answered.

"That was when you were sixteen! I didn't think you'd still like that earth boy! I would shoot myself if I was with my girlfriend from when I was sixteen. Blackfire," he called her over, "Would you like to be with your boyfriend from when you were sixteen?"

"Hell no," Blackfire said without question, "He was cute and all but seriously that guy couldn't rob an unlocked bank with no security cameras."

"Robin is different!" Starfire said, "And you told me to follow my heart."

"What I meant to say was that you should follow your heart to Tamaran and marry a nice Tamaranean boy of nobility!" Galfore told her.

"I have found my husband on Earth and if you do not accept him we shall be married here before you can come get me and none of you shall be invited."

"You are bluffing."

"I will do it!"

"No you won't."

"Yes, I WILL." They continue to argue, Beast Boy and Cyborg were speculating on what they were saying, Raven was giving Robin a polygraph test.

"Think he's gonna let them get hitched?" B.B asked.

"Yeah," Cyborg said, "but they'll put him through some bizarre ritual."

"Wanna put your money on that?"

"Sure."

Cut to Raven and Robin "Have you ever smoked cigarettes?" Raven asked.

"No." Robin said.

"Have you ever taken pot, grass, weed, dope or whatever you call it?"

"No."

"Crack?"

"No."

"Speed?"

"No."

"Angel dust?"

"No."

"Ecstasy?"

"No."

"Glue or sharpie markers?"

"No."

"Opium?"

"No. Why do I have to go through with this?"

"You're marrying Starfire. She had the right to know if you're a drug addict. You on LSD?"

"No." The machine was going off a little bit.

"Yes I'm sure that you never had 'Slade dust' more than once."

"No." The machine was still going off.

"Beast Boy so owes me money now. Are you on stimulants?"

"No."

"What if I were to tell you some people put 'roids in that category?"

"No! I AM NOT ON STERIODS!" The machine was going off like crazy.

"Sure you're not… Are you cheating on Starfire?"

"I thought you were supposed to be asking me about drugs?"

"How am I supposed to know you didn't get high and run off with some girl? You're marrying Starfire, she needs to know this. Are you cheating on her?"

"No."

Raven looked at the machine and saw it said he wasn't lying, "Damn it."

"What?"

"I owe Cyborg five bucks."

"You really need to stop betting on everything."

"When you get off the steroids," she looked at his ridiculously small build, "or find some that work." Robin glared at her.

Cut to Starfire, she's been arguing with Galfore for a while they have just reached an agreement.

"Robin is not Tamaranean, we shall have to make him one. Then you may marry him."

"Many thanks! This is most joyous and wonderful!" she said with hearts in her eyes.

"Good, he must meet every thing on this list," the list began to print out and because it was written in Tamaranean it looked several hundred times longer than it was.

Things scrawny earth boy must do before marrying Princess Starfire, who he will always be beneath

1. Convert to the Tamaranean Orthodox Church.

2. Learn Tamaranean etiquette.

3. Wear traditional Tamaranean formal clothing at the wedding.

4. Pass the Tamaranean citizenship test.

5. Swear loyalty to Tamaran.

6. Prove that he will never let Starfire know poverty or hunger.

7. Sign a document that should you ever get divorced says Starfire gets everything.

8. We must meet the family of the earth boy.

After the above have been completed earth boy shall be permitted to marry Starfire, but I will still not be happy about it.

A/N: In short, get baptized, eat the food, lift the big arse cups, wear the clothes expose Batman to Tamaranean culture, and go through many other painful and humiliating tasks. Muhahaha!

"Thank you! I shall inform Robin and I am sure he would be more than happy to complete your list!" The TV shut off, the list was at least six feet long. Robin was done with his lie detector test.

"He's on steroids and LSD," Raven said, "I suggest you reconsider-" Starfire didn't pay attention to her.

"Robin," she said, "Galfore says that we shall have his approval to wed if you complete all of the tasks on this list," she held up the list, Robin fainted, "it is not as long as it seems."

After an explanation

"So what exactly does he mean by Tamaranean etiquette and formal clothing?" Robin asked kind of nervously.

"It shall be simple," Starfire said, "it is merely table manners," Robin twitched, "and we shall have to purchase your klorpa on Tamaran."

"What's a klorpa?"

"It is the Tamarainen version of what I believe is worn in the land of Scots known as a kilt."

"You have got to be kidding me."

"All handsome young men wear them. The only men, who wear pants, are weak cowardly men who haven't enlisted in the military on a voluntary basis." Robin started banging his head on the wall, "and I shall teach you table manners here so that you will make Galfore happy. But first we must pick the date and make plans."

Later…

"This was a really hard decision," Robin said to B.B and Cyborg, "but only one of you could be my best man-"

"Hold it!" B.B said, "Me and Cyborg are best friends so we're gonna be each other's best man!"

"Yeah," Cyborg said, "we wouldn't be able to return the favor, you'd be better off finding someone else."

"And didn't Starfire say that your best man would also have to convert to her freaky religion too? Cuz I'm staying a member of the Church of Nintendo for life!"

"Thanks." Robin said sarcastically, "Thanks a lot."

"Happy we could help!"

Later Robin asked Speedy, Aqualad, Hot Spot, Wilderbeast, Kid Flash, Red Star, Jericho, Mas, Menos and just about every other male superhero he could think of, they all refused when he said they'd have to convert. Poor Robin… NOT! Cut to Starfire.

"Raven," she said happily, "would you like to be my maid of the honor?"

"Wow…" Raven was a little confused and shocked, "you don't have some best friend on Tamaran?"

"No."

"Do I have to change my religion?"

"No that is just for the best man and Robin."

"Ok, sure." Starfire hugged Raven, Raven's eyes popped.

"This is most wonderful! You will get to wear Tamaranean clothing!" Raven pictured herself in Starfire's outfit and started twitching while Starfire rambled on about how fun everything would be. Raven fainted. Robin never could find a best man. Seeing that Terra was a rock, they were gonna get her baptized into Starfire's religion but later found out it wouldn't work because they needed Terra's consent, which they could not get, she is a rock. Two days before the wedding they got Predator to fill in as Robin's best man.

Starfire set the table like they did in Tamaran, it collapsed due to the weight of the goblets, after purchasing a new table and setting that one…

"This is our only utensil," she held up one of those big three pronged forks, "before special occasions we have the toast, as the groom you must make one, you are to simply lift the cup and say what you will say at the wedding."

"Eh? I have to lift that?" Robin asked remembering what happened last time.

"Yes."

"Ok then…" he tried to lift it in vain.

"Do you need any help?"

"No, I can do it."

"Are you sure?"

"I have to do this by myself."

"As you wish." She walked away.

"Think he can lift it?" Raven asked Cyborg.

"Seven bucks says he asks for Star's help." Cyborg said.

"My money says he'll be there for hours, days, maybe even weeks. Then he'll give up, get really mad at himself and try to lift it again only to realize that he couldn't lift that cup in the first place."

Several hours later…

Robin is still trying to lift that cup. Then Starfire walked in with a sippy-cup.

"Young children use these; they are much lighter in weight perhaps you would like to use this one?"

"No thanks, I'll be able to lift this any minute now."

Any Minute Now…

He is still trying to lift the cup.

"Robin," Raven said, "it's been two days, and you still fail to lift the drinking vessel. I recommend you change the brand of steroids your taking." Robin glared at her.

"You could ask Starfire for help." Cyborg suggested, "This is her thing."

"Don't, it's an insult to the quark sized amount of virility you have." Robin glared at Raven again.

"Don't listen to Raven, ask Starfire for help."

"He's only doing this so he can blackmail you later."

"No," Robin said, "the two of you placed a bet on something having to do with me and this cup. I'm not listening to either of you."

Raven and Cyborg gave Robin the death stare.

Robin never was able to lift that cup. They agreed that they'd get him a bootleg cup that was made out of a lighter material. After Robin learned Tamaranean table manners, the titans along with Batman flew to Tamaran.

"So Starfire, you're from Tamaran?" Batman asked.

"Yes," Starfire said, "and I am sure that my family will be no less than overjoyed when they meet you!"

"Ten bucks says Batman will be traumatized for life after this." Raven said aside to B.B.

"Word" B.B said.

"How long have you known each other?"

"At least eleven years." Starfire said.

"When did you start dating?"

"Three months, one week, two days, seven hours, two minutes and forty three seconds ago!"

"Isn't that kind of weird?"

"Not really, for the majority of those eleven years Robin was in denial, but then the disbelief, bargaining, anger and finally acceptance came very quickly.

-The Trauma Cycle Robin Style- (A/N: I'm not sure if this is the right order or even the right phases... but who cares?)

Phase 1: Denial

Robin: SHE'S NOT MY GIRLFRIEND!

Phase 2: Disbelief

Slade: Robin, I am… your fourth cousin on your mother's side. That's right; we have the same great-great-great-grandparents!

Robin: (pale with fear) No way…

Slade: Way.

Phase 3: Bargaining

Pharmacist: Sorry, I can't sell you these steroids, you're too young kid.

Robin: I'll give you anything! The R-cycle? My mask? I'll be your body guard! ANYTHING!

Phase 4: Anger

Robin: THOSE BOOTLEG STERIODS YOU SOLD ME DIDN'T WORK!

Slade: Oh dear me, I must've given you estrogen by mistake. No wonder you're so bitchy, all of those female hormones must be screwing up your normal menstruation cycle.

Robin: DIE SLADE!(Jumps Slade, Slade flips him over, then throws him against the wall)

Phase 5: Acceptance

Robin: (strangling one of Starfire's fanboys) She's mine! Go hit on Raven!

Raven: (gives Robin the death stare)

Robin: (realizes everyone is staring at him, goes back into denial)

-End Trauma Cycle-

"Interesting…" Batman said, "Starfire, how did you learn English?"

"It's a really long complicated story." Robin said.

"It's not complicated," Raven said, "he's traumatized." Robin glared at her.

"I'd rather not talk about it."

"But it was most humorous." Starfire said, "Let us tell him."

"Maybe some other time…"

"I'll tell Batman!" B.B said, Robin smacked his forehead, "So the Doom Patrol was all 'Beast Boy you can take care of your own ass go join the teen titans' and I'm all 'FINE MAYBE I WILL!' so then I did join the teen titans. So it was me and Robin right, then we saw Raven total some car cuz the guy tried to pull her into it and kidnap her then she totally kicked his ass and it was awesome and then Robin was all 'Join our group' and she was all 'sure, you suck man' and then we saw Cyborg and he joined cuz he's awesome and then we saw Starfire chasing after some alien and shooting at it and we were all 'wicked!' and she was all 'DIE!' in Tamaranean so maybe she was saying something else but I think it was 'DIE!' and then she killed the thing right, so we cheered her on, except for Raven who was reading some boring crap by some dead guy," Raven glared at him, "but Starfire didn't know any English so we couldn't talk to her and she was all tryin to talk to us but she couldn't so then we tried to talk to her and couldn't and then I came to the rescue with a Klingon-English dictionary! Then Starfire was all-"

"Beast Boy," Raven said, "that is not what happened."

"Fine if you think you can tell it better, go ahead."

"I had just met up with Robin, Cyborg and Beast Boy after ditching Azarath. Starfire killed a monster that was chasing her; we had no way to communicate. I couldn't care less, Beast Boy was reading random Kilngon words out of a geek dictionary like an idiot," B.B glared at her, "Robin was actually thinking of a way we could teach her English but then she figured it out for herself, traumatizing Robin up until recently… I think." B.B and Cyborg started to snicker.

A/N: I'm not saying how she learned English, you can look it up for yourself or if you're lazy and you wanna wait for it to air, I think it'll happen in the episode "Go!" then again it might not and we'll never see it, unless there's a SEASON SIX! Send those letters to cartoon network! Force your friends too! I will give anyone who writes at least two letters a cookie!

"Thank you for not going into detail." Robin said with his head down in shame.

"Forget I asked," Batman said, "I don't think I want to know."

"Trust me," Raven said, "it'd be better if you didn't."

A/N: Next chapter they get to meet the family and Robin is forced to endure Starfire's over protective little brother. Muhahaha…. while you're waiting for the update, send your save teen titans letters to cartoon network! If you need some motivation, just think of the little kids in pre-k that will cry when they find out the teen titans are dead for good. If you can live with that… you're sick, in the worst possible way.