Chapter 32

Nick and Emma met Sarah and Jay at the train station. They had never seen her looking as tired and pale as she did now. Jay was sleeping, which Sarah said he did most of the time.

When Nick asked about Jarrod, Sarah's eyes filled with tears. She shook her head and said she didn't want to discuss it. Nick couldn't help but become angry with his brother, but held it in. Sarah didn't need the added burden of seeing it.

When they arrived at the house Victoria was waiting for them. Sarah's eyes filled with tears as her mother-in-law took the still sleeping Jay from his mother's arms. Victoria wept unashamedly and Sarah hugged her.

"Tori is taking her afternoon nap. She should be awake soon." Victoria finally said. Sarah nodded and looked around.

"Where's Heath?" Sarah asked.

"In the barn, I think?," Nick said.

"Victoria, would you mind holding Jay for a while? I need to speak with Heath."

"Of course, dear. Take your time."

Nick escorted his wife, mother, and nephew into the house.

Heath was in the barn as Nick had said, working on some halters. He whistled softly to himself and didn't notice his sister-in-law as she entered.

"I haven't heard such a happy sound in a long time."

Heath looked up and tried to mask his shocked expression. Sarah stood before him, looking tired and way too thin. She had to have lost fifteen pounds since he last saw her. Heath smiled as best he could and walked over to give Sarah a hug, inwardly cringing at feeling just skin and bones. She accepted his embrace, even holding on longer than normal. Heath gladly held her, willing some of his strength to her.

Finally, she pushed back and motioned for Heath to join her on the hay bales. He sat next to her, wanting to ask a million questions, but he wouldn't allow himself. He knew he would know the details soon enough. And by the look on Sarah's face, they couldn't be good.

"How's Cassie?" Sarah asked.

"Good. She's been keeping busy with the baby."

Sarah smiled softly. "What new things is Jonathon doing now?"

Heath's heart squeezed a bit as he told Sarah about all the things his son was doing. The smiles, the cooing. Jonathon and Jay were only a few weeks apart. If it had been Jonathon who was sick, Heath didn't think he could be asking about the accomplishments of someone else's baby.

Things were quiet for a few moments. Sarah seemed content with the silence and Heath didn't want to disturb her, so he sat with her.

Finally, Sarah spoke.

"I have a favor to ask of you, Heath." Her words were softly spoken, but Heath heard every single one. His features paled, hating what she was asking him to do, but knowing he couldn't, that he wouldn't refuse her. He waited for her to leave before he let the first teardrop fall.

Jarrod arrived in Stockton on the late afternoon train. His outburst from the day before in his office had released only a fraction of his pent-up emotions. He was still angry but knew in his heart Sarah was right. Jay would not live much longer, and he wanted to spend as much time with him as he could. He had not told anyone he was coming home and was headed to the livery when he heard a familiar voice.

"Welcome home, son."

Jarrod turned to see his mother. His eyes filled with tears and he reached for her. She gladly accepted his embrace.

"What are you doing in town?" he asked.

"I came in to buy some things for a special dinner to welcome Sarah and Jay home."

Jarrod nodded. He was eager to get back to the house to see his son. His mind drifted to Tori. He hoped she would still remember him.

Most of the trip back to the house was made in silence. Victoria ached for her son, wishing she had a magic potion that would solve all their problems. Sarah had told her what the doctors had said and how Jarrod refused to believe it. He searched on frantically, trying to find a cure that was not there.

Sarah also confided in Victoria that she wasn't sure if their marriage was going to survive this ordeal. Jarrod seemed to be enraged all the time and Sarah admitted she was afraid of him. No, not really of him, she clarified. But of his anger that seemed to be kept just below the surface. Both were emotionally raw over their son's illness and impending death and neither knew what to do to help. They hadn't turned to each other as they should have, and it had caused hurt feelings on both sides.

Victoria saw that they were almost home and knew if she was going to say anything to Jarrod, it would have to be now. She closed her eyes in silent prayer, begging God for the right words.

"The death of a child is hard on a couple. I know from first-hand experience."

Jarrod stiffened at his mother's words. He didn't want to discuss this now. He wanted to focus his attention on Jay.

"Mother..."

"Please let me say what I need to say, Jarrod. Your Father and I had our share of problems and were always able to work them out. But losing a baby was almost more than we could take. Do you remember when it happened?" Jarrod nodded. He remembered his mother being withdrawn and his father's sad eyes. He had forgotten about it until Victoria had mentioned it. "It wasn't long after that happened that your Father went to Strawberry and you know the rest. You know that I love Heath as if he were my own and that I wouldn't trade him for all the world. However, I want you to keep in mind that your wife needs you. Please don't pull away from her. You two need each other if you are going to make it through this."

Jarrod didn't say anything and just kept his eyes on the road. His emotional well-being was hanging on by the sheerest of threads and at any moment he felt he could snap. He knew he still loved Sarah, but he couldn't make himself reach out to her, not now. His anger was too close to the surface and although he knew it wasn't right or fair, she seemed to be the one he wanted to direct it toward. He hadn't felt this angry since Beth had been killed. He hoped he could make it through the next little while.

Heath came in around midnight from the shed he used for his woodwork. The small box he was making was taking shape. If Heath detached his emotions from it, he could work. But as soon as he thought about what it would be used for, he would begin to weep.

He tried to be as quiet as possible so as not to wake Cassie. Jonathon was just beginning to sleep all night and he didn't want to interrupt his wife's few moments of rest. He entered the bedroom which was partially illuminated by the moonlight shining through the window. He undressed as quietly as he could and slipped in next to his lovely wife.

He silently let the tears flow, trying to shut out the image of the coffin that he was making. Cassie reached over to him and put her hand on his face. She noticed his wet cheek and sat up to turn up the lamp in their room.

"Heath? Are you all right?" she asked softly seeing his tears flowing freely.

Heath waited a moment to gain control.

"I can't do it, Cassie. It's just too much," he said choking out the words. He had told his wife about Sarah's request, so she knew exactly what he was talking about. She waited a moment and then spoke softly.

"Heath, don't you understand why Sarah asked you to do this? Why she needed you to make Jay's final resting place?"

Heath closed his eyes and shook his head. Cassie gave him a moment before continuing.

"She could have just purchased a coffin from the undertaker, but that one wouldn't have been made by the loving hands of Jay's uncle. This is our chance to wrap our love around Jay forever. Sarah needs to know that even in death, her son is held by our love."

Heath openly wept and leaned over to his wife. She held him and allowed her tears to flow as well. They eventually fell into a restful sleep. Heath awoke refreshed the next morning and began working on his project once again.

Jarrod had to admit it was nice to be home. Tori had indeed recognized him and kept saying, "Papa home! Papa home!" Jarrod loved hearing her talk and was amazed at how well she spoke. It seemed that her vocabulary had picked up quite a bit while he had been gone.

Sarah had moved her things into a guest room with Jay. She wanted to be with him every minute. Jarrod spent a lot of time with Jay as well, but usually when Sarah was lying down. The couple, once so much in love, barely had a word pass between them. Victoria shed many tears over them and felt helpless to do anything.

Nick was frustrated with the situation and spent most of his time outside often taking Tori with him. The two had developed a special bond but another reason was Nick couldn't bear the thought of Tori witnessing the decline of her parent's marriage. This beautiful child deserved a happy home, and Nick was determined to make one for her even if only for a few hours each day. Emma stayed close to Sarah, often just sitting with her, or listening to her if she needed to talk.

Heath came by one afternoon and spoke briefly with Sarah. She wept as he told her he had finished what she had asked of him. She thanked him and went up to hers and Jay's room. Jarrod was taking care of Jay for a few hours so that she could sleep.

Heath peeked in on his big brother and watched as Jarrod handled Jay with the most tender care. It was heartbreaking and Heath rode straight home to hold his own son. Jonathon was babbling on in baby talk and Heath couldn't help but laugh even as tears coursed down his cheeks.