A Ranma ½ fan fiction…

Author – Chibi / Warlordess

Disclaimer – I don't own Ranma ½; it is a product by the great Rumiko Takahashi. I'm also not creative enough to make up a better disclaimer than that. How sad…

Notes – I have no idea how this idea came to me. I went from having no inspiration or confidence for R/A fan fiction to harboring this suddenly evolved plot that just popped out of nowhere. It was just, I could see this as something in the series, I guess. Those who've read the manga might not agree with me first off thanks to the summary I gave you, but it is a bit misleading, so you'll just have to find out why. Also, let it be known… I HATE THAT TITLE! DIE, TITLE!

Dedication – To my online sister, Silverflare07, who sent me the first through third seasons of the anime and who encouraged the creation and progress of this fic. She's the one who deserves it most of all.

OoO

Title - Herbal Remedies

Chapter Five - "Isn't It Ironic?"

Summary - It started with Akane's losing her mind and telling Ranma that she loved him, and then it was his unwillingness to tell her he didn't feel the same way. . . But how did all of this madness start, and when? R x A romance. Kind of. :P

OoO

Two and a half hours later, Akane was walking alone, having lost Ranma and Ryouga among the throng of students leaving Furinkan High during the afternoon dismissal. Her fiancé had vanished of his own accord, quite mysteriously actually, but it wasn't that she cared. She was rather pleased to have some time to herself, and now that she knew her P-chan was safe, she was going to make the best of the afternoon that she'd gained, and do something of the utmost importance.

Akane sighed; it was a wonderful thing to be perfectly alone for once. . . She had to admit, she was definitely missing the rude, abrasive, and insensitive Ranma. . . Then again, when your fiancé starts to drool all over your lap, anything's pretty much considered better.

Shaking her head at the thought, she quickened her step. She had somewhere that she had to go. . . There was no way to avoid it at this point.

Just as she had finished convincing herself and was ready to turn a corner and head into town, a loud whinnying sounded from behind her and she pivoted on the spot, recognizing the cry.

"Oh, P-chan!" She said ecstatically, picking up the black pig into her arms and holding him close, "Daijobou ka? I haven't seen you in a couple of days now. . ." she smiled brightly at him, "I bet Ryouga treated you well when he found you. . . Not like Ranma. . ." She growled and then made her way down the intended road, "I should try and find some way to thank him. . . but for now. . ."

Just as P-chan was settling himself comfortably in a daydream of the possible ways she could do just that, Akane took off at a run, forcing him along for the ride.

It took her ten minutes to zigzag around town and appear in front of the Nekohatan, which was a record-breaking dash, even when compared to the hungriest of customers. But Akane wasn't hungry. . . at least, not for food.

"Shampoo. . . !" She yelled upon making it inside the packed restaurant, not bothering with the embarrassment she'd normally feel at all of the heads turning confusedly and anxiously in her direction, "Where the heck are you. . . ?" She finished furiously.

Shampoo hopped out of nowhere, holding a large tray of family platters in her hand. Not showing any type of fear or anger at the Tendo girls temper, she quickly stuffed a large dumpling in her mouth.

"Now you be quiet. I busy working today. Come back after we close." She nodded towards the main entrance before turning on her heel. Akane quickly spat the food from her mouth; after all, the last time Shampoo had given her something, she'd ended up becoming a toneless parrot, spouting words of love for Ranma. Then she threw out her empty hand and grabbed onto the Amazon's apron, forcing her to a stop and sending the tray she was holding above her head to the ground, "Aiya!"

Suddenly, an open hand appeared beneath the fallen tray, an elderly, mangled hand, and balanced it perfectly three feet above the ground.

"Go on to the back and tell Akane what she wants to know, child. I can handle things out here." Cologne said in her dry, croaking tone, a calmly confident expression on her face as all of the customers around the three women gave a long and enthusiastic applause.

"Great-grandmother. . . ? Hai!" Shampoo replied, taking off and leaping behind the counter. Akane followed after, easing P-chan carefully alongside her. Just beyond the kitchen stood a door left ajar and Shampoo's hair whipped out of sight from within the room beyond, so Akane followed swiftly in the girl's wake.

After shutting the door, the youngest Tendo daughter took a seat on an upturned crate in what appeared to be the main storage room.

"So. . . you back to normal?" Shampoo said immediately from her right and she turned just in time for the long-haired waitress to appear right in front of her face, "Is about time, but. . . how you do it?" She prodded the Japanese girl in the cheek.

Akane swatted the hand away and turned crimson at the thought of the words Ranma had said to reawaken her from the spell. But she didn't want to think about that now. She didn't want to think about that ever. . . Then again, Shampoo had asked.

"He's acting weird." Akane said instead, and her eyes met Shampoo's for just a moment, "And I know you have something to do with it. You did something to me a couple of days ago and I ended up falling in love with him. . . Then yesterday we came back and you must have done the same thing to him. . ."

"Yesterday. . ." Shampoo quoted, her eyes widening, "He tell you he love you?" She asked, looking suddenly appalled, "Things go wrong, then?" She finished in horror.

"They did, did they? What were you trying to do? Make him fall in love with you? It's like I thought, isn't it? I was like some experiment, a guinea pig for whatever potion you had and since it worked the first time - it made me fall in love with Ranma - you decided to do the same thing to him - that is, you tried to make him fall in love with you! But the plan backfired and now I'm stuck with the results!" Akane shouted, out of her mind with anger so that she began crushing P-chan against her stomach.

"Nani? What you talking about? You is. . ." Shampoo leant backward as Akane closed in on her. She had been ready to amend all of the holes in the younger girls accusation when it suddenly hit her - Akane had no idea that Ranma's confession of love was real. "You is. . . exactly right. I mean to make Ranma fall in love with me and it go wrong. . . You want know how to make things better?"

Akane nodded her head vigorously and finally took a chance to sit back on her crate, allowing P-chan a chance to breathe properly and to pay attention to the topic at hand as well.

"All you have do is tell Ranma you no love him, and he go back to normal," Akane looked ready to interrupt, perhaps to inquiry about Ranma's telling her he did love her allowing the same spell to be broken, but Shampoo raised her voice just loud enough so that she could continue freely, "Unless. . . you do love Ranma and spell is convenient for you?" This comment affected Akane so thoroughly that she didn't even notice the catlike grin growing on the Amazon warrior's face.

"Me. . . love him? Are you joking? Never. . . ! And how dare you insinuate that I do, let alone that I'd rather like to keep him the way he is to suit my needs! You have no idea how willing I am to tell him I don't feel that way for him so that I can get him back to normal!" With that shout, Akane leapt up from her seat and walked swiftly out of the room without looking back.

Shampoo raised herself to her feet, too, that grin she'd been wearing so subtlety before growing to its widest limits.

It really was just too easy to manipulate things the way she wanted. Akane's pride was so strong that she'd never admit to herself or even consider another method of getting the former Ranma back. And once she told him that she didn't love him, the spell would be broken and he'd forget all about his feelings for her, giving Shampoo a second chance to win his heart.

As stated before, it was all too easy.

Akane left the Nekohatan without a word to anyone and began to walk home. . . only to be stopped almost immediately by a stern-looking Ukyou wielding a huge spatula.

"I want to know. . . what is there between you and my Ran-chan?"

"Oh, not you, too. . ." Akane mumbled and, hoping to clear the air, she asked the okonomiyaki chef to join her for a walk.

The two girls and the black pig took a detour through the park; all was silent in the meantime, while they distracted themselves with the scenery. Had it not been for the topic at hand, it all would have been very peaceful.

"Now, Akane, why don't you tell me why my fiancé has glued himself to you by the hip?" Ukyou asked, clearing her throat and looking somber.

"Look. . . I know it seemed bad earlier today, but you really have no idea. Ranma's just. . . confused, and lovesick, but it's not really his fault. . ." Akane said, at the same time allowing her eyesight to fall upon her own shoes. That was true. All of the things Ranma had done had not been true, and he'd never intended to do them for her, spellbound or not. He was just as much of a victim as she was. . .

Then, how come she felt so angry with him?

"He's permanently latched himself to you and you're saying it's not his fault? Well, I didn't see any puppet strings immobilizing him, so what do you mean?"

"Look, it's complicated, okay? But I know how to get him back to normal, and that's all that matters. . . Just give me some time and I'll finish this without hurting anybody!" She three her fist confidently into the air just in time for someone to call her name.

"Akane!" Whoever or whatever it was sped towards her so fast that it looked like a blur and, scared for her and P-chan's safety, Akane shot the same fist that had formerly been in the air, forward, hitting the thing in the jaw and stopping it in its tracks.

"Ran-chan!" Ukyou said, rushing between the pigtailed boy and Akane and removing her closed fist from his face, revealed a nasty-looking imprint, "Oh, daijobou ka? Akane, how could you do something so. . . so. . . violent? I mean, I know you're the kawaiikunai fiancé, but. . ."

"That's me, the kawaiikunai fiancé. . ." Akane grumbled, not bothering to make sure that Ranma was alright. She just couldn't help but feel angry at his behavior towards her, even now when she knew it was a spell forced upon him and not his fault.

She turned to leave Ranma to Ukyou's doting and care but she was forced to a stop at the horrific thought that Ranma had once again latched onto her waist.

"Kawaiikunai fiancé, yes, but only as long as you're my kawaiikunai fiancé. . ." He murmured in that uber-affectionate voice.

"Let go. . ." Akane muttered, flexing her fists, aiming to force him off of her, but Ukyou and P-chan got there first.

"You jackass! You don't have to act that way right in front of my face!" The okonomiyaki chef yelled, unsheathing her spatula and knocking him over the head repeatedly. P-chan, meanwhile, began pawing and biting him everywhere he could reach, screeching aloud in his little pig language.

"That's it, Ranma!" Akane shouted, holding him up to her face by the collar, "I'm tired of your acting this way, you hentai! Why do you always have to grab onto my body when you greet me? You're nothing but an obsessive womanizer and I don't want to have anything to do with you anymore!" she finally took a moment to catch her breath, not noticing the captivated stare that Ranma was forcing on her, "You listen to me, okay? I know what's going on here, I know you're under a spell, and I know how to break it! So let's get it over with!" She forced him to face her and, Ukyou and P-chan now waiting patiently for the climax, spoke aloud what she'd been told to do to get him back to normal, "I don't love--"

And then there was silence as he pulled her into another kiss, embracing her as she went slack from shock and Ukyou and P-chan screeched so loudly from anger, embarrassment, and confusion that they too lost their footing.

"Saotome. . ." Ukyou growled, the first to recover, and she jumped him from the side, tackling him to the ground. P-chan followed, leaving Akane to stumble to her feet before blinking bemusedly, turning around and simply staggering away, "How dare you do that?" The spatula-wielding female shouted as Akane left them behind with a blank stare on her face.

She found her way home and managed her way inside, avoiding everyone by not saying a word to them, no matter their questions or comments. Ignoring their inquiries allowed enough time for her to escape as peacefully as possible into her bedroom, where she slowly fumbled her way soundlessly inside, shutting the door behind her. She turned to collapse onto her bed. . . and allowed the hostile part of her mind to take over.

Why didn't she tell him what she'd been meaning to say? Why'd he have to kiss her again? Why was she so speechless afterward? Why had she left him to Ukyou and P-chan's wrath? Why was she still thinking about all of this? Why was the sudden truth that it was all a love spell's fault angering her as much as it was? Why did she wish, not for the first time, that Ranma could love her or treat her kindly of his own accord? Why did so many things have to be complicated in her life, let alone in her an Ranma's relationship? Come to think of it, why did she want things between them to go well to begin with. . . ?

Removing her head from her pillow, Akane sighed, then noticed for the first time that there was a damp residue on her pillow case. Furiously, she wiped her eyes and cursed. She was crying? Over this? Over Ranma's annoying indecency towards her. . . ?

"How troublesome. . ." She said, again wiping her eyes and sitting up, deciding that she'd eat dinner, take a bath, and turn in as early as possible.

When she had found enough courage to go back downstairs and face any questions her family would undoubtedly have for her, she did so, only to find Ranma home, looking terribly worse for wear and being bandaged by Kasumi.

"Oh, there you are, Akane. Ranma came back a few minutes ago and, well, he was. . ." She prodded him in the arm and he yelped, then looked up and smiled (or grimaced, he looked so beaten), ". . . but all he did was keep asking for you."

"Me? Why?" Akane questioned, although she obviously had some idea.

"I don't really know. He wouldn't tell anyone how he ended up this way. . . He just asked if you were okay." Kasumi said in a worried tone, then her eyes widened in fear, ". . . Akane, did you two. . . get into a street fight today? Because it's not like you to leave Ranma behind and looking so battered."

"Are you kidding? Of course we didn't!" Akane replied angrily, but she was interrupted by Ranma.

"Akane. . . I think he wanted to make sure you were okay. . ." And Ranma held up his hand, where P-chan was attempting to gnaw his fingers off.

"Ah, P-chan! Gomen nisai; I forgot all about you!" Akane cried out, picking him up into her arms. He became suddenly content to comfort himself in her bosom, which she either didn't notice or didn't find appalling. . . but Ranma did. And, forgetting his injuries, he bounded from the floor, knocking the first-aid kit aside, and attempted to pry the piglet from his fiancé's hold.

"You little hentai!" He growled furiously as he did so.

"Hey; Ranma, leave my P-chan alone!"

"I know P-chan makes you happy, but you just don't understand!" Ranma tried to explain, "Look at the way he's groping you! It just ain't normal!" He finished, pointing accusingly at the little piglet, who bared his teeth in retort.

"Well, you're right. . ." Akane said, and the pigtailed boy was foolish enough for once to believe she was on his side, ". . . It just means that he's really attached to me is all! And you're just. . . crazy to actually try and justify being jealous of him? What do you have against him, huh. . . ?"

As if this was a wake-up call, Ranma dejectedly regained his seat on the floor next to Kasumi, who was attempting to pick up all of the things he'd kicked out of the first-aid kit earlier on.

"I've got nothing against him. . . At least, not anything that prevented me from bringing him back to you after you left us behind to fight each other, right?" He finished, crossing his arms and hissing in pain as he accidentally ran a hand over a cut that P-chan had given him during said fight.

"Nani. . . ? Oh, you're right. . . Arigatou, Ranma. . ." Akane said, sitting down beside him and laying one of her hands on top of his. P-chan's growled faltered at this and he whimpered disconsolately. Akane, noticing this, smiled kindly at him, Awe, poor lil' baby. . . How about I let Kasumi-oneechan give you a bath while I stay here and finish wrapping Ranma's wounds, okay?"

Horrified, eyes widening, P-chan struggled uselessly as Akane handed him over to Kasumi. What would happen if she were to find out about his true identity? The thought of Akane's fury at learning about Ryouga and her loving pet being one and the same terrified him. . . But what could he do? In exchange for absolute cuteness, he'd had to give up all of the mortal strength he'd gained over the years of his training.

"My, he sure is excited tonight, isn't he, Akane? Hopefully the nice, hot water will comfort him and do him some good. . ." And Kasumi began to lead him from the room.

Ranma, who seemed not to have been paying attention to this conversation until now, leapt up, taking initiative.

"Ie, I'll do it. I think the best thing for me now is to clean these cuts, anyhow. We can just wrap them after I'm done, ne, Akane?" He asked, looking thoroughly delighted about the time they'd end up spending together.

"Ano. . . hai. . ." Akane shrugged. She had to eat dinner anyway, and do homework, so it was in perfect rhythm with her schedule.

As Ranma turned and led the still-struggling P-chan away, he could hear Akane asking Kasumi where their fathers were. Now, he could have spent about half-an-hour worrying over the probability that they were going to try and pull off one of their crazy schemes (those which mostly included himself, Akane, and a wedding chapel), but seeing as he was about to enjoy an nice, comfortable, and hot bath. . .

"I'd much rather spend my time thinking about my lovely Akane. . ." He said to himself with misty eyes, removing his Chinese-clothed shirt. He ignored P-chan's squirming, which had increased tenfold after his comment, and entered the bathroom to turn on the faucets, "You know, I just saved your neck, baka. . . You should be thanking me at the very least. . ." He finished with a glance at the pig, who was now trying to bruise every part of his body that he could reach.

In an effort to removed the annoying pet from his arm, Ranma dunked him into the tub. . . and waited only two seconds before Ryouga came back up, gasping for air.

"Ranma, how dare you--!" He started before Ranma threw the small tub usually reserved for holding his soap and things in his face, "I. . . I mean. . . arigatou. . ." Ryouga mumbled regrettably, not meeting the pigtailed boy's eyes.

"Hai; it was no problem." Ranma smirked as he doused his hair in hot water and went to squirt some shampoo into his palm, "But you could, you know, repay me by leaving Akane and I alone for awhile. . . a long while. . . Say, the rest of our lives?"

"Phht! And do what? Permit you to try and fool Akane-chan with your nonsense act of affection in my absence?" Ryouga countered with a smirk of his own, ignoring Ranma's confused glance, "I suppose that doesn't matter anyway. . . She knows what's wrong with you. She went to see Shampoo today after school; did you know that?"

Ranma's eyes widened at this, but the shock only lasted a moment before he went back to washing out his hair.

"Really? Well, it can only be a good thing. Now she'll have to face the facts and admit how she really feels about me, and without a spell on her, mind you." He finished confidently, then, as he filled his small tub with clear, hot water, "It looks like you're going to have to find yourself another Bosom-Buddy."

"And why would you think that? Akane-chan plans on telling you that she doesn't love you, just like that Shampoo said to do. And good riddance, too, otherwise you'd be toying with her emotions forever. . ." He scoffed as he said this, "At least we know it's just a flimsy love potion. . ."

"Nani?" Ranma's eyes widened again, and this time, the expression seemed to stick, "What are you talking about? This isn't a love potion! This is--"

"Ranma! Are you still in there?" A voice called out loudly from the hall, and both teenagers heard the stomping of a pair of feet rushing towards the bathroom.

"Quick, get down! As far as anyone knows, I'm in here with my fiancé's strange excuse for a pet!" Ranma yelled, shoving Ryouga underwater just in time for the sliding door to crash open, revealing. . .

OoOoO

Notes - Thanks to those who've read the above chapter! As most of you who have been returning for every update should know, I've been trying as hard as possible to post a chapter every week since I've had the chance to use a computer and get to the library when needed to post. It's really all thanks to you that this project it continuing in its progress. As I've said a million or so times, this is my first-ever Ranma fic (and possibly my last) and thus, I never expected it to go on for very long, let alone that I'd get so many "rave reviews" telling me that I should continue it.

And now, I ask yet another favor. Well, it's basically a favor that every author asks of their readers, so you should be expecting it. You all have been such a big help, and I know that I can count on you to tell me, once again, what you think of this fic in another review. People like gladdecease have graced me with true criticism, telling me of the faults of the fic. It doesn't necessarily mean that I can correct them on the spot, especially because I can only read the reviews on the days I post, and I've already got the first through seventh chapters finished, draft-wise. But if ever there was someone who was intent on pleasing their readers, it'd be me. Lol. So, please, give me everything you've got when you comment.

Oh, gods, I can't believe I just spent two paragraphs on that stupid topic; really, I was just trying to waste time acting like I had something to say to you all that was really worth your time. I do appreciate you all, but hopefully you know that by now and. . . I'm straying back into the damned topic again, aren't I? Bugger. Lol.

Until the next update!