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Chapter 14: Sick of this Life

His lips were on mine, but neither of us was doing anything. My mind immediately went to Johnny, much to my frustration. I was sick of thinking about him all the time. Why couldn't I just kiss Dally back and forget about the whole thing?

I was very aware of the fact that a lot of girls around here would have killed for this oppurtinity, and here I was feeling guilty.

Dallas pulled away from me suddenly, looking rather angry...I guess he had that right, considering I hadn't even responded to his kiss.

Dally's P.O.V.

As soon as I kissed her, I had done the wrong thing. That was the thing to do when a girl came crying to you about something–it was usually about their boyfriends too, which meant that they were ready to take revenge. It was more of a reflex than something I actually wanted to do. I mean, Angelina's pretty and all, but she's Johnny's girl.

I pulled away from her and for the first time, I became annoyed with the way I lived. What if Johnny had walked in at that moment? Then it would be my fault that his heart was broken.

For a moment, when she had first told me that Johnny had broken up with her, I was happy. I guess I was just...jealous of her. I was used to having him to myself. Now, don't get me wrong, I like Angelina–she's the only girl I'd ever trust with Johnny–it was just a momentary thought.

She was looking at the ground by this time and it kind of reminded me of Johnny. Whenever I'd get mad about something, he'd always immediately assume that it was something he had done...which suddenly made me realize that Johnny would ever do anything to make someone mad. And from the way he always talked about Angie, and the way he was always a lot more happy when she was around. He couldn't possibly break her heart, as much as I knew he loved her.

I stood up and started putting on my jacket and socks and shoes, all of which were worn from constant use. I came back over to where she was sitting in the same position and knelt down if front of her.

"Look," I began, trying to find the right words, "I'm, uh...I dodn't mean to embarrass you or anything...It ain't your fault. I'm the one who kissed ya."

She looked up at me with the slightest trace of tears in her eyes.

"I just wanna go home," she said shaking her head and walking to the door.

I asked if I could walk her ther and she just shrugged.

I'd almost forgotten my mother was home, she'd been so quiet. She was usually screaming at me whenever I finally did come home and she'd start up again as soon as I left again. She was sitting on the counch in a black slip, blankly watching the glowing screen. I went over and turned it off.

"What the hell are you doing!" she yelled, standing up.

"What do you mean 'what am I doing?'" I shouted back, "You weren't even watching it!"

"So what?"

"So we can't afford it!"

She was really pissing me off. I knew she was trying to, too.

"It's not my fault! You need a job. You're just like your father–no good!"

I lifted my hand like I was going to give her one good one across the face. She didn't even care; infact, she was smiling up at me, probably enjoying my anger. I raised my arm higher–maybe it would make her back down–she didn't.

"Hey, Dally," spoke Angelina, tugging on my arm, "Let it go, okay? No sweat."

I relaxed and straightened my collar coolly.

"Fuck you," I said, right in my mother's face.

She just rolled her eyes and tuned the television back on. Whatever, I didn't care anymore.

I slammed the door behind me, then opened it and slammed it again. I trotted down the steps to where Angelina was waiting for me. You get used to that kind of thing after a while.

"She's right," I said after we'd gone about a block, "I'm just like my old man."

I guess she was in a bad mood because of all the things that she'd been through in the past twenty-four hours.

"So why do you care?" Christ, I could barley hear her.

"What are you, kidding me?" I lauged bitterly, "Man, my dad's like...Johnny's dad, 'cept he ain't around to hit me."

I dug a pack of cigarettes out of my coat pocket. I lit one of them and held it out to Angelinga.

"Want one?" I asked, already knowing her answer.

She shook her head and I shrugged, putting the half-empty pack in my pocket.

It was sort of weird that she didn't smoke, considering everyone around her did, Scs too.

"I'm sick of this goddam town and the goddam people and my goddam life." I paused for a second then, realizing that she wasn't going to say anything, continued, "I just don't want to live anywheere–not even New York."

She sighed, "I don't think your like your dad, Dallas."

"I guess I can't leave, though...well, I could, but Johnny, you know...The gang and you, I guess."

I'd heard what she'd said, but I ignored it. She didn't know my father.

"See?" she said finally, looking at me, "You care about people–well, at least one person."

"Hell,"I laughed, "I don't know what you're talkin', man; I don't care abou no one damn person 'cept myself."

I just said that to be taying that and she knew I was, too; I could tell. I wasn't oo comfortable with that, but I let it go.

We'd reached her house after what seemed like an hour of silence (even though her place was only about ten minutes' walking distance).

She unlocked her door and looked back at me.

"Look Dal, don't worry about the kiss, okay?"

I shrugged, "Yeah, okay...I'll, uh, I'll see you around."

She nodded and closed the door.

I stood on the prch until I'd finished my cigarette.

Then, I headed down to the Curtis's.

Only Johnny and Steve were sitting in the living room.

"Hey, where is everybody?"

Steve looked at me, obviously drunk.

"Out, man...Ponyboy's in his room. Sit down, Dal-lass."

I rolled my ass. Boy, Steve was one hell of a drag when he was drunk. I hopped over the back of the couch and landed next to Johnny.

"Hey Johnny, how's it goin'?" I said, ruffling his hair and pushing him around playfully, "Huh, Johnny? What's shakin'?"

He weasled away from me, looking irritated, "C'mon Dally; I don't feel good, man."

"Oh yeah?" I said, sitting back, "Is it about Angelina? Is that it?"

Steve smiled as he watched us, clueless.

Johnny didn't answer. He just went and sat down at the kitchen table with his head down.

"You really broke up with her?" I asked, standing up in the middle of the room.

I could hear a sigh and a muffled Yes.

"What!" I exclaimed, louder than I meant to.

Hell, I really didn't expect that.

"Goddammit, Johnny, what's the matter with you? You know what...I don't know, I just have no clue anymore. I can't believe you, Johnny!"

I just stared at him in disbelief for a while.

"Don't you have anything to say for yourself?"

He sat up and stared at me.

"Johnny, that look isn't going to work now. You broke her heart. What were you thinking?"

Steve laughed loudly. "You fucked up, Johnny...Broke her heart."

I couldn't stand those two anymore, so I just went into Ponyboy's room, hoping he wasn't asleep. At least he had some sense.

"Hey, Ponyboy?" I said loudly. He had fallen asleep on his homework.

He opened his red eyes and and sat up.

"Where'd you come from, Dal?" he said groggily.

"The sky; I fell. Did you hear Johnny broke up with Angelina?"

"Yeah..." he looked around him, trying to find something, "Her friend or whatever came over this afternoon, practically killed him for it."

I laid down on his and Soda's bed. "Well, he deserves it. I can't believe him. Why would he break up with her? Why the hell would he break up with Angelina?"

I waited for an answer, and when one didn't come, I looked over at Pony. He had fallen asleep again.