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Chapter 15: Amends

Of all days, Johnny had finally come back to school on a Friday. I hadn't seen him around our neighborhood but maybe once or twice, and he was usually walking somewhere with a cigarette hanging halfway out of his mouth and his hands shoved in his pockets. I realized that he looked a lot older than me-and harder. He was tough; the kind of tough that you have to be to get through such a hard life. I then began wondering why the hell he'd ever gone out with me in the first place. I mean, in the near sixteen years I've lived in this neighborhood, he'd only spoken to me once when I was in the first grade and he was in the second and he'd been running home from somewhere and ran straight into me, who happened to be playing hopscotch in front of my house. The fall knocked the wind out of me and I just laid there, stunned, for a few seconds as he just stared down at me. My aunt, who had been visiting from California that month, had been watching the whole time. She ran out of the house, flailing her arms and screaming " What did you do to her?" at Johnny. I stood up slowly, gingerly touching my elbow just to see how much it hurt (an odd habit that I still have) and stared at Johnny for quite a while.

He was looking at his feet as my aunt yelled at him to watch where he was going and to slow down and everything else that pertains to running down a sidewalk. Of course, then, I was merely curious as to who this strange boy was who interrupted my hopping; and I suppose that's the only thing that ever made me notice Johnny. After that, I saw him in school and discreetly watched him playing outside, sometimes with the kids that would grow up to join him in the unorganized gang that I somehow had become apart of. As I got older, this curiosity turned into a small crush and then a sort of internal obsession (but not in a disturbing, stalker way).

However infatuated I was with him, I never did quite imagine him beyond "the boy who lives down the street", and after we were put in the same class as each other, I never imagined him beyond "the boy who sits next to me". And so, it's inevitable that I never seriously thought of our relationship ever taking any wrong turns as it now has.

Everyday, I was nervous to go to school and having to see him in the hallways again and having to deal with the awkwardness that I already knew would be between us. But on Friday, after four days of his absence, I felt confident that I could relax for the day; and that happened to be the day that he came back.

He always missed school, but I could never guess what he would be doing with all that free time without getting caught ditching. I knew he didn't stay home-he never stayed home.

I was reading MAD, a magazine that I had amused myself with the past few days to keep my mind off of Johnny just before class started and the bell was going to ring in a few seconds when the door creaked open and he inched into the room. His eyes immediately landed on me, then darted away at the nearest thing possible. I also looked away, pretending to be deeply interested in my textbook. He walked slowly down the row between our desks and sat down awkwardly.

"Late again, Cade," our teacher called from his desk.

"Yeah, I know. Sorry." Johnny said quietly (but unapologetically), slumping a little in his chair.

The teacher turned in his seat to look at him. "You're flunking out of my class, Jonathan. You could at least earn the F you've got."

The class chuckled at this but Johnny didn't say anything, just stared at his desk blankly. I felt as though I should say something-I wanted to-but I didn't know what. Class started about a minute later, something about infections, but I wasn't listening anymore. I was too busy sneaking looks at Johnny, a small part of me wishing that he would look up too; but he was still gloomily staring at nothing in particular from under his long bangs. I wanted to tell him that I thought Mr. Lipton was a jerk and that he didn't know Johnny well enough to talk, but I couldn't even bring myself to say hello. You'd think I would hate him, but it was kind of hard to keep that note on my mind with him sitting there like that-just the way I loved for him to be before we went out-brought back all the stupid feelings from back then.

It remained that way as the class carried on with their bacterial discussions, the words going through my ears and getting lost in my brain. I could only think of the boy in the next row.

"Hey, Angie, wait up!"

I slowed down and turned around, secretly wishing with all my heart that it would be Johnny.

"I'm so sorry for what I did. I was just scared of a real relationship," he would say, grasping my hand in his in desperation, "But I've realized how much you mean to me and how much I-I…love you."

But of course it was not Johnny. I turned to see Two-Bit Mathews striding towards me with his big cowboy boots. Well, I was still glad it was him I guess; better Two-Bit than no one.

"How's it going?" he asked, slinging his arm around me playfully (but with enough strength to knock me clear off my feet). His hair wasn't greased as heavily as he usually wore it today which made it look a lot lighter; there was a fresh cut on his bottom lip and another across the top of his ear.

I shrugged. "It's going. What'd you get in a fight or something?"

"Not much of a fight, I'd say. Son'va bitch took a knife to my face. Well, right then we heard some sirens-you know how that goes-and the guy takes off with the blade still at my cheek and everything. Scraped me a little, but nothing more." He let out a small chuckle as we ventured outside. It was lunch. Lately, him and me had just hung out and sometimes walked to a diner nearby. I liked hanging out with Two-Bit 'cause he was usually pretty entertaining or just relaxed, not always asking me how I was "holding up"; besides, I liked hearing him talk. He had this Western accent that would have made me fall for him if I wasn't so hung up on You-Know-Who.

But that's beside the point.

I sat down on the brick wall (the same place Johnny and I had once sat some time ago) and he leaned one arm against it, facing me.

"What?" I said, feeling his eyes burning into the side of my head.

"Are…are you okay, Angie, 'cause you act like nothing's happened."

And there goes Two-Bit.

I shrugged, hoping he would get the hint that I didn't want to talk about it at all. Basically, the whole week, I had been trying to just forget about the whole break-up thing and when I couldn't help but think about it, I'd just try to convince myself that it was no big loss-I mean, we had only been together a couple of weeks.

"I know you guys didn't go out for very long at all, but…" he paused and stared at me as if he was contemplating on whether he should say what he was thinking, "but…I mean, it was pretty obvious that you guys were, like, made for each other or something.

I rolled my eyes. "Look, I just don't want to talk about him, okay?"

I hopped off the wall and was about to walk away, but he stood in my way.

"All I'm sayin' is you guys just can't leave this alone and pretend like nothing happened…I mean, you could at least officially break up. You never even talked to each other about it. Angelina, Johnny used to be really…"

But I wasn't listening to Two-Bit. I was concentrating too much on trying to hide behind him, as Johnny himself had just walked out of the double doors that lead outside. Apparently Two-Bit noticed that I was paying attention anymore because he too turned around to see what I was staring at. As soon as he spotted Johnny he turned back to me and raised one eyebrow, then he turned back around and waved his hand in the air. "Hey, Johnny! Come here!"

My eyes went wide and punched Two-Bit's shoulder. "What the hell did you do that for? Now he's com-"

But I stopped talking because Johnny had just come up next Two-bit.

"Hey," he said to Two-Bit and then mumbled the same to me.

"Don't talk to me," I said and looked past him, crossing my arms over my chest; then, I instantly wished that I had just remained silent. I had wanted to convey the message that I was really mad at him, but if he explained, he might have a chance, not "I hate you and I never want to speak to you again".

"Okay," he said pathetically, but with a hint of annoyance in his voice, "What's going on, Two-Bit?"

Two-Bit shifted the cigarette that he had just lit during Johnny and I's little altercation to the side of his mouth. "Nothing much," he said, "I'll see you guys later, though; Jay un rundevoos in twenty minutes avek asshole."

"What?" Johnny and I said simultaneously.

"Means I gotta go meet with that guy that cut me in about twenty minutes. It's French."

I laughed as he waved and strolled off away from the school; however, that laugh died down as Johnny and I caught each other's eye. It was quiet for a whileas we both stared at our feet, until Johnny began to speak.

"Uh…I know you don't-"

"I gotta go," I cut him off suddenly, but I couldn't bring myself to actually walk away. Noticing this, he continued with what he was going to say.

"I know you don't really want to talk to me…"

No, no, I do! I was just being stupid when I said that. I don't why I was so mean…

"but I-I'm just really sorry about writing you that note…"I know and I forgive you for-"Wait, what!" I exclaimed, startling him

"I'm-I'm sorry. I just…didn't Natasha tell you?"

I shook my head in confusion. "…No she didn't as a matter of fact. And you know what? I don't even care anymore."

And I started off towards the school, but like Two-Bit he stood in front of me to block my way.

"Move." I stated menacingly, but he didn't flinch.

"Listen, just…let me explain before you say anything."

I rolled my eyes and uncrossed my arms. "Fine, go ahead. But it better be good."

He took a deep breath and slowly confessed, "My dad…he…beats me sometimes."

I suddenly felt very uncomfortable listening to him.

"Yeah…I know," I said stupidly.

He didn't say anything for a while, then, "Well…this one night he did and then he told me that it was because he saw me with…you." At this, my eyes lowered. "But it ain't your fault. That was just his excuse for getting me to do what he wanted me to: writing the note…and…well, nevermind. I'm just really sorry."

After a moment of silence, I wondered aloud, "And what?"

He looked confused.

"You said writing the note and something," I explained, "What'd he make you do?"

"Oh," he said, his voice changing, "Well, I don't know if I should tell you."

Normally, I wouldn't have pressed the issue, but my curiosity was getting the best of me. "Why not? I won't tell anybody."

His expression was painful. "You promise?"

I was silent. I mean, if his dad had stabbed him or something, I'd tell the police or Darry, but I really wanted to know… "Sure, I promise."

Once again, he took another deep breath before beginning.

"He, uh….made me…" but it appeared as though he couldn't finish the sentence. Suddenly, I came to a very hard-hitting and disturbing realization.

"Did he rape you?" I whispered harshly, my heart feeling as though it had just shriveled up. All this time, I was so angry at him and here he was getting raped and God knows what else.

But he shook his head slowly. "No…but I had to…give him a…you know," he finally finished. It even made me feel sick.

"Well, have you been back?" I asked, although it seemed an absurd question to me. But I had seen on some news special that kids that are abused usually just take it or don't even realize that there's anything wrong with what's happening to them. It was weird, though, imagining Johnny as "an abused child". It was terrifying having such disgusting images going through my head all at once.

"No. I've been stayin' at Two-Bit's. But he don't know why I am."

I was at a loss for words…and so I just hugged him. He hugged me back awkwardly and just then, the bell rung. We separated and just sort of watched all the kids filing into the building.

"I…Wanna walk me home this afternoon?" I asked hopefully, feeling sorry that I was even considering going to class right now. He nodded and sighed.

"So you're not mad at me anymore?" he said after a while. I just smiled and shook my head.

"I've got to go to class, though. But I'll see you then?"

He nodded again and I turned to walk into the school; then, as an afterthought, I came back and gave him a quick kiss on the lips.

"See ya," I said, blushing despite my efforts not to. Then, I headed through the double doors, leaving him standing there on the deserted patio.

I'm a really evil person, aren't I? I bet you're all thinking "How could you do that to Johnny?" Well, ask my brain, not me. (Duh, duh, cht!) I know I'm switching POV's a lot, but...deal with it! Remember–reviews are good (and so are ideas, even though we're almost at the end).

To my reviewers:

LovemyJohnny: Glad you've stumbled upon this. Thanks for actually thinking I'm funny!

Raige: Ah yes, the non-Mary-Sue is my goal in life! Thanks!

Bex: I just had visual of Dally rolling his ass...very scary. But thanks for pointing that out.

And thanks to everyone else for reviewing! Keep it up.