Chapter 3

Don't own CC or any of the characters.


I arrive at work the next morning after almost everyone else. Only Kat comes in after me. I'm seated at my desk when she walks past.

"Hi, Lilly," she says. It's obvious that she's upset about what I said last night. But what could I do? I only told the truth.

"Hello," I say tersely, barely looking up from my work. Scotty, however, does look up from his work with a puzzled look on his face.

He opens his mouth to speak, but I quickly go back to my work. It's my way of telling him that I'm not in the mood to talk.

The rest of the day goes with little interaction between me and Kat.

"Hey, Lil," Scotty says, approaching me while I'm at my locker.

"Yeah?" I ask, though I know exactly what's he wants to know about.

"Did something happen between you and Kat?" he asks with a look of concern in his eyes.

"A long time ago, yes," I answer truthfully. I quickly turn away towards the door to exit the building. I'm still not ready to really talk about it.

"Lil!" I hear him call behind me. "Wait up!"

I get onto the elevator and hit the button to close the door. I've already said too much. Now Scotty knows that Kat and I have history with each other. I just want to get out of here as fast as I can.

As I exit the elevator, I hear Scotty's voice. I'd forgotten that he was the two-time winner of the stair races in our building.

"Lil," he says as he catches up to me. He gently grabs my arm and turns me around. "If you want to talk…"

"I-I just…" I begin. I can feel tears welling in my eyes. "Everything is just really confusing right now, okay?"

"Lil," he says, pulling me into a hug, "I want to help. If you need anything…"

"Not here," I say. I just really need someone to talk to about all this, get a few things off my chest, and I know I can trust Scotty. "My place."

"Okay," he nods. "Do you need a ride?"

I politely decline the ride, opting to drive myself home. I know that if I left with Scotty, rumors would be everywhere. Scotty is on my tail the whole way home.

We park our cars in the driveway, and I let the both of us in. I invite Scotty to sit down on the couch as I feed the cats and put on a pot of coffee. I pour two cups and carry them to the living room.

"So," he begins to say, "what's wrong, Lil?" There is genuine concern in his eyes.

"I knew Kat from a while ago. We were in the academy with each other," I start. "A few things happened between us."

"Like what?" he asks, looking me directly in the eye.

"We had a relationship," I say. I see the surprise in his eyes as I say this. "Yes, it was sometimes sexual."

"Wait, are you…?" he asks.

"No," I say. "I mean, I don't think I am. I was young at the time and I tried many, many things. Lesbianism was just another one of those things I tried."

"You said that you don't think you are," he points out.

"Well, with Kat back," I say, "I'm starting to question it again."

"That's okay, though," he says. "There's nothing wrong with being gay, Lil."

"I know," I say somewhat harshly. "But I'm just…not, okay?"

"What happened?" he asks. Seeing the puzzled look on my face, he adds, "Between you and Kat? Obviously, you two broke up."

"I don't really know…" I tell him. "I was the one who broke it off."

"You don't know?" he asks in disbelief. "Come on, Lil. There's got to be a reason."

"I guess I was just afraid," I say. Knowing what his next question would be, I say, "I was afraid because I was developing strong feelings for another woman."

"Then why'd you break it off?" he asks, feeling that I haven't answered sufficiently.

"Look, the thing with Kat was almost a bit like experimentation. Like, just to give a relationship with a woman a go, see what it was like," I say. And that's really all I wanted it to be. But before long, I fell in love with Kat, and that scared me. I had always thought I was straight up until that point. "I was just confused at that stage in my life. I'm straight."

"But you said those feelings have been coming back," he says, reminding me of my own words.

"I just feel like I don't know who I am, Scotty," I say honestly. I don't.

"Well," he says with finality, "I'm always here if you want to talk about it. And I'll always accept you and I will always be your friend, no matter what your sexual preference may be." There's a look of sincerity in his eyes as he says this, and I smile at his words.

"Thanks, Scotty," I say. We both rise from the couch and hug each other as friends. I bid him good-night and watch him leave.

I sigh as I sink back into the couch, hugging a pillow against my chest.

Could I be gay? I ask myself for only about the millionth time in the past few days.

TBC...