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Warning for mentions of a werewolf attack, and a slight bit out of character too. The word count is 2,133. I hope you all enjoy the first chapter of Dear Diary (The Private Thoughts of the Werewolf Lavender Brown).
Dear Diary,
It's been quite a while since I've been able to write to you. A lot of things have happened in the past few months. The war against You Know Who was ended. But in the process, I got injured. They say that the werewolf Fenrir Greyback tore into me in wolf. But luckily for me, Parvati was nearby and came to the rescue. She told me during her recent visit that I was in a coma for a long time afterward. She also brought us back together diary. The only problem was that my arm had been mangled rather horribly and it was the arm my writing hand is on. So, I'm only now getting back my ability to write properly. Which is why my handwriting is so horrible. Don't take any offense to that diary. If I could I would have written this better.
The door to her room creaks open and the night nurse of St. Mungos sticks her annoying head in to check on Lavender. She usually did this until Lavender fell asleep or pretended to fall asleep.
"You're not asleep yet, Lavender?" the redhead asked, pursing her lips and shaking her head.
She didn't get it. None of them got it. None of them could understand the nightmares that she had on a nightly basis. Nightmares of her taking on a lupine form. Nightmares of her harming her parents or Parvati. She couldn't tell this nurse that, of course. She'd just dose her with a dreamless sleep potion and that would be that. It wasn't handling the problem. It was more akin to putting a bandaid on a broken leg.
"I'm just finishing up here, Marlena," she said, flashing a small innocent smile. "I'll be done in about a minute and then I'll go to sleep. I promise."
The nurse rolled her eyes and shook her as she backed out the door. Marlena knew better than to allow herself to be tricked into believing that. Lavender always said she was going to be down in a minute but she never was. The less time she spent asleep the less time she had to dream. Which was all the better in her mind. She turned back to her diary and picked up her quill once more and began to write.
The nightmares still come every night. The ones of Fenrir Greyback attacking me. The pain is so real that I even once woke up screaming from it. Then there are the other nightmares. The ones that involve my family and Parvati. I don't want them to become real. I really don't. But I don't have a choice in the matter anymore. Fenrir Greyback took away my choice on that matter and I wasn't going to get it back. It's times like that that I wish that Professor Lupin was still alive so I can ask him questions about this whole lycanthropy thing. He was always so knowledgeable on such things. I guess I will have to go and actually look up my own answers, won't I diary.
The click-clacking of heels on the polished floor of St. Mungos sounded in the hallways. Marlena was on her way back in to check on Lavender again.
Well, diary, I've got to go now. Marlena's on her way back to check on me and if I'm not at least pretending to sleep she will be on my case until I am. I will try and write to you again tomorrow.
Your Loving Owner
Lavender
Her head hit the pillow before the click of the door was even heard. She didn't have to crack an eye open to know that Marlena was shaking her head. The click-clack of her shoes on the tile of Lavender's room's floor sounded closer and then there was the click of the light being turned off. And that was that for that night.
"Lavender, why don't you join the group?" one of the Healers asked, standing over her as she hastily drew a picture of the full moon and baying wolf under it. "We're about to play a trust exercise game. Doesn't that sound fun?"
Lavender looked up and shook her head. She had been denied access to the library because it wasn't library day today. All she wanted to do was look up some things on lycanthropy. Was that too much to ask for? It obviously was for these people.
"Lavender, you need to join the group," the Healer repeated, reaching to take her diary away from her.
Lavender snarled at him. A very animalistic snarl that, made the man flinch away and head back to his precious trust excise group. Lavender couldn't believe what she had done. She'd never actually snarled at anyone before. Marlena told her that meant that the full moon was nearer. But all it did was make Lavender think of her nightmares and that was scarier than anything else she could have done.
Dear Diary,
I am a monster. That's the only way that I can think to explain what happened without using that word. I snarled at someone today. I snarled at this Healer that was only tyring to get me to join some trust exercises with the rest of the group. I don't know why I did it. I just know that I did it and the Healer looked very afraid of me. I don't want to make people afraid. It's not fair, diary. It's really not fair. I had had my whole life planned out for me. I was going to graduate from Hogwarts. I was going to go into magical fashion designing. I was going to meet some handsome boy or girl and settle down and get married. Have the whole white picket fence dream life that every little girl wants. But I can't do any of that now, can I? The white picket fence dream was replaced with this lupine nightmare. How am I supposed to find someone who will love when there's the distinct possibility that I might actually cause them harm. I've got to go. The tattletale Healer went and got Marlena. I'll try and write to you later tonight. Until then diary I remain your loving owner.
Lavender
"Healer Jones tells me you aren't joining in any of the group activities today, Lavender, why is that?" Marlena asked, reading over Lavender's shoulder as she dotted a couple of i's that she had forgotten.
"I just don't want to," Lavender said, closing the book as soon as she realized that Marlena was reading what she had just written.
"You know, you're not a monster, Lavender," Marlena said, looking at her sadly. "You're just a girl who had a lot of unlucky things happen to her in her young life. That's all. Healer Jones was just concerned about is all."
"But I snarled at him," Lavender said, looking at the diary that lay in her hands. "I snarled at him and it could have been much worse if he hadn't moved away like he. Couldn't it have been?"
"The full moon's not that far off," Marlena said, the sad look deepening on her face. "Healer Jones has been working in this wing long enough to know what happens near the full moon. He would have known what to do if things got out of hand."
"How do you know that?" Lavender asked, giving Marlena a look as she was appraising the older woman.
"You'll find out one of these days," Marlena said, smiling and putting an arm around Lavender's shoulder and leading her over to where the group exercises were still going on. "But today isn't that day."
"Marlena, that's not fair."
"As you so eloquently put it 'Life is not fair', am I right?"
Lavender shook her head but joined the group nonetheless. She was surprised when Marlena joined up right along with the rest of them. She guessed that even the staff needed a little pick me up every now and again too.
Dear Diary,
I am back. Marlena knows far too much about werewolves and being a werewolf. Plus the group exercises are for patients only. But Marlena joined up like she was just another one of the patients. Maybe I should check up on her and make sure she's on the up and up? It would be just wrong to have someone working with patients that shouldn't be. I don't know diary. Maybe I don't trust Marlena because I don't trust myself to be able to notice good people from bad ones anymore? Maybe I'm just fooling myself into thinking that I can get my dream life back? Maybe it's time that I finally admit to myself that I am what I am? That still scares me more than ever the prospect of accepting it and what it means for the rest of my life. Perhaps one of these days I will be able to accept how things are. One of these days everything is going to make sense. At least I hope it will. I've got to go diary. I strangely enough actually really tired tonight. But as always I still remain your devoted owner,
Lavender
Marlena poked her head into Lavender Brown's room expecting her still be up writing in her diary as usual. But she was startled to realize that the sandy blonde was actually already asleep. It must be closer to the full moon than Marlena realized it was.
She walked over and gently took the still open book from Lavender's hands. Her eyes skimmed over the words that Lavender had written. She knew that Lavender would figure her out. She just wasn't expecting it to be this soon. But perhaps this was a good thing. That way Marlena could take Lavender under her wing and teach her all the things she wished that someone, anyone would have taught her.
"I'll tell her tomorrow," Marlena whispered to herself as she left the room after flicking the lights off.
Dear Diary,
I knew that there was something up with Marlena when she joined the group exercise thing yesterday. I just knew it. But I wasn't expecting her to actually open up about being a werewolf as she did. She spoke very candidly and answered all of the questions that I had had since waking from my comma and talking with Parvati. I guess that the conversation came just in the nick of time too. Because tonight is going to be my first official full moon not spent in a comma. They'll be bringing the Wolfsbane Potion any minute now. Maybe if I can be in control enough of my lupine self then I too could have a job such as Marlena has? One of these days diary. But until then I remain your loving owner,
Lavender
"Here's your Wolfsbane Potion, Miss Brown," said Healer Jones, handing her a goblet full of the disgusting potion. "You might want to put that journal somewhere safe for the night. With how protective you are of it."
"Yes," Lavender said, opening one of the drawers in her room and placing her diary in it. "I also want to apologize for snarling at you the other day. It wasn't right and I really am sorry."
"It's more than understandable, Lavender," the Healer answered with a reassuring smile. "No one is expecting you to be perfect. No one is perfect. I know that more than anyone else here."
Dear Diary,
I made it through my first transformation while not in a comma. It was scary and hurt an awful lot but I was still pretty much me mentally. I never would have suspected Healer Jones of being a werewolf too. He just seemed like a nice guy that enjoyed spending far too much time with people afflicted with lycanthropy. But he told me his story as I drank my Wolfsbane Potion. He was the one who taught Marlena the rules and tricks of being a werewolf. He said that he was very proud of Marlena for taking the information he gave her and passing it on to someone else in need of it. I hope that maybe one of these days I too can pass this valuable knowledge onto someone else who might need it. Maybe I'll write a book? So You're a Werewolf: The Ins and Outs of Being a Teenage Werewolf. Maybe I'll even include some of our letters in it, diary. But for right now I have to get ready. Parvati and her sister Padma are coming for a visit today. I can't wait to see them again.
Your Loving Owner
Lavender
For the first time in what felt like forever Lavender Brown smiled as she put her diary away. She was going to be alright. She was sure of it.
I hope you all enjoyed the first chapter of Dear Diary (The Private Thoughts of the Werewolf Lavender Brown) as much as I enjoyed writing it.