Chapter Beef

In the distant land of Mcgonigal's room Harry was speaking to his only friend. Mcgonigal's doorknob (You didn't think he had a real living friend did you?)

"Doorknob, I know Cho loves me but I cant get her to admit It.," said Harry.

"Cho hates you, you smelly cactus sandwich! And so does everybody else in this place." Said Dumbledore. "Nitwit! Blubber! Oddment! Tweak!"

"You shouldn't talk! Nobody likes you either!" said Hermione matter-of-factly.

"Yes…Hermione" said Dumbledore sadly.

"I BELIEVE IN A THING CALLED LOVE! Screamed Dumbledore's wife named Dumblette.

"I BELEIVE IN A THING CALLED BEEF!" screamed George.

"You do?" Asked Fred

"Yes" smiled George.

"Where's Cho?" asked Harry.

"I DON'T LIKE YOU POTTER!" screamed Snape loudly in Harry's face.

"EEK!" yelled Harry running out of the room. He then went on a search for Cho. He soon found her in the kitchen eating all the evil soup she could get her small little hands on.

"Cho!" said Harry happily "I have found you my sweet sugar plum cloud of happiness!"

"HARRY!" Screamed Cho quite unhappily "How dare you call me such things! GO AWAY I AM BUSY!"

"But we are in love, my large knitting needle of caresses and diseased hobo's!"

"Don't talk about hobo's that way" screamed Cho "They are awesome even though they live in boxes and have no use of the word hygiene! And not all of them have diseases! Are you a complete moron?"

"For you baby, I could be," said Harry romantically smiling his most charming smile.

"THERE IS KETCHUP ON YOUR FACE!" said Cho angrily. That was the emergency sentence, which should only be used when you really want to get Harry away from you.

"Oh NOOOO!" screamed Harry running away to wash his face. Cho continued eating evil soup.

Back in Mcgonigal's room Fleur Delacour was hitting Ron over the head with a giant green eraser.

"Why are you doing this?" sobbed Ron very sadly.

"To teach you to not mess with my meat pie collection!" said Fleur.

"Oh…" said Ron "Carry on then."

"Be happy fatsos!" yelled Neville to everybody.

"Neville why are you so happy today? You're usually sad and depressed." said Cho walking into the room.

"I'm happy because it's 2:00 in fat Ireland right now!" said Neville happily.

"Oh" said Cho handling apiece paper which then gave her a paper cut. "Ouch!"

"You need a Band-Aid!" Yelled Madam Pomfrey rushing in with a band-aid.

"NOOOO!" screamed Cho "Band-Aids are for wimps! I AM NO GIRLY WHIMP!"

"I don't even think she's a girl!" laughed George quietly to Ron. Ron and George laughed quietly.

"AGGHH! I heard that," screamed Cho attacking George.

"EEEEKKKKKK!" screamed George leaping out of Cho's way. Cho then landed on Dumblette.

"DON'T TOUCH ROYALTY!" screamed Dumblette hitting Cho over the head with a cucumber-scented crayon. There was suddenly a huge splash.

"Oops" said Harry "I dropped my milkshake."

"CLEAN THAT UP MISTER!" screamed Dumblette.

"Darn." Said Harry who then did his best at cleaning the mess.

"HEY" screamed Dumbledore at Dumblette. "That's my cucumber scented crayon! How dare you steal it from me! I hate you Dumblette the ugly woman who I was forced to marry!"

"IM NOT UGLY! I'M JUST DEFORMED!" screamed Dumblette. Everybody laughed at that just to make Harry feel left out.

"I don't get it," said Harry in a confused, left out kind of way.

"I don't get your face!" Said Hagrid laughing "Oh! BURN!"

"I'm going to go now since you all keep making me feel confused and left out!" Screamed Harry angrily. He then tried to leave, tripped over the unconscious Severus Snape, and fell out the window, which made many people cheer and sing.

"You smell like expired hobo's Cho!" said Lee Jordan who had just came out of the closet he had been sleeping in.

"WELL GOOD!" screamed Cho hitting Lee with a large metal tree "BECAUSE HOBO'S ARE A SWEET GENTLE SPECIES AND THEY DESERVE MORE THAN THEY HAVE, LEE JORDAN IF THAT IS YOUR REAL NAME!"

"IT IS!" screamed Lee Jordan escaping from Cho and hiding behind Dumblette.

"HOW DARE HIDE BEHIND ME, MORTAL!" screamed Dumblette.

"Dumblette why are you such a fat jerk?" asked Neville happily.

"IM NOT FAT! I'M JUST OVERWEIGHT!" screamed Dumblette hitting Neville with a duo-tang. Dumblette got so worked up she had a heart attack and had to go to the hospital.

Snape waved his wand and turned Fleur into a shrimp.

"Haha!" laughed Ron "You're a shrimp! Try to hit me over the head with a giant green eraser now!"

Fleur the shrimp then used her magical shrimp powers to beat Ron over the head with a giant green eraser.

Meanwhile Harry was on his way to the dungeon to get a potion to cure Ron's grandma's wrinkles. He opened a random door and inside was…

"SIRIUS" yelled Harry in shock "I THOUGHT YOU WERE DEAD"

"Of course not you ugly boy!" said Sirius "At the ministry of magic I fell behind that veil and got knocked out! I WAS THERE FOR EIGHT FREAKIN WEEKS! WHY DIDNT ANYBODY HELP ME?"

"I was to lazy" said Harry

"Thought so," said Sirius shrugging "I'm leaving now." He left to go seek fortune in Moaning Mertles bathroom.

Meanwhile George was sitting on the ground by the lake looking very sad.

"What's wrong fatty," said Neville happily.

"I'm so confused," said George sadly "I don't know who I hate more: Dumbledore or Harry"

"Maybe you hate both of the fatties the same" said Neville in a happy suggestive way.

"Yeah!" said George cheering up "I feel a lot better now!" He sprinted off in happy bounces.

"Fat sausages" said Neville happily as the ending sentence.

"Review you fatty's" said Neville happily.