AN: Hi all! So I still have no idea what to do with the ending but I wrote a bit more and reached a good stopping place so I decided to post it. I'm still anticipating only one more, but at this rate I'll be saying that 70 chapters from now. I honestly have no clue where this is going. My entire concept was "Callie and Arizona fight over Arizona's leg and then somehow deal with their problems semi-maturely" and the semi-mature part is still a struggle lol. Please enjoy!

Three cups of almost-decent coffee later, Arizona's head was a little more clear, which only meant that it was now more filled with thoughts of Callie.

Bits and pieces had come back while she lay atop the covers of her hotel bed, though it was still a blur. She could remember just enough that it felt like the memory of Callie would always haunt her now. And it hurt, in a weird way, too, that she couldn't remember it perfectly, that if she was going to properly fuck up her life, she couldn't even enjoy it.

The worst part of it, Arizona reflected, as she picked up her most recent empty paper coffee cup and began to shred it with her hands, was that she really should have known better. Despite the messiness of the custody battle, despite all the awkward exchanges and fake "I'm okay's" Arizona had unconvincingly thrown to Callie over the years, this was the one line she'd always managed not to cross. Partly, she couldn't hurt herself like that again. Partly, Callie's words from the day they had divorced lived rent-free in her mind, and she knew she couldn't hurt Callie like that again, either. But most of all, she couldn't let Callie fool her into thinking that they could actually work things out, only to have it torn from her grasp again.

Of course, there had been times over the years when she'd been tempted to cross that line. Nights where she'd been drunk in her room while Sofia was asleep down the hall, and all she could do was think about Callie and sob. In her desperation to escape temptation, she'd turn off her phone and put it on the top shelf of a cabinet or a drawer. Or she'd delete Callie's number and then get it from someone at work the next day, usually a begrudging Alex. Once, when Sofia had been at a sleepover and Andrew was at the hospital, she'd hurled her phone across the room so hard it had never turned on again. It had been soul-crushing but also easier when Callie had left, and she only had to fight the desire to send a risky text.

Her phone buzzed on the bed beside her. Her stomach dropped when she saw it was from Callie, but she was too weak not to open it. It was a picture of Sofia, smiling next to a pancake decorated in the form of a face, with blueberries for eyes and whipped-cream hair.

She says its you, the message from Callie read. And then, after a second, another message appeared. I told her no clowns. You know how I feel about them.

Arizona did, she used to tease Callie mercilessly about her fear of clowns. The thought made her want to hurl her phone across the room again, evaporating some of the warmth she felt at her daughter's picture.

Using all the willpower in her body, she texted back, Love it, Sof! I'll see you soon! xxx. As soon as she hit "send", she tossed it toward the foot of the bed, and flopped back onto the pillows.

Despite everything, she really, really missed Callie.

Arizona hadn't moved on completely the past few years, but she had moved on enough. The good stuff started to feel like a long time ago, so she could remember it without breaking down completely. She could have sex without thinking about Callie, at least a lot of the time. She could visit Sofia and Callie in New York and be okay until it was time to get wasted on the flight back to Seattle. She could talk to Callie for a few minutes when Callie called her to check on Sofia, and her stomach didn't hurt the whole day, just a few hours.

But when she and Sofia had arrived early yesterday morning, groggy from their red-eye, the status quo had been tossed out the window when Callie had strode up to them and wrapped her arms around Arizona, concern etched into her face. "I missed you," she'd said, and then she'd asked about the flight, and if Arizona had handled it okay. It had left Arizona feeling like she was in a dream, like the past several years of fighting, tension, and mixed signals had never happened. Callie had been so happy to see her. And of course Arizona was happy to see Callie, she always was. But when Callie was equally enthusiastic, all Arizona could do was worry about when it would stop. When would the petty or jealous sides of Callie come out? When would Arizona not be doing enough, when would she first hear the words "cheated" or "left" or "your fault"?

And maybe that was why, when they had put Sofia to bed together for the first time in years, and Callie had asked if Arizona wanted to stay for a glass of wine, she'd said yes. And why she'd agreed to more after they'd finished the first bottle, and then the second. Yes, she'd missed Callie, and was relishing in them getting along, talking and laughing more gently, making small attempts to apologize for the past without getting too deep into it. But also, when they'd gotten towards the end of the third bottle, and Callie had looked at her over the rim of her wine glass with those eyes, Arizona had known, deep down, that they hadn't worked through anything yet, that this would be a mistake.

So if she was going to mess it up, it might as well be now. Before she got too hurt. And that wasn't fair to Callie, because it was selfish and manipulative, but Arizona couldn't fully push her away, didn't know any other way to.

Fuck. I'm no worse than Callie, sleeping with me right before we got divorced, Arizona realized. At that moment, her fingers hit the bottom of her coffee cup, brushing against the last few dregs of liquid. Bits of shredded paper were scattered messily all over the bed she hadn't slept in, and she was still wearing her clothes from the day before.

Arizona's phone buzzed, not one of the short bursts that indicated a text, but a long buzz telling her that she had an incoming call.

Don't be Callie, don't be Callie, she almost prayed as she sat up to retrieve her phone, groaning a little from the pounding that was still in her head.

But it was Alex Karev's name that flashed across the screen. Thank god. Alex wasn't one to pry, or ask questions. He didn't care about her unnecessarily ruining her life. He probably was calling about work, except-

"Karev, why the hell aren't you on your honeymoon?" she demanded, the moment she picked up her phone.

"You sound cheerful today, boss."

"I'm not your boss, Alex, and I haven't been for a long time." She fell back against the pillows again.

Unlike anyone else who might have called Arizona, Alex dropped it. Maybe that's why she'd felt like she could answer the phone. "Sorry, Robbins, force of habit. We're leaving soon, but I had to check in on a few patients before we could, which is why I'm calling so early."

Due to how young Sofia had been at the time, Callie and Arizona hadn't actually gone on a honeymoon. Mark had assured them he could handle Sofia if they wanted to leave town, pretending to be offended when they refused. But all three of them knew that it was just too hard to be away from her at that point, and so Mark had only taken her on their wedding night. And it had never really gotten easier, Arizona reflected, just more necessary. The rare moments when Mark had been both conscious and coherent out in the woods, he and Arizona had talked about almost nothing but Sofia, and how they missed her. They were simultaneously her best and worst memories of him.

God, what was wrong with her this morning? Somehow, it was as if sleeping with Callie had dragged up every other traumatic memory from the past as well.

"Robbins?"

"Sorry, Karev, I'm just a little out of it."

Alex chuckled. "It's okay, Robbins. If you have a minute, I'm passing off a few patients, and I realized I'm missing some info on the Collins baby I was hoping you could fill in. But only if you're up for it."

It was so unlike Alex to let someone besides Arizona be in charge of his patients for more than even a few minutes, she couldn't help but be proud of him.

"Of course I can. What do you need?"

It took only a few minutes for them to clear up the charts. Talking about work again cleared Arizona's head, too, grounding her and distracting her from her emotions exactly how she needed.

"Well," said Alex. "I better get going so I can meet Jo. Thanks for picking up so early on a Sunday."

"Of course, Alex."

"How's New York?" Dammit. "You sound kinda tired." Was Alex Karev… worrying? About her? Alex usually only worried about her at her absolute lows, when she was laid up in bed with an infected leg that needed to be amputated, when her wife divorced her and her new boss was reaming her in front of the entire OR.

"Well, Alex, I'm hungover if you must know." Arizona didn't know why she said it, because Alex really didn't care.

Alex chuckled. "Good for you, Robbins."

Arizona hesitated. Part of her really did not want to think through what had just happened with Callie. But she was thinking about it, and here in New York, she didn't have anyone else to talk to. "Actually, it's been a disaster. Callie and I got wasted and slept together last night after Sofia went to bed."

There was a pause.

"Alex?"

"So?"

"What do you mean, "So?""

"So… you slept together. Was that like, a surprise? I mean, the other day you were still freaking about the divorce at my wedding."

Right, Arizona cringed. She was even more grateful to not be in Seattle in this moment.

"It's just… we had a real chance for a new start Alex. A better environment for Sofia. That's what really matters. And we ruined it."

There was silence on the other end.

"You're not saying anything."

"I'm not getting it."

"What, not getting what? What a complete disaster this is? How terrible it must be to be Sofia? How Callie and I are never going to - never going to work?"

"Dude, c'mon. You pull this crap with Torres all the time."

Arizona choked on air. "What? What crap, Alex?"

He hesitated.

"I'm in New York," Arizona pointed out. "I can't come for you now."

"Yeah, you say that now, but I know you, Robbins. You'll kick my ass if you want to."

"Please, just tell me," she begged.

"Look, I'm not saying some of the shit you guys did to each other wasn't fucked up. But you and Torres are always doing this. She does something, and you assume it means something it doesn't, and then you don't ask and go crazy and then she doesn't think about why you're upset and she goes crazy. I've heard it a million times. So what, you slept together? You want to know how many of my exes I've slept with?"

"Not really."

"You were married. Your feelings haven't gone away."

"How do you know that?"

"Robbins, everyone knows it."

Arizona groaned.

"And look. Maybe hers haven't either. Or maybe they have and she's lonely."

Arizona's heart nearly stopped as Alex so casually voiced her biggest fear.

"Just talk to her, Robbins. Just tell her why you're freaking out instead of freaking out. Tell her what you need from her instead of assuming you won't get it. You don't have to be so stubborn all the time, you know."

"If I wasn't stubborn, who'd be there to ram a foot up your ass?"

"Well now I'm the one ramming my foot up your ass."

"You're right, Alex."

"Say that again?"

Arizona rolled her eyes. "You're right. You've always given me good advice when it comes to Callie." Arizona exhaled. "I maybe don't always listen to it. I'll try to talk to her, Karev."

"You better," Alex replied. "Oh, and one other thing."

"What?" Arizona sighed.

"Stop using Sofia as an excuse for not working through your shit."

Even though she was used to the bluntness of her protege by now, she was still floored. "What - I'm not - we're not-"

"I've been in the middle of two parents, Robbins. I know it when I see it. You guys pretend that the reason you're not dealing with your problems is for her sake. It's never actually about her. Can you honestly tell me that custody battle was one hundred percent about Sofia?"

Arizona was silent. A part of her had always suspected that Callie, on some deep, primal level, believed that she was Sofia's true mother not because of biology, but because Arizona was the one who had ruined things. But even though she loved her daughter in her own right, Arizona also had always clung to Sofia because Sofia was the one piece of Callie she would always have.

"Look, Robbins. I'm not saying don't put Sofia first. I'm saying actually put Sofia first. And using her as an excuse to not talk about shit with Callie is not putting her first."

Fuck. Alone, fully clothed in her hotel room, Arizona suddenly felt almost as exposed as she had in front of Callie.

Freaking Karev.

"You're a good mom, Robbins," said Alex. "You're just not logical when it comes to Torres. And she's not logical when it comes to you."

But Callie was never logical, Arizona wanted to point out. She didn't need to be, not the way Arizona did. And that's why Callie had always had so much more pull over Arizona than the other way around.

"Look, I hate to leave on this note, but I should really go, or Jo's gonna kill me."

"Okay, Alex. Thanks for talking. Be careful not to ruin my peds department when you get back."

Alex chuckled. "I saved your peds department a long time ago, and you know it. It's been fine for years, it'll still be fine."

"Don't think I won't find you, if you need a foot shoved up your ass again."

"Believe me Robbins, I can't wait for the day where you have your shit together enough to yell at me again."

Arizona chuckled. "Really, Alex. Keep in touch. I don't want to hear about the great work you're doing from anyone else."

"You too, boss."

"And thanks again," she added softly.

"No problem." She could practically hear Alex shrugging on the other end, embarrassed.

"Bye, Karev."

"Seeya, Robbins."

AN 2: Thanks for reading, folks! I know I don't have a plan, but I promise, I'm determined to figure it out lol.