As the day passed, lunch came and went as did the white mice. Harry's stomach growled, a sure sign of his constant hunger pains.
He looked at the small blessing curled up on his pillow. Thanks, Ginny, for sending me someone who I can talk to when I need someone the most. He walked down the stairs for a quick meal with his porkbellied uncle and cousin and pole-like aunt.
Afterwards, when he trudged up the stairs, he leaned his head against the wall outside of his room, pondering what the hell he was doing there, being miserable as a free wizard.
He sighed and walked into his bedroom to find two glaring eyes.
A tongue whipped out of her mouth.
I'm so glad you enjoyed your dinner. I am sure it was incredibly scrumptious and filling. Was it the best meal you have ever had? It better have been, because I have been sitting here waiting for you to transfigure me a meal and you know what? That does NOT make me a happy snake.
Harry looked at the eyes and blinked. Then he stared some more.
Harry? Are you all right? Sorry for snapping, but I'm hungry.
He reached for his wand as he mumbled something about "women" and "PMS-ing".
The post-transfiguration mice sat there for a moment as the snake chased them around the room, taking an abnormally long time to catch a few mice, but in the end had a satisfying meal. She gobbled them up.
Harry didn't notice any fangs, fortunate for him. The mice went in her stomach—or intestinal area, Harry supposed—and he watched as oval-like shapes went back and back and back… and were gone.
"That has got to be the coolest thing I've ever seen," Harry said, jumping onto his bed like a child.
That would be why girls don't like it when guys watch them eat. Or do anything else for that matter. It freaks them out.
Harry took a looong moment to comprehend this. "But you're a snake!"
You think that matters? Male snakes are just as bad as human teenagers. They have no manners and regards for the others concerns.
Harry breathed in sharply. "Wow, they must be pretty bad."
Not as bad as a person I know who can't admit their feelings.
Titling his head at the confusion of the statement, he almost missed his new friend's departure from his room.
"Wait! I'm confused," he shouted down the hallway, forgetting that the Durseley's were in the house and that he had just yelled in an uncomprehendable slithering dialect and voice.
He forgot for a moment—or at least, forgot until his great fathead of an uncle came troddling up the stairs, followed closely by his aunt and his cousin. Absolutely delightful.
"I hate relatives," he said in snake language.
"What the bloody hell do you think you're doing on my side of the house?" Harry asked his pig-faced family. After other wizards had started to step in on Harry's behalf, they had decided to apportion Harry with a small section of the house so they would never have to suffer his presence outside of meals.
Dudley looked at him bug-eyed. "What the bloody hell do you think you are doing? We're going to search the house. It seems that there may be a gas pipe leaking. We have been hearing this hissing noise for a while, and it just grew louder," he said in his nasily, nasty voice.
Harry looked around discreetly, searching for his newfound friend. He saw her underneath the dresser on the first floor behind the Dursleys, who were standing on the stairs where he had intercepted them from entering his delegated rooms. She stuck out her red tongue at him—which gave him an idea.
"Actually, I might possibly know where it is—"
"Then tell us!" Uncle Vernon shouted, his face turning red at the effort of being slightly polite to his nephew.
"—As I was saying before I was so rudely interrupted," he nodded pointedly at Vernon. "I might possibly know where it is. But I don't think I need—or want for that matter—to tell you," he ended with a mocking tone.
Vernon and Dudley had identical dumb-shocked looks on their faces—jaws dropped, tonsils showing, eyes wide. The one difference was Dudley threatened to topple over. His bodily fat wasn't as evenly distributed as his fathers. Petunia had thin chin and cheek bones which forced her face out, like a horse. Harry took this all in in a matter of seconds.
The three faces watching Harry warily were like someone who had just drunken a gallon of wheat grass—or worse, flower juice—because no one talked to the Dursleys like that. Not their relatives, not Dudley's teacher, not Petunia's neighbors, not Vernon's boss. No one. Not even Harry. He just ignored them most of the time. But not today. They were rendered speechless.
"Yes, I am talking back to you. Yes, it is the end of the world. Or, more like the end of your world. I'm 17, and that means big trouble for you. In the real world," the dumbstruck heaps changed to winces and bracing for his harsh words, "I can do the M-word. MAGIC." Harry flung his arms out in a flourishing motion, causing Dudley to have a sharp intake of breath, and fall down the step onto his cushioned bottom, collecting a snicker from Harry.
That was the last straw for Uncle Vernon. He was taking off the boots and the house was smelling. He leaned inward with his nasty, pig-face look.
"Now you look here, you piece of vermin. I will not tolerate your abnormality under this roof!" he yelled, with a sneer on his face.
Aunt Petunia and Dudley tried to hold him back. They knew what an angry wizard could do, what with Petunia growing up with one and Dudley, well… not changing all too much, but growing a pig tail at least.
That was the last straw for Harry, too.
"You know what? I can't tolerate your abnormality either."
With a wink at his support group of one sitting on the dresser observing all that was going on, he transfigured his relatives into their true forms.
Petunia, a horse of course. Uncle Vernon a cow. His legs were a bit too long to be a pig. Dudley was the easiest. He always hogged everything. Harry didn't even have to do much work reformatting him. Just a flick of the wrist. Professor McGonagall would be proud of how much practice he was putting in.
Looking at his new collection of farm animals, he pocketed his wand once more.
"Whoever said magic can't fix everything was absolutely wrong."
A/N: I would like to thank whoever has been adding me to their alerts and favorites lists. Also, I accept bribes (in forms of reviews) to make me update faster. You know, without reviews, I never go onto fanfiction, say, to put up another chapter. It just builds up in my notebook, waiting for me to enter the fandom.
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