Disclaimer: For making us all wonder how in the name of Force Anakin could make a droid with a British accent, thank you George Lucas!

Authors' Note- Yeah, so the first part of this chapter kind of actually happened … not in a weird disturbing sort of way, but more in a slap-happy tired state after watching three Star Wars movies back to back sort of way. Lauren would just like to say that she is Darth Vader in this portion of the story. Here you have it! Chapter 8!

Thanks to: Rono- He wasn't gay! It was just a one time thing! QueenMeep- I can totally relate to the whole 'mostly on accident' thing! We loved this review, it was back on par too! KillinBuddy- Well, uh, here it is. MercutioArcher- Lauren describes you as herself on drugs. I love the tap-dancing spiders … very Harry Potter. ShadowCaster360- Seriously, are you British? Thanks for the praise! swiftykenobi- We would actually choose Anakin's butt over anyone's, but as it's burned, Obi-wan's butt rocks! Princess-Aiel- You are our reason for living! We can go to the asylum now, our life is complete! Thank you. Purple shoe- You are banned from reading our story until you learn the difference between Star Trek and Star Wars. blusgr2- Lauren calls you short. And like Angelica had any sanity left anyway. ILUVZIM- That's a hilarious idea! That Palpatine loves his chairs….

An Unexpected Guest

Chapter 8

"Quit touching me Obi-wan!" I yell. My previous decision to spend the night in Obi-wan's cell for the sake of avoiding Palpatine is not looking like such a good idea at the moment.

"I'm not touching you - my hands are right here, see? See?" he replies, waving his hands around through the dark air of the cramped cell.

"Well your back is, move over!"

"I'm against a wall, I can't move. Why don't you move?"

"Fine," I say, scooting over and taking the pillow with me.

"Hey," says Obi-wan with an air of irritation as he sits up and yanks the pillow back over to his side. "That's my pillow, get your own!"

"No, I like this one, it's soft," I say. "Let's just share the pillow."

"Fine, just go to sleep," sighs Obi-wan.

It doesn't take long for me to fall asleep, drifting into semi-pleasant dreams as all of the new information from the day takes it toll and leaves me exhausted. Unfortunately for me though, I am woken up much too early by a small pinging noise of something hitting my helmet. I open my eyes and see Obi-wan tossing, what appears to be small mints, at me from across the cell. I leap up quickly and ask, "What the hell are you doing?"

"Well honestly, I was trying to throw a mint in your mouth," he explains with an exuberant grin.

"Why would you do that?" I ask, my mouth curiously and pleasantly minty.

"To be perfectly blunt, your breath smells."

"W-what?" I ask, shocked.

"Really, Anakin, it's not that hard to figure out. You have really bad morning breath and every time you breathe, well, eewww," he says cheerfully.

"Oh," I say, surprised that Palpatine never said anything to me about it, and even more surprised to think that he would ever be that close to me to tell me about it.

"I slept horribly last night," Obi-wan says, stretching.

"Really, why?" I say, wondering why I care enough to ask.

"Well, I had to sleep in the same position all night, my back is sore," he says.

"So why didn't you just change positions?"

"Are you kidding me?" Obi-wan asks incredulously. "How awkward would that be, waking up five inches from your face? I already told you your breath stinks, it's loud and utterly annoying, and with that mask on I can't tell if you're asleep or just staring at me while I'm asleep."

"Don't flatter yourself," I mumble. "You're not that interesting. Where did you get mints anyway?" I add, just now realizing how simply odd it was that Obi-wan would manage to obtain such a thing, being a prisoner and all.

"Oh, well those clones are very conscious of that sort of thing," says Obi-wan with a shrug, now going to lean casually against a wall. "They all have a pack on hand just in case."

"A clone, but that would mean –." I feel my mouth drop open slightly as realization hits me. "You snuck out again? But – but I was right here!"

"Yes," Obi-wan nods solemnly. "You know, either your breathing is so loud you couldn't hear me leave, or you've simply lost your touch. Maybe you're not as Force-sensitive as you used to be."

"What?" I ask, my impatience and annoyance blossoming slowly into anger. "I have not lost anything. I could kill you right now!"

"So why don't you?" he asks in a petulant sort of reply.

I pause. That's actually a really good question. I could kill Obi-wan. He has done nothing but annoy me, lecture me, and pester me my entire life and all of the time he's spent here. I don't honestly sense that he has any valuable information for the Empire, so why not just get rid of him?

"It would be too easy," I say decisively. "There would be no challenge. It – it's beneath me."

"Hmm …," Obi-wan begins, classically and annoyingly stroking his beard. "I suppose I can understand that. Only, if I may make a suggestion, I would say that you'd be better off just doing it now." He pops a mint in his mouth to ease the coughing that plagues him with his cold. "You know, so you don't end up losing the other half of your body when we fight again."

The affect of this comment is instantaneous. I draw my lightsaber, pausing the humming blade at Obi-wan's chest. He backs up slightly against the wall, but never loses that smug smirk on his face.

"Fine," I say. "We'll go to Palpatine's office and retrieve your lightsaber. Then I'll show you what a Sith really is.

As we walk to Palpatine's chambers once again, I begin to really regret this plan. Obi-wan won't stop bothering me with odd, taunting threats, he mocks Lord Sidious, and Palpatine really doesn't seem to like him for some reason. Actually, Palpatine doesn't like it when I visit him or talk to him, or –. I stop walking, which causes Obi-wan to run into me. Was Palpatine jealous? Did he think something was going on between us? I gag.

"What are you doing?" Obi-wan asks.

"Uh … nothing. I just had a disturbing thought …," I say, more to myself than to Obi-wan, and start walking again.

"Okay," breaths Obi-wan, resuming his long-winded speech about the rules of our imminent battle and about how he's going to cut off all of my arms and legs … again, "so no lava this time, alright? It was really hot and I had to get new clothes afterward. Not to mention that that whole getting your skin seared of thing definitely does not look fun. Actually, I've been meaning to ask you – ." He is cut off as he sees Boba approaching us.

"Hey," Obi-wan yells, "it's Boba Fett himself! Geez, you're on the Death Star a lot for just being a bounty hunter."

Boba stops walking and looks like he's about to respond, but he turns instead to face me. "Er, hi Boba," I stammer. He looks sick and ready to run off at any moment.

"Does it ever bother you to be wearing the suit your dad died in?" Obi-wan continues. "How did you get the body out? It seems like it would smell…."

"Boba, do you know if Lord Sidious is in his rooms?" I ask before realizing that what I said could be taken badly.

He stares at me for a moment before saying, "Why do you…? Oh, sick! Bad mental image! And with Kenobi too? Disgusting!" Obi-wan gives me a curious look. "I've got to get out of here!" Boba screams as he turns to bolt off in the other direction.

"So," Obi-wan begins, "does that mean the Emperor is in or – ."

"Shut up."

"What was that even about, Anakin?"

"N-nothing," I lie. "Boba is just, um, fooling around. Yeah, we have lots of fun here on the Death Star!"

"Yeah, I'm sure you do," Obi-wan replies. "But back to the fight. You are going to be fighting with your red lightsaber, right? Because last time it just got too confusing…."

"Oh, finally," I mutter, spotting the infamous doors to Palpatine's chambers and lengthening my stride to reach them sooner. I ignore Obi-wan's protests as he pursues me for my answer.

Palpatine looks immensely relieved when I barge into the room, looking up from the papers before him and cracking an odd, crusty grin. It unnerves me for some reason.

"Ahh, Lord Vader!" he exclaims jovially, acknowledging Obi-wan's presence with a contemptuous nod. "I've been looking for you everywhere – you weren't in your room last night."

"Y-you went to my room?" I ask, becoming increasingly uncomfortable with Obi-wan sniggering behind me.

"Well of course! I hadn't seen you all night and, uh, you know, I wondered where you were." He looks at me imploringly, silently asking me for an explanation.

"I just decided to stay the night in Kenobi's cell," I say, trying to remain casual as Palpatine's crinkled eyes widen slightly. "I figured that after his second escape he needed tighter security, and what with the clones being so easily manipulated …." My voice trails off into the uneasy silence.

"Yeah!" Obi-wan chimes in, giving me a foreboding feeling that he is about to make the situation even worse. "But I have to tell you, Anakin here is a real pillow-hog." I feel a cold sweat break out all over my face. "I'll never understand why he didn't just get into a different bed. I mean, there was one free in the cell directly across from mine. Why was that, Anakin?" he finishes, turning toward me inquiringly.

I glare at him as Palpatine goes even paler than he usually is.

"You, er, shared a bed?" my Lord asks.

"Well, yes my master, but his pillow was really soft," I insist. Obi-wan's relentless smile is burning into me.

"I-I see." His face seems to fall.

"Um, listen sir, I, erm, brought him here to retrieve his lightsaber. I want to fight him, you see," I add hurriedly at the shocked expression he is wearing. "He has nothing useful for us, and is simply a waste of space now."

"Why not just kill him then?" Palpatine asks skeptically, strolling to stand before Obi-wan and facing him with a defiant sort of hauteur.

Obi-wan responds by sneezing in his face.

"Oh, gross!" Palpatine yelps, throwing back his hood and wiping frantically at his face.

"My apologies of course," Obi-wan starts with a grin. He pauses though, gazing curiously at Lord Sidious' head. "You have a rather large bald spot, you know. I don't think I ever really noticed it before…."

Yanking up his hood and glaring at Obi-wan with a certain venomous fury, Palpatine whips out a lightsaber from the inside of his cloak and presses it into Obi-wan's outstretched hand. As he passes my shoulder on the way to his quarters, he hisses into me ear, "Kill him."

Authors' note- Okay, now this should be one of our last chapters. Yes, sorry to say it, but we are almost finished! Now, we're trying to work on a couple of new stories but we need some ideas. We're doing a Star Wars/Harry Potter crossover, just for the benefit of making fun of Snape of course, but we really want to work on more Star Wars humor stories as well. If anyone has any requests, ideas, or challenges, please share! As always, please review, and happy freakin' cold December to everyone! Find someone with a bald spot and have a great day!