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Anakin sat back, stunned, after Obi-Wan abruptly ended their call. He didn't know who to be more angry with – Padme, Obi-Wan or himself. What was happening with him and Obi-Wan? Mainly, Anakin was irritated that Obi-Wan wasn't with him. He should be here with me, not with those stupid kids and not with MY wife! Everything that was happening wouldn't even be an issue if Obi-Wan were where he belonged – by Anakin's side. They were a team! Didn't that mean anything to Obi-Wan anymore?
After the pep talk from the Chancellor, Anakin thought that he would really enjoy this first solo mission – this opportunity to demonstrate what he was truly made of. But truth be told, he wasn't enjoying himself at all. He missed Obi-Wan's company more than he ever thought he would. Outside of battle, he felt like a fish out of water – with no real purpose but to wait for the next battle. Where Anakin thrived on the battlefield, Obi-Wan thrived in the quiet strategy sessions. Where Obi-Wan loved meditation, Anakin hated it and avoided it whenever possible. Meditation did help to calm his roiling emotions, but he rarely engaged in it without Obi-Wan's prompting. He hadn't meditated once since leaving the Temple.
Anakin had to admit that Obi-Wan was his counterbalance. He could calm Anakin as no one else could, not even Padme. It rankled Anakin that Obi-Wan was perfectly fine with being on his own, while he struggled. I should be enjoying this time, being a newly minted Knight! I should be glad to be on my own and away from my master! Anakin had always thought of himself as being so independent and not needing his master at all. It was frustrating to find that wasn't the case. He was the Chosen one who was supposed to bring balance to the Force, but the Chosen One was finding it hard to find any balance without Obi-Wan.
Anakin went to lay down on his sleep couch. Obi-Wan and Padme were probably talking about him right now. What were they saying? Obi-Wan's words rang through his mind. 'You're right, Anakin. If you don't understand me after all these years, you probably never will.' Would Obi-Wan deliberately cause a media sensation? No. He hated the media. Anakin snorted. He could almost hear Obi-Wan now. 'Jedi do not hate. I merely dislike them to a large degree.' Obi-Wan always tried to bow out of press conferences and media congratulations. He was usually content to let Anakin take all the bows and accolades.
Would Obi-Wan seduce the woman he loved? No. First of all, he knew Obi-Wan would never hurt him like that. Secondly, Obi-Wan never had to actively seduce anyone. His mere presence was seductive enough for a lot of people. That was the problem, though! Would Padme be able to resist that Obi-Wan Kenobi charm? Anakin sighed heavily. He would just have to trust the two people he loved most in this world. But, then again, trust seemed to more and more elusive to him anymore…
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Padme tossed and turned, finally giving up on sleep. She turned onto her side and looked over at Obi-Wan. He had finally fallen asleep – lulled by his emotional exhaustion. The moonlight streamed in, seemingly to focus right on the older man's face. The worry lines had eased in his slumber. He was harboring guilt over Anakin. Padme couldn't help but feel guilty for adding to Obi-Wan's burdens, when he already had more than his share.
Padme was certain that she was correct in her assessment of Anakin's resentment toward Obi-Wan. Being with Obi-Wan here in the Temple had solidified it. Everyone seemed to rely on him too much. He was dependable, strong and steadfast, which led to high expectations and demands. She could even see herself coming to depend on him too much. But with Anakin, it was more than that. It seemed that Anakin had unwittingly made Obi-Wan his entire foundation. And that really worried Padme. What would that mean for Anakin when kept away from Obi-Wan for prolonged periods? What would that mean if Anakin faced a real crisis of faith without Obi-Wan there to guide him? And if, Force forbid, Obi-Wan should die, Padme knew that it would destroy Anakin. A part of Anakin seemed to realize that, as well. He was almost paranoid about protecting Obi-Wan.
Padme studied Obi-Wan's youthful face. Despite her troubled thoughts, a smile found its way onto her face and her heart swelled with emotion. She knew that she had to face these growing feelings for Obi-Wan. This was not something she had anticipated or desired. Her parents had warned her many times not to jump into marriage, to be absolutely sure it was right before taking that step. 'If possible, marry your best friend,' they had said. She obviously didn't listen very well. As a girl, she had envisioned the kind of man she would someday want to marry. She had always wanted a man like her father – easy going, strong, funny, moral, someone everyone liked and respected, someone who always treated others with respect. And now here she had found a man who epitomized all of those things…and it wasn't the man she married!
Padme had rushed into marriage with unrealistic expectations and shallow emotions. She did love Anakin, but not the way a wife should love her husband. Padme flopped onto to her back. Why did life have to be so blasted complicated? Even if Obi-Wan returned her feelings, he would never break his vows to the Jedi Order and would never do anything to betray Anakin's friendship. Padme didn't want to hurt Anakin, either. If she were to leave him, the results would be disastrous. His emotions were already too volatile as it was!
Among the many things Padme's parents had taught her, great emphasis had been placed on the importance of holding true to one's word – especially in the area of marriage vows. Padme did not want to break the vows she had made willingly. If she couldn't give Anakin the kind of love he should have as her husband, she would at least give him her loyalty. She snorted lightly. Loyalty? She couldn't even give him that! If she were to be totally honest with herself, she would have to acknowledge that her heart belonged to Obi-Wan now. BUT, she vowed silently, I WILL be loyal to Anakin in body, if nothing else.
Padme turned her head to gaze at Obi-Wan again. Did he have any feelings for her, beside friendship? Was he just as conflicted? Padme knew that she would have to be careful. Not only did she love Obi-Wan, but she was powerfully attracted to him. The path her thoughts had taken from the moment she arrived here were dangerous, to say the least! But most dangerous of all would be Anakin finding out about her feelings for Obi-Wan. She had to protect Obi-Wan from that, because Anakin would undoubtedly put most of the blame on him. Padme's stomach clenched at the thought of having to completely hide her emotions from her husband. It wouldn't be easy, but the alternative was unthinkable!
Knowing she would have no luck getting to sleep, Padme decided to get up and watch the holovid. She threw her blanket over the screen and her head, then turned the volume way down to keep from waking Obi-Wan. She knew that a gossip show would be coming on soon. Might as well tune in and see what the woman had to say about Obi-Wan. The host of the program appeared on the screen. 'Welcome to another edition of Republic Talk. I'm your host, Sadie Wallins – the mouth of the Republic. Of course, the top gossip of the day is General Kenobi's new look. What can I say but, GRRR! I tell you what, ladies, I think that we all should write the Jedi Council and ask for them to end that silly rule about no attachments. I, for one, would most certainly like to be attached to man like Obi-Wan Kenobi! And I don't think I'm the only one! We have a poll on the holonet asking the question, Do you prefer General Kenobi with or without the beard? So far, it seems to be a landslide for the clean-shaven look. But we'll keep the poll going for a few more days. So, go log on to our site and express your opinion!'
Padme watched the rest of the show, which was almost wholly about Obi-Wan. Pictures taken of him at the senate building were already the most downloaded pictures on the holonet! Padme was amazed at the sensation he was causing. Although, she wasn't so sure she liked the idea of women all over the galaxy drooling over Obi-Wan. But then again, what was she to him but a good friend? It did give her a bit of malicious glee to know that she was currently where a lot of women would kill to be.
Padme turned off the holovid and moved back over to the sofa. She paused and went to sit beside Obi-Wan. She wrapped herself in her blanket and watched him. She lightly moved a lock of hair away from his eye. What she wouldn't give to be held in his arms right now! She needed the comfort and peace that only he seemed to be able to provide. Her life was a mess! She was having to hide everything from everybody! What was it like to be open with everyone about who she was and who she loved? She honestly couldn't remember. The weight of everything was starting to crush her. Hot tears started cascading down Padme's cheeks and a sob hitched in her chest. She rested her face on her knees, trying to be quiet. A warm hand on her shoulder made her jump.
"Padme?"
Padme quickly wiped the tears off her face. "Oh, I'm sorry I woke you, Obi-Wan."
Concern was etched on Obi-Wan's face. "Don't be. Is it Anakin?" Who else would it be?
"Partly." Oh, Obi-Wan, how I wish I could tell you about my marriage! How I wish I could unload some of this guilt!
Knowing details about Anakin and Padme's relationship was something Obi-Wan had deliberately tried to avoid. But he couldn't stand to see Padme in such pain. "You can talk to me about anything, Padme. I want you to know that."
Padme knew that he was giving her permission to tell him everything about her and Anakin. The fact that he was willing firmed her resolve. "I know that, and I'm so grateful for that. But I won't tell you this. I can't! I won't do that to you!"
"Even if I'm asking you to?"
"No, I won't put you in that position."
Obi-Wan wiped the last of her tears from her face. "All right. But will you promise me this? Promise me that if you start to feel overwhelmed, if you feel that you have to talk to someone about this, that you will come to me."
Padme gave him a ghost of a smile. Oh, I love you! "I promise."
"Have you gotten any sleep?"
"Not exactly."
Obi-Wan wanted so much to help Padme, if she would just let him! But, maybe he could do something. "Go get your pillow."
"My pillow?"
"Yes, go get your pillow."
Padme went and got her pillow off the sofa. Is he reading my mind now? Her heart sped up as Obi-Wan scooted over on his make-shift bed.
Obi-Wan patted the spot in front of him. "Lay down."
Padme wanted to pinch herself to make sure she wasn't dreaming. She lay down on her side with her back towards him, willing her frenetic heart to calm down. She sucked in a breath as he spooned up against her. Oh, why am I being tested like this? She shivered as she felt his breath near her ear.
"Close your eyes and relax."
Easier said than done! Padme took a deep breath as Obi-Wan's arm circled around her waist. His other hand touched her temple and she immediately started to feel all anxiety leave her. It dawned on her that he was using the Force to soothe her. She let out a long, contented breath as she felt all her muscles go lax. She had never before felt so safe and so at peace.
"Go to sleep, Padme."
Padme's eyes immediately started to droop. She snuggled further into Obi-Wan's arms. This is Heaven…
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Obi-Wan slowly opened his eyes, vaguely wondering about the heaviness on his chest. Once his eyes were able to focus, he saw that Padme was using his chest as a pillow. Oh, yeah. Long, dark hair was fanned out over his arm. He smiled at the happy, serene look on her face.
Having Padme sleep beside him had been a spur of the moment decision. One that he immediately questioned the intelligence of upon first contact with her body. It had taken all of his considerable willpower, as well as the aid of the Force, to keep his body's desires from taking control. Why do I do this to myself? I must be a masochist!
His original intent had worked. He had given her the peace and comfort needed for her to go to sleep. Sleep for Obi-Wan, however, was elusive for a good while thereafter. Padme's body seemed to fit perfectly with his. He was starting to develop strong feelings for her. This was NOT a good thing. The last thing Obi-Wan needed was another wedge between him and Anakin. As if things aren't complicated enough right now!
Obi-Wan glanced at the chrono. He still had another hour before he needed to get up. He released his conflicted emotions into the Force and steadied his breathing. He idly ran his fingers through Padme's soft hair as he drifted back to sleep.
Padme woke up a while later. She enjoyed the feeling of the steady breathing of the man underneath her. I wasn't dreaming. She inhaled deeply, loving the scent that was Obi-Wan. She lifted up enough to see his face. He was still sound asleep. She lay back down with a huge smile on her face, savoring the feel of his hand resting on her shoulder. We obviously switched positions while we slept! She didn't want to think and she didn't want to move. She just wanted to stay in this moment forever – snuggled up to a man who seemed to fit her like a glove.