Your awesome and faithful reviews never fail to make my day! Thank you! And now for a rather angst-filled chapter!
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A few nights later, Mace and Yoda made their way from Obi-Wan's apartment. They had shared dinner with him, Padme and the kids. Mace looked pointedly at the tiny Master floating beside him. "If I didn't know better, I'd say that you were encouraging an attachment between those two."
Yoda stayed silent, but there was a hint of mischief in his eyes.
"Master," Mace said in a warning tone.
"Need each other in the future, they will."
"But Obi-Wan knows if he ever needs anything that he can come to us. The Jedi are his family."
"Know this, he does."
"But…" Mace was gripped by a sudden sense of dread. "What have you seen?"
Yoda's ears drooped. "No details have I seen. Just a sense about the two of them I feel." He did not voice the growing sense of foreboding he had about the future of the Jedi.
"But encouraging an attachment?"
Yoda whacked the side of his hoverpad with his stick. "His duty, Obi-Wan will do!"
Mace sighed. "I know he will." He did not like the implication in Yoda's words. The only scenario where Obi-Wan would not turn to his fellow Jedi, but to an attachment, was a scenario that didn't include the Jedi Order. He shivered slightly at his growing sense of foreboding.
Yoda gazed knowingly over at his former apprentice. "Dwell on our fears about the future, we cannot. Hope in the Light there always will be."
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Padme sat staring at the fire. She had been in a battle with her emotions since her conversation with her mother. At the time, talking about it had really helped. But ever since then a floodgate of emotions, longings and fears had been opened. One thing kept invading her thoughts more than any other – her mother's words about Obi-Wan. 'I've seen you two together. I've seen the way he looks at you.' Did Obi-Wan love her? Despite her desire to know, she hadn't been able to build up the courage to ask him. Padme was pulled out of her thoughts when Obi-Wan placed a hand on her shoulder.
"Here's your tea."
"Thank you." Padme took the cup from him and watched as he carefully sat down with his own. She tried to ignore the ache in her heart and just enjoy his company.
Obi-Wan studied Padme's troubled features. He was concerned about her. She had been rather subdued the last few days. "Padme, are you okay? You seem preoccupied."
Blast! She obviously hadn't been doing well at masking her turmoil. "I'm fine." Padme forced a smile.
"No, you're not. You've been…different since your parents were here."
Padme couldn't look into Obi-Wan's concerned eyes. Should she tell him her feelings? Should she ask him if he felt the same way? What would that mean for the rest of her time here?
Obi-Wan mistook Padme's hesitation. He took hold of her hand and tried earnestly to look into her eyes. "Don't you trust me, Padme?"
Tears immediately came into Padme's eyes. "Oh, Obi-Wan, there's no one I trust more. That's the problem!"
Obi-Wan was thoroughly confused. Why would trusting him be a problem? And why was she crying? "Padme, please talk to me! I hate seeing you so upset!"
Padme knew if she looked into his eyes that she would lose what little was left of her self-control. No sooner did that thought pass through her mind, than Obi-Wan took her chin in his hand and brought her eyes up to meet his.
Obi-Wan didn't quite know what happened. One moment he was trying to get Padme to look at him and the next he was locked in a passionate kiss with her! His mind was in a daze, even as his mouth and his body responded with eagerness. The intensity of the kiss and his own desire started to send off a warning in his mind. What was he doing? A picture of Anakin seeing them like this flashed through his mind. Obi-Wan finally found the wherewithal to pull away from Padme. He rested his forehead against hers as he panted for breath. "We can't do this," he said in a strangled whisper.
"I know." Padme looked down in anguish. How she wished that kiss could have lasted forever!
"I thought…" Obi-Wan tried to get his muddled thoughts together. "I thought you loved Anakin."
Padme gathered up her courage and looked up into his confused eyes. "Back around the time on Geonosis, I thought I did as well. But as time has passed, I've come to realize that I don't love him in that way. I can't even come close to the intensity of the feelings he has for me. But with his emotional control being what it is, I don't think I dare tell him!"
Obi-Wan ran his fingers through his hair. He had to agree with Padme. The sheer intensity of Anakin's feelings for Padme had always worried him. He had warned Anakin of the dangers of those feelings time and again, to no avail. Anakin always claimed that he could not help the love he felt. Well, Obi-Wan could empathize with that sentiment now. But Anakin's feelings went beyond love and entered into the arena of obsession.
Padme could tell that Obi-Wan was trying to take everything in. She took hold of both his hands and held his gaze. "I know that I will NEVER be able to return his feelings." Because I love you and always will.
Obi-Wan involuntarily held his breath. Padme was speaking with her eyes and face what she meant by those words. He could see her love…for HIM! It was a bit shocking to find that the feelings he had been fighting were reciprocated. Even as happiness at the revelation washed through him, the impossibility of the situation hovered at the periphery.
Padme couldn't stand it anymore! She HAD to know how Obi-Wan felt! "A while back, I spoke with Master Yoda about the Jedi Code. And do you know what he told me? He told me that if he could pick and choose who to apply the Code to, he would allow you to have a formalized attachment. He said that you could be trusted to do your duty, no matter what."
Yoda actually had that much trust in him? Now, Obi-Wan was really shocked! "He said that?"
"Yes, he did. Obi-Wan there's something I have to ask you. I know the rules regarding attachments and I know that you would never betray your vows. But if you WERE allowed to have an attachment, would you?"
Obi-Wan had always hated 'what if' questions. He saw them as a waste of time. But he could see how important this was to Padme. And he knew what she was really asking. 'Would you be with me if you could?' There was so much that he had to deny Padme, he could not bear to deny her this. He dropped his barriers and allowed his own love for her to shine through. "Yes, I would."
Padme's heart swelled not only at his words, but at the emotion he was allowing her to see. Neither of them could bring themselves to vocalize their love. Somehow, it would just be too painful both to say it and to hear it. Her joy at Obi-Wan's revelation was short-lived, as the futility of it all engulfed her yet again. She could not stop the tears that escaped from her eyes.
Obi-Wan gently wiped away the trails of moisture running down her lovely face. "I'm so sorry, Padme. I wish things could be different."
Padme took in a trembling breath. "So do I. You're a man of your word, Obi-Wan. I respect that in you so much. And you are a good friend to Anakin. Neither of us want to hurt him."
"No, I don't want to hurt him. And unfortunately, I fear you are correct about Anakin's reaction to finding out you don't feel about him the way he does about you. Look at how he reacted to finding out you were going to be staying here at the Temple with me!"
Padme nodded her head glumly. She WAS stuck. "Obi-Wan, please tell me that we can still be friends, even though we can't be together."
"Of course, we're still friends! I can't imagine my life without that friendship now." Obi-Wan held Padme as she sagged against him in relief. In the span of just a few minutes, his life had become much more complicated. For the first time in his life, his heart was at war with his vows to the Order. But he had made those vows with his whole heart and he would not break them. And as for Anakin…Resolve steeled in Obi-Wan's mind. He would not hurt Anakin by having a romantic relationship with Padme, but he would NOT allow Anakin to stop their friendship.
Padme was so glad that Obi-Wan was not inclined to run from their forbidden love and thus ruin their friendship. She needed it too much! It certainly wasn't all she wanted, but it WAS all she had!
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A couple of weeks later, Obi-Wan received word that James and Devin's parents had been found. They were a bit worse for wear, but very much alive. The senators from Naylon had even chartered a ship to bring them here to Coruscant. They would be arriving in just a couple of days. Obi-Wan wondered why the senators would go to such trouble when they hadn't seemed to really care all that much in the first place.
The two boys were beyond excited as he told them the news. James face absolutely glowed. "They're okay?"
Obi-Wan smiled as he placed his hand on James' shoulder. "They're fine and they're coming here. You'll get to see them in two days."
Devin excitedly hugged his brother. "Mommy and Daddy are coming! I can't wait to see them!"
James' smile slowly faded. "Will we ever see you again?"
Obi-Wan knelt down in front of the two boys. "Of course you will. Your parents may even decide to wait out the war here on Coruscant. If that's the case, I can see you whenever I'm here at the Temple."
Devin released his brother and engulfed Obi-Wan in a bear hug. "I'll miss you!"
"I'll miss you, too. Both of you, very much."
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Padme lounged against Obi-Wan on the sofa. She had been greeted by two very happy boys when she got home from the senate that evening. She was thrilled at the good news, of course. But a part of her was also sad. She knew her time here at the Temple – her time here with Obi-Wan – was drawing to a close. Obi-Wan was currently taking part in the interviews with the final candidates for Kira's adoption. He had said that it probably wouldn't be too much longer before someone was chosen. He was greatly impressed with one couple in particular, but was keeping an open mind as he met with all the other couples.
"What are you thinking about?"
Padme laced her fingers with Obi-Wan's. "That our time here together will soon be over." She couldn't keep the sadness out of her voice. "That soon you'll be sent back out into the war."
"The Republic needs every available Jedi out in the field."
Padme shifted so she could look Obi-Wan in the eye. "I think the best service to the Republic would be for you to do exactly what you've been doing these last several weeks. Strategy is your forte, Obi-Wan. The war has gone so much better for us since you became our full-time strategist. Surely the Chancellor can see that!"
"Goodness, Padme! You make it sound like I'm winning the war single-handedly!"
Padme grinned. "Well, aren't you?"
"Hardly!" Obi-Wan laughed. "Anyway, your opinion is biased. Just because you seem to think I can walk on water, doesn't mean it's true."
Padme looked shocked. "You can't walk on water?"
Obi-Wan nudged her with his shoulder. "Will you stop!" His laughter belied his exasperated look. "Besides, the Council doesn't take orders from the Chancellor."
"Yet." Padme looked at him pointedly. "But the Council usually does abide by his wishes."
"True. But whether or not I agree with all of the decisions of the Council as a whole, I will abide by them."
"I know you will." Padme kissed his hand before snuggling into his chest. "And I know you're going to be sent back into the field. But don't tell me not to worry about you, because that would be impossible."
"I would be greatly offended if you didn't worry about me, at least a little." Obi-Wan smiled softly as he rested his chin on Padme's head.
Padme sighed as she pulled Obi-Wan's arms tighter around her. She would miss this SO much! She dreaded the day when saying goodbye to him would become a reality.