Gravitation ain't not mine na no da.

What Is To Be Left Behind

"Do you have any idea where he could have gone to? I can't get through to his cell phone! I've been trying for hours!" Hiro-kun's normally calm voice holds a certain level of panic and it instills a kindling cold fear within me.

"Ever since we broke off, I have not contacted him. How would I know?" Surprisingly my voice remains cool and composed despite the worm of slight worry working its way through my stomach.

"You know him best! You should know! God, Yuki Eiri, you should be worried. He's not happy without you! He doesn't eat, doesn't sleep. He doesn't even cry! You goddamn fucking bastard! This is all your fault!"

Beyond tears. Is that it? For someone as emotional as Shuichi who cries at the drop of a hat, to be rendered to such a state. Would he not have been better off without me? Why would he be sad about leaving me? More so…gods, what would he do? What if he tries something stupid?

"Damnit, say something!"

In a detached sort of way, I can hear my strained reply. "I'll go look for him."
Grabbing my coat, I rush down the stairs, instead of waiting for the elevator, and into cold air.

It is damn cold. Where could he have gone to? It is starting to snow as well. Knowing the brat…no, knowing Shuichi, he probably forgot to bring his coat out with him. The thought that he might be freezing somewhere out there or involved in an accident or worse makes my heart ache. I never want him to suffer. Not like this. I just thought he would be better of without me.

"Then you're wrong. He's happiest when with you, no matter what you do or say to him." I must have said that last thought aloud. "Nakano, what are you doing here?"

"Finding for Shu. Think. You must know where he would go." Suddenly, I remember the first time we met. The park. When I went to find for him at Hiroshi's indirect request. The park. When he is depressed, he always end up at… "The park. He must be there."

In the flurrying snow, I manage to see a huddled figure against the railing. Relief coupled with dread hit me full force as my feet carry me to him, shouting his name. He did not move, and I suddenly notice the lighter beside him. He still kept it, even after I threw it in his face with harsh words and slammed the door upon him, when he could have, should have thrown it away. He still loves me even after….gods, what the hell have I done to him?

"Don't sleep, Shu! Wake up!" I am helpless, helpless to do anything but call for him and shake him in such a pathetic attempt to wake him. Dimly, I can hear Hiro-kun's pleading for him to keep awake, but nothing register in my mind except his cold skin upon my warm hands.

Damnit, it is supposed to be the other way round. He is supposed to be warm. Not lying limply like this, not with near blue lips. Somehow I find my arms encircling his slender body an ironic attempt to warm him.

"I can't lose you, Shuichi. Please, I need you." Why, why is he so cold? I can't lose him, not like this. "Gods, please don't leave me. I need you, need you, need you. Shuichi…I love you. Please wake up…" Distantly I can feel tears falling from my blurred vision but nothing matters anymore. Not when his body is co cold but his soft smile warmer than my dying heart as he calls my name with such love. His eyes close and his body fall limp, still in my desperate embrace.

Author's note :
Technically I had the urge to write this for a long time, but never quite got around to doing it because I feel mildly awkward writing in Yuki's POV. The reason why I wrote this is because I found the 'perfect ending' for it, or my version of 'perfect ending' for this. So yes, this is where it really ends. What happens, whether Shuichi dies or not is entirely up to your own interpretation.
I apologise for any tenses mistake I made during this. I'll find a beta soon. Give me time. In the meantime, please drop a line, and do correct me for any mistakes I made.
Thanks!