"You must know this is temporary," Kel said, "you will not be sleeping in headquarters for the rest of your time here. This is only until we can come up with something better, something more efficient."
Perrin nodded slowly, her long blond hair tied in a knot at the nape of her neck. She looked almost comfortable there, as if she had been living in Kel's room for a long time, rather than just over night. "I'm sorry I make everything so difficult."
Kel raised her eyebrows at the girl. "Difficult? You didn't make things difficult. You just made them different."
Perrin looked at her for a moment, shocked. Kel smiled, and she smiled back.
"Perrin," Kel said, "do you know anything else about what your uncle has planned?"
Perrin nodded. "I know many things. But what use would they be to you?"
Kel smiled. "You never know what will be useful, Perrin. The king's reply will be here in four days, we will speak again then, alright?"
Perrin nodded. "What do I do until then?"
Kel shrugged. "Whatever you want. Help is always appreciated, though I must ask that you stay within the camp's walls. Other than that restriction, you may do whatever the other children do."
Perrin grinned at her. "Does that mean I can go outside?"
Kel nodded. "Be my guest." Perrin immediately rose from her seat and ran outside. Kel watched her go. Only a few days ago, Perrin had been dangerous, unknown, and lost. Now, Kel knew enough to know that she was just scared.
Able to finally put Perrin out of her mind, Kel settled into her office, ready for the work that lay ahead of her. She had just picked up her slate when there was a knock on her door. "Come in," she said, starting her work anyway.
The door opened slowly, and Kel looked up as her visitor did not speak.
"Have you thought about it?" Dom asked.
Kel frowned, unsure. "About what?"
With a sigh, Dom sat down in the chair across from her. He splayed himself over the chair as he often did when they were alone, but Kel could tell he was not comfortable at all. "You know what I said yesterday. I don't distract you when we are together. Maybe when we are alone, at night, but not when you try to work. But I will continue to plague your thoughts until you do something about it. I love you, Kel," he said a bit too loudly, "and I'm not willing to lose you over a bit of trouble in your command."
Tears came to Kel's eyes at his words. Why was she doing this to herself? She loved him. She knew she did. Why make herself miserable? Because you know where these romances can lead, the voice in her head told her. Because you know that if anything ever happened to the two of you, you would not be able to live. Kel's mind was racing with thoughts. She could hear Dom speaking, but she could not concentrate on the words he was saying. But something did happen, she thought.
"What?"
Kel shook herself out of her thoughts. "Pardon me?" She said, confused.
"You said, 'but something did happen.' What were you talking about?"
Kel's Yamani mask couldn't hide her blush. "Nothing," she said quickly, "nothing at all." She turned away from him. "Look, could you just leave me alone for a moment?"
"Fine." He said after a moment, and left without another word.
Something happened. It already affected you. Your stomach is in knots, you have a headache. You cannot stop thinking about him. Is this how you are supposed to feel?
Kel shook her head. "It's not," she whispered. I'm a fool. Her tears came freely now, and she held her head in her hands as drops fell from her cheeks and landed on her open book, leaving small blue blotches on the writing. Nothing is ever simple. Nothing ever works. You can live your entire life searching for something and never find it. What were you searching for?
"I was looking for my glory. I wanted to be a knight. To protect Tortall."
And I did. I fought battles, I led many. I killed Blayce and ended the fear of the machines. What more do I need to do? What more do I need than what I have here?
What am I searching for?
Kel slammed her hands down on the desk. She shuddered violently. Her hands still shaking, she took a handkerchief and wiped her eyes. A few minutes later, when she was sure that her face was back to its normal, non-red self, she ventured outdoors.
She did all her duties as she normally did, but noted every time she thought of Dom. This has to be more than I used to think about it.
"Lady Kel!" Eurgain called out. "Are you busy?"
Kel shook her head. "What is it?" She asked, when the young woman came up to her.
"I was speaking to Neal. He said he is going to need some new help soon. He would be able to take care of it himself, but he said he's been here so long it's tiring him out."
Kel smiled weakly. "Ignore it. He's just pestering. Walk with me, Eurgain." The two women walked back towards headquarters as Kel explained her predicament."
Eurgain sighed dramatically after Kel was finished. "May I speak freely?"
Kel nodded. "I urge you to."
Eurgain sighed again. "He loves you, Kel. Why would you refuse that?"
Kel smiled. "Quite freely."
Eurgain frowned. "This isn't like you, Kel. You don't make jokes out of serious things. You don't play it safe. You do what your heart tells you. You are lying to yourself! People are not meant to live in misery. Even the poorest bastard ca find happiness, but you won't let yourself. You are doing this to yourself, Lady Kel."
"Are you done?"
Eurgain nodded politely. "Excuse me, Lady Kel." She said, turning and walking quickly away.
I do what my heart tells me. But what about my mind?
Bullocks to my mind.
Tis all for now. Sleep time.
Atlanta Enchanted: I always remember Neal trying to be stealthy in the books. It never worked.
Wake-Robin: yay for mystery!
Mage Light: well, it would be sick whether she was a princess or not. But yes, it is sick.
Lady-kitty: everyone's hoping for that!
Gray Eyed Fighter: It is supposed to be Perrin, anything else is just an error. And I am very sorry I am taking so long with updates; it is a mix of no ideas and lack of time.
FanFictionFantom: I don't know, I guess it's the whole thing whereas he treated her like a little sister. I don't know.
Smiles28: yay
AJ 4EVA: I'm sorry… I am sure you can tell, it will happen soon.
Alenor: I get them from Jack Handy. He is my hero. But no peeking, then they won't be as funny when I give them to you!
Shining Star of Valinor: heehee… so much mystery…. Bwa ha ha
Red-rose-with-a-touch-of-dew: She is sort of scared that being in a relationship will take her focus away from her work. She is stupid that way, I think. Or at least, I make her that way. I find that she has no real weaknesses in the books, so I made up my own.
PsychoLioness: Thanks!
Naruke: Umm… okay… okay, I can't remember if I already said this, but I don't think I did – your reviews for Aftermath were a bit… rude. I don't really want to alienate my other readers or make any of them feel uncomfortable – I would really appreciate it if you could possibly not talk the way you do in those reviews. I value your opinions, but that split-personality/talking-about-sex-all-the-time thing is a little bit odd, and slightly offensive. Thanks!
"Children need encouragement. If a kid gets an answer right, tell him it was a lucky guess. That way he develops a good, lucky feeling."
unolimbo