Impossible

A Gundam Wing Fan Fiction

Rambled Off by The Manwell

Book Two: PREVENTERS

Duo Maxwell

Going off on Heero like that had been pretty fucking stupid, no question about that. I admit this to myself as I bully my way out onto the hospital balcony and force myself to take three deep, sequential breaths. As I inhale the recycled colony air, I try to justify my outburst: Wufei had been a pompous ass; Heero hadn't had the best timing in waking up, etc., etc...

But, regardless of the extenuating circumstances, I'd behaved very badly. Hell, who wouldn't right after they'd been informed that no, you wouldn't be reporting for active duty and assigned to the task force currently digging through the company that almost killed a fellow Preventer because you're on probation and Une wants to keep an eye on you until the dust settles. Probation. Fucking hell. There's even a Preventer agent I'm supposed to check in with every twenty-four hours.

Fuck that.

Pardon me if I don't feel like making Une's life any easier by tromping down to the local Preventers Branch office here and checking myself in for observation.

For a small, infinitesimal moment, I feel a little bad for Wufei. Hell, he'd probably insisted on being the one to break the news to me. But that's neither here nor there – or rather, it's not here, it's there and I've got to concentrate on my local fuck-ups first. Concentric circles and all that. So, therefore, what I'd just told Heero gets the lion's share of my attention.

Stupid, stupid, stupid!

And what the fuck is my problem with what had happened on X18999? That had been years ago. In the heat of battle... anything for the success of the mission and all that shit. Way old news. So why did I bring it up? It's not like I'm hauling it around with me like a faded, dog-eared photo of my first love or anything.

The only answer I've got is the same dark, mysterious void I'd experienced last week during Wufei's pushy – if well-meaning – interrogation. Unsettled by this parallel, I force my attention in the direction of something I can understand. Like me being an absolute bastard to the guy I'm normally assigned to work with. Although probably not anymore.

Hell, it's not as if I'll blame Heero for requesting a new partner when he heals up. Even I don't like me when I'm at my snarky-bastard worst. So this ache I'm suddenly feeling that coincides with my contemplation of the death of our working relationship makes no sense whatsoever. I mean, I don't really give a damn who I work with... do I?

Jesus. If it's not one God damn thing it's another. Everything I've thought about in the last ten minutes has morphed into something I sure as hell do not want to think about.

But I have to.

Because sure as God made sunshine and snot, Heero's gonna quiz me about it when I go back in there. And isn't it a sad, sad commentary on my life that I'd rather endure that interrogation and sleep in an ancient plastic chair instead of checking in with my probation officer and enjoying the comforts provided by the Preventers. But I chafe more at the thought of allowing myself to lounge around in a hotel room that's being monitored five ways from Sunday. Acquiescing has never sat well with me. And like hell I'm going to just sit around with my thumb up my ass for the sole purpose of Une's peace of mind. Still... I never thought I'd actually choose to sort through my subconscious and apologize to Heero instead.

I shake my head and let out a long breath.

I'm sure there's got to be something seriously wrong with my priorities.

Notes

: Duo's reference to X18999 is, of course, from Endless Waltz.