Disclaimer: I do not own Naruto.
Chapter Three: The Abyss and the Mirror
Itachi walked slowly down the bustling street.
He had just finished training in his free time and was going home. He was in no hurry though because recently, he was on rather hostile terms with a number of the other shinobi in his clan.
They were mostly his generation who feared and envied his genius. He was not bothered by them but it was very annoying to have to deal with snide remarks and subtle threats all the time.
There was one or two that he was better with but not being a social person, he did not like to hang out with them all the time.
Besides, one or two among a group did not help to disperse the enmity and sometimes only made it worse. Therefore, he preferred his own company because it was so much more peaceful and he was able to think.
He had been studying old scrolls since he could read because there was a lot of interesting jutsu in there for him to learn and experiment on.
Some scrolls were even forbidden scrolls that were locked up but he got to them anyway. It never took him too long to get past the guards and traps and whatnot that were put there to prevent people from stealing forbidden information.
Some of the traps were actually quite challenging but once he got past them, they were no longer challenging and he would become frustrated very quickly.
He listened to the noise of the people going about their business in the streets and wondered how they could be contented like this.
It seemed to be a very boring and meaningless existence to him and he wanted more than that.
No, he needed more and soon, or he would go mad. What was so important about normal everyday life?
Sandaime had said that it was what they fought to protect: this normal existence that peace allowed.
He did not understand what was so special about it though and he did not care to.
It did not suit him and he was discontented with it. Yes, he was very discontented indeed.
Still, there was nothing he could do at the moment. He felt that it was not time yet. He would be patient until it was time and then he would leave.
He did not know what he could do yet and he did not know where he would go but he knew that it would be a different existence from this peaceful, happy place that irritated him to no end.
In the meantime, he wondered if there was anything he could do to pass the time and avoid going back home. He glanced at passing stores and suddenly something caught his eye.
It was a small round box with a little bird on it that looked as if it was about to take off.
He went over to take a closer look. It was very pretty with light reflecting off the little bird made of glass.
The shop assistant saw him looking and came over, saying, "This is a music box. You can listen to it if you want."
Itachi said, "Thanks."
He picked it up and turned the little key attached to the side. Then he released it.
The little bird started to turn and Itachi heard music coming from this little box.
He did not recognize it, not being a musical person. He did not even listen to music on the whole. However, this music soothed him.
It was gentle and lilting, bringing to him images of pleasant times and happier memories.
He had been so stressed lately that he had almost forgotten that there were happy times for him and his family as well.
There were not many because his father was a stern workaholic who probably cared more about the clan than his family for all he knew, but they were there.
He remembered when Sasuke was born. He had held his little brother and for the first time, marveled at the power of life.
It was truly a one moment thing though because after that, he discovered that having a baby in the house was noisy and pretty much annoying.
Still, Sasuke was his only brother, the only person other than himself with the same blood running in his veins and he was not too bad on the whole.
He was one of the few people Itachi actually liked spending time with, sometimes anyway.
He listened to the music and remembered other things as well. He remembered another person that he enjoyed spending time with, not that anyone would guess.
He remembered little Hinata. She was totally different from Sasuke and himself.
She was so shy and weak and in practical shinobi terms, basically useless. However, she was also sweet and warm to hold, like a little bundle of animal.
Itachi did not see her often because for his own reasons, he kept their friendship, if it could be called that, a secret.
He had never told Hinata to keep it a secret but somehow, he knew that she never told anyone either.
Maybe it was because she had no one to tell.
Perhaps it was just because she was not the type to speak much.
If that was true, then it made two of them because he was the silent type as well, though they were silent for different reasons.
Thinking of her, he suddenly wanted to see her. He had not seen her in a while and he thought that it would be nice to see her.
The music soon stopped and he looked at the little music box. He thought to himself, "Why not?"
Itachi picked it up and paid for it. Then he left.
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Hinata sat hunched in a little ball in the middle of the flower field in the woods near the Hyuga compound.
She had spent the whole morning training with her father and now she had some time to herself.
As usual, her father was not too pleased with her and young as she was, she could feel his disappointment like a heavy weight on her back. Therefore she had left the compound and came to this place where few usually came.
Here, she was away from the critical eyes of her clan. Despite that, her little body was still very tense. She was too used to being nervous of others to relax completely even when she was by herself.
Only in sleep was she able to let her body and mind rest. Hinata might be young but there were a lot of things she could feel.
She was a sensitive child by nature and while this might be a boon when she was older, it was too heavy a burden for her young mind.
It allowed her to feel too deeply the hopes and consequently the disappointments of her clan.
She could see their worry about the clan's future.
She could feel their joy when her sister was born. She smiled a little at the thought of her sister.
Although she did not see her a lot, she was still happy that she had a little sister. She thought that perhaps someday, they might become close.
Her sister was no more than a toddler now, around two years old. She was already showing great potential even at this age.
Hinata would not be able to tell but she had overheard some of the clan talking about it. Mostly, people did not notice her because she was so quiet, not to mention, small.
She did not mind though, because she would much rather go unnoticed most of the time. That way, she did not have to feel all the eyes upon her all the time.
She was so into her own little world that she failed to notice that someone was in the field with her until a shadow appeared in front of her.
Startled, she looked up and saw an expressionless Itachi.
She gaped because he stood against the sunlight and the shadows made him appear to be so different, so tall and powerful that she could only stare at him in silence.
She usually saw him at night, against the soft moonlight which made him so much less threatening and almost young.
She would not know and probably would never realize but what she saw and what other people saw was quite different.
In the daylight, most people would see Uchiha Itachi as a quiet, extremely skilled but non-threatening child-adult because he seemed so much older than his years.
However, in the nighttime, if anyone saw him, if they were unlucky, they would catch a glimpse of the oni inside him, the darkness that he hid so well from the world.
Hinata did not know any of that.
She only saw a real person called Uchiha Itachi who was a very clever shinobi because she knew how difficult it was to navigate in the Hyuga compound without anyone noticing.
She had heard of his genius of course but she was too young to really appreciate it or understand what it meant.
In her eyes, Itachi was special but not in the way everyone thought he was.
To her, he was special because he was not critical of her. He just accepted her as she was. He was not particularly kind or gentle, though she thought he was.
That was because his attention was freely given and to her, that was the greatest gift anyone could give her.
She did not know anything of his dark thoughts and gnawing emptiness.
She was not aware of his growing frustration and his capacity for the forbidden.
Sensitive as she was, she was too young to sense his deepness and darkness.
Young as she was, she was sensitive enough to see past the shinobi and touch the person inside.
She reached out not for the shinobi but for the person called Uchiha Itachi.
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Itachi picked her up and looked into her eyes. They were so different from his.
His eyes were dark and deep and fathomless, like an abyss that sucked everything and was hungry for more.
Her eyes were pure and translucent and reflective, like a mirror that saw and showed the truest self and still did not turn away.
He was always fascinated and calmed when he looked into this pair of eyes. Hinata said softly, "I-Itachi-niisan…"
Itachi sat down in the flower field, with Hinata on his lap. She was so soft and little, like a little animal.
A little child-animal that looked at him without the fear, the envy, the ambition or any other negative emotions he could see in others' eyes.
Even his brother who adored and admired him truly could not help feeling resentful at times of his skill and his importance that took away all their father's attention.
Only her eyes were pure and simply glad to see him. Not for any other reason, just the sight of him made her happy.
He could not understand such simple happiness. He did not remember being so simple either. Maybe he was once like her but if so, that time was long gone and forgotten.
He did not mourn it but he did find a strange kind of peace when he was with her.
He would not want to be like her because she was too weak and he despised weakness.
However, he did not want her to be like him either because that would spoil that purity that seemed to be an integral part of her.
He took out the music box that he had just bought and held it out for her to see.
Hinata looked in wonder at the delicate little box with the delicate little bird on it, ready to take flight.
She whispered without being aware of it, in awe at the lovely ornament, "Pretty…"
Itachi wound up the little key and let the music flow free into the air. Hinata was enchanted by the magic it appeared to her innocent mind.
She had a little half-smile on her face and Itachi, in turn, was enchanted by the innocence that he did not remember ever having.
It was a tranquil moment for the both of them, a rare precious moment that was all too hard to come by.
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Hinata did not understand the music but in her ears, it was light and free.
She seemed to see the song fly into the air and disappear in the sunlight, up, up and away from the gravity of the world.
Her eyes followed the invisible sounds as they floated upwards towards freedom from this little box that was holding them in. Itachi followed the direction of her eyes but he could not see anything.
He made no sound to disturb her from her magical little world. He knew that it was a world that came rarely to either of them.
They were both too bound up with the gravity of this world that they were living in.
While he did not care for being so pure and innocent, he did not grudge her this little moment.
To him, purity and innocence meant an early grave but he would not wish it upon her. He would not care about anyone but she was different.
To him, she was different. She was his little secret, his little bit of freedom before he could fly away for good. She was his choice and his reminder that he was Itachi, not just Uchiha.
She might be destroyed one day but it would not be by his hands and it would not be while he was still in Konoha.
He would leave one day and when he did, he would not miss her but he would remember her.
Thinking that, he stroked her hair softly, carefully, gently, a soothing rhythmic movement.
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The music was finished and little Hinata tried to look up at him while not disturbing his movements.
She liked him patting her like that. She had seen parents patting their children on the head and they were always smiling happily.
She had always wanted someone to pat her on the head, like he was doing now. It made her feel loved and treasured.
She did not need anything else.
She did not want a lot of attention or a lot of toys.
She did not need to be the heir to a prestigious clan.
She only wanted a little gentle, loving attention from someone who saw her and treasured her because she was Hinata, just Hinata and not anything else.
She did not even know how to put what she wanted into words. She was still only a young child, seven years of age, a normal child born into a demanding family who had wanted someone more than she was.
Hinata smiled shyly but happily as Itachi looked at her with his fathomless eyes and his gentle hands smoothing her hair softly.
She looked so content that Itachi was also content for the moment.
He had a small but real smile on his face that reached his eyes and gave those bottomless depths a hint of light.
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Little Hinata suddenly remembered something that she had heard some of her clan saying the other day.
It was a sudden thought but it brought on a totally different mood and Itachi immediately noticed the loss of her little smile and the quiet twinkle in her eyes.
His hands stopped and Hinata tensed.
He put his hands under her arms and lifted her until she was facing him directly. It did not cost him any strength at all because she was so light.
Still, he put her down, sitting down straddling his legs so he could look at her face directly. He was again certain that he did not like the loss of light in her eyes.
He said in a gentle but firm voice, "What is it, Hinata? What are you thinking?"
Hinata had her head down again but when he spoke, she peeked up at him tentatively from under her lashes. She looked down quickly again, a reflexive action that did not please Itachi.
He did not berate her though, waiting patiently for her to speak as he was sure she would, to him. He was right and Hinata looked up again shyly before lowering her head and biting her lip.
She said in a little voice that quivered slightly, "A-ano ne, Itachi-niisan, d-do you… d-do you think… it… it would be b-better… if… if I… if I was never… b-b-born…?"
Silence.
Hinata twiddled her little fingers nervously. She did not mean to remember that conversation but it just suddenly popped up in her mind.
She did not mean to spoil everything. She could feel her eyes start to tear up because she was sure that Itachi-niisan would despise her for being so stupid.
She was too afraid to lift her head and see his expression. She should never have spoken.
No, she should never have come to the flower field in the first place. Maybe it was true, it was better that she had not come to the world.
If she did not come, then it would talented Hanabi who would be firstborn and heir to Hyuga.
She should never have been born.
She should never have been born.
She should never have been born.
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Itachi opened his mouth slowly and said, "If… If you had not been born, Hinata, I would be much troubled."
Hinata was startled from her grey thoughts by his unexpected comment. She looked up with surprise and no little amount of hope.
Itachi was not looking down at her. He was staring straight in front of him.
After a while, he looked at her. He looked into her teary eyes and saw himself reflected in those pure orbs.
He said, "I would be much troubled if I had not met you, Hinata, that day."
Hinata's eyes opened wide when she heard his words. Her mouth quivered as if she wanted to speak but could not.
Itachi ignored that and went on, "You reminded me that Itachi does not only mean Uchiha. It also means Itachi. Don't tell me that you forgot what you once said, Hinata."
He did not think he was asking too much of a little girl of seven, though he was certain she had forgotten.
When she said those words she was only four years old. At that time, she was answering his question the only way she could, with simple sentences.
It was not out of profound wisdom that she said that Hyuga was not her and she was Hinata. It was just what a little child saw with her simple straightforward logic and said with her simple grasp of language.
Unlike Itachi, it was almost certain that Hinata did not dwell on what she had said that day.
It was too faraway a day for a young child to recollect every word they had exchanged.
However, Hinata did not dare say that yes, she had forgotten.
She looked at Itachi anxiously, trying to figure out his meaning, just like that day which seemed so long ago now.
In her mind, she knew that part of what he was trying to tell her was that he did not think she was better off unborn. He had also said that he was not only Uchiha but also Itachi.
Hinata might not be up to the standards her clan wanted her to be but she was not stupid.
She understood and she bit her lip nervously before saying softly, "I-I am not just… I am not just Hyuga. I-I am also Hinata."
Itachi looked at her and smiled. He patted her head softly as he had been doing.
Hinata's tears fell and she said, "I-I won't forget, Itachi-niisan! I won't forget again!"
Itachi held her close while Hinata cried and all the while, he patted her on the head, smoothing and soothing.
He knew that despite her words, the chances were that she would forget from time to time what she had said.
He knew that because she was so weak and her clan was so strong.
He knew how heavy a clan could be because even he had felt its weight.
She would forget but it would be there when one day, she would be strong enough to not only remember those words but also put them into her life, as he did now.
Yes, as he did now, slowly, surely, secretly, he was putting Itachi before Uchiha…
Putting Itachi before Uchiha, even as he smoothed and soothed this little piece of freedom that he treasured so carefully, away from others, from Konoha, from the world.