Family Lecture
Alas Ramus is the cutest thing there is
It was a normal midsummer day, Maou was slouching on the couch while reading some manga. Emilia was fanning herself with a piece of paper.
"Ughh, who told the A/C to break at a time like this," she complained.
"Hmm? I don't see what's wrong with that, you should see how hot it was on the western island, it was practically hell back there."
"Of course there's a problem! You're just too broke to realize it."
"Since when did the hero Emilia care about first-world problems."
Emi just gruntled back at him, before turning her attention to the cute kid sitting on the floor. Alas Ramus was playing with some crayons. She even accomplished her greatest feat yet (aside from beating an archangel), which was drawing a perfect circle, albeit with some help of Maou in the form of his demonic orb.
"Mama, look at this!"
"Hmm?"
"I dwaw us!" she exclaimed while pointing to a piece of paper. "Papa is purple, Mama is red, and guess the purple one!"
"Hmm…Is it Chi-Ne-Cha?"
"NO! MAMA WRONG!"
Emi just smiled seeing Alas Ramus all upset like that, she's turned 3 recently, so she should be able to take some teasing right?
"Papa, do you know who this is?"
Maou was just pretending to read the novel, his back was arched and his neck was lifted, just a tiny bit, which caused immense pain for the devil king. All of this pain, just to listen to the mother-daughter conversation. A conversation where Alas Ramus was clearly trying to-
Wait a second, thought Maou. I see what you're doing Emi, I'll play too then!
His signature smile appeared. Wide, with pointy teeth.
This time, he stole a glance at Emi, as if asking for her permission.
"Is it Suzuno?"
Alas Ramus was shocked at Papa's reaction. First Mama, and now Papa. Tears began to well up in her eye, "WAAA! MAMA AND PAPA BAD!" She started pointing furiously at the little girl drawn in magenta, pressing her finger against it again and again until the paper became crumpled and almost ripped. "THIS IS ME!"
Maou and Emi were laughing as they witnessed another of their daughter's fits. But unlike the one at the bus or any instance where they were in public, Maou and Emi are actually enjoying it. As time went on, her cries grew louder and louder. So Emi picked her up and started hugging her. Alas Ramus planted her face on Mama's chest.
"Hehe, Mama is sorry okay. We knew that the pretty little girl in the drawing was you."
"Really?"
"Yeah"
"Big Really?
Emi chuckled hearing that term, "Yes, big really."
"So uhh, Emi can we have ice cream now?"
"As Krim? What's that?" asked the white-haired girl curiously.
"It's like milk but cold and solid, and it's really refreshing."
Alas Ramus pictured a chunk of frozen milk inside a bottle, wondering how she's supposed to eat it. But she started drooling nonetheless, at this point, the mention of any form of consumable that she had not yet known would make her drool.
"Absolutely not, Alas Ramus is not ready for ice cream. What if she gets a toothache?" Emi gave her overdue reply.
"But it's so hot today. Look! You're practically drowning in your sweat."
"…"
"Look, Alas Ramus seems interested. Don't you want her to learn about new things?"
"But-
"Mama… I want As Krim! Pwease!
Emi just couldn't refuse her daughter's request, and with a huge sigh, she conceded.
They got back from the convenience store with 3 sticks of Wall's Feast at hand.
"Jeez Emi, why did you buy so much stuff? I can already feel the cracks on the shell," said Maou complained.
"You devil….I figured that since you're staying here for a while, we'd need to restock on a couple of things. Besides, whose money is it again?" asked the hero with a frustrated grin.
Putting his hands up, Maou grumbled, "Alright-alright, I surrender."
Alas Ramus held the ice cream and looked at it in awe. Papa stopped her from getting the piggie one because he said it tastes like cucumber, so she just grabbed the same one as mom and dad. It's a bit weird though. The ice cream is missing a small chunk at the top. Instead of chocolate, it's this white thingy. Maybe it's the chunky one? Feeling its coldness, Alas Ramus decides to put aside all of her questions and take a bite.
Maou and Emi were still glaring at each other with an ice cream stick at hand. It was so hot that they managed to eat it all in 30 seconds.
"Mama Papa, this no good," said Alas Ramus weakly. And voila, she held up an unopened pack with a bite mark.
They both just smiled at her silliness, Quarreling with each other made them not realize that Alas Ramus had never eaten ice cream before.
Maou kneeled beside the confused child. "That's not how you're supposed to eat it." He took the ice cream off of her hands. Her tiny, nimble hands. Sitting palm up, Maou felt like holding on to it for longer. Five minutes maybe. But then he realizes that - during those 5 short minutes, those liquids imbursing from the chocolate shell will seep and multiply themselves. They will multiply until the whole wrap - a wrap shrouded by a layer of saliva - will eventually turn into a bubble of creamy mess.
"The wrap's still on," Maou said calmly. "You just have to do this," he continued, slowly tearing the blue zigzags in half.
Putting the object of desire to the side, Maou brought the wrapper, half-ripped to Alas Ramus' periphery.
"This wrap is important to you know. It keeps the ice cream from getting contaminated."
"Co-Comtanimated?"
"Contaminated, there's actually a lot of bacteria in the air, but you can't see them, so this gold plastic is supposed to protect the ice cream from the bad guys."
Alas was in deep thought, she placed her hand on her chin, looking up.
"Ohh, so like Papa and Mama?"
They were both red and Maou glanced at Emi, asking for help.
"Y-Yeah," said Emi while flushed.
"Okeh!"
Alas Ramus grabbed it by the stick and started munching on it. She felt a cool breeze flowing past her skin. It was sweet and fluffy and munchy and chocolate chips and vanilla and milky and chunky.
"How is it?"
"Is…So…GOOD!"
"Hey, don't talk while eating okay?" Emi interjected.
Alas Ramus ignored Emi's warning and proceeded to eat so aggressively that there were chunks of ice cream spread across the floor.
"Oh no," Emi swiftly grabbed a piece of tissue and started wiping Alas Ramus' face," I told so, now the floor's ruined.
"Sowwy Mama…" She looked at the floor, doing her best to not cry.
"Aww, It's okay. Just make sure to not do it next time okay?"
"Okeh!"
Emi left the room to grab a mop. Suddenly Maou picked up Alas Ramus, and sat her down next to him on the couch.
"Papa, what is it?"
He crossed her arms, "Alas Ramus, you're always with Mama at work right?"
"Yeah!"
"So you understand that she works really hard answering calls from weirdos from all around the city right?"
"Of course!"
"So why did you mess up the floor? Mama really likes clean places you know."
"Becus…uhh..I…WAAAHHH MAMA! HELP ME!"
Emi rushed to the room, armed with a mop as a makeshift spear, "Is it that annoying angel again?"
She was surprised to see Alas Ramus crying and running to her. She clutched onto her legs and pointed to Maou.
"P-Papa is angwy!"
Emi tilted her head slightly, "Huh?"
"Papa angwy at me! He scold me and no smile!"
"Oi Maou, what did you say to her huh! Did you really visit us to get sliced up?"
"W-Wait a second!"
"Why would you make her cry over such small things, you devil!"
"E-Emi, you need to calm down-
Before he's able to properly elaborate, a pink sandal suddenly landed on his face.
He got up and started running away out of the apartment, "I don't deserve this," he thought.
"Wait, Maou!'
Emi kneeled and started patting Alas Ramus' head. "There there, it's okay now. Mama's not mad at you."
"Papa?"
"Hmm, I don't know. Maybe you should ask him?'
"Okeh!"
With that, the small family's game of tag begun.
I gotta go, the FBI's at my house