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Chapter 11
It had been a week since the whole school had found out about her. A week since she found out that she had been writing to Lucas Scott, a week since he had lied to her, a week since her entire life had been turned up side down. It was amazing what denial could achieve, every morning she would wake up and forget. Forget that she had ever believed that what she felt had been real, after all, there was no way she could have ever have felt anything for Lucas Scott. He was exactly like she had imagined, a selfish, lying jock. Everything he had ever written to her had been a lie, which wasn't the worst part, which shocked her. The worst part was that she had been real, everything she had ever written came from her heart, and he had used that against her, to humiliate her and he even had the nerve to write one final letter, pretending that he was sorry for reading her journal, sorry for everything. It was a nice touch to slide it in back of the papers, she thought bitterly, on the off chance that she would look that far through the pages. That she wouldn't break down and run away before she got that far. Was it meant to make her feel better? Was she supposed to turn around and forgive him for setting her up, laugh it off, and pretend that she wasn't breaking? These questions and more filled her head as she awoke every morning. And every morning she pushed them aside, what she didn't know wouldn't hurt her, right?
She walked to school alone that morning, she neither felt like company nor needed it. Lex was her best friend but there were only so many 'are you okay's' she could handle before her guard came down, and she was the quivering wreck she had been when she had returned home the night of the game. She thought back to that night…
Lucas stared at her, he didn't move, he didn't say anything, he just stood there, with that look on his face. Was it hurt or guilt that he had finally been found out, neither she thought, it was sadness, that his little game was over and he would have to find another hobby to satisfy his need. After standing there for what felt like an eternity, she finally willed her body to move. She had been glued to the spot against whatever protests her mind had made, and now that she had regained control she ran. She could faintly hear Lex calling her name, but she blanked it out, blanked everything out. She ran out of the school and along the pavement, the only sound she could hear was her heart beating loudly in her chest. She sniffed back the tears, waiting until she got to the safety of her room before she lost it. She had been running for so long, she wondered where she had found the strength, but soon she became tired and collapsed onto the pavement. She sat on the curb and breathed heavily, focusing all of her attention at one spot on the ground, she would not lose it. She was so focused that she didn't hear the pounding of feet against the pavement, or the heavy breathing of the owner of the hand until it touched her shoulder.
"I'm fine." She said between breaths, assuming that it was Lex.
"You're not and it's my fault." She flinched away as soon as she recognised the voice.
She got up not looking at him, she knew that that would be a big mistake. He would look into her eyes and convince her that it was all a big mistake and ask for her forgiveness. She wiped the dirt from her pants and began walking.
"Wait, Haley, wait." Lucas said running after her again.
She stopped, she didn't know why, maybe she was glutton for punishment. Maybe part of her wanted to know if he lied as well in person as he did on paper. She turned around, but didn't look at him. He took a step towards her, she took one back.
"Haley, I need to tell you the truth."
"That's a new one." She interrupted. "I thought fiction was your thing."
"I deserve that, I deserve all of it. But you have to believe that everything I wrote was the truth, I would never lie to you about that."
"But you would lie to me about reading my journal, about your identity. What, did you think that if I knew you were the big bad Lucas Scott that I wouldn't play along with your little game? That poor Haley James would never believe that the most popular guy in school would ever look at her, let alone be sending her secret letters." She turned to walk away.
He put his hand on her shoulder, she didn't flinch, only turned.
"What can I do to make you believe me?" he almost whispered.
She stood there for a moment as if thinking it over. "You can leave me alone." With that she ran off.
Lucas stood there running his hands through his hair in frustration. What had he done?
She had cried herself to sleep that night.
Haley stopped for a moment. She recognised the area, it was the same spot as Friday night. She looked down to where she had been sitting, she hesitated then sat. She didn't care what time it was, or that she would be late for school. Every morning she had tried to push her thoughts aside, but of course that only lasted for five minutes and then something would remind her. Today that reminder was the place where it had happened, just a pavement, just outside of a house, just by a mailbox. She was annoyed, mostly at herself, this wasn't who she was, she didn't cry all the time, she wasn't late for school, she did her homework and God damn it, she wanted her life back. She stood up dusting off her hands, and made her way to school. It was Friday, she only had to make it through one day, one step at a time. One day, she thought, I can make it through one day, I have to.
