AN: Beware of the somewhat abrupt time change in the middle. I skipped volumes 9-12 because they didn't contain much character development for Arima or Hideaki. Hopefully nobody had their hopes pinned on my portrayal of the Kyoto trip or the TsubasaxKazuma arc. I loved those parts of the manga, but I don't feel that they have much place in this story. It's long enough already.
Thanks to those who choose to review, especially Goldeneyes. Reviews do not always make me write more but they do supply a huge boost of confidence. Lack of reviews does tend to depress me, although I know it shouldn't. I like to feel that my writing is not completely in vain, so, if you have a moment to spare, a few words make a huge difference. Of course, I'll finish this whether you review or not so you're not taking any risks, eh?
Without further ado: here's another 4,000 words for your pleasure…
Chapter 7
Sunday simmered with the same thick humidity that had plagued the area all week. Hideaki plucked irritably at his sweaty t-shirt and cursed the faulty air conditioning in his apartment building. He tried working on a few sketches but the lines of faces blurred before his eyes. If he's in trouble, he'll call me, he told himself. And Arima hadn't called.
Through the floor, Hideaki could hear the woman downstairs begin to laugh loudly and hysterically. He scribbled furiously over his drawing until the pencil ripped the surface of the paper. He wiped the sweat from his face and nearly fell from his seat when the phone rang.
"Hello?" It wasn't Arima. "Oh. Hi, Dad."
He sat down on the edge of the couch and, phone at his ear and drew his legs up to his chest. "No, I'm fine. How are you?"
His father asked him how his grades were.
"Good enough." He rubbed the calluses on the bottom of one foot, listening to his father's voice. "Yeah, everyone's talking about that typhoon. They'll probably cancel classes tomorrow."
His father asked if he needed any money.
"No, I'm good." Stretching one foot, he picked up the pencil from the floor between his toes and hoisted it into the air, smiling to himself. "Are you or mom going to be able to make it to the cultural festival this week? I'm putting on a big one-man show for my class."
His father said that Hideaki showed off enough already and should expend more energy on his studies if he wanted to be anything in life.
"So you're not coming, huh? The pencil hit the floor loudly. Hideaki leaned against the couch and closed his eyes. The woman downstairs started to howl with laughter, high and desperate, like a dying animal. "Sure," Hideaki said. "Sure, Dad." He had to count silently in his head and smile like a madman to keep the bile back. "Yeah. I understand… I'll talk to you later."
Hanging up the phone, he rolled his neck to ease the stress and poked absently at the pencil with one toe. In his head, fuzzy remnants of the dream in the theater clung stubbornly and there was a dull ache in the pit of his stomach. He picked up the phone, telling himself that it was concern and not loneliness that made him dial Arima's number.
Arima's aunt/mother answered and told him that Soichiro had taken Yukino and her sisters to the zoo. Hideaki thanked her and set the phone down again. The corners of his mouth hurt where he had forced it into a wide smile. He thought of Yukino and adorable Kano and Tsukino running around to see all the animals at once. It's hot out. Arima will buy them ice cream and they'll all sit on the grass while they eat, watching sweaty, eager families go by. He bit his lip painfully. Arima could have invited him. He would have been funny and entertaining, making sure everyone laughed and had a great time. He would have lifted up Kano so that she could see into the bear compound and teased Yukino about her summer dress. He would have leaned over quickly for a lick of Arima's ice cream, just to get the other boy's attention.
Hideaki pushed the images out of his head and pulled ice tea out of the fridge. He considered calling Reiko before he remembered they were no longer going out. She had told him last night that she had met an attractive classmate and asked Hideaki if he minded just being friends.
"It's not your age," she had said. "I just don't feel that we're romantically compatible. There's none of the chemistry that makes for long-lasting couples."
Hideaki agreed with her completely. There was no way he was getting into a long-term relationship with Reiko. She was a nice person, but he considered her, like most of his girlfriends, to be more of an enjoyable distraction than a potential soul-mate.
Indecisively he glared at his hands. His own admissions sounded shallow and heartless in his own ears. Okay, so he never purposely led girls to believe he was some Prince Charming who would love them for eternity but he had to admit that he did use young women to fill his need for social contact and their admiration did empower him immensely.
Hideaki laughed at himself. No wonder Arima didn't want him coming to the zoo. He was nothing but a flaky, flamboyant performer who would only annoy them in his drive for attention and companionship.
But if that's all you are, then why does he lean on you sometimes? he asked himself. You're more than that. Stop moping idiot. You can live without him for one day.
He tapped his fingers on the table and thought of wavy red hair and glitter. Picking up the phone, he dialed Arisu's number.
-
At school on Monday, the colorful booths and scenery that students had worked so hard to set up were meeting an early death. Across the field, teams of classmates worked to take down their work before the typhoon winds did it for them. With the storm system expected to pass through the area that night, administrators were taking no chances. Hideaki first worked with Class F to take down the background for the date show before moving on to assist other classes and clubs.
Afternoon classes had just begun when the wind picked up considerably, flinging leaves and debris against the windows. Rain began to fall in heavy sheets over the campus. Hideaki wasn't surprised when the announcement went out that classes were cancelled for the rest of the day and students should return home as quickly as possible.
He met Aya and Rika in the hall where they were putting on their coats. "Can I walk you to you destination, ladies?" he asked.
"We're fine," Aya told him.
Rika smiled gratefully, ignoring her. "We'd be glad to walk with you, Asapin."
"Where's Arima and Yukinon?" he asked, scanning the crowded hall.
"Student council members are staying later," Rika said. "Don't worry, Arima will keep her safe."
"I'm not worried about her," Hideaki said, grinning. "The winds wouldn't dare sweep away Miyazawa."
"Asapin!" Rika scolded, laughing softly. "Are you making fun of her?"
Aya rolled her eyes. "I'm sure Arima would fight the wind god himself if he had to protect his wife," she said dryly.
Hideaki shook his head, snickering. "He wouldn't get a chance. Miyazawa would kick wind god ass first."
-
He found Arima in a classroom with several other student council members and administrators. Yukino stood near him, her eyes squinting with concentration as they ran down a list of emergency procedures.
"Why are you here?" Arima asked, raising his voice when he saw Hideaki.
"I thought we could walk out together," Hideaki replied. "Aya and Rika are waiting out in the hall and Tsubaki took Tsubasa home."
Arima shook his head impatiently. "We have to stay later but you need to go. All the regular students have to go home."
Hideaki shrugged obligingly. "Then we'll wait for you here."
"No, Asaba. It's my job to make sure everyone else leaves before we do."
"Then we'll be the last non-council members to leave," Hideaki argued.
Yukino laughed at his stubbornness and smirked toward Arima.
"Just go," Arima ordered, frustration obvious. "Walk with the other girls and I'll make sure Miyazawa gets home safely."
"But who will make sure you get home safely?" Hideaki persisted.
Arima clenched his jaw in exasperation. "Asaba." His eyes promised no more argument.
"Okay, okay. I'm going." Stepping back, Hideaki gave Yukino a thumbs-up for luck and she returned it cheerfully.
Hideaki walked Aya and Rika out of the school and down the road to the grocery store where Aya's older brother worked. The held the hoods of their coats pulled tight against the lashing wind and rain. It was impossible to speak.
The windows of the store were boarded up for protection against the storm. Outside its doors, a tall man with glasses stood, wrapped in a long coat. He waved frantically to Aya and Rika.
"Thank you for bringing them!" he shouted to Hideaki.
"No problem!"
Hideaki didn't miss the way Aya's brother looked at Rika after hugging his sister. She ducked her head shyly as he half-raised his arms before dropping them. His very body language said: I want to hug you too, but… Only people in love were that foolishly indecisive.
"See? You had nothing to worry about, Rika-chan," Hideaki murmured under his breath, thinking of her heartfelt confession in the art room.
By the time he reached his apartment, his clothes were soaked through and clinging to his body. Changing quickly, he went to fill jugs with water and search for candles. The howling of the storm winds lent a strange sense of silence and isolation to the little apartment. He could no longer hear his neighbors or the traffic on the street. He felt oddly like an animal hiding away for winter hibernation, unsure of how the world might change when he woke up.
Wrapped in a large blanket, he curled up on the couch like a child and watched the wind and rain outside the window. A math textbook sat uselessly on the table. He pulled the blanket closer, rubbing his nose against it in a comforting gesture. The lights flickered several times and finally went out. He made no to move to find the candles and settled deeper into the cushions of the couch, letting his head fall back. The darkness covered everything, blanking out the fury of the storm.
Hideaki slept and dreamed of many things. Events sped past him, streaking colors and faces. The festival with its music and lights and smells, eyes shining with excitement, school trips with falling leaves and concerts thrumming with riotous energy. Arima's face came to him several times, cool and clear in his mind. He felt that he could touch the surface of Arima's soul like the film of ice over water, that he could even peer through the ice to see the coils of darkness and beauty swimming beneath. In the end though, he had no power to break that ice and touch the fragile things inside.
Hideaki woke to voices. People were outside on the streets, talking loudly, raking up leaves and garbage. The rumble of a garbage truck rattled the building. Droplets of rain beaded his windows but the sun was out. He had slept through to morning and the storm had broken.
-
Let's start from the beginning…
Once upon a time a boy with a shadow met another boy whose smile covered everything.
They made no pacts, they promised nothing of each other.
The boy with the shadow hid his pain so well that even he couldn't remember why he hurt.
The boy with the smile saw through all masks but his own.
He gave pieces of himself away to fill the void in the other without even knowing it.
And then time moved on…
Senior year at the school by the river began with the usual fanfare of excited new students and harried staff. Hideaki watched the first year girls with his usual pleased admiration. They looked up at him with the expected mix of awe and exhilaration that kindled a warm feeling in his chest. Catching sight of a familiar face, he strode over to where Miyazawa Kano stood with two friends and caught her hands up in his. She was undoubtedly shocked that another student had grabbed onto her, but the look on her face turned to utter astonishment as Hideaki whirled her around in a wide circle. The expressions on her friends' faces were even more interesting as they stared in stunned delight, mouths hanging open.
"Kano-chan!" Hideaki crowed. "I can't believe you're here!"
She got her balance back and stared up at his face, clearly more than a little embarrassed. "Asaba-sempai, aren't you a senior this year?"
"Yeah, why?" Hideaki beamed. Kano looked so adorable in the school uniform with her short hair in barrettes, a younger version of pretty, petite Yukino.
"Shouldn't you be acting a little more mature by now?" Her friends gasped at her open blasphemy, a direct insult to one of school's most popular figures.
"Ah, but that's no fun," Hideaki pouted. He rubbed his hands together. "Is darling Tsukino-chan here too?"
Kano shook her head. "She didn't get good enough marks for this school."
"So sad," Hideaki sighed. "Sometime you should call her so we can all go out on a date together."
The girls behind them giggled shrilly. Kano nodded, looking more than a little weary and skeptical of his motives. "Sure, Asaba-sempai."
She returned to her blushing, envious friends and they moved away from him, whispering furiously. Hideaki thought nostalgically of the time Kano and Tsukino had fawned over him, showing him their childish drawings and colorful books of manga that summer when Arima was gone. They had affectionately called him "Asaba nii-san" then and constantly sought his attention with a sweet determination.
Farther down the hall, he saw Tsubaki and Tonami towering over the shorter freshmen girls. Their arms brushed against each other as they walked with a comfortable camaraderie. After all the angst and fighting they had slipped into the role of the confident couple with surprising ease, and the two of them together cast a striking image for the impressionable school girls to look up to with admiration. Hideaki liked the two of them together because they seemed to feed off each other's fierce energy and channel it into healthy outlets. Tsubaki had someone to curb her forceful, rough exuberance and Tonami had someone to focus his neurotic, controlling impulses. Plus, she kept his attention away from Arima, something that Hideaki definitely appreciated after witnessing the other boy's blind worship.
Now, if only Tsubasa could distract her step-brother, Hideaki thought sourly. He knew that Arima and Yukino were just as much in love as Kazuma and Tsubasa, but after hearing the Yin and Yang CD every time he visited Arima's house and listening to the boy's fervent praise of the young vocalist, Hideaki felt more than a little jealous. Since when had Arima cared about music or bands? Then there were all the times Arima had blushed wildly in Kazuma's presence—not exactly a platonic signal. Hideaki had never liked Tsubasa so much as the day she announced that she and Kazuma were engaged to be married. Of course, he had pretended to be as shocked as the others by the news that child-like Tsubasa would become a bride, but just how long could those two pretend that the way they sang together and glowed and clung to each other was normal sibling behavior? Hopefully, they would stay completely wrapped up in each other now, and forget their mutual attraction to Arima.
As he passed a math classroom, a wide-eyed brunette caught his gaze, another naïve first year. She stared at him, pink mouth half open—perhaps recognizing the legendary Asaba—and when he smiled at her, she looked immediately down at her feet.
Hideaki frowned thoughtfully and stopped to study his reflection on the glass case of school awards. His hair was shorter than before, per Arima's request: "Why don't you cut your damn hair like a normal person?" All the same, he had added his own unique touch of rebellion by dyeing it a bright shade of orange. His reflection was too faint to see more than an outline of his face and vague colors. He couldn't even see into his eyes; they were just dark shadows beneath his bangs. Arima eyes.
-
The guidance counselors passed out forms to all seniors asking them to mark their top three career choices. Hideaki delivered his confidently to the elderly counselor, expecting to finish the assignment easily.
Kawashima stared at the sheet for several moments while Hideaki waited expectantly. "Asaba-kun," the counselor said at last, raising his head slightly to touch his eyeglasses, "Your record indicates that you are an excellent art student with extensive potential. I think you ought to at least consider that area in your career choices."
Hideaki shrugged. He had considered it but the idea of drawing and painting for a living seemed a little boring, to say the least, and not nearly as lucrative as working in a host bar or modeling.
"I just don't see many promising entry-level jobs in the art world," he said diplomatically. "Working as a host is something that truly interests me and I think that could do very well in such a position."
Kawashima nodded gravely and moved closer to Hideaki to study him with weary eyes. "If that's what you're set on, we'll see if we can find you a decent, suitable club to… entertain."
Oh my god. Hideaki moaned inwardly. His shoulders stiffened. "With all due respect sir, I'm not entirely sure how you can determine the suitability of a host club."
The counselor smiled bitter reassurance. "Don't worry. I'll just come with you to interviews at the clubs."
Hideaki's mind shriveled at the thought of the strait-laced old counselor walking into crowded, flashy host clubs to assess their "decency" factor. By the nervous twitch in the corner of Kawashima's mouth and the tension wrinkles between his eyes, Hideaki guessed that the counselor wasn't terribly eager for the experience either. Hideaki clenched his teeth in a hard grin. "If you really want to, sir."
"I think it's the best way," the counselor answered, wiping his forehead.
…to trigger an aneurysm, Hideaki finished mentally.
-
He found Yukino in the courtyard after classes but Arima wasn't with her. She told him that her other half had gone with his father to be fitted for suit.
"Something about a cousin's wedding," she said waving a hand in a careless gesture. "He said it like he didn't expect me to know or care."
"He doesn't have a lot of love for his extended family," Hideaki admitted.
"I know that," she replied. "I just wish he'd talk to me about it once in a while instead of brushing me off when I try to find out more about him." She stared pensively into the distance.
Hideaki nodded, understanding her feelings completely. On the other hand, he also understood Arima's reasons to some extent, his need to protect her. He ran his fingers over the surface of his soda can, cold smooth, concealing the bubbling pressurized force inside itself.
"I've never seen Arima in a suit," Hideaki said with a slow smirk. His soda can opened with a satisfying hiss.
"Neither have I," Yukino replied, licking her lips. Hideaki laughed in surprise and they chuckled together, sharing a common glee.
"Of course, he looks handsome in anything," she admitted. "He's supernaturally good-looking. I swear, every day I see him he's only gotten hotter."
"Not to mention more intelligent," Hideaki added, slyly.
As he had anticipated, Yukino's eyes narrowed with frustration. "Don't remind me," she grumbled. "I've been playing second fiddle to him in every test we've taken this year. He's just so above my level—everyone's level!"
Hideaki swallowed another fizzy mouthful of his soda and it tingled all the way down his throat. Yukino perched on the short brick wall in the courtyard, her skinny legs covered in black stockings stretched out before her so that only her toes touched the pavement.
"I heard he scored high on the preliminary exams," Hideaki said mildly, moving to sit beside her.
"Number eight!" she cried, lifting her arms for emphasis. "Number eight in the entire country of Japan! That's not human, Asapin."
He sipped his soda more slowly. "Then I suppose all the students who scored higher than him are actually aliens who have infiltrated our schools as innocent students?"
"You know what I mean," she grumbled. "It's scary how perfect he is sometimes. He's practically a god to all the first years."
"And you're his goddess," Hideaki replied. She socked his shoulder and the impact caused the soda to spill over his knuckles. "That was uncalled for," he complained.
Yukino rolled her eyes. "Seriously, Asaba. I'm starting to worry about Arima. He's so completely flawless and wonderful I feel like it can't be real. I'd really hate him if I didn't love him so much."
"He wants to be a perfect boyfriend, you know that." Hideaki shrugged and licked the sweet traces of soda off his hand. "I don't know what you're complaining about. Aren't you guys happy when you're together?"
She shifted uncomfortably. "I can't help but worry that there must be some imperfect part of him that he just won't show me, something that he hides from me. The closer I try to get to him, the farther he seems to pull away. It's a little frightening to think that I might always be beneath him, inferior and… unworthy I guess." She laughed self-consciously. "I know what you'll say. It's stupid to think that; be grateful for what you have. But I can't help but feel that there must be someone better, prettier, smarter, someone who can understand him, make him happy."
Hideaki took another mouthful and swished the drink over his teeth, thinking. "Who would have thought that the great Miyazawa was insecure?" he said lightly, ignoring her scowl. "Are you coming to me for advice now? I honestly don't see what the problem is. You love him. He loves you. What does it matter if you're not perfectly matched in wits and looks as long as the sex is good?"
Yukino gave him another withering glare but he saw that her cheeks were pink. "I don't recommend a career in therapy for you," she said.
Looking out to the sky, she sighed heavily and dropped her shoulders. "I guess you're right. I'm worrying over nothing."
Not nothing, he thought, but he wasn't about to enlighten her on the subject of his own fears and insecurities regarding her boyfriend. Yukino was much braver and luckier than him when it came to Arima.
"Thanks for listening to me babble," she said, sliding off her seat on the wall. "I told Arima that I'd come over tonight after he gets home but I've got stuff to do at my house first."
"You're welcome," he said with a lazy shrug.
She reached out and ruffled his hair with one hand "I'll never get used to this color," she said affectionately. "Best of luck on the exam tomorrow, Asapin."
Hideaki watched her go. He thought idly of what Yukino and Arima might do in the dark-haired boy's spacious, neat bedroom with the tatami mats, the bookcases, and the wide, spacious bed. He wondered if they undressed themselves or pulled the clothes off each other, flushed but charged with desire. He wondered if Yukino pulled Arima's shirt off quickly in her breathless exhilaration, tangling their young limbs together, or slowly, savoring the gradual exposure of smooth, white skin.
He wondered what Arima's skin felt like— not the quick, furtive touches Hideaki had attempted against hands and arms and the back of Arima's warm neck— but a real touch, skimming over the gentle curve of his back, burying a face into the hollow between his neck and shoulder, pressing into his soft, vulnerable stomach. What would it be like to give Arima touches that were accepted… even desired?
Yukino had reached the end of the building and she disappeared out of his sight. He should have offered to walk with her at least part of the way. This was one of the times when Hideaki really wanted to feel happy and hopeful for Yukino and her perfect lover. It would be the right thing to do, the good thing to do. The aluminum soda can bent slightly between his tight fingers.
Maybe I'm more like Arima than I realized, he pondered bitterly. Always jealous over the people I can't control.