It's completely quiet when I wake up, it's something I'm still not quite used to yet. Don't get me wrong, I love our new house. I love all the decor. And I love having the room for visitors. I love watching Lulu putter around in her playhouse. But on Sunday mornings I miss waking up to the sounds of Josh and Lulu playing. I miss eavesdropping on their conversations as they cooked breakfast right next to our bedroom. I miss the coziness of our small brownstone.
But when I think about what the last twelve weeks have been like I can't help but smile. Jonah is a dream come true. He's such a sweet baby, much more serene than Lulu ever was. At first I worried that maybe something was actually wrong because he rarely cries, even when it's time to eat. But Mom reminded me that every baby is different, insisting that none of the four of us were the same, and that Jonah reminds her of Finn, who has always been the most gentle and docile of the Moss clan, and I should just count my blessings.
And no doubt about it, Jonah's quiet demeanor has been a blessing. Josh has been absolutely swamped working on getting Matt's Health Care Legislation passed and has been less present this time around.
Nicole has been good company during the day, helping get Lulu to and from school and working with me as we finalize the details for the OEOB Day Care while Jonah naps or contently observes us from his bouncy seat.
But she's only around for 6 hours a day or so, using the time off to work on Wedding Planning. That still leaves me with 6 hours of juggling two kids on my own. Josh does a great job when he's come, but lately he's dragging himself in the door just before Lulu goes to bed, then eating dinner with one hand while holding Jonah in the other arm. I can see that it's wearing on Josh, but getting this health care plan passed will be a huge accomplishment, one that President Bartlet couldn't manage and one that the pundits said Matt wouldn't be able to pull off. It's going to make a huge difference to so many people, it's totally worth some sacrifices on our part.
And at least now when Josh puts in days like this, he's eating much healthier and getting a lot more sleep. Plus he's still getting at least a little exercise, taking time on the weekends to walk to the park with me and the kids, and doing some yoga and stretching.
And he reserves Sunday mornings for family time. It's become an absolute. Everyone knows that there is no scheduling an appointment with Josh Lyman today, nothing short of a national crisis will pull him away. There's no way to completely avoid work, but he makes use of naptime for that as much as possible.
He's absolutely a superDad. But it's still too quiet so I get out of bed and set off to find my family.
The scene I find downstairs in the kitchen confirms my assessment. Lulu is chattering away, telling Josh all about her classmates and their shenanigans while he makes waffles with Jonah strapped to his chest.
"Hey," Josh greets me happily as he looks up from what he's doing. "Did you sleep well?"
"Yeah, thanks for letting me sleep in."
"Well you did get the 4 a.m shift with this little monster." He quips as he jiggles Jonah's foot, following his statement with a raspberry to Jonah's neck that makes the baby giggle. My heart feels like it's going to explode. I'm so lucky. I have the best family ever.
"What?" Josh asks as I continue to stare at them.
"Nothing." I insist, but when he raises his eyebrows and levels me with a classic Josh Lyman look, I break out into a grin. "I just can't believe how lucky I am to have ended up with you. You're incredible."
I'm a bit surprised at the look of surprise that blooms on Josh's face before it morphs into another one of Josh's signature expressions, a slight smirk. Doesn't he know how great he's turned out to be at this family stuff? Maybe I don't tell him enough.
"I am the second most powerful man in the White House." Josh brags in a way that's reminiscent of the ego he used to cloak himself in. The effect isn't quite the same with a baby anchored to him.
But it still fills me with a joy that almost knocks me over so I grab his arm and pull him to me, wrapping my arms around his neck. He immediately wraps his arms around my waist and buries his face in my neck. This is one of my favorite things in life so I just savor the moment.
"It's a Jonah sandwich." Lulu laughs as she gets up from her seat at the table and joins us, wrapping her arms around Josh's leg.
I'm glad that she's not trying to push her way into the middle. There were a couple weeks where the newness of having a little brother wore off and she seemed to resent the amount of time and attention Jonah was getting. I think starting preschool has really helped with that. It gives her something to do on her own everyday.
"Ahkay?" Josh asks, waiting for my assent before letting go.
"Yeah." I choke out over the lump in my throat, smiling as I drop my arms. "What's for breakfast? It smells yummy."
"Daddy made waffles!" Lulu exclaims exuberantly. "He said we needed a change of space."
"Pace." Josh corrects her. "A change of pace."
When she wrinkles her nose in confusion, he explains the idiom. "A change of pace means we need to shake things up."
"But you didn't shake them." Lulu points out, while I bite back a giggle.
"No, that's just another way of saying we need to do things differently every once in a while. We have pancakes every weekend."
"Mrs. Thomas says that's a custom." Lulu volleys back.
"Pancakes?" Josh responds, not quite following her logic. He looks at me, but I just shrug.
"When you do something the same way." Lulu informs him. "Like eating certain foods."
OH, I get it. They've been learning about different cultures in school. Lulu is equating the way we eat pancakes on weekends to the idea of certain ethnicities having their own style of foods. It's not really the same but it's a pretty impressive connection for someone who is not quite four.
I see the light bulb go off over Josh's head at the same time. And he grins at how smart his baby girl is.
"Ah, yes. Yeah, it's like that in a way. It's a Lyman family custom to have pancakes on the weekend. But it's also okay to do things a new way sometimes too." Josh tells her. "And you like waffles, right?"
"Yes." Lulu agrees. "Plus we can have pancakes for breakfast tomorrow." She adds slyly, in a way that is one hundred percent her father.
Josh laughs at that idea. "Probably not, pumpkin. Tomorrow is Monday. You have school and I have to go to work. But maybe we can have breakfast for dinner tomorrow night."
"Yay!" Lulu cheers, obviously considering herself victorious in the conversation.
"But for now, let's all eat so we can go to the Farmer's Market, okay?"
Lulu digs into her food at that suggestion. She loves our Sunday morning walks. Josh turns back to the counter and pours me a mug of coffee, adding exactly the right amount of cream before handing it over to me.
What a life!
. . .
"So how've you been?" Josh asks as he swings our hands between us while we walk. "It feels like I never see you." His comment has just the slightest hint of a whine that reminds me of the old days.
"Well, given that you and Ryan spend all your time together these days, Nicole and I are thinking of eloping." I tease him. "She doesn't want to have planned this wedding for nothing. And I'd look good in a tux don't you think?"
"Baby, you'd look good in anything." Josh banters back. "But Ryan's like four inches shorter than you! So that's just not going to work."
"He's not that much shorter." I insist.
"Still," Josh argues, "I'm going to have to play the husband's rights card here and demand that you not run off with the nanny."
I pretend to mull it over before conceding. "Well, you are the boss."
"Ha!" Josh laughs, "hardly ever." Then he leers at me a bit. "Although I do think it's my turn, and I've got some ideas for tonight after the kids are in bed."
His tone and the smoldering look in his eyes, give me the tingles. Between the post-pardem restrictions and the craziness of the last month, our sex life really has been in a bit of a slump.
"Oh yeah? Do tell."
"No, I don't think I will." Josh responds with a smirk. But then when I give him my very best pout, he relents a little.
"Ahkay, I will tell you this-" he drops his voice an octave, speaking in the tone that always gets my motor running- "it involves several of my ties and you, completely naked."
"How much longer until naptime?" I ask wiggling my eyebrows to show him I'm completely on board with this idea. But Josh's face falls.
"Geez! I have a conference call with Senator Kao this afternoon. We're this close to getting his vote, and if I can get even one we can claim a bipartisan victory. I wouldn't have scheduled it for today but we need to get this done."
Josh's voice rises in desperation at the end and Lulu stops on the trail and looks back at us. "It's okay." I reassure both of them.
"Josh," I say his name softly as he rakes his hands through his hair. "It's okay. This is important. We'll have tonight."
"You're important." Josh insists. "They're important." He sweeps his hand across the top of the stroller, where Jonah looks up at him solemnly, and towards Lulu who has gone back to picking dandelions along the trail as we walk toward the market.
"Yes." I agree. "And better health care is important for them and for millions of kids just like them."
"But what if I spend all my time on this and we can't get it done?"
"You will."
"What if I don't?"
"You will. Matt still has three more years."
"Yeah." Josh agrees, giving me something between a smile and a grimace.
"Daddy! Come swing me!" Lulu calls out as we get to the park and she races towards the playground.
I take over pushing the stroller as he trots off after her. Jonah and I make circles around the area, getting some exercise and watching Josh and Lulu run back and forth between the swing and the slides.
I'm relieved when Josh's dark mood vanishes as quickly as it came on. This health care bill really is the biggest thing he's ever done. It's Matt's baby but Josh is just as invested. It reminds me a little of the foreign aid bill that we took a loss on. Josh has the same level of intensity now as he did then, but the difference is Josh isn't running someone else's strategy. Josh almost quit over that loss, but at least in his heart he knew that if he'd had been given free reign he'd have gotten it done, and in fact he did ultimately get the bill passed after the continuing resolution expired, though not as high as the Bartlet Administration had hoped.
And if health care doesn't pass this time around, we'll try again with the next Congress. But Josh is pouring so much into this, I do have to wonder what a loss would do to him.