Summary: A confrontation, a confession, and a bluff.
Disclaimer: Not mine, no money, Joss Whedon's, yadda yadda.
Carlotta couldn't believe her eyes. The door slammed shut and keys turned gratingly, but all the Slayer could do was stare in astonishment at the thin young man suddenly sprawled at her feet. She was speechless.
Ivane raised his head slowly. The first thing his wearily-opening eyes met was a pair of scuffed sneakers; looking up, his gaze locked with Carlotta's and immediately he was stiff and wary. Springing to his feet, he took a moment to make certain that he could still breathe through his bruised ribs before speaking.
"Are you hurt?" As usual, the extreme reserve in his voice made it awkward and grating.
"No," replied Carlotta, her surprise melting as usual to irritation at the curt, unfeeling way in which he spoke to her. "Although I'm kinda pissed. What the hell are you doing here? I specifically told Kearm that no one was to come after me." Her eyes were narrow and critical; being around Ivane always made her feel like she had standards to meet, and people who seemed to judge her made her nervous and unreasonable. Besides which, he hadn't listened to her! "Just how hard was that to understand?"
Ivane's eyes could have been glass.
"I thought it best to come here," he said stiffly.
"You thought it best?" Carlotta cried, suddenly raising her voice. She did not see him fight the urge to flinch. "When did anyone decide that you were in charge? We need to be following a plan if we're going to do this, and I don't remember Lilah telling us to help Angelus by splitting up! What the hell is wrong with you?"
"I did what I thought was best," Ivane repeated awkwardly. He had never been good at speaking to people, and Carlotta's fiery temper threw him off guard.
"What you thought was-" The Slayer's own anger cut her off. Why won't you react to me like I'm a person? Is it really that hard to show some emotion, dammit, if only so I'll know where you stand? What the hell is wrong with you? She let out an enraged shriek and punched the wall, sending a sound like a shattering gong reverberating through the room. "You idiot! Do you realize the amount of danger you've put us all in? I mean, could you be any more stupid? Strength in numbers, you moron, did they teach you that at the Academy?"
Ivane didn't respond; he merely stood there, watching her mutely. The silence stretched horribly, the echoes of Carlotta's rage receding into the subway tunnels. With a jolt like an electrical shock, Carlotta's own words hit her. Oh my God. I couldn't have… what did I just say? She looked at him once more.
His face was blank. Carefully so. Oh God, what a horrible thing to say. The muscles in his jaw were too tight, his lips pressed too thinly. Oh, damn. Oh, damn, what did I just say?
She opened her mouth to say something, anything, but he caught her eyes with his and she fell silent. There it was. That fire in his gaze. He was furious. And hurt. But far more proud than anything else. Don't you dare apologize, Slayer, she could all but hear him say. You said it and you meant it. Don't try to deny it. He wasn't going to let her take it back. His eyes were like stone.
"I-I…" She had no idea what to say. "What are you doing here?" she asked at last, almost tiredly.
"I… I suppose I came to rescue you," he responded. As unemotional as ever, but… was that a blush? Was he embarrassed? Well, she could see why. If this was a rescue, she'd hate to see what a failure would be.
Just the fact that he was speaking to her so emotionlessly brought her anger boiling near to the surface again. Keep it in, keep it in…
"Uh huh… Good job."
"I-I did have a plan, Slayer, but…" He looked around. "It would seem it was inadequate."
Carlotta took one breath to try to gain control of her temper, and then exploded.
"Dammit!" she cried, and this time he did flinch. "Dammit, why do you do that!"
"Do what?"
"That! Act like a robot, talk like you're not actually speaking to a person, be all stoic and serious! I-It drives me crazy! I am a person, here! I can understand complete sentences!"
"I am sorry, Slayer," Ivane began.
"And another thing! More important, actually!" Carlotta interrupted. "I have a name, you know! It's Carlotta! Would it kill you to use it!"
Whatever response she had expected, it was not this. Ivane's eyes snapped up to meet hers, once again smoldering with that barely-controlled, violent fire. His hands trembled with his effort to keep his outrage contained.
"How dare you?" His voice was as soft and dangerous as Angelus's, as loaded as a gun. "How dare you speak to me about using your name?" His fists clenched passionately. "Are you aware, Slayer, that in the three months that I have been here, you have never once used my name? Never once!" Suddenly there was feeling in his voice, hurt and resentful, suddenly his frozen façade had melted and his arms gestured angrily, his eyes flashing, no longer the silent, quietly unhappy outsider that Carlotta had come to recognize. She took an involuntary step back. "I can understand your refusal to call me 'Watcher,' Slayer, that much is only natural, but after three months of treating me as less than human, don't you think you could bring yourself to use my name! I know I'm not Nora!" he shouted. "But who the hell said I wanted to be!"
That last sentence proved too much. Carlotta turned white, and with one movement drew back her hand and slapped him viciously across the face. Ivane half-staggered back and barely kept his balance.
"Don't you ever say that name in front of me!" Ivane stared at her, between shock and fury. "Don't you ever talk about her!" Carlotta's voice was rising. "Don't you dare talk about Nora! Don't you-"
"Why not!" Ivane yelled back. "Do you think I don't care? Do you think I wouldn't mourn a fellow-Watcher's passing? Or maybe you just think I'm too stupid-"
"Shut up!" Carlotta screamed, hands over her ears. "Just shut up, shut up! What do you know? You don't know anything!"
"Of course I don't know anything! Because no one ever tells me!"
"Don't try to turn this around, you arrogant, soul-less bastard! Do you even have a heart?"
At this, Ivane, who was about to respond with yet another shouted accusation, suddenly went still and drew back. Carlotta paused, tears swimming in her eyes. Turning away, the thin young man slumped against the rough stone wall and slid to the ground, keeping his eyes firmly on the rock-and-metal floor.
"I have a heart," he said softly, so quietly that the Slayer could barely hear him. "God knows, sometimes I wish I didn't, but I have a heart." His head turned toward her, enough to acknowledge her but not for her to see his face. "I'm sorry," he announced ever-so-quietly. "I shouldn't have said those things… Carlotta."
Carlotta was stunned motionless by this. An apology… after what she'd said? And then he used her name? Shaken into feeling ashamed, she knelt beside him, and, surprised, he let their eyes meet.
"Oh my God…" At this whisper from Carlotta, Ivane turned his head away. He hadn't wanted her to see him crying. Damn you, Ivane, can't you act like a man for five minutes, she's right, you are an incurable fool, another burning trail traced down his face, though he looked away and hid it, they're never going to accept you, why don't you just stop trying and save yourself the trouble, Carlotta remained immobile beside him, Oh, God, what she must think, you weakling…
Carlotta put her hand on his shoulder.
"No," she said quietly. "I'm sorry. I am so, so sorry…" He still wouldn't look at her. It was either a snub or he was trying to stop crying. "I-I… I didn't realize what a bitch I was being, I … I can't believe I said those things. It's just, Nora… it's a sore spot for the rest of us. We tend to get…"
"Defensive?" She couldn't believe it, but he was almost smiling at her through his tears.
"I-I was gonna say evil." Carlotta had never wished more fervently that she could disappear into the floor. I am such a horrible person. "She meant a lot to me." Oh, yeah, that explains everything, that'll totally make up for what you did. Carlotta: you're a bitch.
"It's all right." The emotion was slowly leaching out of his voice, leaving it soft and tired. "Grief is often violent. You don't mean what you do." Carlotta was wearily surprised.
"Thank you." There was silence for a moment. "How come that didn't sound like a cliché?"
"I don't know. I suppose I'm speaking from experience."
There was silence for several long minutes while they both tried to recover the shreds of their dignity. At last, when they were no longer hoarse and successfully tearless, Carlotta spoke.
"I didn't realize that I wasn't using your name."
"It's all right."
More silence.
"C-Carlotta?"
She almost smiled. It was so hard for him to start a dialogue.
"Yeah?"
"I'm not trying to replace her."
She hadn't expected this.
"What?"
He looked uncomfortable. "The Council sent me because they thought you would die. They needed someone for the final days, so they sent the one they thought least suited to a prolonged assignment as a Watcher. I was never meant to replace her."
Silence again.
"I see."
Ivane's voice was painfully quiet.
"I'm sorry."
The Slayer made a sound like a sob and hugged her knees to her chin. Ivane looked horrified.
"Oh… no, now… I-I've made you cry…"
"No, no, it's okay." Carlotta waved her hand to brush his concern away. "It's just… nothing."
Neither spoke for some time. But eventually, someone had to speak, if only so that they wouldn't have to think about their extremely likely impending deaths.
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Wesley moved quickly, as silently as he was able. Even for someone like him, the streets were not safe after dark. Coming to an intersection, he glanced at the toppled, rusted street sign. Thus far, he seemed to be heading in the right direction. At the intersection… turn right, had Ivane said? Yes, right.
He couldn't help smiling. That boy was something else. Less than an hour after calling him a traitor, and he appears on his doorstep, asking for his help. Wesley would have slammed the door in his face, despite Ivane's apologies and glaringly blatant embarrassment – he did still have a sense of pride, after all – but when he mentioned the Slayer, Wesley found himself unable to refuse.
"So she's a stubborn one, then?" he had said. "Ready to go down with the ship?"
"Please. I haven't any choice. The others are willing to obey her, but…" He had looked almost ashamed, dropping his gaze to the floor. "I can't let her die."
"It's what you agreed to, isn't it? And she's right; you can't risk being further separated. You won't have a chance that way."
"We won't have a chance without her! We can't fight Angelus alone. And it was the others who agreed to abandoning her." His voice went cold. "I did not." Wesley had said nothing. "Please!" Ivane was nearly begging. "I am not going to let her die! I know you have your reasons to hate Angelus, so why should you hesitate to help us? Mr. Pryce!" He caught the edge of Wesley's sleeve as the older man made a move to retreat indoors. "I can't let her die like that. She was entrusted to me, and I will not give up so easily. Whether you help me or not I will go after her – I would appreciate your help, but I do not require it."
This last, unconscious display of pride cemented the decision for Wesley.
"Very well. What's your plan?"
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"Ivane?"
"Yes?"
Carlotta looked at him from the corner of her eye.
"Why are you here? I mean, I know, to help me, but… didn't Kearm tell you not to come? Don't get me wrong, please, I-I guess I'd be twenty times more terrified if I was alone here, but… why did you come?"
Ivane looked uncomfortable.
"I told you," he answered awkwardly. "I thought it was best."
"Why?"
The Watcher glanced at her at last.
"Because I couldn't let you die. You are the first time that anyone has trusted me to do anything important. I would rather die trying than give up."
"Wow." Carlotta smiled. "Whatever idiot gave you Watcher status is wrong. You're the hero."
Ivane let out a short laugh.
"Hardly. You don't actually know me."
"Then spill. Prove you're 'just' a Watcher."
"I'm not sure I am even supposed to be that. I just had the misfortune to come from a Watcher family."
"So you got the short straw?"
Ivane looked at her, confused.
"Nora told me how at least one member of every Watcher family has to go to the Academy. So I asked if you were the unlucky one."
"I was the only one. I don't have any siblings. I've attended the Academy since I was five years old."
Carlotta's eyes went wide.
"Five? Isn't it a boarding school?"
"Yes."
"That's just evil!"
"It's not as though I could go home."
"What?"
Ivane froze. Damn. He'd said too much. Damn, damn…
"Grief is violent."
Carlotta saw Ivane's surprise as he turned to look at her again.
"That's what you meant. Grief is violent. You were speaking from experience. There was no one to go back to."
Ivane stayed frozen for a moment, not wanting to react. Then he changed the subject so abruptly Carlotta's head spun.
"It's nearly four-thirty. Wesley should be here soon."
"Wh-what? Okay, you lost me there, dude."
"I'm sorry, I couldn't say it before, there was a chance Angelus's minions might be listening."
Carlotta's eyes narrowed.
"You couldn't say what?"
Ivane grinned.
"I have a plan."
Coming soon: The End