More than a Feeling
Chapter 21- Surprises
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Contentment wrapped itself around Severus in gossamer tendrils he had no wish to break. His days fell into a satisfying routine that the boy credited to his top marks and the respect given his new status as a Knight. Although constantly seeking to discover the motivation of others, he declined self introspection. Occasionally, when his eyes would meet Eris' in the Hall or her skin brushed his in class or during one of their daily 'study' sessions, a feeling of warmth would suffuse him, but he chose not to examine the sensation closely. The relationship was pleasing to both parties and that was all that mattered. The months passed so agreeably, it was jarring when Easter holiday arrived and Severus' idyll ended.
He didn't want to go home, but his mother had denied his request to remain at school. After stiffly informing Eris of the situation, Severus had been gratified by her disappointment. He'd looked forward to nightly swims in the lake as well. Wanting to spend hours on the Express together, the girl had decided to spend the holiday with her family.
On the train ride back to London, Eris had tried not to let her unhappiness with their upcoming separation show, but determined cheer, frequent touches and kisses were revealing as outright sadness. Leaning back against his chest while he sat with his back to the window, she held his hands. After awhile, she lifted them for a kiss in a Hufflepuff-type gesture Severus couldn't help but enjoy. Tilting her head to look up at him, she asked, "Will you introduce me to your mother at the station?"
"I don't think that's a good idea."
"You don't have to say I'm your girlfriend."
"I wouldn't have to." Although they continued to maintain the pretence at school, his mother would take one look at Eris' face and know that her son was more than friends with the girl. Although she deliberately turned a blind eye to her husband's deficiencies, Eileen Snape was far from unobservant. Severus preferred to keep his private life private.
The familiar rattle of the tea lady's trolley distracted Eris from asking more questions. She stood and reached for her hand bag on the opposite bench. Sliding open the compartment door, she called, "Hello, don't forget us!" About to do exactly that, the frowsy hag begrudgingly paused to take the girl's order.
Later, noting the way Eris ran a fingertip around the rim of her pumpkin juice bottle after the empty wrappers had been cleared away, Severus asked, "What's wrong?"
"Nothing, I was just wondering, is there any way I could send an owl to your room, where your father wouldn't find out?" He'd informed her that Tobias screened all methods of communication in 'his' house. The boy shook his head, staring in surprise when she said, "Fine. I'll send a house elf, then."
Thinking about how long the weeks would seem if he didn't have her letters to look forward to, Severus agreed, "Very well, but only in the early hours of the mornings."
Her smile was wide and relieved. Tossing the empty bottle aside, she threw herself into his arms for a kiss. Returning her enthusiasm, he thought a bit smugly that Eris was fortunate he didn't take advantage of the feelings she revealed so readily. Another Slytherin would've used the depth of her attraction and caring to intensify the physical aspect of the relationship. Feeling extremely virtuous, Severus allowed his hands to roam, but not to reveal.
The waning light reminded them that the train would be pulling into the station soon. Reluctantly prying talented fingers from his skin- she'd had no compunction about unbuttoning his shirt- Severus sat up and raked his hair back into a semblance of order.
"Thanks for letting me recreate my favourite dream."
A black eyebrow arched. "Not quite all." She hadn't taken off her tee, the way she had in 'the infirmary dream' as he'd begun calling it, after the memory he'd shared had become a recurring dream of his own.
He'd never seen a girl who looked prettier while blushing. Eris didn't have to tell him she wouldn't object if he re-enacted the dream in its entirety. Severus was the one who hesitated to take another step toward intimacy. He already thought about her more frequently than he liked to admit. Fought the increasingly strong urge to claim her openly as his girlfriend and prevent the likes of Sutton from hanging round. The idea of becoming even more possessive about Eris was alarming.
The compartment door jiggled. Severus swiftly moved to the opposite bench. By the time Erik had got past the sticking charm, the boy glared at his sister and demanded, "Why do you insist on sitting in this stupid, defective…" Breaking off his rant, Greyback said curtly, "I received an owl from father just before we left. He and mother are giving us the option of staying with our cousins in London, or going with them to Paris."
"I'll stay with Dani."
Nodding sharply, Erik responded, "That's what I thought you'd choose to do. I'll inform our parents when I return home. You can go along with the Brannaghs when we reach King's Cross."
Standing, the girl kissed her brother's cheek. "Have a happy holiday, and buy me something nice in Paris."
"Why should I? Are you going to get anything for me?"
"The quicksilver snitch is arriving at the supply shop next week."
"Done. Happy Easter, Eris."
After the door closed, Severus observed dryly, "No good wishes for me. I'm devastated."
Her smile was sad. "He's jealous that you're a Knight, and he has to wait until next year."
Severus also didn't think Erik liked his sister spending her time with him, or seeing her red lips that owed nothing to lipstick. Trying to cheer, he said dryly, "I'm jealous that you get to spend the holiday in London while I'm stuck in Yorkshire."
"I could visit you."
"I don't think that's a good idea, either." Uncomfortable with her down-turned lips, he asked quickly, "What will become of Elpis?"
"Elpis?" Shaking her head with a rueful smile, Eris said, "Oh, right. Don't worry. She'll be fine, although our kitty's not going to be happy with the separation. How many nights a week does she snuggle up with you?"
"Four," Severus answered, disconcerted to realise how often the Siamese had begun staying over and how much he'd miss his feline companion. She'd helped him elude prefects as well as Filch and Mrs. Norris, and on the nights she'd strolled into his room instead of returning to Eris', soft purrs lulled him to sleep.
The whistle sounding to announce the approach to King's Cross startled them both. Eris gave a tense laugh. "Time already? I'd hoped we could talk…about something…"
Standing and bringing down their cases, he tried to avert what he feared would be a talk about 'feelings' by saying, "My mother will hardly recognise me in these clothes. I'm going to have to say they were transfigured as a project for class."
She rose and ran caressing fingers across the front of his black jumper. "I'm sure she'll be happy to see you looking so fine."
Trying to erase the wistful look that caused pangs he didn't care to examine, Severus kissed her firmly and smirked. "Think I look fine, do you?"
Eris nodded. "Very fine."
"Thank you." Smiling a little, Severus opened the door, saying, "I'll return your letter."
"Okay, bye."
Her voice was thick, her face turned away as she walked out into the corridor. He couldn't just let her go. "Eris."
She half turned. Seeing the effort made not to let the moisture shimmering in her eyes spill over made him feel bad and good at the same time. In a low voice, he said, "I will look forward to your letters. Goodbye."
He stayed in the compartment, remembering the way she'd smiled through tears, for several minutes. Collecting his bag, Severus threw on his cloak and pushed his way through a group of cowering Hufflepuff firsties to disembark. Head down, hair swinging forward to conceal his expression, as always, the Slytherin inadvertently fell behind a pack of Gryffindors.
Sirius Black nudged Remus Lupin and said in a carrying voice, "Look at those two, moping because they weren't allowed to stay at school over holiday. The price of responsibility, eh, mate?"
James Potter threw over his shoulder, "If you had a girl you'd actually miss over holiday, you dog, you'd realise that we aren't sulking."
From his position at the rear of the group, Peter Pettigrew brayed with laughter. "Sirius has lots of girls he'll miss over holiday and will probably meet loads more that will miss him when he goes back to school."
Severus heard the envy lacing Pettigrew's jovial tone. Undoubtedly, the toady wished he was one tenth as popular as his friend and bemoaned that his status brought no feminine admiration. A thought struck. Could that veiled resentment be used to the Knight's advantage? He would have to give the matter more thought.
"At least my mother agreed to let me shop in Diagon Alley next week. I'll think of that whenever my sister and her obnoxious fiancée are spouting their intolerant views on magic at the dinner table." Lily Evans smiled up into her boyfriend's beaming face. The sight that would once have burned Severus now only vaguely irritated.
"We're looking forward to seeing you, too," Black cooed.
The look on the redhead's face was comically dismayed. Lupin chuckled. "Don't worry. I'll keep Sirius leashed, far away from you two."
"Moony, old man, you're the best," said Potter.
"Yeah, well, I'm going to be the best man one day, and that's what counts," boasted Black.
Lily blushed while her boyfriend grinned like a fool and the others laughed. In the back, Pettigrew mumbled, "I won't get to go to Diagon Alley. Dad's making me help clear out his workshop and Mum says I'm too behind in my schoolwork."
If the others heard, they didn't comment. Watching the Peter's shoulders droop, Severus smirked. What caring friends. Perhaps the boy needed new ones. As the group said farewells and the couple kissed goodbye, Severus' lips twisted. He'd become accustomed to them acting like lovebirds, but the sight still made his lip curl. The fact that Evans and Potter felt free to display their relationship to the world while he didn't had nothing to do with it. Neither did his opinion that Lily could do better than a Gryffindor too maladroit to win her affection without coaching from a Slytherin.
Reaching the end of the platform where his mother waited, Severus greeted her calmly. Receiving a distracted 'Hello son' in return, he became aware that her attention was fixed elsewhere and asked, "What is it, Mother?"
"That girl over there, do you know her?"
Following Eileen's pointed finger through the milling crowd to a small group across the platform, his stomach dropped to see Eris watching them. She realised they'd caught her surveillance and bit her lip, immediately tugging her cousin's hand to lead her relatives away.
"I think she likes you." He didn't know how to respond to his mother's dryly amused tone, so he stood silent while she continued, "I was watching the students greet their families, and became aware that one very pretty girl was observing a particular boy…my son."
"Highly unlikely," he demurred, not meeting her eyes. Mother was quite proficient at Legilimency, and he had no wish for her 'see' any of the multitudes of compromising images springing to mind. It took a few moments to obscure his thoughts.
"But not impossible," she murmured. When he raised his brows while meeting her gaze, a gleam he'd not seen for a long time brightened his mother's dark eyes. "You remembered your grandfather's teaching. Diversion works better than denial." Without another word on the subject, Eileen walked silently beside him to the nearest public Floo.
After they had Flooed to the station closest to their home and begun the walk to the small brick house, his mother asked general questions about his studies. When Severus began listing the potions brewed, his voice unwittingly softened.
"Tom Wilkes sent a Christmas card. Is it true you have a Potions partner this year?"
He kept his gaze averted. "Yes."
"Does this partner have a name?"
The knowing tone made him acutely uncomfortable. "Eris Greyback."
"Eris…unfortunate girl, to be named after the goddess of strife and chaos,"
In response to his mother's musing voice, his was clipped. "There are said to be two daughters of Night. One is the strife of conflict, the other the strife that stirs men to desire." Thinking of how that sounded, he added hastily, "accomplishment."
"Which is this Eris?"
"I'm sure I wouldn't know."
Strange, chuffing sounds made Severus look askance at the woman who had turned her face away. Taking a deep breath, his mother caught his eye and arched a brow. "Is she pretty?"
"Very," he answered unthinkingly, closing his eyes in chagrin over the irony of telling Eris that introducing her to his mother wasn't a good idea and then all but admitting she was his girlfriend.
"As pretty as the girl who was unlikely to be watching you on the platform?"
Opening his eyes to see the woman holding back a smile, he was struck by the thought that this was the most pleasant conversation he'd had with his mother in years. Unwilling to end the accord between them, he said, "Exactly."
The wry acknowledgement earned a fleeting smile and a pronouncement on more than his gaining a partner in potions. "Good."
As they neared the house Severus had never truly felt at home in, Eileen put her hand on his arm and informed, "Your father hasn't been well. He refuses to see a Healer or stop drinking, so Tobias stays mostly in bed these days."
Laying his hand over hers, he pressed briefly. "Good."
-
Her first letter to Severus would have to be one of apology. Eris hadn't meant follow his progress after he left the train or as he greeted his mother, but she couldn't stop herself. He looked like his mum. Besides facial features, the woman appeared thin, clever, and reserved. She also presented an impassive façade that had faltered only when viewing her son. When Severus' mum had pointed to her and they'd both looked her way, Eris had wanted the platform to open up and swallow her. How embarrassing to be caught staring. Luckily, Dani's parents had been ready to leave and were amused by the way she practically dragged her young cousin away.
"What are you thinking about?"
Sitting on the window seat in Dani's room, Eris shifted toward the girl unpacking her trunk and said, "This and that. Why?"
"You made lots of funny faces."
Crossing her eyes, Eris replied, "Like this?"
"No, silly, scrunchy then smiley. Were you thinking about your secret boyfriend?"
"My secret boyfriend?" she laughingly repeated.
"Yes, Snape, the boy you kiss all the time." Seeing Eris' shock, the girl said gleefully, "I know you do, 'cause that's the only reason girls go to the library every day. I know, my friend Elizabeth told me. Her sister's going with a Ravenclaw and snogs him behind the History stacks. We saw them." Wrapping her arms around herself, Dani made kissing noises, saying in a falsetto, "Oh Hugh!" Making a 'scrunchy' face herself, the girl asked in a dire tone, "You don't go 'Oh Severus', do you?"
A serious distraction was in order. "Have you told anyone about my…erm…secret boyfriend?"
"'Course not, wouldn't be secret, then, would it?" Rolling her eyes, Dani exhaled huffily, showing her opinion of stupid questions, and then brightened. "Does this mean I'm your secret keeper?"
"Yes, in a way, and I'm counting on you not to tell a soul."
"Because your family is a bunch of pureblood snobs who think they're better than everybody, like Dad says?"
Well, that explained why 'Cousin Kent' rarely attended family parties. Ruefully, Eris admitted, "Yes, that's exactly why, but don't ever repeat what your dad said again, okay?"
Another roll of blue eyes was all the response Dani made. Eris turned toward the window, gazing at the back garden. It was lovely, but didn't raise her spirits. Her breath on the pane was used to draw entwining 'S'.
"Here," Dani said softly.
Scooting over to allow her cousin to have a seat beside her, Eris looked at the photograph held out and asked, "Where did you get that?"
Watching the older girl gaze raptly at the photo of a couple standing together in a drawing room decorated for Christmas, Dani admitted, "Mum allowed me to come down and see all the people dressed up. I brought my camera."
"May I keep it?" Eris tried to keep her tone light.
"Sure. My boyfriend's already jealous that I sit by Snape. If he knew I had a picture too, he might get mad and make me jealous back, and then I'd have to hex him," replied Dani matter-of-factly.
"You've got a boyfriend? A jealous boyfriend?"
With a giggle, the girl ran to her wardrobe and brought out a framed photograph. It showed a second year couple standing on the Quidditch pitch. The Slytherin boy held a broomstick in one hand and had the other around Dani. He was dark and brooding.
"Byron Zabini. He's going to make Chaser next year, he's that good. I like him. He plays loads of games and kisses with his lips closed." Smirking at Eris' open-mouth shock, she finished, "I used to like Snape, a little, but he's too old, and from what I saw, a slobbery kisser."
Pressing her lips together until she regained equanimity, Eris replied with only a trace of hysteric laughter, "Someday, you might like warm, wet kisses, but I'm glad you don't right now, and even more happy that I don't have to fight you to keep my boyfriend." Dani looked so cutely pleased with the idea of being competition that Eris couldn't help laughing. The girls' giggles received a smile when Cousin Kent opened the door.
"Dinner's ready."
"Dad, you're supposed to knock! We could've been in our knickers."
The wizard looked appalled at the thought and apologised while back-pedalling rapidly from the room. Dani sniggered. "Bet he doesn't barge in again." Basking in Eris' admiration, the girl left the window seat and went again to the wardrobe. Replacing the picture of her 'boyfriend', Dani returned with another, saying, "I was going to keep this, but since you miss Snape so much, you can have it…as long as you promise to play games with me and not stare at it all night."
It was a close up photograph of Severus in the Slytherin common room, sitting in a chair, reading the Prophet. His lips twisted and curled adorably. After a few moments, he looked up, raising a black eyebrow. Eris' heart jolted. He smirked. She sighed.
"I took lots of photos, for the house 'Year in Pictures' contest, but that one I kept. I only put it in a frame to keep from spilling water on it or something."
Knowing that the girl wouldn't appreciate a squeezing hug or 'slobbery' kiss on the cheek, Eris smiled. "I'm glad you did."
"You're not going to kiss his photo, are you?" accused Dani.
Firming her lips and lowering the frame, Eris looked down at Severus' face and replied, "Of course not." Seemingly in reaction, he lifted his brow. She smiled, thinking that later, she made no promises. In the enchanted photograph, her boyfriend smirked.
The week that followed was spent playing draughts, exploding snap, reading books and being shown all the 'best places' in her cousin's neighbourhood. In the mornings, when Dani played over at a friend's house, Eris stayed in bed, reading and writing letters. Thankfully, when she'd owled Vestri and explained her situation, the elf, with only her grandfather to look after, was happy to be entrusted with their correspondence.
Her first letter had been the hardest to write. She'd tried not to sound needy and clingy, or sappy about his picture. He'd appreciated her sending the photo of them at the Christmas Eve Feast and had written back,
E,
I, too, have grown accustomed to your company and find solitude a more difficult adjustment than I had anticipated. The photograph was a welcome reminder of the holiday. Upon repeated viewing, I am still amazed that certain 'goodies' did not spill every time I watch you lean toward me and smile. Enjoy playing draughts with your cousin. I am to be pressed into service making soap. Would you care for a bar of lavender?
S
Eris wrote about the books she read, anecdotes about the family and neighbourhood, with occasional gripes about having to write essays during holiday. Severus commented upon her observations, decried romance novels as drivel while inquiring if she was inspired to recreate any scenes, sardonically asserted that his own schoolwork was a relief from assisting his mother, and stated lavender smelt much better on her skin than his. She kept his letters in a soft, warded case under her pillow, along with his picture.
On Sunday, Dani stayed home and visited Eris' room instead of going directly downstairs to breakfast. "If you miss your boyfriend so much, why don't you go see him?"
Jacknifing upright, Eris guiltily put down the photograph she'd been sighing over. "What?"
Marching over to the bed, the girl picked up the photo. "He's smirking longer now. How often do you kiss him, anyway?"
"That's none of your business." Snatching back the photograph, Eris' eyes widened. The upraised brow of the photographed boy- had it just waggled? She shoved it into the case along with her letters and the bar of lavender soap that had arrived Thursday. Warding it, she clambered out of bed, used her wand to make it, and faced her cousin.
Rubbing the other girl's cheek, Dani showed the dark smudges on her fingertips. "Ink…Did you wipe your eyes after crying over his letters?"
"He makes his signatures dark and bold," was all Eris would admit.
Rolling her eyes, Dani put her hands on her hips. "That's so Hufflepuff, but I won't tell anyone if you go see him."
"He hasn't invited me."
Shaking her head, the girl said, "Who cares? You're not a vampire. You want to see him; you know where he lives, so go."
"What will I tell your parents?"
Eris couldn't believe she was considering the barmy idea. Dani looked like she couldn't believe her cousin asked such a stupid question. "Tell them you're visiting your grandfather."
Rushing over to the wardrobe, Eris smiled with anticipation. "What will I wear?"
-
After he finished the last chart for Arithmancy, Severus carefully stored away his writing implements. Giving in to his desire to see Eris, he took the photograph out of a desk drawer and watched her lean toward him. Was she leaning further now? Could her smile really have become more seductive? In the picture, he moved closer and said something that made her eyes go wide. Remembering his criticism of her dress, and the way his fingers had slipped easily beneath the edge of the charmed fabric after he'd kissed her, the boy smiled. His fingertips traced the face and curves he wanted to touch.
Replacing the picture, he left his room, and went downstairs, stepping quickly past the floor where his father slept off another bout of drinking. In the kitchen, his mother was peering out the window. The long narrow room had a view of the street that he never bothered to peruse. Muggle children playing were of no interest to him.
"I was just about to call you down for tea."
Something about her tone caused Severus to pause in reaching for a plate of biscuits on the table. "What is it?"
Eileen turned from the window. The gleam he'd seen at the station was back in her eyes. Pale lips curved. "The wind's picked up. Looks like rain. Why don't you go out and invite that familiar looking girl standing on the pavement across the way to come inside for tea?"
Heart slamming against his chest, Severus pulled aside the curtain, peering out while demanding, "What gir…" A gust of wind pushed back the hood of the girl in question, uncovering brown hair and exposing her pretty face.
Eris
After an instant of gladness, other, darker emotions surfaced. How dare she come here uninvited? He despised this house, loathed his father, and looked forward to leaving and never returning. Was he expected to welcome her with a smile and give a bloody tour? Show his rich girlfriend how the little people lived? An unpleasant expression crossed his features. Striding to the front door, he yanked the handle and stalked out to confront his unwanted visitor.
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A/N: Now I can use FNP's 'I Love Lucy' review quote in this fic. "(Eris) you got some 'splainin' to do!" LOL. Next chapter is even longer, so I hope readers are enjoying the trend. Long-time readers remember (hopefully fondly, heh) chapters in the past that make these seem short. Ah well, to use another old quote, "Fasten your seat belts, we're in for a bumpy ride!" The reviewers who made my week a joy (bumps and all) were ♥ 40/16 ♥ Arilla Rossi ♥ cupcakeswirl ♥ die Loreley ♥ ElspethBates ♥ Embellished ♥ FNP ♥ GraceRichie♥ Machiavelli Jr ♥ NazgulGirl♥ Slipknot-3113♥ Slytherin Love Goddess♥ sunny9847 ♥ and ♥ The Ravishing Enchantress♥