Disclaimer: The quote I have in the following is not my own. It is from the author of the manga, Hybrid Child, hence where I got the title and inspiration for this fic. I hope it's ok. And of course, Final Fantasy is not mine either.
Note: The main character of this story is both not Sephiroth and is Sephiroth, because it's supposed to be him but not him. I don't think you all got me. But if you're interested to know, read on...
Hybrid Child
Chapter One: The Man I Am Not
"Essentially a mirror, reflecting the owner's love and affection into growth, neither doll nor machine, you are a hybrid child."
Yes, I know I'm not human. I have full acknowledgement that I'm an HC, a hybrid child. No matter how much I may look human or act human, I am still artificially made. But there are times when I myself do not remember that I am not human. At these times I am happy. When I forget that I am not human, I feel delighted. This probably proves how much I want to be human.
I want to be human so I can do more for my master. My master is so kind, so nice, to me and to everyone. It is his love and care that brought me up and made me what I am today. Because my master gave me the love that I needed, my growth was rapid and I learned how to walk and talk far in advance of the normal rate of an HC. But sometimes I wonder if that is normal.
I love my master, but because I am "essentially a mirror" I wonder if this love is my own. I'm not sure I am able to love. But even if I can't, I will try, I will try because I want to be able to love my master.
My master is strong; it is not that I need to protect him. However, I know he is unhappy. I can 'feel' his sadness, but then again I'm not sure if I can feel any emotion such as sadness or happiness or if I'm only imagining that I do. But I just know he is, he is sad. My master is horribly melancholy when he is alone, when he will not let even me into his study. When this happens which it is happening now, I am reminded of my existence as an HC and I in turn am depressed. I don't know...maybe that is what I feel...or maybe I just think I am.
The door opens. My master looks down to see me sitting on the floor, waiting for him. "Sephi-kun, why are you waiting out here?" he asks me carefully.
I smile up at him, and I stand up quickly. "I was waiting for Cloud-sama to come out!" I exclaim. I have to at least seem happy so there is a chance I might be able to cheer him back up. That is all I want, I want to see my master happy.
"Sephi, you don't need to wait for me," he states, and he turns his head away from me to stare at the perfect white ceiling, which I know he is not actually concentrating on. I know my master is thinking of something else...someone else. I can see it in his eyes when he calls my name or when he looks at me. He is thinking of someone else, he is seeing someone else. But I don't mind, I don't care. All I want is for my master to feel better. I want him to smile, a smile not followed by a frown. But I don't know what to do since Cloud-sama will not tell me. I know he doesn't want to make me sad, but what he doesn't know is that it is because he doesn't tell me that I am sad. It makes me feel like he doesn't trust me. But I can't expect anymore. I am not human after all. It kind of hurts when I think about my master not trusting me. I wonder if he'll ever open up to me completely. My master's love is what made me grow but I sometimes doubt that his love is truly for me.
I've been told that I look like someone else, someone else who has long silver-white hair and mako-green eyes. I've asked, of course I've asked, but my master has never told me. I only know this person through Tifa, Vincent, Red XIII, Cid, Yuffie, and Caith Sith. But I want to know what my master thinks of this person. This person who has destroyed cities, this person who has lead a river of blood flow over his feet, this person who did not act on his own free will.
Though I know everything he has done, I know nothing of, or do not understand, the reasons. This man, powerful and fearful, I cannot picture him. Even when people say I look exactly like him, like a mirror image, I still cannot see this man. I cannot imagine a person who looks like me doing those things. Sometimes it's like I'm trying to accuse myself when I try to imagine this person, trying to put this person with 'my face'. Well, technically, this is my face, it's his face. I feel strangely fake when I think about this man. But I feel some kind of connection to this man as well, I feel like I know his pain, the pain of his own action. I feel this, but that's not all. Sometimes, my chest constricts when I think about this man and Cloud-sama. I don't know that this feeling is called but I dislike it, I don't want to feel it, it's so sour and it pains. Was this person that important to my master?
But what I do understand the most is that this man is dead, and my master grieves. I grew from the love of my master but I am almost certain that my master's love is not for me but for him. And I know that no matter how much I wish, Cloud-sama will never feel about me the way he does for this man.
I could almost cry. I shake the tears away, trying to smile. "Cloud-sama, are you hungry? Do you want me to get you something?" I say merrily. And I know that when he looks at me, he wishes that I am not who I am but is the one he is always thinking about. But I, no matter how much I want to, I don't know how to be the thing that my master wants. I am not human, I wouldn't mind if he used me as a replacement if Cloud-sama wants even though I'm not sure if I can. How can I be this man who has stolen thousands of lives? How can I act like the destroyer of the earth and at the same time the creator of my master's world? I don't know how to be...
Cloud-sama shook his head. "But you haven't eaten," I complain, high-pitched. I'm sorry, master, this is the only 'me' I know how to be... I'm sorry... I wish I could be the person you want...
"I'm not very hungry," my master replies flatly.
"But, 'not very' means you are a little hungry, aren't you? Please eat something, Cloud-sama," I plea. I wish to take care of you, and take your problems away, so I can see a truly happy master. That is what I'm supposed to be here for, aren't I?
"I don't think I can," my master says while he starts to walk down the hallway. I follow him, in hope that my master will change his mind and to just be near him. Tell, Master, what can I do to make you happy? I'll do it, no matter what...