The First Time
By Misha

Disclaimer- I don't own anything to do with "Veronica Mars", I really wish I did, but I don't. It belongs to Rob Thomas and the UPN. I'm not making any money off of this, so please don't sue me.

Author's Notes- This is just an odd, sort-of-AU, Veronica Mars fic. It's not actually that out of cannon, just the timeline. It's set right after the season finale (or at least the last part is) and I have it be Duncan at the door, so that makes it an AU, but what I have happen does actually happen in the show, I just do it differently. Make sense? Well, probably not. Anyway, this is just a look into Veronica's head about losing her virginity. It starts before Lilly dies and goes until after the season finale, okay? Well, that's all, enjoy!

Pairing- Duncan/Veronica

Summery- She had always planned on him being her first.

Rating- PG-13

Spoilers- The whole first season, sort of, and big ones for "A Trip to the Dentist".

All girls think about their first time and Veronica had clear plans for hers.

She and Duncan had talked about it, he insisted that he wanted to make it perfect for her. So they made plans.

It was going to be soon, in just a few more weeks actually. His parents were going away, so it would be perfect. Duncan promised her itíd be perfect, everything she had ever wanted.

"You deserve the best." He had told her, running his fingers through her long hair. "We'll have everything, candles, champagne, flowers, music, you're favourite foods. It'll be perfect."

"I don't need perfect," she had told him, "I just need you Duncan."

It was true. As long as she was with Duncan, she knew it would be wonderful.

But she still had to admit to herself that his version of perfect sounded pretty good. In fact, it was the sort of thing every girl dreamed of for her first time--but what would really make it really perfect was Duncan.

She loved him so much and she couldn't imagine that first time being with anyone else. No, it had to be Duncan and it would be. And because of that, it would be perfect.

She couldn't wait.

Later, after everything, Veronica would think back to her plans to lose her virginity and it would just add to her tears.

Because things hadn't worked out like she had innocently planned that they would. That perfect night with Duncan never happened.

Before it could he broke up with her, without ever explaining why, and her life fell to pieces.

Suddenly, there was no such thing as 'perfect', not in her life anyway. Her best friend was dead. Her mom was gone. And from a high school stand point her life was Hell.

So perhaps it was fitting of the turn her life had taken that instead of losing her virginity to the boy she had loved forever in ideal circumstances, she had waken up after a party missing her underwear and with no idea of what had happened to her the night before.

Thoughts of how it should have been just made it worse.

Especially since it didn't do anything. Her first time hadn't been the perfect experience she had planned.

But that wasn't what made it so bad.

She didn't mind the lack of flowers and candles, though she would have liked to have at least consented. But as bad as that was, the fact that her choice had been taken away from her, the fact that she had no idea who her first time had been with was even worse.

It was supposed to have been Duncan, the boy she loved, instead she might never know who it was.

Learning that it had been Duncan that night, helped Veronica sleep better.

It was always supposed to be Duncan and she was glad that he was her first, even if the circumstances were less than ideal. She still hated the fact that she lost her virginity at a party while drugged on GHB, but when she thinks of what could have happened, she's releived.

Besides, it was Duncan. Just like she had always meant for it to be.

Still, she wanted to erase that memory and replace it with a better one.

So when Duncan showed up at her door at 3:07 a.m the night she found out who killed Lily, she made a decision.

She led him to her bedroom and asked him to help her make new memories. There was no candles or flowers, but there was Duncan and there was her and it was enough.

At least, this time she was able to remember it the next morning, and this time when she woke up, it was to find herself cradled in Duncan's arms.

She didn't know whether she and Duncan would end up together, there was still a lot unresolved between them, but she was glad that they had made love.

Maybe it would be a fresh start or maybe not, but it had certainly been a goodbye of sorts. A final close on that first chapter of their lives.

She had needed her first time, her real first time, to be with Duncan. He was always supposed to be her first and he had been.

It wasn't perfect, it wasn't a fantasy, but it had been wonderful because it was Duncan.

No matter what happened now, with Logan and everything else, that would always be true. Her first time hadn't turned out like she had planned, but then, nothing ever did.

- The End